LUCIA

 

Josie and I were packing our bags like we were going off to our own executions.

“It’s not that bad,” I said, wondering why on earth I’d packed so many clothes since I’d ended up wearing the same yoga pants and giant sweater the entire time. My journal was sitting on the nightstand, safe with the now four (four!) poems I’d written.

“It is,” she said, completely miserable. “It’s bad, Lu.”

“What are you going to do, quit your job and live with Gabe in a bar in the middle of Big Sur?” I asked, feeling desperate.

“I am. Just like you’re going to quit modeling to live in this bookstore with Calvin.”

My heart shouldn’t have been able to slam against my chest so loudly. So excitedly, at the prospect of waking up each morning next to Calvin Ellis.

“We need a reality check,” I said quickly, coming around to the bed and grasping her hands. “Look at me,” I said and she did, eyes already half-filled with tears. I swallowed hard, since we couldn’t both be crying.

“You just met Gabe. One week ago.”

“Right.”

“How well do you really know him?”

She sighed. “I guess…I guess I know him as well as you can know someone in a week. But—”

“No buts,” I said firmly, since I knew what she was going to say. The same thing I would say: But it’s different than that. Different than anything I’d ever felt before.

“What conceivable future do you have?”

“None. Which is why this is so terrible. I mean, my career is in LA. My contacts are in LA. There isn’t a big need for makeup artists here. And Gabe? This place is his life. He’s who everyone comes to for wisdom over a drink. For a kind word. He’ll probably be the Mayor in twenty years.”

I was nodding. “Which means leaving here to move to Los Angeles with a woman he barely knows is just not in the cards, now is it?”

Josie’s face hardened. “Lucia, who are you trying to convince here?”

I closed my eyes. Busted. I leaned forward, letting her wrap her tattooed arms around me.  “I’m sorry. I thought…with your history…I don’t know. Do you want to be talked into something? Or talked out of something?”

“I think I just want to be sad,” she whispered.

“Okay,” I said, “I can do that.” I leaned back, and she looked so miserable my heart physically hurt.

“I’m guessing Calvin isn’t interested in continuing to see you after this?” she asked.

I scoffed. “I haven’t…we haven’t even…I mean, whenever we’re together we have mind-blowing sex and amazing conversations. But we haven’t once said anything…” I couldn’t even continue, since it was so far beyond any realm of possibility. “I think we both knew…it couldn’t last past this time. And he knows about Paris, so.” I shrugged, attempting to appear nonchalant and failing terribly.

“Here’s a radical idea,” Josie said, tilting her head.

“Oh no.”

“Don’t go to Paris.”

My jaw dropped open dramatically. “Turn down an opportunity of a lifetime for a guy I hardly know?”

“You always say ‘opportunity of a lifetime’ as if modeling is the only life you’re ever going to have.” Her tone softened. “You’ve been unhappy for the past year. I know you’ve ignored me the past three fucking times—”

“I didn’t ignore you,” I said defensively, “I heard you. I really did. And I appreciate your concern. But I’m just tired. Burned out. Paris will be different. It’s a launching pad.”

“Or it’s more of the same. The same bullshit. The same fake people. You having to smile and nod and eliminate all the interesting parts of your personality.”

I sighed. “Josie, don’t make this harder on me. You know I need to do this. To stay relevant, to stay on top.”

What if instead I let this Shay Miller shoot be my last one, go out with a loud, provocative bang, and then took some time to re-evaluate what I want to do next?

Yeah, right. You’re a little fame addict.

“You’re thinking about it,” Josie said, smiling. She shoved me lightly. “Plus, if you go to Paris, I won’t be there. You’ll have some boring, stodgy makeup artist who won’t be your best friend in the entire world.” The thought of being separated from her for two years felt like too much burden to bear.

“I mean, who will listen to me obsess over Calvin and whether or not he’s dating another supermodel?” I sighed dramatically, although I was secretly serious.

She laid back next to me, our hair a blend of dark and light. “How could he ever date someone again after he’s dated The Lucia Bell?”

We laughed, a moment of levity in the middle of a shitty day. Which was a shame, since the morning had started so beautifully, so peacefully, watching the sunrise with Calvin.

What if every day started that way?

“You know Paris won’t change a thing with us,” Josie finally said, softly. “But in all seriousness, I want you to go for you. Or not go, for you. It’s your life, you need to decide what’s best for it.”

A knock on the door, half-startling us both. “It’s probably Ray, trying to figure out if we can helicopter out of here earlier,” I said. Which was funny, since a week ago I would have tried to do the same thing. My cell had run out of batteries on Monday and I hadn’t even charged it, content to let it stay at the bottom of my purse.

And when I opened the door to see Calvin standing there, I couldn’t fight the way a smile broke across my face.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” he said.

“Calvin,” Josie said, tossing him a saucy wink.

I shooed her away, closing the door behind me. “I didn’t tell her anything, I promise,” I said. “Except that you’re a sex god. I did tell her that,” I finished, avoiding his gaze. His laughter caught me off-guard.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” he asked, cheeks so red I thought for sure he’d pass out.

“Um,” I said, completely and totally surprised, and he immediately backed up.

“No worries,” he said, waving his hand. “You probably have things to do—”

“I’d love to,” I said, taking a step closer. “Sorry, you just surprised me is all. I don’t have anything to do tonight—”

“—and it’s your last night here, I thought, you know, why not make it special?” His smile was timid.

“Yes,” I breathed. “I’d fucking love that.”

His smile widened. “Also, I don’t know if this is weird or anything but today is my birthday. My 30th birthday, to be exact.”

“What?”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m not even sure why I’m telling you. I’ve never been a birthday person and to be honest I almost forgot—”

“You almost forgot your own 30th birthday?”

“Yes,” he said, looking sheepish. “But, to be fair, my birthday wish was to drink coffee while watching the sunrise with a beautiful, brilliant poet.” He reached forward, brushing my hair back from my shoulder. “It came true, so the day has already been absolutely perfect.”

My toes curled.

“Let me plan tonight,” I said impulsively. “For your birthday. I didn’t get you a gift, so let me do this.”

He arched an eyebrow. “You sure? Also, there’s not much to ‘do’ here, so if you need recommendations or something I can help.”

I shook my head. “Nope. Just pick me up in your car at eight. I’ll handle it from there.”

“Okay,” he said. “If that’s what you want.”

“I’ve already got some ideas,” I said, tapping my finger against my temple. Which was bullshit (I had none). “And I’m going to give you a 30th birthday you’ll never forget. Promise.”

 I gave him a half-salute and a wink, and he responded by backing me against the door and kissing me passionately, both hands squeezing my ass. I looped my arms around his neck, kissing him back happily. When I was breathless and starting to grind against him, he stopped.

“I can’t wait,” he said against my lips.

 

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I pooled together all the random brochures that had been left in the tiny cabins, used Ray’s landline, and after a couple hours had put together not a half-bad night for Big Sur on a Tuesday after an incredibly damaging storm.

Cal was definitely going to love it.

We were definitely going to fuck.

And we were probably going to be arrested.

Not necessarily in that order.

Josie and I did an entire clothing montage straight from a 90s movie, but in the end I went with something simple: tight black jeans, ripped at the knees. A black tanktop (no bra). Hair up in a high bun. And my only nod to my glamorous life: blood-red lipstick.

“Cal’s about to have the best 30th birthday any straight man has ever had, in the history of the world,” Josie said, spinning me around to see my appearance. “And I will bail you out, of course. Unless you want me to let you guys stay in there, and it can turn into a sexy jail stay?” She waggled her eyebrows.

I tapped my cheek, thought about it. “You know, I bet Big Sur doesn’t even have a jail cell. You just have to sit quietly for a little bit and then say you’re sorry.”

“Aw, sweet.”

“But yes, please do bail us out,” I said, laughing. “And thanks for the clothing montage. And the support. And for not telling me that seeing Cal one last time tonight is only going to make tomorrow even harder.”

“You’re welcome. And thank you for not doing the same thing when I tell you I’m also going to see Gabe tonight.”

I gave a little cheer, tossing the red lipstick her way. “Lucky lady! You’re just now telling me?”

She looked bashful—so not Josie. “It’s after he helps you with your date.”

“Small role,” I said, pinching my fingers together. “I’ll only need him for like, an hour tops.”

“No, it’s good. He’s a good friend to Cal. I like seeing that. Clarke didn’t have friends the way Gabe does, didn’t have relationships the way Gabe does. Gabe is…” she splayed her palms out, “just really fucking kind.”

Oh Josie. The last time I’d seen her like this, Clarke had just proposed.

“I think that’s beautiful, Jo. Tell him what you’re feeling. Just be honest.”

She snorted. “I will if you will.” We stared each other down for about 30 seconds before I said, “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Same.” She reached her hand out. “Pinky swear, chica.” I did it, my heart slamming against my ribcage.

“Let’s go be brave,” I said, and like clockwork, I heard Calvin knock on the door.

 

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