TWELVE 

MAGGIE

The paper in my hands began to rip with how much I'd been folding and unfolding it. 

It was a pamphlet from the church with a schedule on the inside, printed on cheerful golden yellow cardstock.

I laid on my bed, opening and closing the paper like I was carefully weighing a life or death decision in my hands. My eyes fell on the square that corresponded with today's date, Wednesday. 

Kaine was hosting a meeting at the church tonight about organizing a food drive for the homeless. I glanced at my clock. The meeting would start in one hour and I wanted to go. I wanted to see him. 

I knew he wanted to see me too, but how would he react? He'd rejected me, albeit gently, twice already. He didn't really want to pretend we never met but that would be the easiest path for him. According to his own sermon, that was the wrong decision. 

An intelligent man like him had to realize that the right decision wasn't always the one that the community agreed with. So what if people found out I'd spent the night at his house and he gave me alcohol? Who cared how they interpreted that? If he hadn't been there, Angie and I would have been much worse off. 

He wanted to know me, in the biblical and the modern sense. I saw how he looked at me and how he recoiled at my mother's desperation. She would be the easy choice. 

The mere thought of that made me shudder. Behaving like a boy-crazy teenager was exactly why we were asked not to come back to the last few churches. I thought it was some kind of mid-life crisis but she never got over it. 

And with a role model like that, no wonder her other daughter got pregnant as a teenager. 

I rose from my bed and slipped my feet into my shoes, the decision finalized in my mind. 

Seeing Kaine again scared me just as much as it excited me. The thought of him rejecting me again, maybe this time without being so nice, sent my heart racing. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it. But that fear meant I was making the correct decision, right?

After a moment's hesitation, I grabbed a sewing pattern from my nightstand. 

I came down the stairs to find my dad watching the football game with a beer, and mom washing the dishes in her frilly pink apron. What a perfect nuclear family image we made. 

"Hey Mom, is it alright if I borrow the car for a little bit?" I asked, knowing better than to approach my dad while the game was on. "There's a meeting at the church I'd like to check out." 

She turned and beamed the fakest, high-wattage smile at me. 

"Certainly, dear! I'm so happy to hear that the Lord's work is finally calling to you." Her eyes raked over me, trying to find any over-exposed skin or something else she could put me down for but found nothing this time. I was as modest as could be in jeans, sneakers, and a long-sleeved T-shirt. 

"That Pastor Cross is really something else, isn't he?" she practically moaned. 

"He's alright, I guess," I remarked, swiping the keys from the kitchen counter. 

"Will he be there tonight?" she asked hopefully. 

"No idea," I lied. "Should I give him your number?" I couldn't help but ask. 

Mom laughed but darted her eyes nervously toward Dad, who didn't look away from the game once. 

"Don't be silly, sweetheart. I'm happily married and he's much too young for me." 

"Right, I forgot." 

***

I pulled up to the church a half hour later. The sky began turning dark with dusk settling into the night sky. Warm, welcoming light glowed from within the tall, stained-glass windows of the west wing of the church. 

My heart crashed against my ribs and my palms felt slick with sweat as I pulled the keys from the ignition. 

What was I doing here? I'd never voluntarily been to church in my entire life. Mom and Dad always dragged me kicking, screaming, and clawing at the ridiculous, itchy wool dresses they made me wear as a child. 

Every instinct in my body would rather stab the key in the ignition and turn this car right back around.

But something about Kaine drew me here, made me want to come here. Even if it was for all the wrong reasons.

With deep breaths, I put one foot in front of the other up the church steps until I was inside. 

Soft voices floated from down a hallway to my left. Several female voices and one distinct, male voice. The same one that spoke so closely to my lips last weekend that he could have kissed me. 

I followed the voices down the hall to a room that resembled a small classroom. Children's toys and books lined the walls neatly under fluorescent lights, as did colorful, illustrated posters about biblical characters. A group of about ten people sat in folding chairs toward one end of the room. 

"Maggie." 

Kaine was the only one who stood. Tall, masculine and sharp in a white pressed button down and black slacks. His voice registered surprise to see me but if it also carried frustration or annoyance, I didn't hear it.

"Are you here for the meeting?" he asked. 

Ten pairs of eyes lasered in on me and I felt my face growing hot. 

"Um, yeah. If that's okay," I stammered. 

"Of course," he said gently, resting his fingers on my lower back as he led me to a seat. "We didn't expect anyone else to show so we got started a bit early. No worries, though, you didn't miss much."

He returned to the front of the group. "Everyone, this is Maggie Mays. She's a new member as of last Sunday so let's make her feel welcome." 

A murmur of "Hi, Maggie," rose from all around me and I nodded shyly in return. 

Only two men sat in our group, the rest were all women at least ten years older than me. I wondered how many truly cared about the homeless in the community and who just wanted to be near Pastor Kaine. 

Do I get a prize if I'm in both camps?

"We were just brainstorming for ideas on what kind of donations we could ask for, aside from canned food," Kaine said. "The less fortunate will certainly need other supplies as well." 

I raised my hand. 

"Yes, Maggie?"

All eyes lasered in on me again. 

I cleared my throat, the sound of which seemed to echo throughout the room. 

"Well, about twelve percent of homeless people in Kenneson County are children under five years old," I said. "Moms desperately need diapers, baby wipes, and baby powder. Diaper bags too, to carry everything in. Also books, flashcards, and other portable learning materials so their kids aren't at a disadvantage when they start school."

Kaine's eyebrows raised ever so slightly as he listened to me talk and everyone else around me fell silent.

Like breaking from a trance, he suddenly went over to a whiteboard on the wall and started furiously writing down everything I listed.

"Anything else?" he asked, his arm still moving. 

When no one else spoke up, I continued. 

"Razors and shaving cream. Men will want to shave if they're going to job interviews. Also deodorant, shampoo, basic toiletries which I'm sure you've thought of already."

One of the men in the group cleared his throat as Kaine scribbled over the white board.

"Yes, Robert? You have anything to add?"

"Ehm, I'm just wondering something, pastor. Would it be safe to give these people razors? I mean, lots of them are mentally ill and the blades can be used as weapons."

I whipped around to glare at the man who spoke and he looked exactly as I had imagined: fat, privileged, and probably never set foot in a homeless camp in his life. A woman clung to his arm, who I could only assume was his wife. She said nothing but dreamily checked out Kaine's ass every time he turned around. 

I opened my mouth to say something to these ignorant snobs but Kaine cut me off. 

"That's a little presumptuous, isn't it Robert?" he said with a sweet smile. "I understand being cautious but let us not cast judgments before we even meet the unfortunate citizens of this county. And let's definitely not assume the worst. These people have already been dealt an extremely rough hand in life and probably feel forsaken by our Lord."

Kaine's eyes fell to me and I felt the space between my legs ignite like an inferno. 

"We should follow the example of Christ and treat them like members of our families, not as second-class citizens."

My heart dropped to my stomach as my eyes widened. Why did it feel like he could read me like an open book?

I bit my tongue at Robert's ignorance and squeezed my legs shut to ease the building pressure in my core. Did Kaine have any idea of his effect on women?

The meeting carried on with minimal tension while I thumbed at the folded up sewing pattern in my pocket. Part of me wanted to share it, to spread the knowledge so that others like my sister and nephew could stay warm. But I hesitated and remained silent for the rest of the meeting. I never shared it with anyone before.  

After Kaine called it to an end, he asked me to stay back while the other women shot me death glares and reluctantly filed out of the classroom. 

I leaned against one of the desks, my hands in my pockets and regarded him coolly, not wanting to give away that I was a roiling furnace for him on the inside. 

"I'm glad you came to this," he said softly, standing tall before me. 

I allowed a smirk to play on my lips. 

"Are you, really?" 

"Yes," he said earnestly. "You contributed a lot to this meeting. It's nice to see someone so young who cares." He gave a dry chuckle. "I don't know why some people come if they're just going to sit and not participate." 

I bit the inside of my cheek, fingering the pattern in my pocket before finally taking the leap.

"I brought something else but didn't have a chance to show it." I withdrew the piece of paper from my pocket and handed it to him. "It's kind of a bigger project. For another meeting, maybe." 

Kaine accepted the pattern from me and unfolded it, inspecting it over for a few long, silent seconds before glancing back at me. 

"You made this?" 

The awe in his voice made me swell with pride. 

"Yes," I replied, my mouth dry. "It's a sleeping bag that can also be worn as a jacket. With the way it's sewn, it can be folded up into a small bundle. I also sewed a pocket in the middle where I put food, toiletries, phone numbers to free counseling and health clinics, that sort of thing." 

"This is incredible, Maggie," he breathed. "How many have you made?"

"Probably about fifty at this point." I licked my lips nervously. "It takes a while because I have to sew the insulation between the layers of fabric. But I figured I shouldn't keep this to myself."

"Absolutely not. Your poor fingers should share the burden." 

He gave a lopsided grin and reached out and caught one of my hands, making my breath catch in my throat. His hand enveloped mine like a strong, powerful paw, his touch just as electric as when we first met. 

"Your parents must be incredibly proud of you," he said cautiously. 

Oh shit. 

I should have known this was coming. 

I shook my head and dropped my eyes to our hands, watching as his thumb massaged sensually across my palm. It might as well have been my clit with how his touch radiated throughout my body, hitting every sensitive nerve.

"They don't know."

He drew in closer to me, his presence strong and powerful like an oncoming storm. I felt his breath tickle my hair and his masculine scent intoxicated my brain.

"Why not, Maggie?"

His broad chest and shoulders were right there. I wanted to lean on him, to rest. To unload the knowledge that only Angie and I knew. 

"Because my sister and her son--," I choked.

That was all I needed to get out. 

He pulled me into an embrace that I felt deep in my bones. My body flush with his, I wrapped my arms around his back as he caressed my hair, holding me against him. 

I felt so light, like floating on clouds, and yet so supported against the strong wall of his body. Nothing could touch me here. 

My skin shivered as Kaine peppered light kisses over the top of my head. I slowly lifted my gaze to him, and his lips traveled lower. Onto my forehead and then the bridge of my nose. 

When his mouth captured mine, the rest of the world melted away as I clung to him-- my only solid ground.