Chapter 27 (Alyssa)
“You putting money on any of the fighters tonight, little lady?”
I look up at the big man and hand him my wages for the past week. “Five-hundred on Jackson Reid.”
“You mean Jack the Ripper?”
“Yeah.”
“Good pick, he doesn't lose. Go on in.”
I smirk. “I know.”
I gave Jackson a week. A week to come and find me, a week to make it right. A week to talk to me about whatever it is that's going on with him.
His time is up.
I didn't want to go back on my promise to him, but there was no other way I could track him down. He pulled a complete Houdini act, so I'm pulling one of my own. I know he won't be happy when he finds out I came here, but if I have to provoke him just so I can get some type of response from him, well, then so be it.
I'm not giving up on him and I'm not letting him run away from me.
He's seen all my demons...now it's time to see his.
The large room is full and the crowd is already going crazy by the time I make my way in.
I look up at the steel cage and fight back a shiver. It's monstrous, barbaric and to be honest, it intimidates me a little bit. There's something so unsettling about it. I can understand why Momma doesn't like watching the fights.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Tyrone in the crowd. I turn away and flip the hood on my jacket up.
I have every intention of Jackson finding out I'm here, but not until after the fight. I already know that he looks to Tyrone before he starts and he'll spot me right away if I walk up to him.
Besides, there's always the chance that Tyrone would kick me out because Jackson told him to.
I study Tyrone's profile for a bit and I can immediately tell that something is wrong. He looks unsettled and he's biting his fingernails while looking up to the sky.
I'm a little worried myself after seeing that now. I mean, what could be so different about this particular fight than any other fight?
The crowd's cheering picks up and I focus my attention back on the cage. This time, I see Jackson walking out in his green trunks. I take a moment to admire his 8 pack abs, muscular arms, and the rest of his beautifully toned physique.
I also notice his demeanor. He looks completely in the zone. His expression is controlled, his posture resembles that of a brick wall, and well, he looks a little frightening.
Actually, make that a lot frightening. It reminds me of the time he fought Dean in the bathroom.
I can barely even hear the announcer right now because all I hear is the crowd chanting, “Ripper! Ripper!” I'd say the crowd is about 90% male...so the female voices are much easier to pick up on.
I grit my teeth when some woman yells, ”You're so hot. I want to have your babies.” Followed by another woman screaming, “I'll let you do anything you want to me. You can stick it anywhere!”
On second thought, maybe it's best that I take a page out of Jackson's book and tune out the crowd.
They finally announce Jackson's name and I can't help but let out a few cheers of my own. I know he won't be able to hear me over the frantic cheering that's going on right now.
Like the flip of a switch, the general mood around the room shifts just then and I don't know what to make of it.
But then I see someone else walk out on stage.
My jaw drops and my stomach knots up.
There's no way Jackson's about to fight this massive beast.
He looks like some kind of a science experiment gone horrifically wrong. His muscles are way too big to be natural, his veins are bulging and his head looks too small for his massive body. This guy is a tank...he probably eats people my size for freaking breakfast.
They announce his opponents stats and I'm sure I must be hearing things, but when I take another look...I know I'm not.
How the hell is Jackson going to fight and win against a guy who's 6'7 and 388lbs?
Jackson's 6'3 and 235lbs. This is a completely uneven match.
I know this is an underground fight club and all...but this guy could fucking kill him.
No wonder Tyrone looks so nervous.
Ricardo taps Jackson on the shoulder and says something in his ear.
Jackson then looks out to the crowd to find Tyrone. Tyrone doesn't give him his usual happy musings, instead, he taps the spot over his heart.
Jackson's eyes flash as he pats the tattoo over his own heart where Lilly's name resides and I realize that Tyrone's gesture was much more significant than I thought.
I watch as Lou-Lou walks up with her cue cards, wearing the green flashy costume that I myself once wore, and even she looks uncomfortable about what's about to go down.
I don't even have the heart to mentally curse her out when she gives Jackson a small smile and a thumbs up sign before stepping down.
The bell dings and Jackson's off to a good start.
I figured he'd start swinging like a bat out of hell, just like in the bathroom...but he's sidestepping and dodging the beasts punches like a pro.
No wonder he almost never gets hit. Despite his muscular build and the fact that he's in the middle of an underground cage fight, he looks so graceful and poised. He's a natural up there, like his body was made to do this.
He looks so comfortable in his habitat it's amazing to be able to watch him.
Then the big brute he's up against grunts and lunges at Jackson out of nowhere. I'm not sure if Jackson even saw it because it happened so fast.
I hold my breath when the guy punches him straight in the kidney.
The crowd lets out a collective big gasp and even some 'Oh, shit's.'
Jackson stands tall and I feel my entire body relax.
Until the big ogre lunges at him again and his fist connects with Jackson's jaw.
Jackson rebounds, though and gets him with a few quick jabs and a sharp kick. The guy stumbles and teeters, appearing seconds away from keeling over.
I channel my inner Adrian and before I can stop myself, I shout, “That's right, baby. The bigger they are the harder they fall.”
Some guy next to me apparently agrees with my statement and lets out an,“Oh, yeah! Let him have it, Ripper!”
I'm smiling and laughing...until the beast lunges again and takes another swing at him. He connects with Jackson's face again and blood sprays.
Jackson staggers back and the beast uses the opportunity to send a kick to his ribs.
There are murmurings in the crowd then...things like, “He's never been hit more than twice in the cage, this makes four times in a row now.” And, “This is the longest a fight has ever lasted while he's in the cage.”
I can't help but look at Tyrone. His palms are drawn together and he's silently whispering something to himself.
Then I realize what he's doing. He's praying for him.
My eyes become glassy and I issue a silent prayer of my own. I'm so worked up I have to take off my jacket and bounce on the balls of my feet to get rid of some of this anxiety.
The guy's about to strike again...but Jackson dodges it and this time, he gives him a menacing smile.
I start screaming along with the crowd when Jackson loses his damn mind and starts unleashing punches and kicks so quick, that if I blink I'm sure I'll miss a few.
Everything is perfect...until the big beast rears his ugly head and deals a hard karate chop to Jackson's neck and headbutts him at the same time. The move is so savage and so ruthless the crowd becomes angry and starts calling for the match to be paused.
Especially now that Jackson's body has gone limp.
My. Heart. Stops.
I realize two things at that moment. One—I swear, I'll go toe to toe with this beast myself if he ever lays another hand on him. And two—that I'm completely in love with Jackson.
I'm soon pushing people out of the way and running toward the cage screaming Jackson's name so loud I think my vocal cords have ruptured.
Tears and screams are ripping right out of me...it feels so similar to the moment I lost my father that it only causes me to scream even harder. “Please, No!”
I feel a pair of strong arms haul me back at the same time Jackson gets back up.
His eyes connect with mine and I'm so relieved I'm about ready to declare my eternal love for him in some massive poetic moment.
Then his eyes narrow and he gives me a look that's so deadly, I immediately know I've made a huge mistake by coming here.
Jackson's not just ticked off or pissed that I'm here. He looks like he wants to annihilate me and rip me to actual shreds.
I knew he wouldn't like it. I took that gamble...but I never knew he would get this mad about it.
“Jackson's fine, Alyssa. He was just pretending to be down since his opponent was playing dirty,” Tyrone whispers in my ear.
I look up and watch Jackson proceed to pummel the giant beast into a bloody pulp, that same look he gave me, now turned on him.
Jackson wins the fight in no time and is declared the victor.
When he scans back over the crowd, his eyes fall on me and he gives me the same death stare as before. Only this time he mouths a word that literally causes me to shake. “Run.”
Chills creep up my spine and I hightail it the fuck out of there.
***
I run back to the bar and try to calm myself down. I'm almost positive that Jackson wouldn't actually hurt me...or at least, I was before tonight.
Because I need something to distract myself, I offer to close the bar for Shane who happily takes me up on it.
That's when it hits me...I never collected my winnings. Dammit.
I'm just going to have to cut my losses, though because I don't even want to know what Jackson would do to me if I went back there right now...or ever for that matter.
After a few hours, I'm calmer than I was and I proceed to close up the bar.
I'm shutting the door when a large black boot lodges itself in the door frame, preventing me from shutting it all the way.
I look up and stifle a scream when I see a large figure standing before me dressed in a black hoodie and jeans. Their hood is pulled up and since it's dark out, I can't make out their face.
They tilt their face slightly and the light from the streetlight catches illuminating their features.
Jackson's normally gray eyes are the darkest I've ever seen them.
He pushes the door open and I immediately start to back away because I can honestly say, he's scaring the shit out of me.
He doesn't say a word to me, he just slams the door shut behind him and starts dead bolting it. Then he grabs my arm and nudges me toward the alarm.
With shaky fingers, I reach up and set it. I briefly contemplate pressing the panic button and informing the alarm company about a break in because I just don't know what he's playing at or what his deal is right now.
He seems to sense my thoughts because he leans down and whispers,“Go ahead. I dare you,” in my ear.
I take a few steps back wishing that I hadn't already turned all the lights in the bar off.
I steel myself and lift my chin. His little game has gone on long enough as far as I'm concerned. “Why are you here, Jackson?”
He takes a step forward and I take a step back. His large frame is looming over me and I've never felt smaller in my whole entire life.
He gives me a smile that reminds me of a crazed killer, albeit a very hot one. “Why am I here?” he repeats. “Are you saying that I'm not allowed to be here?”
I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. “I..um. Y-yeah.”
Good job Alyssa, your intimidation level is equivalent to that of a puppy.
Jackson rubs his jaw. “Good thing I don't give a fuck then, huh?”
I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts me off by shouting, “Just like you didn't give a fuck when you went down to the fight club tonight, and I specifically told you not to ever go there.”
He takes another step forward. “You promised me that you wouldn't.”
“I'm s-sorry,” I stutter. “Look, you're really starting to scare me, Jackson.”
He smirks, takes another step forward and removes his belt, which both terrifies and excites me. “I thought you liked danger, Alyssa? You sure put yourself in harms way tonight.”
I shake my head. “No one attacked me this time.”
“This time,” he mocks before his expression turns serious. “Do you remember what I told you to do tonight?”
“Well, yeah but you can't actually be serious—” I start to say until the crack of his belt against the wooden table causes me to jump.
“Oh, I'm very serious. As serious as you were when you walked into that club tonight. You have 30 seconds,” he sneers.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this point. Where exactly does he expect me to run to? Especially when he dead bolted the doors?
When I still haven't moved, his eyes narrow. “15 seconds. I suggest you do what I told you to now, Alyssa. You're only making it harder on yourself.”
Since it would take me twice as long to run up the stairs to my apartment, I take off in the direction of the bathrooms.
I fly through the swinging doors and fight to catch my breath. I debate hiding in one of the stalls, but mere seconds later Jackson enters the bathroom.
I shouldn't feel so turned on over this little cat and mouse game he started but I am.
I’m nervous too because he's never acted like this with me before.
He begins walking toward me and I notice that he's stripped off his hoodie. I also see the few bruises on his face from the fight. I instinctively reach up to touch his face, but he bats away my hand and grips my ponytail while backing me into the stall door.
“What are you doing, Jackson?”
He pulls my hair tighter. “Trying to figure out the proper way to punish you so you don't pull this shit again.”
“Look, I'm sorry, okay? I've learned my lesson.”
He presses me against the stall. “Not okay. You make me a promise you fucking keep it, understand me?”
“I won't show up at the club again. I promise,” I say. My vision gets blurry and I want to kick myself for giving into my emotions right now. But I know there's no point in fighting them.
I draw in a shaky breath. “Believe me, there's nothing you could do to me that would ever be worse than thinking you were seriously hurt in that cage. It was the second worst experience of my entire life.” I close my eyes. “So go ahead, Jackson. Do your worst. I can take it.”
His mouth smashes against mine with so much force I'm certain my lips will be bruised, but I don't care. It's the most violent kiss I've ever had and the passion flowing through us both right now is enough to bring me to my knees. I feel myself drop, but one of Jackson's hands latches onto my hip while the other tugs on my ponytail so hard I yelp.
And when I do, he nips my lower lip hard enough that I taste a hint of copper. He groans and sucks my bottom lip into his mouth until I'm lightheaded and fighting for air. Before I know it, he's dragging me until we're stopped in front of the mirrors and he's directly in back of me.
He lifts my shirt up and his fingers trail down my abdomen before he flicks open the button on my jeans.
I'm about to close my eyes, but he shakes his head and whispers, “Watch,” deep and low in my ear. His hand moves inside my jeans, brushing over the damp fabric of my panties.
The sight of his large hand inside my pants as he's stroking me is enough to make me blush. It's such an erotic sight and I'm so wound up I feel like a slingshot that's about to launch into outer space. That feeling only grows when he pushes my jeans down lower, along with my panties, leaving me completely exposed to him.
He positions one of his legs between both of mine until I'm pressed flush against his chest and I can feel the strong effect I'm having on him through his jeans.
Embarrassment courses through me when he slips one of his fingers inside me and we both hear just how wet I am. He curses under his breath as he begins slowly moving deep inside me.
I've never been more turned on in my entire life, but I really need him to know something before we take this any further.
“I didn't sleep with Ford that night. I kicked him out of my life and I haven't seen him since. I only want you.”
The sting from his other hand slapping my ass causes me to jump.
"Don't ever and I mean, ever utter another man’s name while my fingers are inside you."
“I'm sorry,” I say frantically. “I just wanted you to know that Ford—” I'm cut off by another sharp whack across my ass. This time, it sends a jolt of pleasure up my spine.
“What did I say?” Jackson warns, his voice harsh and rough.
He removes his finger before entering me again, this time adding another finger and stroking me even deeper.
“You want me?” he says, his breath tickling my ear. “Well, you fucking have me. But it comes with contingencies, now.”
I open my mouth to find out what he means but he leans down and bites my neck. "I've tried going easy on you. I treated you like you were fragile before. I thought that's what you needed. But not this time, Alyssa. I'm not gonna treat you like you're some sad, broken, and damaged damsel...because you're not, are you?"
“No—” I start to say but it’s cut off by my moan when he flicks my clit. “Glad we reached an understanding. Now start riding my fingers until you come like a good girl.”
His words light me on fire and I reach up and snake my arm around his neck as I begin doing what he told me to.
But then my pleasure crumbles because although I've been working on myself and changing for the better, there's still some things that haven't completely gone away.
That dark and destructive place inside me taunts me and I feel shame wash over me because I know I won't be able to do what Jackson wants. No matter how much I want to, that place inside me associates my own sexual pleasure as something bad.
I stop responding to his touch. “I won't be able to come, Jackson. I'm sorry.” Before he can interrupt me, I continue, “I've never been able to before. It's not a line and I'm not saying it to issue you a challenge. I'm just trying to be honest. So, you can stop and I'll take care of you. I want to take care of you. I like being able to turn you on, it makes me feel good. I just don't want you to be disappointed with me for not being able to come and I don't want to fake it with you.”
To my surprise, Jackson doesn't stop. He continues fingering me, alternating between shallow and deep strokes. He places a gentle kiss on my temple. “You let me worry about your pleasure, Alyssa.”
I'm about to protest, but his thumb swirls around my clit and I swear, I see stars. “Give it to me,” he demands as his finger plunges into my slickness. “Give me every single ounce of pain you have when you go to that place of yours and trust me enough to take it all away and make it better.”
“Okay, I'll try,” I whisper.
“Do you like the way my fingers feel inside you? The way I'm stroking your pretty pussy?” he asks.
I blush and shiver at his dirty words. “I do,” I respond honestly.
He pinches my clit and I moan. “I know you do, baby. You know how I know?” He pushes his erection into my behind. “Because your juices are dripping down my hand, making me harder than a fucking rock right now.”
I mewl and begin moving my hips in time with his touch. He circles my clit again before he submerges his fingers inside me. “Let your pussy grip my fingers, baby. Don't fight it. Just breathe and focus on the way I'm touching you and exploring this tight pussy of yours.”
“Oh god, Jackson. Your mouth. It's so dirty.”
He licks the shell of my ear. “Trust me, you have no idea how dirty my mouth can get. Just you fucking wait. I'll be tasting every part of you.”
I gasp and my hips buck against his erection when the first ripple hits me. I almost want to tell him to stop, because it's too much, but then the second wave happens. It causes such an intense rush of absolute pleasure, I'm screaming my own dirty words and jerking against him.
Jackson holds me while I fall apart in his arms, my movements finally coming to a slow stop as I fall into his chest.
I look up as he brings his fingers to his mouth before sucking on them and closing his eyes.
I'm still catching my breath, trying to gather my bearings when Jackson nudges me forward until I'm bent over the sink. “Spread your legs and hold onto the edges of the sink,” he tells me.
I do as he says without protest. I'm expecting him to start fucking me, but he doesn't. He gets down on his knees instead.
Seeing as I just came not even moments ago, I'm confused. “What are you doing?”
He pulls my jeans down all the way and lifts my leg. “That first orgasm was for you. This one's for me,” he informs me.
Then faster than I can form my next thought, his mouth is covering my pussy. There are no dainty or teasing little licks, he's eating me like I'm a delicacy that he intends to savor every drop of.
“I was wrong,” he rasps while lapping at me. I'm about to ask what he means, but then he says, “You taste even better than you smell.”
White blinding light hits me when he sucks my clit into his mouth and I can't help but scream out his name. That only makes him ravish me more with his skillful tongue until I know I'm about to start convulsing again.
If I thought my first orgasm was intense, it has nothing on this one. I'm in a whole other world, so far off the beaten path that all I feel is Jackson. He's permeating every sense of mine. I twitch so hard Jackson has to hold my hips so I don't fall and I scream his name like it's the last word I'll ever say in this lifetime.
All my feelings for him flood through me at that moment, I think about how I felt just hours ago when I saw him in that cage. When I thought I might lose him forever. I need him to know how I feel, I need him to know how much he means to me. “I love you, Jackson,” I whisper.
He lifts his head, wipes his chin and stands up. The look on his face is like nothing I've ever seen before and I'm not sure what it means.
My heart is beating so hard, I feel like I'm about to faint, but I know I need to do this.
One of the things I will always remember the most about my father was how much he loved me. He gave me the gift of unconditional love for 10 years, and although I lost my way after he died and it got buried with my shame over the sex tape, and my toxic relationship with Ford, I remember now how special it was to know and feel that.
I look him in the eyes this time. “I love you, Jackson,” I repeat.
He just stares at me, not saying a word. I didn't expect him to say it back, but some kind of response would be nice.
I put myself in his place and realize that maybe I've just blindsided him with this weighty statement since it did come out of nowhere. I also probably need to be a little bit more specific with how I feel and what I want.
I move toward him. “I want you, Jackson. I want to try again. I know we've both made some mistakes. I know we crashed and burned right after take off the last time around. But, I also know...there's no one in the world that I want more than you. I honestly don't think there ever will be. No one has made me feel the way you make me feel.”
His closes his eyes and his thumb brushes over my bottom lip. “Alyssa,” he whispers.
I give his thumb a small kiss. “I'll go all in and give you every single part of me. I'll never, ever lie to you again or break a promise...and I swear, I will do my damnedest not to hurt you.” My voice begins cracking, but I continue, “I'll fight for you with every single breath I take, Jackson. And if you're too scared to take the risk and roll the dice with me...don't be...because I'll hold your hand for the rest of my life.”
His face contorts in pain so I reach for his hand, hoping to prove it to him, but he rips it away. “No,” he says, his voice gravelly. “Get over me and find someone else. Someone that's not me. Someone who can give all of that back to you because I can't.”
The impact of his words is like pouring battery acid on a wound. It's tearing me apart, burning me and leaving me scarred. I don't know why he's hurting me like this or saying these things, but my heart pulls when I see the emotion on his face.
He heads for the door and I follow him. “Don't chase me, Alyssa,” he shouts. “Let me leave...because if I don't leave right now—I'll never be able to stop myself from doing the right thing when it comes to you. And I have to do that. Please, just let me give you up.”
I try to open my mouth, but the tears are lodged in my throat, clogging my voice. I don't understand any of this.
He pauses right before he leaves. “I'm not who you think I am. But for the very first time...I wish I was.” His voice cracks with his last statement and he slams the door.