I thought I was out of tears, but I wasn’t. After having Milan and Mallory scream at me for two hours straight, I discovered right after getting out of there that I still had plenty of tears to cry. Not only did I get fired, but everything that I was afraid of actually came fucking true.

I stumble out of Milan’s and Mallory’s house, practically dry heaving, stumbling to the closest bench that I can find that faces the ocean. I curl up on it, pulling my knees against my chest, and just stare out at the ocean as tears fall down my cheeks.

I’m humiliated and destroyed.

“I’ll let every fucking tabloid in the whole fucking world know about what you’ve been doing with those three. I’m going to have you destroyed. I’m going to make you into the tiniest little speck of a human that I can and I will make sure that everyone knows what a fucking whore you are.”

Milan’s words echo in my ears. The worst of it is the fact that they’re just enforcing all the things I thought would happen if anyone ever found out about me, Austin, Callum and Troy.

That I’d be ruined. That I’d lose my job. That everything I thought I had control over in my life would be torn out of my hands and I’d be left with nothing.

And that’s exactly what’s happened.

Mallory argued with Milan over whether it would be worth it to actually go through with any of what she was threatening to do, but it doesn’t even matter to me. Whether or not Milan goes public, it shows me exactly what the world and my own community would think if it suddenly came out that I was having a relationship with not one, but three men.

Three brothers.

I try to take a few calming breaths and it mostly works. I don’t want to go back to my bungalow out of fear of finding Austin, Callum and Troy still there. I can’t face them. Not after what I’ve done to them.

I should have never entertained this thought at all, that there was any sort of a chance for us. I should have stuck to my guns. I should have never kissed them.

And yet I did, and now we’re all in a fucking mess that I can’t even being to start untangling.

I just need to let go.

But how do you let go of someone you love?

I clap my hand over my mouth as that thought crosses my mind, though I didn’t say it out loud. My eyes widen and I forget to breathe for a second.

Is that what I feel? Love?

I close my eyes and shake my head. I’m in so much fucking trouble.

I fish my phone out of my purse, which I managed to grab on my way out of the bungalow with Milan, and look up Christine. I call her over FaceTime and only when it starts ringing do I realize that it’s the middle of the fucking night for her. It’s too late to hang up because she accepts the call.

“Hey! What’s up?” she asks groggily, putting the light on in her bedroom.

It’s almost time for her to wake up, I think, now that I do the math. Still, it doesn’t make me feel any better for waking her up just to deal with my fucked up life right now.

“I need to talk to someone,” I say, forcing my voice calm.

I’m in pitch darkness so she can barely see the outline of my face. I can see her sitting up straighter immediately though, sensing that something’s off. If the time of day wasn’t a warning, the tone of my shaky voice definitely is.

“Spill it,” she says, launching straight into damage control mode.

“I fucked up,” I tell her, and it’s the closest to the truth I can probably get at this point.

“And?” she asks, cocking a brow at me. “We fuck up. It’s called the human condition. Details, give me details.”

“Milan Stephenson caught me with her stepsons,” I say, propping my chin on my knees.

Oh my god, how much more ridiculous could something sound?

“Oh my god!” Christine gasps, echoing my exact thoughts. “The twins!?”

I shake my head, but she can’t see it. I clear my voice.

“No, all of them.”

“All of them… as in, the twins and Austin?”

Her eyes grow wide and she puts her hand to her mouth. I’m half-expecting a repeat of the disgusted look on Milan’s face, but I should have known Christine’s better than that. She’s shocked, sure, but in that giddy, oh-my-god-you’re-so-lucky kind of way.

“Tell me everything!” she demands, looking like she’s not entirely certain whether she should be appalled for me or overjoyed.

Considering I’m a bit of both, but mostly the former, it’s sort of fitting that she leans towards the latter. I can see her devious mind imagining all the ways in which she could have had fun if she were in my place, and it makes me smile slightly.

I needed that.

“It wasn’t anything super bad. We were kissing… making out. Fully clothed,” I rush to add. “Milan walked in on us in my bungalow and… well, I’m fired now.”

The resignation that hits my voice now is unmistakable and Christine’s glee turns to dread.

“Oh no… Lily…”

“Yeah, I know,” I say, hanging my head.

The wind has picked up a little and I bundle myself tighter together on the bench. It might be Hawaii but in the middle of the night, it gets way too cold to be out just in a sundress for a prolonged period of time.

I didn’t exactly plan on this night playing out the way it did, though, I remind myself.

Not that it changes anything.

“It’s okay,” I lie.

“It isn’t okay.”

I smile. I can count on Christine to be my conscience at times like these. She’s right. It’s not fucking okay.

“It isn’t okay at all. Why did you get fired?”

“Milan took me straight over to Mallory and demanded that I get dropped from her case and the firm. That she’d never forgive Mallory if she didn’t fire me and that the firm would lose Milan’s business for life if a ‘whore’ like me was allowed to stay on the payroll.”

My tongue barely twists to give that recap of what Milan said about me. It feels like she singlehandedly painted a scarlet letter on my forehead and now everyone can see it if they look at me. Even though I don’t feel like I did anything wrong.

“She has no right to say that,” Christine huffs, obviously outraged on my behalf. “You didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Didn’t I?” I ask wryly. “I was sleeping with my clients’ stepsons. The same stepsons of the man who I’m arguing against at the moment. I did plenty wrong here from an ethics perspective. Mallory had every right to fire me.”

Christine quiets at that. I can tell that she’s trying to study my expression, or what little of it that she can see from the glow of the phone.

“You’re not telling me everything,” she says matter-of-factly.

I don’t say a word to that for a moment. It takes me a bit to gather myself.

“What?” Christine asks, urging me on. “What else could you not be telling me? So you had fun with three men who wanted you as much as you wanted them. That’s okay. You were long overdue to have some fun, you know that! Okay, the situation isn’t ideal, it sucks that you got fired… but you’re a great lawyer and you’ll get another job. There’s nothing to worry about.”

I worry my bottom lip and Christine narrows her eyes. She can read me like a book, sort of like the brothers can. It’s sort of uncanny, because I’ve never had people like that in my life before.

“Don’t tell me you weren’t just having fun.”

That breaks the wall that I’ve been hiding behind.

“I think I love them,” I admit, the words spilling over my lips. “Christine, you wouldn’t believe these guys… They’re so loving and kind and at the same time, they make me feel like they’d go to war for me. But I know it’s absolutely fucking insane and I can’t be with them.”

“Why not?” she asks defiantly, cocking a brow.

“Why not?” I echo. “Because there’s one of me and three of them. Don’t you get it? I want all of them.”

I don’t add in the fear that I still think that they might turn against me. Especially now… hell, I think after witnessing the reaction of their stepmother, they’ve definitely lost their appetite for what we were discussing. A future together. The four of us living and being together.

It just can’t happen.

“Do they want the same thing?”

“I don’t know… Not anymore, I think.”

“Where are they now?”

“I left them at my bungalow when Milan took me to talk to Mallory. I don’t know where they are now.”

“Don’t you think you should be talking to them about this?”

Christine’s voice is stern. I know she’s not being callous, she’s just pushing me to do what she knows I should do. Grab the bull by the horns. Go to the source. All of that.

But can I?

“Maybe,” I say.

I’m not sure if I could get off this bench at this point though. It’s not the cold, though, that’s making me immobile. It’s the fear of rejection.

“Lily, listen to me. If you don’t talk to them, you’ll never know. If they’re at your bungalow, you can face them and talk it through. Whatever happens, happens.”

“Mallory told me to take the first boat off the island so I wouldn’t jeopardize the talks… I’m catching a plane tomorrow morning.”

Christine glances at something on her screen and nods grimly.

“I just got a note from Mallory to book you the first flight. That just means you don’t have any time to waste, honey.”

I frown slightly. Could I actually do that? Open myself up again even if there’s a very big chance that I could get rejected?

“No what-ifs,” Christine says, catching me mid-thought. “Get your butt up, pack your bags, talk to your guys. This isn’t the end of the world. You just need to figure out what happens now. And you need to do it together, okay?”

“Okay,” I say after a moment of hesitation.

“Good. Now go, and report back with the good news.”

Christine smiles wide and I have to mirror her infectious hopefulness. Maybe what she’s saying could actually happen… maybe this is only a bump in the road?

“Thank you,” I say softly, and Christine scoffs.

“Please, you’ll be doing plenty of making up for it with all the smutty stories you’re going to tell me about all the things your stepbrotha-lovahs are doing to you!” she quips, winking and ending the call before I can be properly outraged by what she’s suggesting.

When I get back to my bungalow though, the rose petals are still there, but that’s practically the only thing. Not a single Stephenson brother… No note. No nothing.

Austin’s lights are out and when I go to knock on his door, I get no answer. And when I go to the twins’ house, no one’s there either.

So I guess I don’t get my happily ever after.