Liam sat behind his desk, his hands pressed firmly against his face. He was breathing heavily into them, hoping to pass out. Or maybe asphyxiate himself.

It was Christmas Day. He'd spent Christmas Eve alone in his apartment, staring at his blank tv screen. Days before, Katya had invited him to her place. Of course, his mother wanted him to come home, but he turned her down. He was holding out for a Christmas miracle.

He'd left a present for Ayumi on her and Brie's door step, but he hadn't heard anything. Christmas Eve came and went with no word from her. In fact, whenever he called, her phone didn't even ring. It sent him straight to voicemail.

She's blocking my calls.

He felt like he was going insane. She couldn't do this to him, could she? Not forever. They were falling for each other, he'd been sure of it. Just a couple more steps together, and they would've fallen over the edge. One stupid phone call had ruined it all. Why did he have to be so stupid?

There was a soft knock at his door and he groaned.

“Come in.”

Whoever walked into his office didn't say anything, so Liam finally let his hands drop. He was surprised to see Tori standing across from him.

She'd come to work every day and she'd done her job as always, but things were really different. Strained. She wouldn't speak to him about anything that wasn't business related. He couldn't figure it out. He'd guessed Wulf would be upset with him for sleeping with Brie, but Tori? That had been a shock.

“Hey, what's up? How are you?” he asked, standing up and moving around the desk. He was doubly surprised when she took a step back from him.

“I came to give my notice,” she said abruptly. His jaw dropped.

“What?”

“I'm quitting. This is my notice,” she repeated herself. He shook his head.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, I don't accept your resignation,” he informed her. She glanced around.

“Um, I'm pretty sure you can't do that.”

“Tori,” he groaned. “Please, talk to me! We're friends, right? Fuck this job, I consider you one of my best friends. What is going on? I don't want you to leave, and I don't think you want to leave, so please, let's figure this out.”

“I ...” she stammered for a moment. “I just can't work here anymore. It wouldn't be right.”

“Why wouldn't it be right? What happened?” he demanded. She pulled both her lips between her teeth and bit down for a moment, then she let out a deep breath.

“It's inappropriate,” she murmured.

“Why the fuck would it be inappropriate!?” he asked.

“Because I'm totally in love with you.”

Liam felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He fell back against his desk so hard, his computer monitor shook and fell to the floor. He didn't even look at it, just stared back at Tori.

“You can't be serious,” he breathed. She nodded and wiped at her eyes.

“I know, it's stupid, but whatever, it happened.”

“Jesus, when?”

“God, when I first started here?” she laughed a little. “I always liked you, we flirted, it was whatever. You and Katya had your thing, so I stayed away. And then the thing was over and I thought maybe it would be my turn, but you didn't notice me. You were too busy with the skank from our building. So I waited some more. Then I guess you were too busy with Brie, so I was like okay, I can wait even more. He has to notice me eventually. I mean, you came over all the time, we'd cuddle and watch movies. But then when I saw you with ... with Ayumi, I just ... it's never gonna be my turn.”

Liam didn't know what to say. Tori was crying, and he honestly felt a little like crying, too. His heart was breaking for her, because she was beautiful and amazing and ... it would never be her turn.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered. She nodded her head.

“I know. I mean, you don't have to be, it's not your fault. I'm an idiot,” she said quickly.

“Don't ever say that,” he snapped. “If anyone is, it's me. Lately I've been learning a lot about myself, and someone me showed that maybe sometimes I ... I don't think about others as much as I should.”

“Is that a joke? You're always helping everyone,” Tori pointed out. He nodded.

“I know. I care about people. But that doesn't mean I always think about them, and I definitely don't think enough before I speak or act. I'm just so sorry, Tor. You're the best. The absolute fucking best. You're drop dead gorgeous, you're funny, you're smart. I am, I'm an idiot, because you would be the best catch,” he insisted.

“Just not for you.”

“No. I'm really sorry.”

“I get it,” she said, taking a deep breath. “And I already knew it. But now you see why I can't work here anymore.”

“No, I don't. This doesn't have to change anything.”

“Liam, it changes everything.”

“No,” he stressed, and he finally hurried towards her. “Please. If you quit, you'll get a new job, and you'll convince yourself it's not enough, and then you'll stop being my friend, and Tori, that would kill me.”

“Maybe that's a good idea, though. You have Ayumi, and I just need something,” she started sobbing all over again.

“How can us not being friends ever be a good thing? Don't do this, please,” he begged, grabbing her by the arms when she tried to back away.

“I just can't be here,” she cried. “I'm sorry. It's too awful and embarrassing and ... it hurts so much.”

“Please,” he whispered. “Please, I'll do whatever you want. I'll go away and stay away until you tell me I can come back. I'll double your salary. Triple it. Think about it, at least. Okay? I'm not considering this your notice. Go home and really think about it.”

She was still crying, but she wasn't trying to pull away from him anymore.

“I don't know ...”

“Well, I do. This is a good job and you're great at it. Don't throw that away without at least trying to work through this with me. Think it over, then come back. If you do and you still want to quit, I'll let you. Maybe.”

That actually earned him a watery laugh.

“Okay,” she whispered, and he had to resist pulling her into a hug.

“Yes! Thank you. Look, take as long as you need. I'm gonna be here all night – if you wanna talk, just call me on my office phone, okay?” he asked, gesturing behind him. She sniffled and nodded.

“You'll be here, or at home?”

“Either. Both. No, you know what? Here. I'll be here. I'm going to sit here and wait for you to call or come in. However long it takes. That way you know where to find me,” he told her.

“What if I take two days?” she tested him.

“Then you'd better be prepared to talk to a very smelly boss, because I'm not moving from that seat.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I don't know, Liam. I still think it's a bad idea. But I'll think about it.”

“Please do. And for what it's worth, I really am sorry, Tori. You're a great girl. If I hadn't been so blind, maybe we could've ...” he let his voice trail off, then stopped all together. No. He was done with saying what he thought people wanted to hear. It just made things worse. “No, that's a total lie. We never would've happened, and you know why? Because you were always too special to me to just be a good time.”

“Really?” she whispered.

“Really. You promise you'll come back?”

“I promise.”

“You won't run away and get a new job?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stood in awkward silence for so long, she finally had to wiggle to get him to break his hold. Then they stepped apart from each other.

“I want to hug you,” he finally said. “But I feel like it's a bad idea.”

“It definitely is. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drown my sorrows and embarrassment in a fifth of vodka I'm going to steal from your bar,” she informed him.

“As long as it's not the good stuff.”

“It's gonna be top tier, and you're not going to say shit about it.”

“My lips are sealed.”

Tori's eyes bounced around his office for a second, looking at everything but him, then she gave a tight smile before walking away. He watched her until he couldn't see her anymore, then he slowly shut his door.

What. The ever loving. Fuck.

How could he not have noticed? Liam was usually so good with shit like that, he could sniff out a crush at a mile away. Yet it never even occurred to him with Tori. She was just there, his buddy, his pal. She'd been off limits when he'd been playing around with Katya, and then she'd just always stayed off limits. A coworker, a friend, a friend of a friend, it was too risky. So she'd been permanently put on the friend shelf and that was it.

He was an idiot. A stupid fucking idiot. When he sat down again behind his desk, he put his head back in his hands. He'd slept over at Tori's apartment. Hell, he'd fallen asleep on her. They'd gotten drunk together and danced together and sure, they'd flirted, but he'd honestly always thought it had been harmless. Innocent. If he'd had any idea ...

Liam wasn't sure how much more his soul could handle. He'd just gotten back from vacation, and he already needed another vacation. Or an escape plan. He was weary right down to his bones, and to top it all off, now he would be sleeping in his office. He groaned and let his head fall to this desk with a loud thunk.

How do I always get myself into these situations?

For the next couple hours, he managed to get some work down. Prepped a large liquor order for the upcoming Twin Estates New Year's Eve party. He didn't involve himself in much of anything to do with the buildings, but every year he threw two parties for all the tenants. Sort of like block parties.

The lobby in building two was so small because the back two-thirds of the level was one huge community room. People could rent it out for special occasions or meetings or whatever they wanted, but he always had it booked for Fourth of July, and for New Year's. Almost all the tenants always came, and it was usually a pretty good time. He wasn't feeling particularly festive that year, but he wouldn't let everyone else down. Plus, maybe he could lure Ayumi to the event. She was technically a resident of the Twin Estates, now. It would be un-neighborly if she didn't come.

After faxing the liquor order off to the distributor, he put his monitor to rights and tried to see if it was broken. He was unplugging it and plugging it back in when his cell phone rang.

“Yeah,” he barked into it while he fiddled with cables.

“Liam.” Katya's voice. He sat upright.

“What's up? Are you with Tori?” he asked.

“What? No.”

“Oh. Have you talked to her?”

“Not today, no.”

“You should.”

“I'll make a note of it. Liam, something's happened.”

He held completely still.

“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously. She took a deep breath and he felt his stomach clench in fear.

“Everyone is fine,” she started out with, which of course meant nothing was fine. “No one is seriously injured. But there was an accident, and Ayumi is in the hospital.”

Liam leapt out of his chair so fast, he knocked the monitor over again.

“What? What happened? Was she driving? Is she still in the ER?” he demanded as he grabbed his jacket and ran out of his office.

“ER? No, she's in a private room, and she wasn't driving.”

Liam took the stairs two at a time in his hurry to leave. He barely even glanced at Jan the bouncer when he burst outside, he was so focused on getting to the street.

“Then what the fuck happened? Which hospital are you at?” he asked, hailing a taxi. She gave the name, and Liam repeated it to the driver, then promised an extra hundred bucks if the guy would gun stop signs.

“There was an accident,” she repeated herself.

“Yeah, I got that, Katya. What kind of fucking accident?”

“I need you to calm down, Liam.”

“I am fucking calm!”

“No, you're not, and what I'm going to tell you is going to upset you even more.”

“Fuck,” he breathed, then he forced himself to lean back. “Okay. I'm calm. Calmer. I won't freak out. Tell me.”

“She went to her house to get something. Her neighbor was inside, stealing stuff. Underwear. Jewelry. They sort of startled each other, and when she called the police, he ... he roughed her up a little. He wound up pushing her down the stairs.”

Liam's brain shut down for a minute. Actually switched off. He wasn't aware of street lights or other cars or the cabbie yelling at pedestrians. There was just white noise, rushing through his ears.

“Liam? Liam!” Katya's voice finally brought him back, just as he was pulling into the hospital. He tossed the promised money into the front seat and hurried into the building.

“I'm here,” he managed to say. “Where are you guys?”

“She's in the east wing. Room two-seventeen.”

“Okay. Has a doctor seen her yet?”

“Liam.”

“What!?”

“She's been here for two days. She's getting discharged tomorrow,” Katya said in a slow voice. “I wanted ... I might be making a mistake here, but I just really thought you should know. She has a bad sprain, and she had a concussion, but she's fine now.”

Liam stopped listening. Stopped walking. Moved and fell against the wall next to him.

Three days. While he'd been at home alone on Christmas, she'd been in the hospital. He'd been dying for just one word from her. Anything to show him she was still thinking of him. Anything to indicate she'd been feeling the same as him.

Yet when she'd been attacked, and she'd been in the hospital for days, and she hadn't called him once.

“She called you?” he finally spoke again.

“No, Wulf did.”

“Ah. She called Wulf.”

“The hospital did,” Katya corrected him. “He's her emergency contact. He's been here since the beginning.”

“Of course he has,” Liam whispered.

“I'm sorry, what did you say?”

“Nothing. I'm on way up.”

He didn't wait for a response, just hung up his phone.

While he navigated the labyrinth that was the hospital, his mind spun out of control. Rage and anger mixing with fear and terror. How could someone hurt Ayumi? How could someone put their hands on her?

How could she not call him? How could she possibly think he wouldn't want to know? If he'd been in an accident, she'd be the first person he'd try to call.

It hurt. The feeling of not being good enough was back, one hundred fold. His stomach turned into one big Charley Horse and he actually groaned, pressing his forehead to an elevator wall.

Those moments. All those moments with her. They were only your moments. She was just passing time.

By the time he got to her hallway, he'd composed himself. Katya was sitting on a bench and saw him coming. She hurried up to him and wrapped him in a big hug.

“I'm so sorry, Liam,” she breathed. “I know it's awful. It's the worst. But she's going to be okay.”

“That's good,” he said. She looked up and frowned at his cold voice, so he cleared his throat. “I just want her to be okay.”

“I know she wants to see you.”

“Okay.”

“You can go in now. Wulf is at her home, cleaning things up. I'll wait out here,” Katya offered, not realizing she was just rubbing salt in the wound.

When Liam walked in the hospital room, it took everything he had not to fly off the handle. Not to break things and yell and go find whoever had hurt her and murder them with his bare hands.

She was sitting upright in bed, fighting with a remote control of some sort. She had a large, white bandage on the right side of her forehead, just barely concealing a nasty looking bruise. He saw a similar bruise covering her entire left elbow. Her left leg was sticking out of the covers and elevated on some sort of pad. A funky looking medical boot covered her from toes to mid-calf.

She so small. How could anyone possibly want to hurt her?

“Nice shoes,” he coughed out. His voice startled her and she dropped the remote.

“Liam!” she gasped. He managed a smile and he walked around the room, grabbing the remote for her. Then he moved back to the foot of the bed.

“She didn't tell you I was coming?” he asked. She shook her head, causing her gorgeous thick hair to spill over her shoulders.

So much hair, always all around me. Like a curtain, blocking out the rest of the world. Why wasn't that enough for her?

“No, I had no idea. But I'm glad you're here,” she assured him.

“Me, too. They said ... someone was in your house?” he asked. She chewed on her lip and nodded.

“Yeah. The creepy neighbor, remember him? He didn't think anyone would be coming home, I scared him.”

“The police got him?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he said, gripping the rail at the end of her bed so hard, his knuckles turned white. There was silence for a long second. He wasn't sure what to say. He'd already said it all. It hadn't been enough for her. Apparently, nothing would ever be enough for anybody.

“Did you have a good Christmas?” she finally asked. He shrugged.

“Not really.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“Well,” he started, tapping his finger against his chin. “I found out one of my best friend's has a massive crush me, and I never knew, so she threatened to quit. Then I found out another good friend got attacked and almost killed, but didn't feel the need to call me or tell about any of it, though she did tell all her other friends. And to top it all off, the girl I think I might be falling in love with doesn't care about me at all. In case that's a little confusing, the second person and the third person are the same.”

“No, no, no,” she said quickly. “Please, Liam, it wasn't like that. I don't have any friends, remember? The hospital called Wulf, he called Katya.”

“Nice of any of you to call me. Oh wait ...”

“I didn't have my phone,” she said. “It got broken. I ... didn't want to ask one of them for your phone number.”

“After all this, after everything, I'm still a dirty secret.”

“No,” she moaned, and her eyes drifted shut. Liam took a deep breath and cleared his throat. Tried to speak. Had to wait a second, then cleared it again.

“I've been realizing a lot of stuff about myself,” he spoke in a low voice. “You had me pegged from the beginning. I say things people want to hear, just to say them. I don't pay attention to how my actions affect other people around. Thank you. I'm working to change those things about myself.”

“No, I don't want you to change, you're per-” she started to argue, but he held up his hand.

“But I was always honest with you about how I felt. I always told the truth. I thought maybe you felt the same way. I believed you when you said you were confused, and I tried to understand when you said you needed time. You kept pushing and pushing, and I didn't believe you couldn't feel the same way about me. Not after Santa Barbara. Not after Malibu. But I was wrong,” he said. She sniffled once. Twice. A large tear rolled down her cheek.

“Don't say that,” she whispered.

“I'm so sorry this happened to you,” he whispered back. “If I could trade places with you, I would in a heart beat. If I could find this guy, I would murder him. But I won't be second best. Not anymore.”

“You're not second best,” she said on an exhale.

“That you could go through something like this and think I wouldn't want to know – that shows me exactly what you think of me. Tells me exactly where I fall in your life. You're beautiful and you're amazing and I'm glad I could make you feel good for a little while. I hope I made you feel good. But I'll stop bothering you now,” he promised. She started crying in earnest.

“Please, Liam. I go home tomorrow – can we talk tomorrow?” she asked. He shook his head.

“It's ironic, isn't it? All these years, all these girls, and I would pretend to be a shoulder they could cry on, just so I could use them. Now I find the one girl I don't want to pretend with, and she just wanted to use me for my crying shoulder,” he chuckled. She shook her head.

“It's not true,” she told him. “It's not true.”

“You made me realize that I'm a pretty shitty guy a lot of the time,” he said, stepping away from the bed. “But you also made me realize that sometimes, I'm not so bad. Sometimes, I'm actually good enough. Thank you, Ayumi.”

“Please,” was all she managed to say.

“For what it's worth ... whatever we were? It was great,” he told her as he walked backwards to the door.

“It was the best,” she whispered. He nodded in agreement.

“Take care of yourself.”

The hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life was walk away from a girl who didn't even really like him. Life just wasn't fucking fair.

He was almost back to the elevators when Katya caught up with him.

“You're going!? Why? What happened in there?” she demanded, tugging at his jacket sleeve.

“Katya,” he sighed. “I love you. I really do. But honestly? It's none of your fucking business.”

She dropped his sleeve.

“Don't do something stupid, Edenhoff,” she warned him. “You're upset. She's upset. Just chill out and talk to her when you've calmed down.”

“You know what?” he replied, stepping onto the elevator when it opened. “I do all the talking. All the chasing. I think it's time I finally take a break. You all are always bitching about me needing to grow up, right? Well, I'm grown up enough to know when it's time to stop playing around and go home.”

“You're a fucking idiot,” she groaned.

“Probably. But at least I know my own self worth.”

She couldn't argue with him anymore because the doors slid shut, and then he going down, down, down.

Being an adult is nowhere near as awesome as everyone makes it seem.