“So, your leaving, huh?”
“What are you talking about?” Although, I already know exactly what Eddie is talking about. Word travels fast around here, and while I haven’t said anything to anyone, I also haven’t resigned my current contract.
“Don’t play dumb with me. That might work with everyone else, but you forget, Matthews. I know you. And I can tell when you’re lying.”
I blow out my breath, before scanning the locker room, making sure that no one else is within earshot.
“I haven’t made any decisions yet.” And I’m leaving it at that. It is the truth after all. I haven’t made my final decision. Georgia hasn’t even come at me with an offer, although I know that my agent has been trying to get something in the works.
The Rays however, want to keep me, and I have been informed that my pay will only increase, as long as my game stays on point.
Which to be honest, lately? Has been a struggle.
My head isn’t in it, and my heart definitely isn’t. It’s damn hard to try to put my heart into anything, when I feel like there is a giant gaping hole in the center of my chest.
The fact of the matter is, I miss Laci. I miss her something fierce.
I know for certain that I fucked things up, majorly, and I’m even more certain that she doesn’t ever want to hear from me again.
She told me that, exactly. That’s a direct quote.
But as much as I’ve tried, I can’t stop thinking about her, and I can’t do anything to ease the ache in my chest every time I think about her.
I want to say that I’m sorry that I took that stupid bet. But in a way, I’m not sorry at all. If I wouldn’t have, then I would have never tried to get to know her, and I would have never figured out what a fucking amazing woman she is.
I am only sorry that I didn’t tell her sooner, and that I didn’t tell her before I made love to her, before I professed my undying love for her.
Because to her, I’m sure that it seems as though I did all those things just to win the damn bet, when in reality, I did all those things because I fell in love with her.
And I have no idea how to fix it.
“But your leaning more towards leaving.”
I’m silent for a second, weighing his words, before nodding.
“Yeah.” No reason to lie about it.
“Fuck man. Why would you want to go back to Georgia? After the way they have treated you? I would never go back. Fuck those fans.”
He grabs his stuff out of his locker before slamming it shut, giving me a pointed look before turning on one heel and heading towards the door.
“Its home. That’s where I want to be in the end, man. That’s where I want to have a family, raise some kids. I know that the fans have been shitty, but eventually, they will welcome me back.”
He pauses at the door, his hand resting on the knob, before removing his hand and hitting it against the door.
“Fuck, Matthews.” He spins around at me, before crossing his arms across his chest, and leveling his eyes with mine.
“You talk a big talk about wanting a family and raising some kids. But that’s all this shit is, just fucking talk.”
“No, that’s…”
“I’m not done. Just shut the fuck up and listen to me.”
My mouth snaps shut. Eddie has never talked to me like this, so it’s taking me by surprise. But, he has my full attention.
“You fucked around with that girl’s heart. And I know you, man. While some of the guys think you’re the shit for having dropped the L word to seal the deal, I know that isn’t why you said it. You love her, and you’re not doing a damn thing about it.”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do? She hates me!”
“With damn good reason. Tell me. This family,” he makes quotation marks in the air before glaring at me harder. “This family that you speak of…who is a part of that family, Jake? Who do you see in your future? Who do you want to wake up to in five years. Ten years. Fifty. Who do you want to be pregnant and barefoot with your child? Who do you want to share those moments with? I don’t need you to tell me. Fuck man, I just need you to picture it for yourself. Because if you are leaving us high and dry to go home…” he makes those damn quotation marks again. “Then you damn well better be sure that you are making a home with someone that you love. Because otherwise? It’s all just bullshit.”
“Fuck you, man.”
“Fuck you, Jake. I’ve watched you for the past month. I’ve kept my eye on you around her, and I have seen it, ok? I see the fucking way you look at her. The way you defend her, hang on her every mother fucking word. I’ve seen it, bro. Yet your so damn blind and stubborn, that you can’t see it.”
“I don’t need to hear this from you. I know that I love her, I don’t need you to spell it out for me, ok? I know that she’s the one. And I know that I fucked up. You’re right, ok? She’s the one that I want in the end. She’s the one that I want to hold every fucking night. She’s the one that I want a family with. I want it all with her. But don’t you get it? She fucking hates me. She doesn’t ever want to see me again. I hurt her too badly. So, I don’t need you to tell me, ok? I’m hurting over it too.”
His eyes lock on mine, but he doesn’t say a single word. He glances over my shoulder, making me spin around, finding almost the whole damn team standing behind me.
“Fuck.” I groan, closing my eyes before stomping to the bench, hanging my head in my hands.
No one says a word, and honestly? I just wish that they would. Because the silence is too damn thick.
Finally, Eddie speaks, making me look up, still catching about twenty shocked faces.
“So, you gotta make things right.”
“How in the fuck can I make this right?”
He just shrugs, before turning around, leaving me standing with the rest of the guys who still can’t pick their jaws up off the floor.
“Figure it out.”
I played the worst game of my life, which seems to be my new trend. Every game, I just get worse and worse. I went through the motions like I have been for the last few weeks, but today, there was so much on my mind that I was barely even able to do that.
My hitting was off, my base running was a joke, and my plays on the field? Those were barely adequate. While we still managed to come away with the win, it had absolutely nothing to do with my performance out there.
Not a single damn thing.
My mind is a twisted mess. Eddie’s words keep circling in my head, making it impossible for me to even try to think straight.
All I can hear is his voice, over and over, telling me to fix it.
Except I don’t know how. I hurt Laci. Hell, I shattered her heart, and I don’t even need her to tell me that. I clearly saw it in her eyes, and no words could have ever caused me more pain.
She trusted me, gave herself to me, and like a fool, I didn’t make things right with her before it got to the point that it did.
I should have told her from the start. Should have told her everything, which, could have stopped all this shit from happening.
Or, it could have stopped what could have been between us from ever happening.
So, I have a decision to make.
Either I man up and face her, and beg for her to come back to me, to give me another chance, or, I walk away, never knowing what could have been.
There isn’t even anything to think about, here. Obviously, I’m going with option number 1.
I don’t even head to the dugout after the game. I just walk off the field, totally ignoring the fact that there are still a ton of fans in the stands, who are all going to want a piece of me.
I love my fans, don’t get me wrong. They are the reason that I am what I am today. But right now, I’m on a mission, and there is only one person that I care to even talk to.
“Excuse me.” I try to slide through the gate, and squeeze through a group of people, who squeal when they see me.
“Oh my god! Its Jake Matthews!” An older women screams, before throwing her arms around my neck.
“Oh Jake, you are my favorite! Can you just please sign this for me?” she pulls her Rays cap off of her head before handing it to me. “It’s for my grandson. His name is Isaac and he is your biggest fan!”
I sigh, before forcing a smile. “Sure. Do you have something to sign it with? I don’t have a pen on me.”
I try not to get irritated as she rifles through her purse, but I can’t help but to glance up the steps, towards the retail booth where I know that Laci will be, only, not for long.
Finally, she grabs a pen and thrusts it my way. I scribble a quick message before handing them both back to her, flashing her a smile before turning to head up the stairs.
But there is absolutely no getting through.
An entire crowd stands there, all gaping and jumping up and down, trying to get my attention.
I grimace, trying to find an exit strategy, but there isn’t one. I am literally surrounded.
Finally, I throw up my hands.
“Listen, guys. I totally appreciate the love here, ok? Thank you all for wanting my autograph, honestly it means so much. I couldn’t be who I am without you guys.”
A few awe’s ring out, but I’m not done.
“See, the problem here is that I’m trying to get through the aisle, trying to get up there to see my girl, who, I haven’t been able to speak to in a long time. You see, I kind of acted like an asshole, and now, she’s mad at me. So, if you could all just step aside and let me through, I really need to find her. I need to tell her how sorry I am, and basically,” I grin, as I see a few women with their hands over their hearts. “I need to beg for her to give me another chance. If you all want to wait, I will sign every damn thing that you give me, but right now, I have got to go and find my girl.”
“Oh lord.” I hear, before a hand grips my arm. “Honey, if she says no, I promise you, I’ll be yours. I will be whatever you need there, sweet thing.”
The older woman squeezes my arm one more time, causing a few others to laugh, before shouting out their own offers.
“Well, thank you ladies. I feel the love.” I wink at them all, before flashing a grin.
“Oh my god!” Someone shouts. “Jake Matthews is going to propose!”
“What? No.” I wave my hands, but it’s too late. I’ve already been spotted by the camera’s, and I have no idea how long they have been following me for, but suddenly, my face is flashed across every available screen.
“Fuck.” I mutter under my breath, before taking my chance and dodging through the small opening created by some of the fans.
I take the steps two at a time, making a beeline for the retail booth. I see her, standing with her back to me, watching the screen with her mouth open wide.
I take a few steps towards her, trying to ignore the fact that a camera man follows right on my heels. I really don’t want any of this made public, but at this point, fuck it. Maybe it will help her to hear me out.
My heart swells as I watch her, pausing for just a moment, letting my eyes take her in.
She looks so beautiful, so damn perfect that my breath catches in my throat. It’s only been a few weeks since I’ve stared at her, really, just stood and stared at her.
But I have no doubt that she is the only woman that I want to stare at for the rest of my life.
She may tell me that she never wants to speak to me again. She might tell me that she hates me, and that I’ve ruined all my chances.
But it’s a risk that I have to take. Because if I don’t?
I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I take another step towards her, inhaling sharply, trying to get a grip on my thoughts. How should I start this? Immediately start begging? Or try to ease into it, maybe start with a compliment?
Just as I work up the nerve to open my mouth, she turns suddenly, as my name is screeched and then, my arms are full.
I’m almost knocked over by the force of the woman that just jumped into my arms. I didn’t even see her coming, but the second her smell invades my senses?
My heart drops to my feet.
“Oh Jake!” Her arms wrap around my neck, before she pulls back, dropping her arms from my neck and cupping my face.
“Baby, I’ve missed you so much too. And I’m so sorry that everything fell apart between us. But I’m here, and I’m always going to be here. I love you too, Jake Matthews. And nothing would make me happier than being yours forever.”
The camera man is literally right in my face, zoomed in on this moment straight out of hell. My eyes try to focus on Alexa, as my brain tries in vain to find a solution, a way to fix this mess, although I am at a total loss. Over her head, I see Laci, who stands as still as a statue, with a front row seat to what looks like my proposal to another woman.
Except this wasn’t it at all. It wasn’t even supposed to be a proposal, although I have every intention of making Laci mine forever. But I was coming here to beg for her back. Now suddenly, I am engaged to another woman?
What. The. Fuck.
I try to peel myself away from Alexa, but she is clinging with all her might onto my arm. She turns and waves to the crowd, before planting a big kiss on my cheek, and everyone around us?
They go nuts.
They’re all clapping, and hooting, a few women boo halfheartedly, thinking that I am suddenly taken. Which is so not the case.
At least, not by Alexa. Never by Alexa. And furthermore, what in the bloody fuck is she even doing here, grinning like a fool and wearing my jersey with my number?
It’s all too much.
My eyes lock with Laci’s, but only for a second. Her eyes are huge and filled with tears, as she turns on one heel and takes off, pushing her way through the crowd.
“I can’t do this right now. I’ve got to go.” I try to pull away from her, but she has a death grip on my arm. The camera man again shoves his stupid camera in my face, and announces to the world, the end of an era.
“Sorry ladies. Looks like Jake Matthews is off the market. Congratulations to our star player Jake and his fiancé, whose name will surely be just as famous as her mans is within a few hours.”