- THIRTEEN -
The weeks until winter break flew by. I thought it was best if we stayed away from the parties for the rest of the semester. Jaxon didn’t argue with me. I think he felt like he couldn’t yet control the urge to punch other guys who got too close to me. It was nice to be able to go out without the added drama of other people. I also still wasn’t able to admit we were in an actual relationship, so if we didn’t hang out around others, I didn’t have to define it. Jaxon never brought it up, either. We’d had a lot of time to open up with each other, and he finally told me about his dad dying and how hard it was for him to cope afterward. It seemed like a good time to tell him about my parents, but I just couldn’t do it.
We hadn’t seen each other very much this week, besides at nighttime after one or the other got off work. We entered finals week and I realized it was too hard to study around Jaxon, so I forbade him from coming over to distract me. It seemed to work out for the best because we both felt extremely confident about our grades.
On Thursday after our last final, all five of us were hanging out at the guys’ apartment watching movies and eating junk food. We had all planned on going out to a house party together later, but we still had a couple of hours until then. Quinn convinced us to finally get out and celebrate the end of the semester.
“Are you excited about spending the holidays with your mom and dad, Emerson?” Jaxon asked.
Quinn’s head shot over to look straight at me. I knew she was shocked that I hadn’t told him yet. She tried to act casual, moving toward the kitchen as if to get something, but it was obvious something had bothered her. Cole stood up awkwardly to join her.
“Uh . . . no, not really. I don’t really like holidays.” Actually, holidays were the absolute worst time of the year, aside from February 2, the day they were both killed. Coincidentally, that was also my birthday. Yep, happy birthday to me. I never celebrate it. It’s forbidden. Quinn doesn’t even mention my birthday anymore.
Completely oblivious to our odd reactions, Jaxon laughed a little and said, “What? Who doesn’t like the holidays?” He was holding my hand and I had to release it.
I looked over at our audience; Quinn, Cole, and Jace all knew. I looked to them for help, for someone to distract him from this topic. No one stepped up and I was all alone.
I gripped my hands together tightly and murmured, “Umm . . . someone who . . . doesn’t have parents.” It was hard to get out of my mouth, but I couldn’t lie to him.
He turned to look at me, a little more concerned now, but I could tell he still thought I was pulling some weird joke on him. “What are you talking about, Beautiful? Yes, you do. You’ve told me tons of stories about how you grew up.”
“All of those stories stopped before I turned fifteen. They were both killed in a car accident,” I whispered, wringing the blood from my pale hands.
“Emerson?” he asked, appearing stunned. “Why haven’t you told me this before?” His voice rose to almost a shout.
“Dude, it’s time to chill out and leave her alone,” Jace said, looking up at him from his spot on the couch.
Jaxon looked at his brother and I watched as hurt and even frustration crossed his features. “You knew about her parents?” He then jabbed his finger at Jace and turned to look at me again. “Fucking Jace knew?” To others he may have appeared furious, but to me and everyone else in the room, we could tell he was just hurt.
“I’m so sorry, Jaxon,” I said in a calm voice, hoping it would bleed into him.
“Jax, seriously, stop it. It was a weak moment; you guys weren’t even together yet. She had just come back from home to see you, when she saw that Audrey was here. She got upset and it just came out.” Great, yet another piece of information I hadn’t told him yet. Girlfriend of the year right here. Although I guess I didn’t even have that title.
Cole finally stepped up. “Jax, you need to lay off of her or I’m taking her out of here, away from you. You can see her when you get back from break.” The protective big brother was coming out in him and I loved him for it. But this was entirely my fault; he deserved to know that about me.
When Cole talked about taking me away from him, I saw his expression snap from infuriated to frightened. He quickly came up to me and knelt between my legs. Jace got up and left. Once Cole and Quinn were satisfied that Jaxon wasn’t going to yell at me anymore, they left the living room as well.
“Baby . . .” He laid his forehead down on my leg. “Don’t leave. I’m sorry I yelled,” he apologized, lifting his head.
“I’m not going anywhere, Jax.” I rubbed my hands down the side of his scruffy face.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I told you about my dad.”
“When you were telling me about your dad, it seemed like your moment. I felt that if I were to tell you about my parents at that time, I would just be one-upping you. ‘Oh, you lost one parent, well I lost two.’ You needed that private time to tell me about your dad. I honestly never talk about my parents anymore because of the way everything happened. I don’t even talk to Quinn anymore about it.”
He came up onto the couch next to me and pulled me into his lap. I wrapped my hands around him and kissed his neck.
“What happened when they died?” I instantly stiffened at the question. “Tell me.” his voice was kind but firm. No more beating around the bush.
This whole event is basically why I’ve become the way I have. My life since then has fixated on that moment in a vicious cycle. I’ve never been able to step away from it. It’s why I created my rules, it’s why I haven’t been able to give myself fully to Jaxon, and it’s why events like this continue to come between us.
“My parents were divorced. My dad was remarried to Ellie, Quinn’s mom. That’s how we’re sisters.” He nodded his head because he knew we were actually stepsisters and not blood relatives. “Everything was perfect. My parents didn’t fight anymore, and I got Ellie and Quinn in the deal. Then one day, our principal pulled me out of class and told me my parents had died. Together. In the same car. My parents couldn’t stand each other, the last time I had checked, and they certainly didn’t just ride around in cars together.” I took a deep breath and he rubbed circles along my hand. “That was the day that I learned that people always leave. If they aren’t cheating on one another, they’re dying. My parents did both in the same day. It hurts too much to get close to anyone; I couldn’t risk feeling that kind of loneliness again. I almost didn’t make it out alive, and if it happened again, I know I wouldn’t.” I spoke all of this to his shoulder, too afraid to see his judging eyes.
He placed his hand underneath my chin and lifted it up. I’m not sure I liked what I saw on his face, but it was better than judgment. He looked as if everything I just said made total sense, as if now he understood why I acted the way I did.
“Emerson, I would never cheat on you. You have to know that no other girl compares to you. There’s no reason for me even to need anything from someone else, when everything I want is here with you.” I nodded my head, even though I knew that he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure. He hadn’t come across every girl. One day, he would get tired of my crap. “You have to stop worrying that you’ll lose me. There’s nowhere else in this world that I want to be. I love you, beautiful girl.”
I gasped at his exclamation. Love? When did we get to love? How could I possibly say that back to him? I had never said those words to anyone after my parents’ death. Not even Quinn or Ellie. Those words were permanent.
He grabbed both sides of my face and looked into my eyes. “Relax. I won’t say it again for a while. I just want you to get used to the fact that one day, when you’re comfortable with it, I’ll tell you every day, multiple times a day. I want you to know how much I love you every single damn day, but for now, I’ll just let you soak it in.” He kissed my eyelids, nose, and each of my cheeks. “Besides, I know you feel the same way even if you can’t say it. It’s not possible for me to feel this deep of a connection and for you not to. I can’t be the only one feeling this.”
I pushed him back down onto the couch and started kissing him hungrily, and he matched my fervor. “You’re the most amazing boyfriend a girl could ask for.”
From underneath me, I saw his eyes shoot wide open in delight. “Boyfriend?” he hollered excitedly.
“Yes, I can at least admit to this right now. Will you be my boyfriend, Jaxon Riley?” I laughed at him and my ridiculousness.
His face relaxed into a happy, contented look and he quietly responded, “Baby, I thought you’d never ask.” He flipped me underneath him with one hand in my hair and continued kissing me. Our hands started roaming each other’s bodies, enjoying this new step for me. For us.
“Em, can we come out now? I really want to see if Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling hook up!” Quinn yelled from down the hallway.
Still not letting go of Jaxon’s mouth, I shouted back, “No, go away!” Although I don’t know if they could actually understand me.
Jaxon chuckled into our kiss. I grabbed him through his pants. He instantly lost the grin, and lust immediately consumed his expression. He dipped down to grind against me and we both moaned into each other’s mouths.
“Ew, guys, stop it. Not on the couch.” Quinn was right next to us, batting me off of Jaxon.
“Oh, like we haven’t gotten plenty of fluids on this couch already, sweetheart.” Cole laughed from behind her.
“All of you are disgusting! Shut up, push play, and keep your fluids to yourselves,” Jace complained.
“Y’all couldn’t have come at a worse time,” Jaxon grumbled.
“Quinn, you don’t even care about Ryan Gosling. You just want to watch it because you think Emma Stone is hot,” I added.
“Hell, yeah, that’s my girl!” Cole shouted proudly. Quinn laughed and smacked Cole in the chest while sticking her tongue out at me.
“Hey Quinn, guess what?” Jaxon said, looking around Cole at her. “Emerson asked me to be her boyfriend.” He was teasing me, but he had a huge grin on his face. I didn’t realize it would be this easy to make him so joyful.
Quinn started clapping and jumping up and down. “Emmy, you finally put the poor guy out of his misery!”
I instantly turned to face Jaxon. I knew Quinn was playing with me, but there was also truth in her statement. I pouted my bottom lip out at him. “Misery?” I asked.
“Baby, there hasn’t been a second of misery for me since you said you were mine and mine only.” He leaned down, sucked my pouty bottom lip into his mouth, and nipped at it between his teeth. I started running my hands through his hair again.
Jace had turned the lights back off and resumed the movie. Jaxon and I sat stock-still in our spots, but I was still riled up from earlier and my need wasn’t going away.
“Babe, I don’t think I can sit here . . .” I started to say.
He was already standing up with me in his arms. “Oh, thank God!” he shouted.
“You two are so damn annoying sometimes. At least go to her place,” Jace grumbled. He sure was frustrated a lot more lately.
“Good idea, bro,” Jax said as he turned around from the hallway and headed out the door. “Oh, and I swear to God, we are getting you laid when we get home. You’re grumpy!” He pointed straight at Jace. Cole burst out laughing at the scowl Jace made.
As we were walking down the hallway, I frowned at him. “You’re going to go prowling for girls when you get home?” He walked us over to Quinn’s and my couch.
“Oh, Beautiful, is that jealousy I hear?” He nuzzled into my neck.
“What? No. I don’t get jealous.” It was true. I’d never gotten jealous of any other girls. Could I be jealous of the idea of another girl hanging around Jaxon while I’m halfway across the country? That idea had never crossed my mind before; I hadn’t thought about him going home in a couple of days and spending time with all of his friends from home. Audrey would be there, no doubt. “Well, maybe . . . a little bit. But only because I’ve seen how gorgeous one of your exes is. I can only imagine what the others look like.”
“Trust me; there will be no prowling on my part. I’ll probably spend most of my time depressed because I’ll be missing my girlfriend.” He flashed all of his brilliantly white teeth at me. He was enjoying that word a little too much already.
“You’ll miss me?” I asked, surprised.
“Emerson, I miss you when you go to the bathroom, and now I’m supposed to go weeks without you?”
The winter break was a month long. We all promised each other to come back before the month was up, because that was a long time to be separated. But a good majority of that time would be spent apart at our own families’ houses.
“I know that I’ll miss you too,” I whispered into his neck. It was still hard for me to be this up-front and exposed about my feelings.
“Come home with me. Please, you can meet my mom. She’s great and I know she’s dying to meet you.”
“I can’t, Jax, I need to go see Ellie. I’d invite you back with me, but I know how much you miss your mom.”
“Yeah, I can’t leave her during the holidays . . .” he said sadly.
“Hey, I understand.” I grabbed his face. “It’s only a couple of weeks, then we’ll come back here and lock ourselves in your room and not come out till we’re forced to go to class.” I laughed.
“Promise?” he asked sadly.
“Promise.” I leaned in to capture his lips. We were going to enjoy our last couple of days together.