Rex’s gravelly voice tells me how affected he is by my story. Never in a million years did I think I would open up like this to someone. But now that It’s happening, I sort of wish it would’ve happened sooner because with each word I speak, with each part of the story I reveal to him, a little piece of the girl I once was returns.
It’s strange to have some memories so easily accessible and others I’m trying desperately to recover. Reliving my childhood isn’t easy. I don’t like stirring up these memories, but I’d do it a million times over to feel this relief. As odd as it probably sounds, I feel like I’m letting the Blacks go, like I’m letting Shae go, and reaching for Bianca.
I didn’t lie to Rex about being placed with the Blacks. I just left out the part about it being through the Witness Protection Program. That little piece of information I need to keep to myself, but the rest of it I’m going to tell him.
The Blacks have held on to a piece of me for so long, and day by day, year by year, the memories of growing up in their house have made me bitter and angry. But not anymore. They don’t deserve my pain, and they sure as hell don’t deserve my tears.
“Please keep going,” Rex urges.
I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Mike slapped me around a few times, but lucky for me, it didn’t escalate to more than a few bruises here and there.”
“Lucky for you?” he sputters. Rage blazes in his eyes. “Are you kidding? He should’ve never laid a finger on you. You were a kid, Shae.”
“I was a bratty shithead, and I knew how to push all of his buttons.”
Rex shakes his head. “I don’t give a damn what button you pushed or how often you pushed it, you didn’t deserve to be hit. No kid deserves to be hit. There are other forms of punishment.”
“Trust me, I know.”
Rex’s brows dip low, and he gives me a look that clearly says explain. So I do.
“By the time I was eleven, the Blacks had pulled me from school, and Janet began homeschooling me. I wasn’t allowed to play with their daughter or any of the kids from the neighborhood because I was a bad influence. You can only imagine how I handled that.” I grin at Rex trying to lighten the mood, but he’s having none of it.
“Finish the story,” he says dryly. I lift a brow, and he sighs. “Please. Please finish the damn story so I can order a hit on someone.”
As soon as the words pass from his lips, his eyes widen, but he quickly schools his features.
“Order a hit?” Talk about being thrust back in time fourteen years. That sounds like something I would’ve heard my dad say while I was eavesdropping on his phone conversations.
Rex rolls his eyes, blowing me off. “It’s a figure of speech. You know what I mean. Continue.”
“Eating dinner with the Blacks at the table was a privilege, one that I lost, and they began bringing my food to me in my room. I ate alone, I played alone… Everything I did, I did alone. The next several years were spent just watching the Blacks. I watched them play with their daughter. They would shower her with gifts on her birthday and Christmas. They taught her how to swim and—” Emotion clogs my throat, but I swallow past it. “—and how to ride a bike, and they took her skating. I never got to do those things.
“My birthday wasn’t celebrated. There was no party, no cake, and there sure as hell weren’t gifts, but they did allow me to spend my birthdays down by the lake. It was about a mile from their house, and I was allowed an entire day there by myself. I think they just liked it because I wasn’t in their hair. I started looking forward to that one day every year.”
Closing my eyes, I release myself to the memory. “For those few hours, I was back in Chicago with my family. I would spend the day talking to my parents about my hopes and dreams, and when the sun would set, I’d stare up at the stars and imagine what my life would’ve been like had I not lost my family.”
I blink my eyes open. They’re filled with unshed tears. “On my eighteenth birthday, I took a walk down by the lake, and when I returned, the few belongings I had were packed in two separate bags, which were sitting on the porch, and the front door was locked.”
I laugh bitterly as I remember how it felt sitting on the front step, waiting for the Blacks to come home. “I waited outside for three hours before taking a rock out of the landscaping and breaking in through one of the windows.”
Rex sits frozen, eyes wide and swimming with a mixture of sorrow, pain, and anger as he waits for me to continue.
“The furniture was there, but that’s it. Everything else was gone. Their clothes, toiletries, shoes, dishes—all of it gone.”
Except for a bank book sitting on my bed. It was the first time I’d seen the little black book, so imagine my surprise when I opened it and saw my name written inside. But I don’t dare tell Rex about that.
“I’d been gone for three hours—three hours—and they packed up and left without a word.” I shrug. “But none of that really matters, because that day my life changed even beyond that.
“With a bag slung over each shoulder and a twenty-dollar bill I’d had stuffed in a shoebox under my bed, I walked two miles to town and found the closest diner.”
A smile touches my lips as I remember a tall, lanky JJ leaning against the counter. “That’s where I met JJ. He saved me that day,” I whisper. “He became my first friend and eventually reminded me what it was like to be loved, and I’ll never be able to repay him for that.”
My voice cracks on the last word, and Rex’s arms wrap around me like a vice.
He holds me tight, my face cradled against his neck, and I press my lips there, grateful that I’m right where I want to be.
“Shae, I’m so sorry.” His words are spoken against the side of my head. The longer I stay silent, the tighter he holds me.
Right here in Rex’s bedroom, with my face in his neck, I cry. I cry for everything I lost and all the things that were taken away from me. But most of all, I cry for the woman I’ve become—a woman who’s been scared to let people in, a woman who was so terrified of losing another person that she refused to allow herself to love and take chances.
No more.
That woman is gone.
Shae Black has disappeared with the weight of my childhood, and it’s high time I find Bianca DiMarco again.
My sobs turn into hiccups, and when my tears are dry, I lift my heavy head and meet Rex’s eyes. Sliding his fingers into my hair, he pulls me close and brushes his lips across mine. The kiss is gentle, sweet, and everything I need after baring myself to him.
Dropping my forehead to his, I give a tremulous smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’ve never told anyone. I’m sorry I told Dante—”
“Shae.” He sighs. “I shouldn’t have—”
I press a finger to his lips. “Yes, you should. I like you, Rex, and you were right, which is why I wanted to give you the truth. I wanted to open myself up to you, and I want you to know that I’m in this. Whatever this is. I want you to know who I am and where I come from the same way I want to learn everything there is to learn about you and where you come from. We all have secrets—Lord knows I have many more than what I’ve told you today—but this was the foundation; this is what molded me into the person I am today.”
“I happen to like the person you are today.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He nods, drawing me in for another kiss. This time his tongue sweeps into my mouth, starting off slow before picking up speed and urgency as his hands travel down my back.
With hungry lips, greedy hands, and soft moans, we make out like teenagers. My stomach growls, and Rex stops, insisting that he feed me. Hungry and emotionally spent, I readily agree. We order take out, and after we eat I try to leave, knowing Rex probably needs to get back to work. But he brushes me off.
“I work all the damn time. Dante can handle things for today.”
We spend the next several hours laughing, talking, and making out as the afternoon fades to night. Somehow we end up lying in bed facing each other, and when we finally pull apart we’re breathing heavily, our lips swollen and wet.
Grinning, I reach for his cock, but he stops me.
I’ll never get enough of this man.
Shaking his head, he says, “Flip over.”
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I turn and push my ass against his erection, waiting for him to guide himself inside of me. Lord knows it’s what I need.
Except that isn’t what he does.
With one arm tucked beneath my head and the other draped across my stomach, Rex holds me close, molding the front of his body to the back of mine.
“We’re not having sex again tonight.”
“We’re not?” I ask.
He chuckles, deep and sexy, and the sound shoots straight through me, and hell yes, we are having sex tonight.
“We’re going to sleep.”
“Sleep? I don’t want to sleep.” Slipping my arm out from under his, I reach back for his cock.
“Shae. Please.”
The desperation in his voice stops me.
“You gave me a piece of yourself this afternoon, and whether I’m ready to admit it, or you’re ready to accept it, I’ve been giving you pieces of myself as well.”
Needing to see his face, I try to roll over in Rex’s arms, but he doesn’t let me.
“I don’t do this, Shae. I’ve never done this.”
I don’t need to ask what this is, because I have pretty good idea… It’s the same thing I’ve never done.
“I don’t get to know women. That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth. I’ve never wanted to, until you. It’s scary, but it’s real—the most real thing I’ve ever experienced. You put yourself on the line today, opened yourself up to me, and right now I just want to hold you, so stop your damn wiggling, shut your mouth, and let’s cuddle.”
I take back what I thought earlier.
This. This is what I need.
Linking my fingers with his, I bring our hands to my mouth, kiss his knuckles, and burrow farther into the soft, thick covers, intent on letting him cuddle the hell out of me.
The chances of me falling asleep are slim to none. I’m wired, high on the adrenaline of telling Rex about the Blacks, but I’ll lay awake here all night if his arms are around me.
“Thank you, Rex.”
He kisses the top of my head. “For what?”
“For being you.”