Chapter 12
June
When I step into the shower, I feel like a different person than I was an hour ago.
I shouldn’t, but I do.
Something changed when Ryder tied me up. Something shifted deep inside of me when we were together that way. Maybe it’s because I’ve never offered up my trust to a Dominant partner the way I did tonight. Oh, I’ve played with Doms and Dommes before, but tonight was different.
Tonight was a surrender, and I think he knew it.
Ryder and I have been dancing around this for awhile now, but tonight was the first night we finally let go.
It feels good.
The water washes over me and I realize that he was able to completely get me out of my own head. For a little while, I wasn’t worried about how sorry I feel for myself about losing Grams. I wasn’t thinking about how sad I am or how lonely. I wasn’t thinking about feeling overwhelmed with work.
For a little while, I was just me.
For a little while, I was just a sweet submissive with her Dom, and it felt magical.
It felt wonderful.
I never want that feeling to go away.
I hear the bathroom door open and a minute later, Ryder pulls back the shower curtain.
“Hey,” I say, turning around. “Are you going to join me?”
Only, Ryder’s dressed.
“I can’t,” he says, shaking his head.
“Work emergency?” He didn’t explain why he has two phones, but I’ve been waiting for a long time for Ryder to trust me. He doesn’t have to trust me today. He doesn’t even have to trust me tomorrow. As long as I know that we’re slowly, carefully working toward that, I’m happy.
Sleeping together wasn’t just about the sex for me. I know it wasn’t for him, either. We’ve been teasing, talking, and kissing for weeks now. It was time to make a move or give up trying, and I’m glad we slept together. I’m still a little sore from the spanking, still a little stiff from the ropes, but I feel good. I feel solid and grounded.
I feel complete.
“Yes,” he says regretfully, shaking his head. “Look, June, I’ll explain everything when I get back. Just know that I don’t have a secret family or anything like that.”
I cut him off and start laughing.
“Hey!” He protests.
“You couldn’t pull it off, sweetie,” I say, playfully tapping his nose. A drop of water slides down from the spot I touched. “No offense,” I shrug. “I mean, you’re a pretty good liar, but I would have figured that one out a long time ago and invited your wife to the club.”
“I could pull it off,” he says, and then he shakes his head, as if he’s realizing he’s arguing about his ability to lie. Not exactly the best way to start a relationship, is it?
“Hey,” I say, turning off the showerhead and reaching for a towel. Ryder steps back and I wrap the towel around myself and place my hands on his chest. “You have nothing to worry about, okay? I know that if you could tell me what’s going on, you would, Ryder. I trust you,” I say, and when those words cross my lips, Ryder lets out an audible sigh of relief.
This poor man.
Has no one ever believed him before?
Obviously, Ryder does something that’s not just writing mystery novels. He’s got some sort of job that’s so private and important that he has to carry a second cell phone for it. Maybe he’s a spy or maybe he’s a private investigator.
I don’t know, and I don’t really care.
Knowing Ryder’s secret would mean the world to me, but I also understand the legalities involved in having some sort of classified job. All of my members at Anchored sign a non-disclosure agreement that says what happens at the club stays at the club. If someone sees a state senator getting spanked, that’s not something the media or the general public needs to know about.
No, I understand privacy just fine, and I understand that right now, Ryder has something he needs to do without me.
He kisses me then, long and hard, and then he pulls back.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he says.
“I’ll be waiting.”
He leaves, and I wander back to my bed, throw off the towel, and slide between the covers. I didn’t bother to brush out my hair and I know that in the morning, it’ll be a tangled mess, but I don’t really care.
Ryder Hawke made love to me and now everything feels okay.
Everything feels right.