Lily
“You should just call him,” Christina says.
“Creeper,” I say, not looking up. I can feel her peeking over my shoulder as I stare at the picture on my phone for the millionth time.
Jaxson Thorn.
When I left Anchored, I clung to the business card he’d given me as he kissed me goodnight. I went home and immediately looked him up online. He works for a company called Brand First and yes, their website has a picture of him.
And oh, Thorn looks good enough to eat.
Or blow.
Or fuck.
“You liked him,” Christina says. “And he’s a good guy.”
“I know. You keep telling me.” I close the browser on my phone and turn around to Christina. We’re both on break at the same time, which rarely happens. In a few minutes, I’m going to have to go back to my room at the daycare and take care of a group of rowdy, lovable children, but right now I just want to daydream about Thorn.
“You should give him a chance.”
“I’m not submissive,” I shrug. “I appreciate you bringing me to Anchored, but it’s just not for me. He needs someone who can meet those needs and Christina, I’m just not that girl.”
“You’re scared,” she says. “I get that. We all are at first. That doesn’t mean you’re not submissive. It just means you need to get some courage. Would it help if you came back to the club again? Zack and I can pull some strings, try to bring you as a guest again so you don’t have to pay.”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but I don’t think I should go back.”
“Because you don’t want to see Thorn?”
“If I see him, I’m going to want something I can never have. Christina, he was hot as hell.”
“Wait until you see him without his shirt on.” All week, Christina has been pushing me to contact Thorn. Apparently, she’s quite the fan. He’s mysterious and a little bit dangerous, according to her, but he’s a sub favorite at Anchored.
She told me he always plays fair. He’s always kind. He always gives aftercare. He’s gentle and firm at the same time, and he always, always gets his subs off.
I’ve been with so many guys in the past who didn’t care whether I came or not, just as long as they did. I’ve been with people who couldn’t even tell that I hadn’t come. They just had no interest in it at all, but Thorn wasn’t like that.
We only spent an hour together, but he’s all I can think about.
“I’m sure he’s forgotten me by now,” I shake my head.
“Trust me,” Christina says, grabbing her purse and standing to leave. “Anyone who could forget you is an idiot, and Jaxson Thorn isn’t dumb.”
She heads out of the break room and I’m left alone with only my thoughts and the rest of my half-eaten sandwich.
Now that she’s gone, I reflect on what she says, and even though I don’t want to admit she’s right, I know she’s right. Jaxson wouldn’t have given me his number if he didn’t want me to call him. He wouldn’t have spent so much time with me if he didn’t think I was at least a little interesting.
I’ve wrestled with this for days, wondering if I should have texted him right away, if I should have called. I’m such a dork when it comes to dating and unfortunately, I don’t have the best track record. It’s not that any of my relationships have been particularly horrible. They haven’t. It’s just that when it comes to guys, I feel out of my element.
Give me a group of little kids and I can teach them everything they need to know to survive kindergarten. I can teach them to tie their shoes and teach them to read and I can teach them basic safety and first aid skills, but send me on a date with a hot guy?
I forget everything about who I am.
I forget how to function.
“Oh, good, you’re here,” a familiar voice breaks through my thoughts. Carmen, my direct supervisor, comes into the room. I know exactly what she’s going to say before she says it. Carmen doesn’t beat around the bush. She doesn’t make small talk and she doesn’t ask.
She just orders people around.
This is part of how she’s been able to be successful as a daycare manager. She doesn’t take orders or ask for advice. She says how things are going to be, and everyone moves to make sure she gets what she wants.
“I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday,” she tells me. “Destiny can’t come in, so you need to fill in for her.”
When I took this job, it was with the understanding that I would work five days a week. Monday through Friday is more than enough work for one person for one week. I do not need to be taking Saturday hours, too.
Carmen knows I don’t have a family or a boyfriend or a demanding mother. She knows I don’t have people who will miss me if I work on the weekends, so she has no problem picking me as her weekend back-up person, but I’ve asked her several times not to bring me in on Saturdays.
It’s not that I’m lazy. I’m not. I work hard and I’m always on time. I do a great job with my kids, but everyone needs a break. The weekends are my break. Saturday and Sunday are the days when I have time to read or relax or just do nothing.
I don’t want to come in on Saturday, and obviously, asking nicely hasn’t stopped Carmen from scheduling me.
I think of last weekend and how I felt with Jaxson Thorn.
Master Thorn.
When he was touching me, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I felt safe. I felt wild, but secure. It was like I had a place where I could let my inhibitions go and know that no matter what happened, he wasn’t about to let me fall.
I want that feeling again.
When I was with Master Thorn, I liked myself. I liked that girl. I liked the brave girl. I liked feeling fierce and incredible, and I want that feeling again. I want to chase it and catch it, and I know there’s no better time than now.
Carmen is already turning to leave the room, obviously sure I’m not going to argue with her, so she’s surprised when I stand up.
“Sorry, Carmen,” I shake my head. “I’m not available Saturday.”
“But you need to come in,” she looks surprised. “Destiny won’t be here.”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve already told you that I’m no longer free to work Saturdays. You’ll have to find someone else.”
She narrows her eyes. “Have you forgotten that your evaluation is coming up? I’d hate to have to give you a negative review.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“I’m just reminding you.”
“Well, Carmen, let me remind you of something,” I throw my trash away and wash my hands in the sink, staring at her the entire time. “I am not available to work Saturdays and that has nothing to do with my work as a teacher here. If you write a false evaluation based on the fact that you notified me at the last minute you wanted me to work overtime and I refused, I’ll be happy to bring it up with the facility director.”
Carmen might be harsh, but she’s not about to go head-to-head with Destiny. Destiny rules the daycare with an iron fist and she doesn’t put up with crap from anyone.
Carmen glares at me, makes a weird noise, and then stomps out of the room.
I’m filled with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, and I wonder why I didn’t stand up for myself earlier. I should have. It feels good to say what I want and what I mean. It feels calming to know that I defended myself.
I spoke up for myself.
I should have done this a long time ago, but I never felt confident enough. This entire week, though, I’ve felt different. I’ve felt sexy. I’ve felt sultry. I’ve felt like a woman who knows what she wants instead of an awkward girl who is floundering, and I know exactly who I have to thank for that.
I take a deep breath and pull out my phone.
I type a text and hit “send” before I can back out, and then I head back to my class.
It’s time to teach some kids how to read.