Any minute, my best friend, Violet, was going to walk into my dorm room and tell me all about her trip to England with her boyfriend, literature professor David Berneli. I was dying to hear about how they were doing. We talked almost every day over video chat but it wasn’t the same. Besides, I needed to talk to her about Jason. Until now, I wasn’t able to talk about it. But that was over. I couldn’t keep this a secret anymore. I needed my friend.
The waiting was too much for me, so I decided to start unpacking my bags. I really needed to exchange some of my summer clothes for winter clothes. There definitely was not enough room in my closet for half the things I wanted to wear. Thankfully, I had brought several more containers to shove in the limited remaining space under my bed.
I was under the bed, trying to rearrange things, when I heard a hard knock on my door. I quickly slid out, careful not to hit my head, and rushed to answer it. Violet was standing there with a giant package topped with an elaborate bow someone else must have tied for her.
“Hi,” I shouted as I tried to hug her around the box.
“Hey, babe.” She smiled and forced the box into my arms. “This is for you, since I missed seeing you at Christmas.”
“Stop! You shouldn’t have.” I took the box and we both headed to my bed. It was covered in clothes but I moved a couple piles for Violet to sit down. Then I grabbed a small box out of one of my bags and sat next to her.
“Here, I got you something too.” I handed her the present, eager to see her face when she opened it. I absolutely loved giving personalized presents to people.
We dug into the boxes and I pulled out a beautiful tote bag. It was bright yellow and orange with a paisley pattern and thick handles. “This is perfect.” She had remembered yellow was my favorite color.
“There’s more. You can’t give someone a bag with nothing in it,” she insisted, putting her present aside to watch me expectantly.
I searched through some of the pockets and finally pulled out a snow globe with the London Bridge inside. The bottom read:
Merry Christmas from Jolly Ole England.
“Aww, I love them both!”
“I’m glad. I was a little worried it would be too touristy, but I know how much you love Christmas, so I figured—”
“No,” I interrupted. “I like touristy, and I actually brought a mini Christmas tree to put up.”
“Seriously? Christmas was almost a month ago.” She snickered and rolled her eyes at me.
“Don’t judge me!”
Violet finished opening her present and pulled out a beautiful leather journal. I had found it in a secondhand bookshop I visited with Jason. The pages were old and there was a thick gold bookmark sticking out of the top. Violet was always talking about how she liked to write her thoughts down, and when I saw this, I knew she’d love it. It was the perfect mix of romanticism and literature, basically Violet’s personality in a gift.
“This is the most amazing journal I’ve ever seen!” I thought I saw a tear in the corner of her eye, but she quickly flipped it away and pulled me into a quick hug.
“Thanks! Jason and I thought it screamed your name when we were doing some shopping.”
Violet shifted her eyes from the journal to me and squinted suspiciously. It was always unnerving that she seemed to be able to read my mind. She definitely knew there was something going on between Jason and me, but I didn’t think she was aware of the extent of my feelings. Or if she was, she was actually keeping her thoughts to herself.
“So, what exactly happened over break? You more or less refused to talk about him when we Skyped. I didn’t get much more out of him when we talked.”
“I don’t know! Okay, I kept inviting him and Janice to do things, because they live really close to me, but Janice kept bailing. She didn’t come out with us once. So Jason and I explored together,” I explained, avoiding her eye contact.
“You explored what?” Violet was looking at me suggestively, raising her eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. She had such a dirty mind. “Explored the area, like we went to some lesser known shops, the movies, uh…we went to an ice skating rink, and he took me to a hockey game.”
“Seriously?”
“I know, right? Who would have thought I’d ever step foot in a hockey arena? But it was actually a lot of fun.” I remembered sitting a little too close to Jason because I was cold. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders to help warm me up. We sat like that for most of the game. I tried not to focus on how good it felt to be in his arms, but most nights, I dreamed about what it would be like to be folded up in his embrace. He radiated this warmth from his being and it drew me in. I was constantly cold, but with his arm around my neck, I felt like I’d never be cold again.
“No, I’m more focused on the fact that you went on, like, four dates with Jason.”
“They weren’t dates,” I insisted, but I really didn’t put up much of a fight. Deep inside, I wanted them to mean more.
Violet started to protest, but there was a knock on the door. When I opened it, my heart fell into my stomach as Jason stared back at me. His short hair somehow managed to stand on end and his shoelaces, as always, were untied. I shook my head slightly. He needed someone to clean him up, though, for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe it was part of his charm.
“Hey, Annabelle.” Jason walked into my room and then pulled me into a hug. I heard Violet giggle behind me but ignored it, giving her a dirty look over his shoulder.
He let go of me and turned toward Violet.
“Jason,” she yelled, and barreled toward him, hip bumping me out of the way so she could hug him.
“Vi,” he bellowed into her ear as he looked at me over her shoulder, shaking his head as if to say, “What are we gonna do with her?”
I tried to control the blush creeping up my neck, but it was no use. His blue eyes did it to me every time.
“So, how was England?” Jason asked, making himself comfortable on my bed.
Violet grabbed a pillow and sat at the end of the bed. She gave me a knowing stare, expecting me to sit in between them. Normally, I’d sit between them like it was nothing. My bed was just a place we congregated sometimes. It was probably because I wasn’t having sex in it so it was safe. Today, with all the feelings swirling around in my head, I wasn’t ready for that, so I sat in my desk chair.
“It was good! David introduced me to his mom, which was terrifying, but it actually went really well.” She couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she talked about walking hand in hand around Piccadilly Circus, sneaking kisses on the London Eye, laughing too loudly at the movies, dancing in the rain, and eating fish and chips in English pubs.
“But Carina, that’s his mom, is convinced she can teach me how to cook. We tried it once and it wasn’t so bad.”
Jason and I looked at Violet incredulously. We’d heard stories about her trying to cook before and it usually ended badly.
“Okay, so it involved a lot of supervision but David said it was good.”
“Of course he did, you’re bangin’ him,” Jason teased.
Violet and Professor Berneli hooked up last semester. She called me on Skype almost every day to update me on her “holiday” with him. Things seemed to be going well. They claimed the relationship was all physical at first, but I thought they’d been in love with each other since she kicked his ass in poker that first night they met.
But their relationship was still against school rules, so they were using covert methods to see each other. That was why the trip to London had been perfect. They finally didn’t need to hide their feelings, or their budding relationship. I envied her a little bit. Sure, she was talking a huge risk, but at least she was going for what she wanted.
“Did the professor manage to teach you a few new things while you were there?” Jason raised his eyebrows and winked at her.
Violet looked Jason dead in the eye and a sinister smile spread across her face. “Not as much as the Kama Sutra did. Did you know he has a copy in his library?”
We all burst into laughter as Violet stood up and started to stretch into different positions. Jason got up and tried to copy her, his gangly arms and legs barely bending.
“You might want to practice touching your toes before you try any of those positions,” I told Jason when I managed to stop laughing.
“What, you aren’t impressed by my moves, Annabelle?”
“Yes, of course. I’ve always wanted a man like you.” I forced a laugh, trying to make it seem like I was kidding. It just slipped out. Actually, things like that were slipping out more and more. I needed some self-control.
“So, how’s Janice?” Violet asked Jason, changing the subject. I knew she was trying to be polite, but I couldn’t help but feel like she had punched me in the stomach. I couldn’t stand Jason’s girlfriend, well, Violet couldn’t either. We both put on a brave face whenever he talked about her. But we almost never brought her up first. However, Violet was bringing her up more and more often. It was driving me nuts, but the smile on her face made me think that was the exact reaction she wanted.
“She’s good. Uh, she had a lot going on during winter break so I didn’t get to see her as much as I would have liked.” Jason turned to look at me and then smiled big. “Annabelle and I ended up hanging out most of the time.”
“I heard that. She was just telling me about your hockey game.” Violet snickered again and gave me a little wink.
“Oh man! It was hysterical. She didn’t bring gloves, a hat, or a scarf. She didn’t realize ice hockey rinks were that cold.” Jason laughed and chucked a pillow at me lightly.
“Ha-ha! You didn’t tell me, and you knew I’d never been to a game before. I figured we’d be inside so it wouldn’t be as cold as it was outside.” I tried to defend myself, but they both looked at me with pursed lips and raised brows. “Why don’t we go get some lunch? You guys can tease me more then. I’ll have better comebacks once I get some food in my system.”
Violet and Jason seemed to be fine with my change of subject and we headed to the cafeteria.
Normally, I was not an outdoors person. I didn’t really like dirt, bugs, or sweating, so being outside was not my thing. But this campus was so beautiful that I didn’t care. The grass was luscious and there were flowerbeds and gazebos dispersed throughout the grounds. It was like walking through the Secret Garden and it actually made me feel at peace. At least it did until Jason put his arm around my shoulders and shattered any semblance of calm I may have been experiencing.
He was the only guy who had ever done this to me. Heck, he was the only guy I’d ever hugged who I wasn’t related to. When he stood this close to me, I could smell his cologne. He usually wore a clean scent that reminded me of laundry day. To me, there was nothing better than falling into fresh sheets. He made me think of that, but then I thought about falling into fresh sheets with him and I quickly started to panic and tried to push those thoughts away. But then it dawned on me. I knew that smell. It made me think of the ocean spray from the boardwalk and I could almost hear the seagulls.
“Are you wearing the cologne I got you for Christmas?”
“Yeah, why?” Jason didn’t look at me, but rather stared straight ahead. I couldn’t see the look on his face, however his ears turned a light shade of red. Could he be blushing too?
“Nothing, I just think it smells good,” I replied, trying to keep the ridiculous smile off my face.
“Well, I would hope so. You bought it. Unless you got me something that smelled awful in an effort to stay as far away from me as possible.”
“Ah, you have me figured out. I guess they switched the bottle at the store.”
“That must be it,” he said, and gave me a bright smile, squeezing my shoulder a little with his big hand.
He was wearing my gift and it seemed kind of intimate for some reason. I didn’t think it would have this kind of effect on me. My pulse was beating rapidly and I was desperate to calm it before Jason noticed. There was an awkward silence, but I didn’t know what to say. Violet, as she almost always did, seemed to pick up on it.
“So, I love my journal. I assume you were a part of that gift?” She gave Jason a little side hug and pulled him away from me for a second. Sometimes it was frustrating that she was so perceptive. But I was grateful for her. I needed those few moments to try to compose my face and calm my nerves.
“Oh yeah, glad you like it. Where’s my present, then?”
“Was I supposed to get you a present? I thought your present was that I came back from England and now you get to be in my presence.”
“Eh, Annabelle and I had enough fun without you.” Jason gave her a little shove then pulled me close so he could put his arm back around my shoulders. “Right, Annabelle?”
“Nah, I kinda like her. She brings excitement to the group.”
Jason pulled Violet back under his arm. “Fine, whatever Annabelle says.”
“Your present is in my room. We can get it after we eat,” she told him, and he dropped the arm around me and gave her a quick hug. I instantly felt a chill go through my system now that his warm arm was around Violet. He didn’t pull me back in for a hug and I didn’t reach for it. The three of us just continued to walk while Jason’s arm was wrapped around Violet.
The cafeteria was pretty empty so Violet asked Jason a few more questions about his family and the rest of his break as we grabbed trays to get food. Then we separated to grab our favorites. Violet worshiped pasta and Jason basically lived off pizza and burgers. Although, he could only eat burgers when Janice wasn’t around. She didn’t eat red meat and insisted Jason didn’t as well.
My favorite was anything I could throw in a stir fry. Well, that and ice cream. Jason finished getting his food and told us he was going to get our table by the windows while the two of us finished getting our dinner.
I was almost done with my stir fry when Violet basically snuck behind me. I jumped a little, my focus too on Jason to realize she was there.
“You bought him cologne? That’s a girlfriend gift.” She rested her tray on the counter so she could put her hands on her hips and give me one hell of a judgmental look. Eyebrows raised, head tilted to the side, and lips pursed. Since she’d walked into my room, she kept giving me this look. At this rate, her face was gonna freeze that way, and I didn’t think Berneli was gonna like that O face.
I rolled my eyes and flipped the stir fry onto my plate. “I didn’t know what to get him and some websites suggested cologne. So, you know, I just found one I liked. Guess he liked it too.” In reality, I had spent hours on his gift. I didn’t want to get him just anything and I read an article that said cologne could cause a guy to subconsciously think about you throughout the day. Not that I should want him to think of me. It was just wrong, but whatever. I wasn’t made of money so it was one of the few things I could get. At least I didn’t get him boxers.
“Well, what do you think Janice is going to say when she is hooking up with Jason while he is wearing your cologne?”
“It doesn’t matter. He decides when to wear it. It’s not my fault if he is wearing it while kissing Janice. Maybe Jason wants to wear it because he likes it.”
“Maybe he wants to wear it because he wants you to smell it when you’re kissing him?” Violet suggested while nudging me a little.
“Since he is with Janice, I don’t think we need to worry about that,” I told her, walking across the cafeteria and setting the tray down next to Jason.
“We don’t need to worry about what?” Jason asked, and then wiped some pizza sauce off his face. He missed some of it and I rolled my eyes. Why was he always such a mess?
“Finding good stir fry. Annabelle was just telling me how much she missed it while on break.” Violet didn’t even pause to think of the lie.
I took a deep breath and lightly tapped her leg under the table with my foot in gratitude. She was always quick with a response, no matter the situation. Sometimes they were dirty comments, but that made her fun. I never knew what she was going to say.
We were talking about classes when Jason’s phone went off. It was a text from Janice. The smile faded from his face almost instantly.
“I was hoping to hang out with Janice tonight, but she said she is driving back first thing in the morning. Her mom wants to do a family night before she comes back to school.” He fired back a response and then looked at us with a big grin. “On the bright side, she isn’t gonna sneak up on me, so I’m getting a burger.” He winked at me and then got up from the table.
Violet and I waited until he was out of earshot to groan. “I don’t know why he stays with her. All she does is bail on him,” I said, shaking my head.
“Comfort. They’ve been together for so long, he is probably afraid to be without her.” Violet’s voice was quiet and filled with despair. She really loved Jason as a friend, and I knew it killed her to watch Janice mistreat him. I was surprised she’d stayed silent this long. It wasn’t like her to keep her opinions to herself.
“What should we do about it?” I asked her, watching Jason talk to a couple of guys by the grill station.
Violet slapped at my arm to get my attention and locked eyes with me. “We do nothing! Until you’re ready to be with him for real, then you do nothing.”
“It’s not that simple.” I didn’t know how to explain it to her. For months, Violet had been insisting there was something more between us. She claimed he stared at me with a longing he never showed Janice, but I just didn’t see it. Probably because we never really saw the way he looked at Janice since she was never around. But at the same time, I didn’t think he looked at me any differently than he looked at Violet, and I knew he wasn’t in love with her.
What if he wasn’t actually interested in me? What if he was just being nice? He treated Violet and me the same way. He hugged her and hung out with her too. Maybe we were all just friends. He actually found Violet’s journal and chipped in, but didn’t get me anything. He paid for one of my dinners, which was nice, but it wasn’t anywhere near the thought he had for her present.
“I know. But you can’t be responsible for breaking them up if you aren’t one hundred percent positive you want him.” Violet’s eyes were stern and all her usual jokes were long gone.
“I want to be with him, but I’m not ready for that. What if he isn’t interested and I screw everything up?” I asked, more afraid than positive. No, I wasn’t ready for this. Jason needed to give me a sign that he was interested in me as more than a friend. I couldn’t ruin the friendship. That, and I’d never been in a relationship before. I didn’t know how to be with someone in that way and I wouldn’t want to start my first relationship as a homewrecker. What if I was a bad girlfriend and he left me to go back to Janice?
Violet snapped her fingers in my face and then looked at me as if she was reading my soul. “But he does…”
“No, you think he does. Has he ever said it to you? Has he come out and said, ‘Vi, I’ve got feelings for Annabelle’?”
“No, but—”
“Exactly. You two are my best friends, and I’m not screwing that up on ifs. What if he doesn’t like me and things get awkward? Then you’ll be in the middle and I’ll lose my best friend and you will probably lose a best friend and then we all can’t hang out. I don’t want to screw up what we have. Besides, I’m no homewrecker. If he liked me enough, he’d leave her. I think that’s the biggest clue here. He’s still with her.”
She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something further, but then went back to her pasta. I was glad she didn’t press me or insist on talking about it more. She was crazy persuasive and it would only be a matter of time before she talked me into doing something.
Jason came back a few minutes later with a new guy and my mouth went dry. He was gorgeous. His eyes were hazel and they were framed by dark, long lashes. It should be illegal for a man to have such beautiful lashes. I forced myself to look at the rest of him. His straight brown hair was cropped short and his creamy skin held a natural tan. But it was his fierce cheek and jaw bones that grabbed my attention. They were prominent and utterly manly.
He slid his jacket off before sitting down and I almost choked on my soda. His arm muscles were bulging and I knew I was gaping. Normally, lean muscle was my favorite, but his thick, defined form was so overwhelming and hot that I decided I could make an exception for him. In fact, I wanted to make a whole lot of exceptions for him.
“This is Kingsley,” Jason introduced us.
“Kingsley? That’s an interesting name. Where did your parents come up with it?” Violet asked him as she gave him a little wave.
“My name is Thomas Kingsley III. I played sports forever and they always call you by your last name. Eventually, I just decided to start using it since my mom was tired of yelling for Tom and having two people answer. If my grandpa is there, it’s even worse.” He smiled, revealing a set of perfectly straight and white teeth. They glistened like a toothpaste commercial.
“Kingsley moved in across the hall after he had some problems with his roommate last semester,” Jason told us.
“Yeah, he was just super jealous of me and things got hostile. But I didn’t want to force him to move, so I was the bigger person and just changed rooms,” Kingsley explained, and then took a bite of his burger. “Shit, they made it wrong again. I only like it medium well and there is way too much pink in this burger. I’ll be back.” Kingsley grabbed his tray and walked back to the grill station.
“Well, he’s a little prissy.” Violet snorted.
“Kind of. I heard he hooked up with his roommate’s girlfriend and that’s why he moved out,” Jason informed us.
“Maybe he didn’t know,” I said, remembering Kenny. I was the other woman with him and had no idea. It still upset me that I had been used like that. Maybe he was in the same position. I just met the guy, so it seemed wrong to just assume the worst.
“I feel like he probably knew,” Jason stated.
“But you don’t know that, right?” I asked him.
“No, I don’t know that. It’s just a rumor,” he confirmed.
“Well, people were saying crappy things about me after the Kenny thing blew up and that was a nasty rumor too. I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt.” I glanced at Kingsley, smiling. I kind of admired how he went back to talk to the cooks. I never had the courage to do it, which meant sometimes I didn’t enjoy my meal.
Jason turned his head and followed my glance. “Don’t tell me, you think he’s hot.”
“I sure as hell do,” Violet responded, letting out a low whistle.
I laughed with her and Jason rolled his eyes.
“Well, obviously, he’s buff,” I added, still looking at him. Kingsley took that moment to turn around and made eye contact with me. I quickly looked down, but not before I noticed the giant grin that spread out on his face. He’d caught me but it looked like he didn’t mind. Feeling brave for whatever reason, I risked a look at him again and he was still smiling in my direction as he placed his new burger on his tray.
“Looks aren’t everything,” Jason tried to remind me.
“No, but they don’t hurt,” I stated, excited he was walking back toward us. I gave him a little wave, like Violet had done, and he gave me a nod, sending shivers of excitement through me. Kingsley sat down next to me and handed me a chocolate chip cookie.
“I grabbed myself one and they were having a deal. Do you want the other one?”
“Thanks, I love sweets. They’re kind of my weakness.”
“Mine too,” he said, but his smile was gone. Instead, he gave me a very different look. I didn’t know how to label it, hell, I wasn’t even sure if another guy had ever looked at me that way. All I knew was that I hoped he wouldn’t look away.