Chapter 7
In her dreams, Cloe shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. She hunched her shoulders to protect her, even though the desert sun scorched brighter and hotter every minute. A chill rattled her teeth. She shivered, but she couldn’t get warm.
The preacher read something out of his Bible. Then he sprinkled crumbs of Earth over the coffin. Cloe stared down at the black enamel box, but she couldn’t weep. Blank emptiness filled her soul. Nothing would ever fill it again.
The preacher finished his speech and walked away. Cloe remained behind. She couldn’t take her eyes off the coffin. In all directions, all the way out to the circular horizon, not another living soul saw, heard or cared. She and she alone stood by Sonny’s grave to wish him good-bye.
She woke with a start. Black night surrounded the fifth-wheel. She lay still and listened to Sonny breathing next to her in the big bed. She only checked her phone once in three days. She ignored the several dozen messages from her editor. Nothing else on it called her back to her old life, either.
How long did she really intend to stick around here, screwing Sonny McCain? Something had to give. She eased herself over on her side so she could watch him sleep. He looked downright peaceful at times like these. He never looked peaceful at other times. He looked ferocious, insatiable and wildly fierce.
His appetite for her only grew stronger with every passing day. She never left the fifth-wheel since that fateful afternoon she first entered it. He never told her to get up unless he wanted to screw her standing. He let her go to the bathroom. That was all. He brought her meals to her in bed. Sometimes he handcuffed her foot to the bed rail while he went out for a few hours. He never told her where he was going.
She must have fallen asleep watching him. He soothed her mind. As long as she could keep him in sight, she hadn’t lost him yet. As long as he slept with her at her side, he still wanted her. He hadn’t thrown her away to go off and die by himself.
As long as she could be there when it happened, she could let go of everything else. She couldn’t cope with this world, knowing he was out there in it somewhere. She had to be with him in it, or be nowhere.
She woke up again several hours later to sun streaming through the windows.
The sizzling salty smell of cooked bacon filled the cabin, but no flame burned on the stove. She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. She would ask him to let her take a shower today, although he didn’t give any indication that she needed one. He ate her out and pumped her full of his cock just the same as when she showed up fresh on his front porch.
She peered out the window to catch some glimpse of him. She almost pulled back when she spotted him sitting on the camper steps. He cradled a steaming coffee cup in his hands and gazed at the sun climbing into the sky.
Cloe looked around. Should she chance it? She got out of bed and threw a bathrobe around her shoulders. She flirted with disaster doing this, but what was life for, anyway? She never found out what he would do to her if she disobeyed him. She might as well find out now.
She stole down the center aisle to the door and eased it open. She stepped down and sat on the step next to him. Instead of fuming, cursing and threatening, he smiled up at her. “Here’s Sleeping Beauty.”
“You’re Sleeping Beauty,” she returned. “Don’t you know I lie awake watching you?”
He put his arm around her shoulders. “That’s my girl. What are you doing up anyway? I thought I told you to stay put.”
“What are you doing out here by yourself?” she asked. “Are you contemplating the meaning of life?”
He snorted. “Something like that.”
“So tell me. What’s on your mind?”
He sighed. “My truck is ready to pick up.”
Her head whipped around. “Oh. I guess you want to get going.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I would love to stick around to fuck you day and night. I never had a better time in my life, but you’ve got your own life to live. You don’t want to spend the rest of your days chained to my bedpost.”
“Who says I don’t?”
He laughed. “Come on, baby. We’ve had a good time, but I’m old enough to be your grandfather. You want a young stud your own age who can keep up with you.”
“You keep up with me just fine,” she told him. “It’s me who has trouble keeping up with you.”
“You know what I mean. You’re young. I’m dying. You don’t want to hitch your wagon to my star. That would be a recipe for disaster for someone like you.”
“So what am I supposed to do—go back to working on the paper? You think I should carry on with my brilliant career doing write-ups on washed-up boxers and horse races? Is that your idea of me living the rest of my life?”
He studied her. “Well, what did you think was going to happen? I’m a dead end for you. What do you want to hang around with me for, anyway? You should be out there having the time of your life.”
“What do you think I am doing?”
He clucked his tongue. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, honey. I don’t have any reason to stick around here. You’re the only thing keeping me here, and I can’t stand seeing you waste your life on me.”
She rounded on him. “You think I’m wasting my life on you? Is that what you think this is all about?”
He got to his feet. “Come on. Get up and get dressed. It’s time you went back to work and got on with it.”
She stood up and smoothed down the bathrobe like she could preserve her dignity that way. She pursed her lips. “Listen, Sonny. I’m not wasting my life on you. I think I can decide for myself what to do with my time and who to do it with. I never met anyone like you before, and I don’t want to spend my time doing anything except what we’ve been doing. If you want me to leave, I will. Just don’t make the mistake of thinking this is mutual. I came here because I wanted you. Do you get that? I don’t want a box full of Sonny McCain memorabilia worth a couple million dollars. I want you. I want you alive and living. I want to kiss you, hold you and watch you sleep. If you don’t want that, just come right out and say so.”
He doubled over like she kicked him in the guts. “Don’t do this, baby. You know I want you, too. You know I want you more than anything.”
“Then why are you dumping me?” she shrieked. “Why are you throwing me out on my ass? Haven’t I don’t everything you asked? Haven’t I gotten on my knees and begged you for it? Haven’t I done everything to please you?”
“Of course you have,” he murmured. “You’re my dream come true.”
She couldn’t stand here arguing with him anymore. He could give her everything she ever wanted. When it came to her giving something back to him, he couldn’t let her do it. He couldn’t let her love him. She threw up her hands. “Just forget it, okay? Just forget all about it. Just pretend like none of this ever happened.”
He started to say, “I don’t want to pretend it never happened,” but she wouldn’t listen. She stormed back into the camper, threw on her clothes, and hit the bricks. He stood back and didn’t try to stop her. She rushed down the street. She dared not look at her reflection in a car window. Her hair must look a fright.
She hurried all the way back to the duck pond and threw herself down on the bench. Why did he have to be such an insufferable jackass? Why did he have to be such a tough guy? Didn’t he know how she felt about him?
She watched the ducks until her heartbeat slowed to a normal pace. The park shimmered in the heat all around her. The ducks bobbed and dabbled on the glassy surface. She might as well have never left. The last three days never happened. She was still a lonely virgin going on forty-five.
She let out a deep sigh and got to her feet. She started walking, but she had no idea where she should go. She couldn’t go back to the paper. That was final. She could go back to her apartment and take a shower. She could change her clothes and give herself a douche. She could catch up on lost sleep and deal with the world in the morning.
She didn’t do any of those things, though. She just kept wandering the streets for hours. She passed the paper, but she turned on her heel and rushed the opposite way. She avoided that place like the plague. She never wanted to see it again, much less go inside, or answer any questions.
She got herself a donut and a latte from the coffee shop, but a full stomach did nothing to quiet her mind. She had no idea what to do with herself, so she went back to the duck pond. Nothing else made sense. She sat there for more than an hour, but agitation drove her on again.
Aw, what the hell. Who was she kidding? She didn’t want to be anywhere except at Sonny’s house. If he left town, she would just hang around on his sidewalk like a lost puppy. She might as well kiss the rest of her life goodbye.
—Cloe waited outside the gate.
He jumped out of his skin when he came out of the fifth-wheel and saw her standing there. He opened his mouth and closed it again without saying anything.
They stared at each other over the picket fence.
Finally, he came forward. “Look, Cloe. I’m really sorry about all this. I should never have messed around with you.”
She cut him off with a shake of her head. “Take me with you, Sonny.”
His eyes widened. “Take—what are you talking about?”
It all came out in a rush, “Take me with you. Let me come with you on your solitary ramble. Let me share the last few months of your life.”
He shook his head. “I can’t let you do that. You don’t want to hang around me for the next couple of months. Believe me.” He laughed to himself.
“Will you stop telling me what I want and what I don’t want? I want to come with you. I want to be there. I want to be with you, however it turns out.”
“You don’t understand, baby,” he pleaded. “You don’t know what it’s like when I get my headaches. It hurts so much I fly into these rages. I break things. I say terrible things I don’t mean. You don’t—I mean, I don’t want you around me when I get like that. It’s not that I don’t want you. Man, you don’t know how much I want you. I can’t imagine walking away from a woman like you, but I would hate to hurt you. I want to spare you. I want to protect you from myself.”
“Look, Sonny. I don’t care how bad it gets. The worse it is, the more I want to be there. I can’t stand you going out there to face this alone. You’ll die alone out there. I can’t live with—that.” Her voice cracked with emotion.
He put out his hand, but he let it fall before he touched her. “Oh, babe. Please don’t do this. You’re so fine, good and true. I can’t bear to see you throw your life away on me.”
“I won’t be throwing my life away. I’ve got the whole thing planned out. I’m going to write a book about your life. I’ll have plenty of time to interview you on the road.” She talked faster when he shook his head. “The book will never be published while you’re alive. No one will bother you. No one will come knocking on your door. You’ll have the last months and years of your life to live in peace, but you won’t be alone. Come on, Sonny. Let someone care about you. Let someone know your secrets and share your pain. You want to give me the treasure hidden under your bed? Give me the treasure hidden in your heart, too. Tell me everything you never told any other journalist. I’ll write the story of your life, and after you’re gone, people will get to know you the way I did. Come on. What do you say?”
He stole a peek at her under his chiseled brows. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”
“I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to go back to the paper. I don’t want anything ever to be the same. You made me whole, new and complete when you took my virginity. I only want to be with you. I want to study you and know you. I want to show the world what you are and what you’re made of. You don’t have to push me away because you’re dying. Let me love you. Let me be there. I want to be there ‘til the end, no matter what.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I never wanted you to leave. I never wanted to see you go—not ever. I couldn’t ask you to stay, though. We were supposed to be a little fling to pop your cherry. I never planned to take over your life. I just couldn’t stop touching you. I couldn’t stop fucking you once I started. I never touched any woman like you before.”
At this confession, hope sprung up fiercely inside of her as she took a step closer. “Will you let me come with you? Will you let me be there for you?”
He sighed. “If that’s what you want, I won’t try to stop you.”
She rushed at him and threw her arms around him. “Oh, thank you! Thank you so much. You won’t regret it.”
“No. It’s you who will regret it. You won’t be thanking me when this is all over.”