June
“Wait,” Ryder says, pulling away. He jerks his head toward my door. “You live here, right?”
“Yeah,” I admit. “This is my place.” He doesn’t look surprised to find out that I live here. Instead of acting shocked or appalled, Ryder just nods.
“Okay,” he says. “I need to run to my car and get my phone.” Cell phones aren’t permitted in the club without a damn good reason, and it’s up to me to determine what that is. Anyone caught sneaking a phone into my club gets instantly booted and their membership canceled. I’ve never had anyone risk it.
“I’ll come with you,” I tell him.
“No,” he shakes his head. “It’s dark and it’s cold. Besides,” he wiggles his eyebrows. “I want you to go get ready for me.”
“Ready?”
“Go inside and strip down. Wait for me in the center of the room. You know how.”
“Yes,” I whisper. “I know how.”
He holds out his hands and I drop my keys in them, and then Ryder heads back down the hallway with a skip in step and a tune on his tongue. He hums until he turns and goes back into the lobby, and I’m alone outside of my room.
“I can do this,” I say out loud. “I’ve got this.”
I push the door open to my little suite. When I remodeled Anchored, I created a small luxury suite for myself. It’s sort of a mix between a fancy hotel room and a studio apartment. It’s obviously close to work and for me, it’s perfect. Tonight, I walk over the cabin port hole and peek outside.
From my spot, I can see the brilliant night stars blinking and glowing brightly. They’re gorgeous. Beautiful. Completely unforgettable: just like this night is going to be. I can’t quite believe I brought Ryder back to my room.
I can’t quite believe he agreed to come.
Normally, when I stare at the night stars, I think of my grandmother. I think of all the nights we looked at the stars together. We used to spread a blanket on her lawn and curl up together.
“Now just look at that sky,” Grandmother says. She wiggles on the soft quilt to make herself comfortable. After a moment, she settles.
“It’s pretty,” 13-year-old-me agrees. I reach for my grandmother’s hand and she takes it, squeezing my hand gently.
“Pretty soon you’ll go off into the world,” she says. “But no matter how far you go, pretty girl, you know that every night, I’m going to look at the stars and think of you.”
“Really?”
“Oh, absolutely.” She turns to me now, propping herself up on one elbow. Grandma is getting older, but she still seems so young. She’s the wisest, smartest person I’ve ever met. “We all share the same sky, June. So promise me something.”
“Okay. What is it?”
“Promise me that no matter where you go, you’ll look at the sky and think of me, too.”
“Of course I will, Grandma.”
“I love you, little Junie. I’ll always love you.”
I shake my head. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I watch the sky, thinking of Grandma. I kept my promise to her for so long. I moved away for college, like so many young kids do, and every night that I was gone, I looked at the sky and thought of Grandma.
Then I moved back, and we looked at the sky together, just like when I was a kid.
Now I’m staring at the most beautiful stars I’ve ever seen, but I’m not looking at them with my Grandmother because she died and left me alone.
And that’s the real problem, isn’t it?
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to let her go. She was my best friend in the entire world, and then she disappeared. Now I have so many questions I want to ask her about my life, about Ryder, about everything, and I can’t because one month ago, I buried Grandma.
Now my tears are streaming down my cheeks faster, and I sloppily wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. It’s then that I peer down at the parking lot and realize Ryder is heading back to the club. He’s coming back to me, and I’ve been so busy feeling sorry for myself that I stopped following his directions.
Fuck.
What were his directions?
I know he wanted me to kneel, but how? I scurry to the center of my bedroom and look around wildly, trying to remember if he wanted my arms in front of me or behind me. Was I supposed to kneel up? Kneel down? Bra and panties? Nothing?
Fuck.
Me.
Stupid.
Time is wasting away and Ryder will be back any moment. I need to hurry up and figure something out because if I don’t, he’s going to be back and when he sees that I didn’t follow his very first directions, I’m going to be in trouble.
Not that getting in trouble is always a bad thing.
Maybe it won’t be with Ryder.
Maybe when he pulls me over his lap and pushes my panties down, I won’t mind the fact that it means I disobeyed.
Maybe I won’t mind being exposed to him.
Maybe I won’t mind showing off.
I reach for the first hook on my corset and I wonder what he’s going to think when he sees me naked for the first time, when he touches me for the first time.
“Fuuuck,” I groan as I finish taking off my corset and reach for the top button of my jeans. I jump up and down as I wiggle out of the jeans. I knew they were too tight, but I just had to wear them. Well, now they’re not coming down over my hips.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I try pushing harder, but the denim just won’t budge. This cannot be happening. Ryder is going to be back any second. I can hear his heavy footsteps in the hallway. If I don’t hurry it up, I’m going to be half-dressed when he comes in, and then I’ll look like a silly, silly submissive.
I won’t look like the owner of a private sex dungeon.
I won’t look like the badass queen of the ship.
I’ll just look ridiculous.
In a fit of desperation, I finally drop to the floor and roll onto my back. Then I thrust my pelvis up into the air and begin to wiggle out of my pants. My jeans are almost over my butt when two feet appear next to my head.
“I have to admit, Miss Gables: this isn’t what I had in mind when I told you to wait for me.”