I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here, our hands locked, the world around us heavy and hopeless.

Loss is a strange thing. It comes without a warning. It rips your heart to shreds and lets you learn to live with the pieces. It never lets you heal, but eventually, the memories you carry will help you learn to live with the pain of knowing that you will never see your loved one again.

So many words unsaid.

So many smiles turned to tears.

So many future memories unlived.

I look at Kellan and I see his pain etched into his features. His green gaze is turned toward the sky, hooded by long, dark eyelashes that cast soft shadows across his cheeks.

He’s beautiful when he smiles, but he’s even more beautiful when he’s lost in his thoughts, his heart open, his emotions raw.

“Days have passed. Soon the weeks will turn into years. I’ll always remember you with silent tears.” His words are barely more than a whisper, his voice slightly humming, as though his pain has become a song that needs to rip through his chest.

Leaning into him, I rest my head against his shoulder and look up. His gaze meets mine, and then he smiles.

That glorious smile of his that catches the day and the night. That makes my heart both rise and sink.

The world around us stops for a moment.

Slowly, his mouth nears mine and his lips brush my lips in a kiss that’s as soft as the beating wings of a butterfly.

“I want to show you the lake,” he says and pulls me to my feet.

“What?” I laugh and throw a dubious glance at the shimmering water within walking distance. There’s an old paddleboat secured at a pier that looks just as decrepit. I thought it was just décor. “Water and I aren’t exactly friends. Unless it’s a pool and there’s a bar nearby.”

“Come on, city girl. You’ll like it,” he says with a wink.

“Two adults balancing on a bit of old wood? Hmm.”

I very much doubt the sanity of the idea, but I follow him down the path to the lake. Kellan holds the boat for me as I climb inside—actually, make that crawl inside, because there’s no way I can keep my balance while standing in this thing—and sit down.

It’s actually much larger than I thought.

He grabs the paddles and expertly maneuvers the boat across the lake in long strokes, stopping in the middle of the water. From here, we can see both the barn and the woods.

I close my eyes and lose myself into the moment. The silence. The warm rays of sun on my face. His presence.

“You like it,” Kellan remarks.

I nod and smile.

When I open my eyes, his gaze is on me. Slowly, he leans forward and presses a kiss on my lips.

My fingers intertwine at the back of his neck as I lie down on the blanket, the hard wood of the boat pushing into my back. But I’ve never been more comfortable.

I’ve never felt safer.

Kellan’s lips are probing mine, his emotions slipping into me.

I feel the change when his tongue parts my lips to explore the cave of my mouth. His touch is gentle but determined. It’s clear what he wants, and I’m more than willing to give it to him.

Slowly, I pull my shirt up and unhook my bra. His hands slide up over my breasts, his fingers lingering over my beaded nipples. His eyes drink me in. I can see the hunger in his eyes. I can see his self-restraint, his need to make this special.

But today, it’s not about stilling that carnal need in us. He’s so much more to me. He’s the one thorn in my rose garden. He’s the one mistake that has ruined me for everyone else.

I want to kiss him like I’ve never kissed anyone else before.

I want to let him claim my body like it’s his to possess.

Come tomorrow, I’ll be his sweet memory, and he’ll be my one scar that will never heal.

“Kellan.” I unbutton his jeans and help him do the same to mine.

“Ava.” His tone matches mine, heavy and meaningful.

Our clothes are on the floor of the boat within seconds. His skin is bare against mine. The breeze makes my burning skin shiver.

He levers himself between my legs, his shaft hard, ready for me. His fingertips brush down my abdomen, between my wet folds, and his breath catches, the air trapped in his heaving chest.

His desire for me is my ruin.

“I need you inside me. Now,” I whisper, my gaze locked with his, my eyes silently speaking all the words I cannot say.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to—”

“Hurt me? You won’t.” Smiling, I push up to press a gentle kiss on his mouth in the hope that it’ll scatter his worries.

I need this.

I need us.

Raw.

Our bodies and souls bare.

His mouth descends upon mine. His kiss takes my heart, sucks it inside his until his breathing becomes mine. I feel him rubbing his hardness in the dampness between my legs a moment before his erection fills me, his movements controlled. Gentle.

I lay my hand against his chest, where the muscles are flexing beneath his taut skin.

“Are you okay?” Kellan’s voice against my mouth makes me smile.

“I’ve never been better.”

Which is a lie. I was better when he wasn’t in my life. But back then, I didn’t know what I was missing.

I didn’t know that the way he’d touch me would change my world.

My legs lock at his back, pulling him deeper inside me. His shaft is filling me, rendering me breathless. He begins to move again and his thumb rubs that one spot that intensifies the fire within.

His hands grab my waist to direct me, and I embrace his cadence. The first burn is gone, replaced by waves of intensity that rock my core. His thrusts deepen, his breath on my mouth hot and heavy. The pressure inside me is growing, racing through my veins.

The light of the sun slowly fades behind my closed lids, and my moans become choked—lost—as the pleasure he causes me rides up to new heights.

His name is on my lips as I come with our mouths locked in a kiss. I can feel him stirring inside me a moment before he finds his own release.

Afterwards, we lay still. Kellan’s eyes are shut, his ragged breathing slowly coming down. I watch him, enchanted and strangely nostalgic.

This is it.

I got what I wanted the first time I set my eyes upon him. A night with him. Only, our night together turned into a week and more moments that I ever dreamed of.

And nowhere near enough.

Even though we’re barely inches away, I know Kellan’s beyond my reach.

His arms pull me close, until my head rests in the hollow of his shoulder. With the sun on my face, I close my eyes, enjoying the moment together, not knowing how many more we might have left.