When I walked out of the hospital, the sun was coming up. It had taken a few hours of waiting, but I was glad I went. Alex was going to be just fine, thanks to the kind nurses and doctors we’d seen. I couldn’t help but be disappointed that I hadn’t run into Jason. I knew my chances were slim, but there was still that glimmer of hope that was dashed.

None of that mattered, though. Alex was going to be just fine, in fact, he already was. He slept in my arms peacefully, his fever already broken. I strolled over to the bus stop and sat down to wait. Now that the emergency was over, I couldn’t afford the taxi fare all the way back to the shelter, so we’d just have to enjoy the bus ride this morning.

Morning workers were just beginning to trickle in, dozens of men and women in scrubs and white coats walking in and out of the various buildings that surrounded me. Each of them walked with a purpose, their heads held high with pride. I couldn’t help but envy them. Now that I had a taste of what it meant to be a productive member of society, to feel what it meant to be free, to make my own choices for myself, I wanted to do more. I wanted to give back to others because I’d received so much myself.

When I walked out those doors a year ago, I don’t know what I would have done if the social workers hadn’t made arrangements for me. As it turned out, I didn’t have to think about much of anything except learning to care for Alex properly and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Motherhood isn’t something that just comes naturally, no matter what some might say. Especially when you didn’t exactly have the best role models as a child. Or none at all, like me.

Sometimes, I wondered where my mother was now. I wondered what happened to her. I wondered if she ever thought about me, if she regretted what she’d done. If her actions had eaten her up inside, the way it did me.

I didn’t waste too much time on those thoughts these days, though.

I thought more about all the stuff that happened to me after she sold me. After Disneyland…

She pulled the trigger, but I suffered the wounds for years.

Anyway, I’d been thinking a lot lately about giving back. I was certain a medical career was out of the question, because I was way too queasy about other people’s blood. I could handle my own, I’d done just that so many times — stitching up a split lip or taking care of a swollen eye came naturally, when it was my own body. But someone else’s body fluids? No thanks.

What I wanted to do was help people in a different way. The social worker Jason sent my way was the most compassionate woman I’d ever known and frankly, I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to help people on their worst days. Give them a place to go when they had nowhere else to turn to. Keep them safe from anyone that wanted to harm them.

I’d already begun looking at colleges online. I was far from being in a place to actually register for classes, but I was beginning the research now, so that I was totally prepared when the time came.

Someday, I told myself, over and over. Someday, someday, someday…

Daydreaming had quickly become a favorite pastime and I was doing just that, imagining what it would feel like to be in a classroom, while I sat there on the bench waiting, my baby boy snuggled safely in my arms, when I heard a familiar voice call out my name.

“Daisy? Daisy, is that you?”

I looked up, startled out of my daydream and catapulted right into a real dream.

“Jason!” I cried, standing up as he walked over from the direction of the parking garage.

“It is you!” He said, his eyes crinkling with a smile. My breath caught in my throat as he stood in front of me. “How are you? How’s Alex?”

“We’re doing great,” I replied, unable to stop the insanely large smile spreading across my face. “He had a fever in the middle of the night, so I brought him in. He’s okay, though.”

“Oh, good,” he said, his low voice warm and comforting. There was something so special about this man. He was just as I remembered him. He glowed with strength and confidence and well…sheer happiness. Most of the men I’d come in close contact with were far from happy.

Sinister, angry, demanding, cruel…I could go on and on. But happy? No.

“So what’s new? How’s motherhood? I’ve been thinking about you.”

“You have?” I asked, my jaw dropping open in surprise.

“Of course!” he said. “You were one of my favorite patients. And this little guy, too.” He leaned down, looking at Alex’s face and smiling. My heart melted as I watched him look at my son so lovingly.

“He’s beautiful, Daisy,” he raised his chocolate brown eyes to me, smiling warmly.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling back at him.

“So, he’s okay, then? I trust the ER staff took good care of you?”

“Absolutely,” I replied, my heart in my throat. I wanted to thank him. I wanted to somehow communicate to him how grateful I was, how his actions had saved my life, in more ways than one. I wanted to tell him he was the first person to ever be kind to me, to treat me like a real person. Instead, I stood there staring at him awkwardly, most likely looking at him like some crazed fanatical freak. I tried to look away, but his impossibly kind eyes held my gaze.

“Where are you headed?” he asked.

“Back home,” I replied. “Back to the shelter.”

“You’re still at a shelter?” he asked, his eyebrow furrowed.

“Yes,” I said, “but it’s not bad at all,” I added quickly. “We’re a little family there and I help out in the day care. We like it.”

“Oh,” he nodded. “Well, that’s great.”

“Jason, I’m glad I ran into you,” I said, finally finding the words. And the courage. “If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t have found our way to the shelter and honestly, I don’t know where we’d be. I just wanted to say thank you. You changed my life and I owe so much to you.”

“Daisy, you don’t owe me anything at all,” he said, shaking his head. “Any other doctor would have done the same. It’s my job.”

“Somehow I suspect not just any doctor would have done that, but if you say so.”

“You don’t owe me a thing, don’t you worry,” he said, winking at me, which made me damn near swoon. He was so handsome, there was no denying that. But he was so…put together. He was older than me. He was a doctor, for god’s sake. He was so far out of my league, if I even had a league to begin with, which I most definitely did not.

I shouldn’t be looking at him like I wanted to kiss him, but he did have those lips, and what else was I supposed to think of when they were right there. Smiling a smile meant exclusively for me.

“You’re a very kind man,” I said, trying to reign in my runaway thoughts.

“So, where’s the shelter?” he asked.

“In North Portland,” I said. “About a forty-five minute bus ride.”

“Let me give you a ride,” he said, flashing me that secret smile again.

“Oh, no, Jason, I couldn’t. You have much more important things to do, I’m sure.”

“Not really. I’m supposed to be off today but I came in to catch up on paperwork. I’d love the distraction. I hate paperwork!”

I hesitated, trying to decipher the feelings washing over me. I’d never gotten in a man’s car for a good reason before. This last year had been a year full of firsts for me, but this was one thing I hadn’t tackled just yet. Not just getting into a man’s car, but spending any amount of time with one. I’d been on a strict no-man diet, and gladly so.

I looked up at Jason, staring down at me with such open goodness on his face, his eyes so honest and kind. I couldn’t help but want to crawl into his arms and blanket myself in his comfort…

Maybe I could start with his car, I guess.

“Okay, if you insist,” I said, attempting to shrug off my fears. Jason wasn’t just any man. He was safe.

“I would never insist you do anything you don’t want to,” he said, winking at me again. I couldn’t help but laugh, and be touched by his point.

“Let’s try again,” I said, realizing how silly I was being. “I would love a ride, thank you.”

“Aha!” He said, bowing his head gallantly. “Much better. Right this way, my lady. Your chariot awaits!”

“Okay, now you’re going overboard,” I said, laughing as I walked towards the parking garage with him. My heart was beating wildly, my palms began sweating and I was pretty sure my knees were knocking. I held onto Alex a little tighter, willing myself not to fall to the ground.

Jason’s car was not a car at all, but a fully restored vintage Ford pickup, all black with a long bed and original bench leather seats. He opened the door for me, took a look at Alex and stopped.

“Stay here for a second, I’ll be right back,” he said. I sat in the truck, inhaling the scent of leather and something else I couldn’t put my finger on. Something manly. Maybe an aftershave or cologne or soap. Jason returned moments later with a car seat.

“Can’t be driving the baby around without a carseat, can we?” He asked.

“Where did you get that?”

“We have extras in the ER,” he said.

“That’s so nice of you,” I said.

“Better safe than sorry. It’s not ideal, he should ideally be strapped into the backseat, but this will do,” he said, buckling the seat into the seat. He turned back to me and held out his hands. “May I?”

I handed Alex to him, still sleeping. Watching as he put him into the seat, I took a deep breath, trying to get a handle on all the emotions washing over me. I'd been doing everything alone for so long, it was so foreign to me to have help.

After Alex was all buckled in, we walked around to the driver’s side and I slid in, feeling even more awkward now that I realized just how close I was going to be to Jason.

He hopped in, his thigh against mine right away. I pretended it wasn’t there and turned my attention to Alex as Jason drove us out of the parking lot, maneuvering the truck carefully down the long winding road that led up to Pill Hill, as the OHSU complex was called by visitors.

“This is very nice of you, Jason, thank you for the ride.”

“My pleasure, Daisy,” he said, winking over at me again.

A silence fell over us as we drove through downtown, our thighs bumping together.

“So, are you from Portland?” I asked, the only way I knew how to make small talk.

“Nope, I grew up in Colorado.”

“Oh, so why did you move here?”

“My dad was out here. I visited often and fell in love with the place. After he died, I decided I needed to be closer to his adopted family. It makes me feel close to him to be here.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “How did he die?”

His face fell and I instantly knew I’d asked the wrong question.

“He was murdered. He died too soon. But he lived a very full life.”

“Oh, my god, that’s awful,” I said. “He must have been very proud to be your father.”

“I was proud to be his son.”

I smiled and nodded, pushing away the deep, piercing envy that I felt when people talked about having a good family.

“I love it here,” he said, “the folks at the hospital are amazing and brilliant and really care about their jobs.”

“And your new adopted family? Where are they?”

“They’re a misfit crew that likes to stay to themselves. They have a little compound out in the Tillamook forest. I visit often.”

“That’s nice.”

“They’re the best bunch of folks I’ve ever known,” he said, his chin lifting with pride. “They took good care of my pops and they take good care of me.”

“I’m glad you have them,” I said.

“Me, too. What about you, Daisy? Besides Alex, who do you have? Where’s your family?”

“I don’t have any family. But the ladies at the shelter have welcomed me with open arms. I consider them family now.”

“That makes me sad,” he said.

“Don’t be,” I replied, shaking my head. “I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.”

I gave him directions to the shelter, and he turned off the tiny side road that led to the old house that Alex and I called home. The shelter was a safe-house and at first glance, you’d never think it was anything different than a regular residence. A closer inspection of its inhabitants, a handful of single women sitting on the porch, a few with black eyes or sporting other injuries, and you’d know.

Jason pulled his car up to the curb and turned to me.

“Daisy, I know you don’t know me very well, but I have a proposal for you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, searching his eyes, trying not to drown in them as I pretended our thigh on thigh action was the farthest I’d ever consensually gone with a man. Not so easy…

“Well, here’s the deal, and hear me out, okay?”

“Sure,” I murmured, afraid to respond further, lest all the thoughts tumbling in my head find a way out.

“I own this big house. Up in the West Hills, near Washington Park. It’s huge. Way too big for one person, but my realtor convinced me to buy it as an investment. I live there alone, with my dog Chester. There’s even a freakin’ pool out back, which is ridiculous in Portland, but it’s there.”

“It sounds nice,” I said, my head down, inspecting the denim of his jeans. Levi’s, I thought. When I began to wonder if they were 501’s, if only the easily opened buttons were the only thing holding them closed, I shifted in my seat, doing my damnedest to disengage the thigh contact.

“It’s offensively luxurious, to be honest.” He was still going on. About a house, or a garden, I may have lost track. “Sometimes, I just wanna bring some dirt in and throw it around, it’s too nice, I tell you, but my cleaning lady would string me up by my ankles if I did that.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. He was complaining about this?

“Anyway, the other thing is that I’m rarely there. I’m either at work, or out in Tillamook with the Gods.”

“The Gods?” I asked.

“Oh. That’s what I call my ‘family’ out there. It’s a long story. They’re bikers.”

“Bikers?” I asked, my eyes wide. He did not look the type to hang out with bikers. I laughed again, shaking my head. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“I do have a point, I promise.” He winked again and I felt my breath catch in my throat. “How about you and Alex come live with me?”

“What!” I exclaimed, jumping, my thigh crashing right back into his.

“I know, it sounds crazy, right? But like I said, I’m never there, it’s the size of a damned small castle, you’d practically have your own wing, and you and Alex could stay for as long as you like.”

“That’s so nice of you, Jason,” I said, completely touched by his generous offer, and that very defined thigh muscle. “I could never agree to that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I couldn’t ever afford the rent, first of all,” I said.

“Rent?” he asked. “I’m not asking for money, Daisy.”

Suddenly, it dawned on me.

Of course! How dense could I be?

I shook my head, my lips pressing into a firm line as I pulled my thigh as far away as possible.

“I’m sorry, Jason, but I’m not in that business anymore.”

“Business?” he asked, cocking his head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I'm not for sale!” I snapped. “Not anymore.”

“For sale?” he asked, his eyes widening. “What the hell?”

“I’m not stupid, either,” I said.

“Stupid?”

“What the hell are you, a parrot?” I shouted, waking up Alex. “Let me out!”

I looked away, my heart breaking. Of course he wasn’t just offering a ride out of the kindness of his own heart. He knew what I was and he simply wanted a piece.

“Wait!” He said, putting his hand on my arm. “Daisy, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I wasn’t trying to, I mean, I don’t know what you thought, but I don’t —.”

“— It’s fine, I get it.”

“No, I don’t think you do, actually.” His voice was gentle, too gentle, so gentle I could hear the hurt in it. I’d jumped to conclusions and made a mistake.

“I’m sorry, I just thought…” I murmured, my voice trailing off. Now, I was embarrassed. I’d obviously offended him with my assumptions and now I felt like a complete ass about it.

“My proposal still stands,” he said, nodding firmly. “And, if you don’t want to accept it for free, I could use a dog-sitter. And a house-sitter, I guess. I can pay you, whatever you’d like, and you’d be free to come and go as you please. You’d basically have run of the house, because like I said, I’m never there.”

“That’s very nice of you, but I have to say no. We’re comfortable here. For now.”

“Just think about it, okay?”

“Okay, but the answer will still be no.” I said, smiling tightly. I just wanted out of the truck now. I wanted to hide my face in my pillow and deal with the mortified aftermath of my outburst.

“Okay, then,” he said, still smiling at me. “The offer still stands should you ever change your mind.” God, he was so fucking handsome and kind and I’d had the nerve to suggest he was something else entirely.

“Thanks again for the ride,” I said, daring to meet his gaze again.

“It was my pleasure,” he said.

He turned and opened the door, sliding out and waiting for me to step out before stopping me again.

“Have dinner with me,” he whispered, flashing me the charming smile I’d been haunted by for a year.

“Dinner?” I asked, my eyes wide.

He nodded, silently waiting for my reply.

“I don’t know, Jason,” I said, shaking my head. Was he actually asking me on a date? A real date? “I don’t have a babysitter for Alex, obviously.”

“Bring him with you.”

“Really?” I asked, my heart racing.

“Really. It’s just dinner, that’s all. Nothing more, I promise. Something tells me I should get to know you better, Daisy.” He smiled again, melting all of my defenses. “Give me a chance to do that.”

I smiled at him, completely taken aback.

“Okay, dinner,” I said finally. “When?”

“Tomorrow night? I’ll pick you up at seven.”

I smiled, my shyness eclipsed by my delight.

“See you tomorrow,” I said, my breathing completely stopped by now. I went around the truck and took a still sleeping Alex from his car seat and looked back in at Jason once more.

“Thanks again,” I said. “It was really nice to run into you.”

“It sure was,” he said. “Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

I closed the door and walked back into the shelter, my knees wobbling and knocking, my heart pounding, my head spinning.

I put Alex in his crib and shut our bedroom door, sinking down to the floor with tears running down my face.

I had a date. I’d never had a date before in my life.

A real, bonafide date!