ZOLAYA

It is a good afternoon, but a long one.

I set my traps and then find a patch of roots that are used to make up kah, the dry trail rations that my Air-ee enjoys so much. I dig up several, filling my pouch but leaving enough so that this spot will repopulate with more plants. As I get to my feet, I see fresh prints in the snow on a nearby hillock—dvisti. Young, if the depth of the hoofprints are any indication. Possibly lame, because one of the prints is elongated, as if dragged slightly. Interesting. Either it is separated from the herd or following behind. Either way, if I can find it, it will make good eating. I glance up at the sky. Getting late, but there is still time to hunt some fresh meat for my mate. I can show her how tasty fresh, bloody meat is. It will be good for her, help her get stronger. Encouraged by the thought, I shoulder my pack full of roots and follow the trail.

Some time later, I find my prey—it is a young dvisti, favoring one foot as it picks its way through the snow. It has been left behind by the herd, and already snow-cats stalk the shadows, waiting for it to lower its guard. The wind shifts and it stumbles away, forcing me to chase after it. I could leave it to the snow-cats, but if it is a choice between feeding them or my Air-ee, I will choose her. So I continue on, even though it means I am a little farther from the Elders’ Cave.

It leads me on a chase despite its injury, and by the time I bring it down, it is dusk. I slit the throat to let the blood out and remove some of the organs that will go bad if I carry it back. Then, once the kill is dressed, I sling it over my shoulder and begin the long walk back to the Elders’ Cave. I will be tired and covered in blood once I return, but I am looking forward to seeing my sweet Air-ee’s face and kissing her. She hinted at taking things further tonight, and I am eager to return to her side. It is difficult to be patient when all I want to do is hold her close and taste her everywhere.

Perhaps tonight, we will fulfill resonance.

When I return, it is dark. The fires for cooking meat just outside of the Elders’ Cave draw me to them, and I deposit my kill in front of Aehako and Haeden.

“Good hunt,” Haeden says, voice gruff. He immediately grabs the dvisti, pulls out his knife and begins to skin it.

“I found a great deal of roots, too. We should make trail rations, replenish our supplies.” I empty my bag in front of the hunters. “I can help. I just need to—”

Aehako clears his throat.

I glance up.

My friend tilts his head at me, indicating the Elders’ Cave. “A word, friend.”

An ominous feeling settles in my gut. I get to my feet and follow Aehako as he steps away from the fire. Haeden remains behind, busily cleaning the kill. Aehako takes a few steps into the snow and then pauses, arms crossed over his chest.

“What is it?” I ask, unable to wait any longer. “Is it Air-ee-aw-nuh?”

He shrugs. “It might be nothing. But your little mate seems…uneasy this afternoon. I have not said anything to the others, but there is something about her manner that is off. You might wish to talk with her, see what troubles her.”

Her mind-avalanche. It has to be. I wonder what caused it? Concerned, I clap his shoulder as I move past, needing to get to my mate before another moment passes. “My thanks,” I tell him and then race up the ramp into the Elders’ Cave.

Inside, it seems quiet and serene. There is a low fire in the center of the chamber, and a faint haze of smoke fills the cave. People are clustered around the fire and the females look up as I enter, then quickly look back down at their work, the hum of conversations undisturbed.

All except one. My Air-ee sits by the fire, her sewing clutched in her hands. Even from across the cave, I can tell something is wrong. Her fingers tremble and she tries to pull her needle, her motions clumsy. Her face is utterly pale and she seems…disjointed. She blinks at me, as if not daring to believe her eyes. Her sewing drops to her lap and her lower lip trembles, and I can tell she is about to break down. It is clear she is trying very hard to seem normal, because her friends at her side chatter as if nothing is wrong.

But it is obvious to me there is a problem, and I know what it is. Her avalanche is attacking her thoughts. I must help her.

I push forward, heedless of the greetings I receive. My only thought is to get to her side. As soon as I do, I sweep her into my arms and haul her against my chest, carrying her back to our private chamber. I can feel her tremble in my arms as I carry her away. She is silent, but I know she is moments away from losing control. Her khui sings loudly to mine, our joined song filling the cavern, and the shocked laughter of the other females follows us as we leave. They will think I have stolen my mate away because I cannot control my need for her. They will think I am weak, conquered by my mate’s soft skin and slight body.

Let the others think what they want, so long as they do not judge her.

Her tears fall against my chest as I carry her away. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry. I kept telling myself that it was going to be fine, but—”

“Never apologize,” I tell her firmly. “You said it would take time for your avalanche to calm down. It is my mistake that I left you alone for too long.”

“I can be alone,” she protests, sniffling. “I just…I have someone else to worry about now. When sunset hit, it started to eat at me and then I couldn’t stop worrying.”

She worries over me? I feel a burst of joy, and utter chagrin. How long did I chase a wounded dvisti, simply because I hated to give up on so much fresh meat? I should have returned to the cave. I should have thought of my mate. It is all still new to me, but I will remember in the future. “It is my fault. I stayed out later than I should—”

“No, you were hunting,” she protests. “That’s what you do. I need to get over it.” She draws a shaky breath, and I can feel her tremble. “I just need to calm down.”

“I am here—”

“I know!” Her hands flutter uselessly even as I push my way into our room. “I just…I can’t relax. My brain’s racing and…” She presses her hands to her forehead. “I can’t breathe.”

Her panic fuels mine, and I worry for a moment that something else is wrong, but as I lay her gently down on the furs, I notice she is taking shallow, rasping little breaths. I race to pull the privacy screen over the doorway and then move back to her side, pulling her into my arms. “Shhh, my pretty mate. You can breathe.”

“I’m trying,” she tells me, raising tear-filled eyes to mine.

I wrap my arms tight around her and rest my head on her shoulder, enveloping her against my body. I can feel the panicked shuddering that she fought so hard to conceal from the others. “No one is here but me,” I tell her. “You can cry all you want, but do not apologize or we will both spend all night apologizing to one another, and that is not how I wished to spend this night.”

Her choked laugh turns into a sob. “Me either.” She presses her cheek to my forehead, breathing ragged. “I was going to brew some tea, but the others were around, and I didn’t want them to know—”

“It is all right,” I tell her. “I am here. Do you want some tea? I can make you some.”

“Not if it puts me to sleep.” Her hands hold on to my arms tightly. “I wanted to see you all day. I don’t want to sleep now that you’re back.” She rubs her face against mine, and I can feel her shaking. “Please, just let me stay with you.”

“I am here,” I repeat again, and because it sends a tremor through her, I press my mouth to her neck and repeat it. “I am here.”

She nods, jerky. “I just…need to…calm down.”

“Breathe with me.” I keep my voice smooth and low even as I hold tight to her. “In and out. Slow and easy. We will breathe together, you and I. Our lungs will move as one, just like our khuis.” I lift one hand from her waist and press it against her chest, over her heart. She has no plating here and feels so, so vulnerable. “Breathe.”

I inhale slowly, as loud and deliberate as I can. I am pleased when she matches her breathing to mine, and we breathe quietly together for endless moments, the only sound that of our matching breaths. In and out. In and out. Over and over, slow and steady. The hum of her khui slows its frantic song and turns to something more languid, and mine follows suit. My body aches at her nearness, but her well-being comes first.

When her trembling slows, I press my lips to her neck again and stroke her arm. “Can you talk about it?”

Her laugh is a little tired, a little dizzy. “It’s stupid.”

“It is not stupid. It is your pebble at the top of the mountain, remember?”

She sighs deeply and leans back against me, taking another deep breath. She finally feels like she is relaxing, and I am glad. I stroke her arm again, rubbing her. She wears far too many layers for me to properly touch her, but for now, I will try to caress and comfort how I can. “Pebble atop the mountain is right. It just…Haeden was looking at me weird and then kept looking at the doorway, and I thought maybe he knew something about you that I didn’t. That you were hurt or injured.”

Haeden? I want to growl. “Did he say something to you?”

“No. Which is why it’s just silliness in my head. Georgie says he lost his mate and it’s affecting him to have everyone here.”

I realize that she’s right. I have been so caught up in my Air-ee I have forgotten Haeden’s tragedy. It makes sense as to why his lip curls every time he sees my mate. It must pain him, because Air-ee is beautiful and fragile and holds tight to me, when Haeden’s own mate could not stand the sight of him. I will strive to be more understanding then…so long as he is not cruel to my Air-ee. “It is true,” I venture. “He is lost in his own misery.”

“I know how that is.” Her voice is full of sympathy. “Maybe I’ll try and talk to him. Make friends. He could probably use them.”

She has such a kind heart. The thought of her talking to Haeden makes my chest squeeze though, because I do not want him to be cruel to her. She has enough to worry about and I think if he was unfriendly to her, it would crush her gentle spirit. I will have to talk to him and warn him first, I think. If he makes one tear fall from her eyes, I will fill his boots with smelly dirtbeak feathers every night for a turn straight.

“From there, things just spiraled,” Air-ee murmurs, holding tightly to me. “The suns went down and I kept worrying you would be hurt, that you were out there in the snow, bleeding…”

“I am a very capable hunter, I promise.”

“I’m sure you are. I didn’t mean it like that.”

I nuzzle her cheek, rubbing my nose against her soft skin. “I know you did not. Shall I take you with me tomorrow when I go hunting? You can judge for yourself how competent I am.”

“Oh…can I?” She sounds so hopeful. “I’d love to go.”

“Of course. It will be a lot of walking, however.”

“I made a tunic today. And a bra. And I have boots.”

“Very well, then we shall go in the morning. I will wake you up early and we will check my traps and look for fresh tracks in the snow.”

Air-ee gives a contented little sigh and leans heavily against me. “All right.”

She sounds drowsy, as if her panic has worn her out. “You should sleep,” I murmur, rubbing my nose against her cheek again. The scent of her is irresistible.

“I don’t want to sleep,” she murmurs, burrowing backward against me. She turns her face toward mine, her lips barely brushing against my face. “I just want to be near you.”

“You can ask me your question, then,” I tell her. “The one you said you would save until tonight.”

Her slight body stiffens against me and she sucks in a breath. For a moment, I think I have said something to offend her, and then I realize her khui is humming even louder. She is aroused.

Mmm, I like the thought of this.

“I…it’s not important,” she tells me, breathless. “It can wait.”

“I am your mate, Air-ee. You can ask me all your questions and I will answer them. I will never laugh.”

“You might laugh at this one.”

“I will not know unless you ask.” I shift our bodies and slide her against my thigh until she is half-turned in my arms, because I wish to look at her. I want to see her face when she asks her question. I like to see the color rise in her cheeks. I am fascinated by it, and by her.

I am fascinated by everything about her, truly.

She inhales sharply and then gives me a long, curious look. “You’re sure?” When I nod, she continues in a breathless rush, “What’s a spur?”