Lily
“Hey, look! Mommy’s here!” I point to where Christina is waiting for her daughter, Bennett. The little girl jumps up and down when she spots her mother. Then she races over to the divider that keeps the children in the room until their parents come pick them up.
“Hey, sugar!” Christina smiles. I unlock the room divider to let Christina in. She comes inside and picks up Bennett, spinning her around in a circle. “Mommy missed you so much today!”
“I made a painting,” Bennett says, and leads Christina to where the paintings from the day are still drying.
“It should be dry by tomorrow,” I tell Christina. “So you can pick it up then, unless you want to brave taking it home now.”
“Not at all,” Christina shivers, and I know she’s imagining her car covered in paint from her daughter’s work of art. “I think waiting sounds like a great idea.”
She gathers up Bennett’s things and gets ready to leave. Bennett is the last child of the day to be picked up because like me, Christina works at Shining Stars Daycare. Her daughter plays here while she works, and then they go home together once Christina finishes closing up her classroom.
As Bennett’s daycare teacher, I’m supposed to leave by six, but Christina usually shows up a little bit after and I really don’t mind staying with her. She’s a good kid, and her mom is really nice.
I wish all of my daycare parents were as cool as Christina is.
“Hey,” Christina shoots me a glance as she finishes zipping Bennett’s winter coat. We just had the first snow of the year and it’s cold as hell outside. I’m not looking forward to the walk to my car, nor am I looking forward to waiting for the damn thing to actually warm up. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I tell her, washing my hands and grabbing my purse. I finished cleaning the room while we waited for Christina. My assistant helped me, but left right at six. “It was just a long day.”
“Parent trouble?”
“Of course.”
“What is it this time? Mackenzie’s parents?”
“You know it,” I roll my eyes. “Their precious daughter can do no wrong, so when she gets a note sent home for poor behavior, it must be my fault. It couldn’t possibly be because they don’t actually discipline or do anything with her at home.”
“They’re the worst,” Christina sympathizes with me. Mackenzie was in her room over the summer and she had just as many problems with her as I’m having now. “I’m really sorry you have to deal with those,” she covers Bennett’s ears. “Assholes.”
“Me too.”
“Are you doing anything to relax this weekend?”
I glance out the window. The snow is coming down harder now, so I’ll be lucky if I actually finish all of my errands before I get home tonight. I have to get gas and groceries and, if I can manage it before they close, I need to stop by the bank.
“I am going to read a book,” I tell her honestly. “I know that’s boring, but it’s all I think I’ve got in me.”
Christina looks at me for a second and seems to be deciding something. Then she nods.
“Look,” she tells me, “I might be completely out of line, but if you want to have some fun this weekend, there’s a club you might like.”
“I’m not really a good dancer,” I tell her honestly. “Once, in college, I tried to go out with some girlfriends, but I ended up tripping in a drink someone spilled, landed on my ass, and somehow twisted my ankle in the process. Now I stay as far away from clubs as I can.”
“It’s not that kind of club.”
“What kind of club is it?”
“The naughty kind,” Christina says, wiggling her eyebrows. “It’s called Anchored.”
“Never heard of it.” I’d be lying if I say I wasn’t curious, though. Anchored? A naughty club? I’m picturing whips and chains, but surely demure Christina couldn’t be into that. She’s way too innocent.
“Most people haven’t. You have to be a member to go or to be the guest of a member.”
“Sounds mysterious.”
It sounds exciting.
It sounds a little dangerous.
It sounds like a place I wouldn’t fit in at all.
But I’m curious.
I’m really, really curious.
“Listen,” Christina says. “I’m going tomorrow with my fiancé, Zack. You’re more than welcome to join us if you want to. Just let me know by noon tomorrow if you can. That way I can get you on the guest list and bring you along with us, okay?”
I already have her phone number because we work together, which means we text each other throughout the day with problems and questions when we don’t have time to just run to the other room.
“Okay,” I tell her. “I’ll, um, I’ll think about it.”
I’m not really sure why Christina is inviting me to this place or why she thinks it’ll be good for me. The truth is that I really am more of a homebody. Going to clubs – whether they’re naughty or nice – isn’t really my thing. It never has been.
But she’s right about one thing: it would be nice to unwind a little. It would be nice to relax and not have to worry about everything in my life.
My boss has been breathing down my neck and as much as I love her, I’m getting tired of everything always being my fault. That’s the thing about working in childcare; the parents are never wrong. Ever. No matter what a kid does, it’s automatically my fault, and I’m exhausted.
“Good,” Christina says. She grabs Bennett’s mitten-covered hand and smiles. Then she turns to head out of the room.
“Hey, Christina?”
“Yeah?” She turns around.
“Thanks for inviting me. I’m not sure if I’ll go. I’ll let you know, but thanks. It’s nice to be included.”
“Anytime, love,” she wiggles her fingers and heads out the door.
For a minute, I just stand there, and then I get moving. I flip off the lights and leave the room. Then I lock up my classroom, clock out at the front desk, and head to my car. As expected, it’s freezing cold and covered in a thin layer of ice. I start the car and grab my scraper, then get to work.
It’s going to be a long weekend.
*
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to be a mom. I loved playing baby dolls when I was a kid, and house, and all those other fun games where you get to take care of kids. After a shitty high school relationship and a couple of terrible college relationships, though, I realized I wasn’t cut out for marriage.
So I became a childcare provider.
And I’ve never been happier.
Sure, the parents basically crap on me emotionally every day. And yeah, my boss calls me in on Saturdays almost every week. And okay, the kids aren’t always the most well-behaved, but I get to be around children, and some of them are really, really sweet.
Some of them are really wonderful.
And sometimes, my job can be incredible.
By the time I get home, though, it’s nearly nine, and I’m exhausted. I step into my house and flip the lights on. I hear a meow and look down to see Owl, my black kitten, rubbing against my legs.
“Hey Owl,” I say, picking up the little guy. I nuzzle him, then carry him into the kitchen to make sure he still has food and water. “Looks like you’re good in the food department, little buddy.” I keep holding Owl as I drop my groceries on the table. Then I sit down in one of the chairs and just pet my kitten.
Instantly, I feel myself relax.
I adopted Owl from a shelter a couple of weeks ago. It was weirdly expensive to adopt a cat, but I knew the minute I saw him that it was meant to be. I’ve always wanted a kitten and I think there’s a part of me that was hoping I’d get one with the man of my dreams.
You know, and 2.5 kids along with the dream guy.
That didn’t happen, and I finally realized I can’t put my life on hold anymore. I’m 26. I’m old enough to have been married and divorced already, and honestly, many of my friends are. Still, I spend four years in undergrad and two years in graduate school. I spent a lot of time studying, a lot of time dating guys who just didn’t care.
Then I found my job and I haven’t dated since. It’s been nearly two years and I haven’t dated anyone in that time. It’s a little crazy, even to me, but I’ve been focusing on doing the things I want to do. I’ve been trying to pursue my own interests instead of holding onto this idea that there’s a guy out there waiting for me.
This isn’t some fairytale romance where one day, I wake up and meet some guy.
That’s not how these things work.
That’s not the reality of life as a twenty-something human.
Not on Earth.
Not in the real world.
Finally, I decide I need to get moving. The night isn’t getting any younger.
I put away my groceries, make myself a turkey sandwich, and head to the living room to eat.
Owl follows me.
I curl up on the couch with my sandwich and my kitty and I watch the latest episode of Doctor Who. Although I’m able to lose myself temporarily in the world of the Doctor and his many adventures, when the episode finishes, I find myself stuck in my own head again.
And I’m wondering if anything is ever going to work out the way that it should.
Finally, I head into my bedroom, close my eyes, and fall into a restless sleep.