“So what does this mean?”

Ayumi was staring at the ceiling in their shitty motel room. The windows next to the bed had the drapes pulled back, letting moonlight spill into the room. It highlighted how pale she was, contrasting sharply next to his tan skin.

They were on the ground floor, but the room was at the end of the building. Besides, they hadn't even thought about it when they'd gotten back to the room. Liam had kicked the door shut behind them and she had peeled his undershirt back off and being together became much more important than caring about a silly thing like someone looking in and seeing them.

People wish they could witness something this amazing.

She was laying on her back and Liam was on top of her, laying low down with his head against her stomach. He was between her spread legs and she had her knees splayed out to the sides. One of his hands was pressed against her side, high up under arm. The other arm was coiled around her leg, his fingers lightly stroking her scar.

“It means I need at least half an hour before we can go again,” he replied, and she laughed, playfully shoving his head away from her.

“No, you don't.”

“You're confidence in me is inspiring. Fifteen minutes, then.”

“No,” she laughed louder. “I meant ... I guess ... what are we?”

There was a long silence and for a moment, she was nervous. Ayumi had never been so open before, so raw, with a man. She still couldn't believe the things she'd said to him. Things she hadn't even been willing to whisper in her own mind, and she'd yelled them at him. More amazing, though, were the things he'd said back.

Amazing, but scary.

“We're what we were before,” he said in a careful voice.

“What, some deal?”

“I don't think we were ever a deal,” he told her, and she didn't argue. “We were something that we didn't even know was meant to happen.”

“Maybe,” she whispered.

“We've got, what, twelve days left? Let's just be us. Really us, not those people we show to everyone else. Let's go to the beach and go drink wine and fuck and make love and be out of control and have the best time ever,” he suggested. “And when our trip is over ... we'll just see what we are then.”

Ayumi took a deep, shuddering breath. The real her? Did she even know that girl anymore? Who was she without her job title and her routine and her iron clad control over her life?

“I think ...” she started to talk, then had to blink away tears. “I think I'd really like that.”

“Me, too.”

There was another long pause, then she cleared her throat.

“Can I tell you a secret, Liam?” she said softly. He went still for a moment, then squeezed her thigh.

“Always.”

“I don't even like wine.”

“I knew it,” he burst out laughing. She yelped when he bit her right over her hip bone. “I fucking knew it.”

“You always do.”

*

THE SPENT THE NEXT morning in bed. Telling more secrets, memorizing each others bodies. Then they went to the beach and she drooled over him while he surfed some more. Let him pull her into the water so she could get another swimming lesson. Didn't stop him when he pulled her against him, forcing his tongue in her mouth and his hand down her bikini bottoms.

And she didn't even bother to wear her bathing suit cover once.

Dinner was had down by the ocean, laughing about stories from college. Liam had only gone for one semester to U.C. of Santa Cruz – he said living in a coed dorm had been the best part, but even that didn't make going to classes worth it.

Ayumi, however, had gone to Stanford for four years, graduating with some fancy sounding degree in business management. She'd applied to go to Stanford's Graduate School of Business, and had been accepted, but then during a summer internship, she'd met Wulfric. He wasn't really that much older than her, but he was light years ahead of her in the business world. He'd gone to Princeton, and just had a natural knack for real estate. It turned out he also had a knack for working with her. When her internship ended, he'd convinced her to stay on, made her a promise that if she stuck with him for one year and helped him build his empire, then he would pay her better than anything she could get anywhere else, even with a masters from Stanford.

“You guys have an interesting relationship, don't you?” Liam asked, after they'd left the restaurant and started walking along the beach. She shrugged as she pulled off her sandals.

“I don't know. I never thought so, but maybe?” she replied. “We just kind of ... get each other. We both came from kind of screwed up homes, had parents who were kind of shitty. We were both brainiacs, both workaholics. We clicked.”

“Clicked, huh,” Liam grunted. “Don't slap me for my next question.”

“Why?”

“How many times have you guys slept together?”

Ayumi stopped walking and made a face.

“Me and Wulf?” she exclaimed. “Ew, never.”

“You don't have to lie to me, I really don't care,” he assured her, tugging her to a start again. “I mean, he and I fucked the same girl for like a month. Clearly stuff like that doesn't bother me.”

“Um, clearly stuff like that does bother you, or you wouldn't have made an ass out of yourself at the end of that month,” she pointed out. He playfully pulled on a lock of her hair.

“There's that sassiness I love. Now c'mon, tell me how many times you guys have boned.”

“I'm serious, Liam. Wulf and I have never slept together. Would never,” she insisted.

“Really? You've never slept with your attractive boss who was part owner of a sex club? A man who's probably slept with more women than I have? A man you say you 'clicked' with? I don't believe it,” he said.

“I don't care what you believe, I haven't. People can be attractive, doesn't mean I have to screw them,” she pointed out. “Yeah, I know he's good looking, and yeah, I know he's had a lot of casual sex – though seriously, no one has slept with as many people as you  have – but it was just never, ever like that between us. We took care of each other, he's more like a big brother to me.”

“Jesus, then I feel bad for you. I've seen how he treats his sisters.”

“I know,” she sighed. “He always treated me so good, but always pushed his family away. Hmmm, sounds like someone else I might know.”

“Shut up, I don't push my family away. I just don't like being around their shrine to Landon,” he explained.

“I saw the shrine. You know what else I saw?”

“I'm afraid to ask.”

“Twice as many pictures of you in that living room,” she told him. He frowned down at his feet for a moment.

“Not twice as many.”

“Possibly even more than that. Liam, I get that your family maybe is in a little awe of Landon, and that can kind of hurt. But just because they're impressed with his titles and his accomplishments, doesn't mean they love you any less. In fact, based on what I saw, they like you a great deal more than your brother. My mom told me all the time she loved me. She said that's why she had to be hard on me, because she loved me. But I don't think she's ever liked me. Your family adores you, Liam. If not having your own shrine bothers you so much, say something to them,” she insisted. He continued frowning for another minute, not looking at her for a while. Then he took a deep breath and lifted his head.

“I wanna hear about your mom,” he said. Now it was her turn to frown.

“What? Why?”

“Because I want to understand you better.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you, you idiot,” he laughed. “And I want to understand why someone as amazing as you doesn't like herself.”

Despite the insult, his words made her feel warm. She was finally letting them sink in, was actually believing them and trusting him. Scary stuff. She took a deep breath and looked out over the dark ocean.

“My mother ...” her voice trailed off for a moment. “She means well. It's just how she was raised. She was raised to be perfection. Perfect grades, perfect looks, and when she was twenty, she was married to the perfect man. A few years later, though, they got divorced. It was really hard on her because her parents really disapproved. Her husband was awful, he drank a lot and got fired from his job, treated her bad, but her parents acted like it was all her fault. Like she'd done something to deserve all that.

“Then she met and married my dad, which her parents really didn't like. They stopped speaking to her after that – I don't think she's ever gotten over it. Sometimes, I think she almost hold me responsible. I don't know why, they didn't adopt me till like two years later, but somehow it's my fault. I am the ruiner of things, in her mind. Can't do anything right, mess everything up.”

“See,” Liam was shaking his head. “I don't understand how that's even possible. I am an actual fuck up, and even I'll admit that my family still loves me. You went to fucking Stanford, graduated magna cum laude. What isn't there to be impressed with?”

“Because I should've graduated summa cum laude. I should've been valedictorian. I shouldn't have missed those two weeks when I got an pneumonia. I should've married Wulf,” Ayumi prattled off. “Nothing is ever good enough for her, ever. She was never good enough for her parents, so now no one is ever good enough for her, I guess. When I was in sixth grade, I can remember running home because I came in second in the science fair. I was only the girl in the entire district to even make it to the finals. She was having tea with her book group when I came in and I told them all about it. Afterwards, she took me into the kitchen, then slapped me across the face. Said second place was still losing, and that I had embarrassed her in front of her friends.”

“Jesus christ.”

“I know. I learned pretty quickly that if I wasn't number one, if I wasn't the best, then I shouldn't say anything at all. She also signed me up for everything. Tried to make a child model, sent me to movie auditions. Put me in girl scouts, then later in junior achievers. Chess club, math club, band, all of it. And if I didn't like it or wasn't good at it, she just made me try harder. That's one good thing I got out of life with my mother – even if I don't like something, even if I hate it, I will keep at it until I get it right. Until I'm the best at it,” she told him, pounding her fist into her hand while she spoke.

“I'm not so sure that's a good quality to have all the time, Ice Queen,” he said in a soft voice, and she looked up to find him staring down at her. “Sometimes you have to know when to let something go. When to say ... this just isn't me.”

Ayumi stopped moving, and so did he. They just stared at each other for a long moment. They were both barefoot, her wedge sandals were dangling from her wrists, and she knew his Chuck's were shoved into his back pockets. She'd never thought of herself as particularly short, but he was so much taller than her. So much larger than life.

“You're right,” she whispered, then she let out a shaky breath when he stepped closer to her. “I'm just now learning that. Thankfully, I've got a really good teacher.”

“Sweetheart,” he chuckled, reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “You have got the best teacher.”

“Well, let's not get carried away, you could -”

He cut her off with a kiss, and she didn't try to finish what she'd been saying.

He's right, sometimes it feels better to just let go.