Prologue
Colin Young was the love of my life. From the moment my eyes met his in our high school's cafeteria I knew I was doomed. Especially when his chattering groupies appeared and smeared all over him rather pathetically. Yes, Colin Young was the guy everybody wanted. Whether you were an enthusiastic fan of the football team, for which he played as captain, or you were just an average girl who spent hours at the library hoping to get into college, like myself. We all had a common dream—to meet Colin's supple lips up close and personal, the same lips that had smiled at me that Monday and smashed my heart to bits.
I could have sworn he hadn’t noticed me, that he was smiling at someone else. I was nothing short of shocked when he later approached me in the hallway, leaned nonchalantly on my locker and asked quietly if I wouldn't mind meeting that afternoon and helping him with his math homework. I'm pretty sure he said math, though it could have been literature, or history. At that point my brain turned into mush. I nodded without saying a word. He laughed and said he would come by my house at around five. I nodded again and he turned his back on me and disappeared.
I came back to my senses after an hour or so.
The main question I faced was: what to wear. The cold truth is I resented myself. I'd always been scornful of the girls who lost their heads over boys and spent all their time fiddling with their wardrobe instead of hitting the books and scoring another A+.
How on earth had I become one of them in thirty seconds?!
I blamed my seventeen-year-old hormones (biology seemed like a logical explanation for my embarrassing situation), chose a white T-shirt and jeans (skinny fit. There was a limit to how nerdy I allowed myself to look), and swore I would not stammer when Colin appeared.
I almost succeeded. When the doorbell rang, I leapt off the couch, tried to calm my pulse, which insisted on racing like mad, thanked God for the long hours my parents spent at work and were absent from home, opened the door with a smile—and froze. My mouth actually did open in an attempt to release a word or two. 'Hello' would have been a suitable one. Even 'Hey' and maybe 'What's up?' Instead I stood there, mute, in front of blue eyes, blond hair and the smell of a guy who had just come out of the shower (after training, if I had to guess).
Colin laughed. Again.
"Are you going to invite me in?" was what he chose to say. I nodded like an idiot and wondered if he regretted asking for help from the stupid girl in front of him. I led him to my room and left the door open, as if something could happen between me and . . . well, this hot guy who seated himself on my bed and stared at me.
"So," I mumbled like a fool, "you said . . ."
"I just want to make something clear." His intense voice caused uncontrollable constriction of all sorts in my internal organs.
"Yes?" I muttered again and cursed myself for the thousandth time.
"I’m not enthusiastic about this," he shifted uncomfortably. I wasn’t enthusiastic either. "So if you're thinking of going 'round telling everyone . . ."
"Telling everyone what?" What did he think was going to happen here?
"You know, that I . . ." He raised his hand and pulled back his damp hair. I folded my hands on my chest in the hope of stabilizing my stance. I didn't want him to see my knees shaking.
"That you . . ."
"Don't understand."
At that moment I didn't quite understand myself. "What don't you understand?"
"You know . . ."
"No," I frowned, "I don't know."
"All this school shit." He tried to sound casual, but I got what he was saying and I got that his indifference was completely fake.
"So you need help."
"I guess." He leaned back on his hands and his shirt rose just above the line of his pants, revealing a line of hair leading straight to the elastic waist of his boxers. At that point, all I could do was swallow my saliva and try to stop imagining what was hiding under the boxers.
I had a pretty good idea, in theory. I saw pictures of guys who didn't really wear anything, and I occasionally heard other girls talk in the locker rooms after sports, but I never sat in my room with a guy who let his shirt rise like that. Okay, to be honest, I never sat in my room with any guy, period.
"Hello?" Colin's voice brought me back rather sharply from the land of fantasies I had sailed into. "Do you hear what I'm telling you?"
"Sure, sure, you need help." I needed help at the same time. Of a psychiatrist.
"So what are the chances you and I will have some kind of arrangement?"
"Arrangement?"
"You know, you'll help me with my homework, and I'll help you with . . ." He tilted his head to one side and gave me a smile that looked utterly malicious. "What is it you need help with?"
My thoughts blurred and my cheeks turned red in a second and a half. I felt as if my face was on fire. "Why do you think you can help me with anything?"
"Just a wild guess." He winked. "Everyone needs help with something."
"Not me," I replied at once, tightening my hands.
"Really?" He smiled widely and exposed his white teeth as I struggled to breathe regularly.
"Really," I tried not to pant out loud, "no help needed, got it all covered, thank you."
"I can't pay you." He sat up and his shirt once again covered what he had just revealed.
"You don't need to."
"So I guess we're done here." He rose slowly, making me step back.
"We're…what?" I stared at him, towering over me.
"I was hoping we'd come to some sort of arrangement." He pulled back his hair, sounding frustrated.
"Why do we need an arrangement?"
"What do you mean?" He stared at me with his blue eyes.
"You said you needed help."
"I have nothing to give you in return." His grave gaze drilled into me.
"I don't need anything."
"I don't need your favors."
"No," I sounded a little more confident than I actually was, "you need help."
"Why on earth would you help me?"
"Because you asked me to."
"You'd help me just 'cause I asked?"
"Umm…yeah?"
"Are you for real?" He tilted his head again, examining me as if I had grown three heads.
"Insults are not the way to get my help," I muttered.
"Sorry! I'm just not used to girls like you."
"You mean girls who don't drool all over you and lose their shirt before you even ask?" I was stunned by my own words.
"Yeah, exactly what you said." He laughed, and his laughter sounded magical. I may not lose my shirt, I thought to myself, but I certainly might drool.
"I didn't mean to offend you."
"You didn't, I know exactly what you're talking about." He put his hands in his pale jeans pockets. "So, you think, maybe you could . . ."
"I could," I finished his sentence. I had already gotten the feeling he didn't enjoy pleading. "But do me one favor."
"Sure." He shrugged his broad shoulders.
"If I invest my time, make an effort to show up and don't bail on me. You don't have to pretend you know me when we're at school. I'm sure you're not too happy explaining how you know the 'Library Geek', but my time is valuable, please make sure it is valuable to you too." I looked at Colin with embarrassment. Where I got the courage to dictate my terms, I don't know. But I did, and Colin agreed immediately.
"Your time is valuable," he nodded, "and you're not the ‘Library Geek.'" His lips curved into a charming smile.
"I have no problem being the ‘Library Geek' if it gets me to college," I confessed quietly.
"I'm sure you'll have no problem." At that I blushed.
"On a scholarship," I emphasized the point. The only way I could get to the college I wanted was if they paid for it.
"I understand."
"Where do you wanna begin?"
"Math." He pulled one hand out of his pocket and scratched his head. "The exam on Friday is going to kill me."
Friday's exam was a walk in the park, but I shut my mouth.
"Let's start," I motioned to the heavy desk in the corner. The thought of sitting close to Colin made my heart skip a beat.
Shit! I forgot something.
"I'll get another chair from the kitchen." I smiled in embarrassment.
"Sounds like a good idea," Colin teased me and sat down on the wooden chair in my room. I went out into the hallway and took a deep breath.
Colin Young, in my room, and I was acting like a child.
He just wants you to help him, stupid. My inner voice brought me back to reality. I closed my eyes, but only for a moment. I really hope I didn't make a mistake. I really, really hope this isn't going to backfire on me, that this isn't some joke at my expense.