Fuck me. The connection I felt when I laid eyes on her at the clubhouse is proving deeper than surface. This is more than attraction. This is a pull stronger than any drug I’ve had pump through my veins.

Of all the things to connect us, it must be our sense of unworthiness from our families. I hate that shit for her, because I’ve lived it all my life. I know how it eats at your insides, festers and turns to anger.

The thing is, she doesn’t seem angry. No, instead, she comes across as strong, independent, and happy. The way she speaks, she has a damn good head on her shoulders.

“You said your parents were killed.”

I hear her breath heave, no doubt from a topic she doesn’t want to talk about.

I know I’m pushing her, but I need the distraction. The gym didn’t ease the tension, frustration, and so many years of anguish. I need to focus on something other than myself.

“Yeah. Drive-by shooting. They were in their home, shots rang throughout the house, and within moments, I became parentless.”

“Damn, babe. Sorry.”

When I was younger, I wanted to be my father more than anything. I wanted to be by his side. I wanted to have my bike next to his, the Ravage MC cut on my back, and all the brothers at my back. It was all I ever wanted. All I desired, even at a young age.

Around me was family all the time. Cooper and I raised hell. Then shit went bad with him and Nox, and I raised hell. I always had someone at my back, doing stupid shit and getting in trouble more times than I can count.

All it took for me was a hit, one. One bad decision turned into years of fucked up shit. One hit easily turned into two. Then three … Then I couldn’t stop. The escape away from life was too much to not grab ahold of and embrace. There was no thinking. No control. No nothing, but me on the high of my life. It wasn’t about Ravage, Cooper, shit I lost, shit I wanted and would never have. It was easy.

Then that high wasn’t enough, and so on, until my folks threw me in rehab. I needed it before the crud I was hitting killed me, but it is still a craving inside me that’s more intense than anything I’ve ever had.

“Shit happens in life. You play the hand you’re dealt.”

“Right,” I agree, staring out at the road before me, my mother flashing through my head.

Cancer. The thought is a punch to the gut.

When I think back, really think back, my mother always defended me. I always wondered if she really accepted me for me. If she actually thought I was a total fuck up in my life or somehow could see through the bullshit. It’s been so long I shouldn’t care, but fuck, I do. She’s my mom.

Listening to Rylie and the fact she lost her mother and father, I realize I’m not ready for that shit. Not to mention a fuck of a lot of time I’ve wasted.

Fuck, there are consequences, though, if I stay. Somehow, I need to figure that shit out, too.

I rub my hand over my face and through my hair.

“If you want to talk about it, it’s lookin’ like I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

The last time I let someone carry the weight of my shit was back when Coop and I were tight. He took my shit, helped me sort it, and then we moved on. Even young, he knew how to solve pretty much everything. That’s what I admired most about him.

Since him, there’s been no one. Not Nox. Not the dozens of therapists in rehab. Not the support groups. Not the specialists. Not the doctors. No one. It’s all been on me. I can take it. I’ve done it for four years now. The thought of dumping it on someone else and letting them carry the load is tempting.

But it’s not happening.

I gave into temptation too many times. I won’t do it again, no matter what.

We drive for a while in silence that isn’t uncomfortable. It’s peaceful in a way I don’t get, yet I take it. I need it. I need peace.

Pulling off into a cove I remember from back in the day, I throw the truck in park, knowing I shouldn’t do what I’m about to do. With all the shit swirling around me, I need to keep focus. Right now, though, I crave distraction.

Fuck it.

Pushing my seat all the way back, I reach over and unlatch Rylie’s belt.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

I grab her hand and pull her onto my lap so she’s straddling me. She brings her hands to my chest hard, putting pressure on me, pulling away.

Rylie’s breath catches, shock written on her face. She begins to speak, but I pull her down to my lips and take. She resists a bit, pressing on my chest, but I hold steady. Seconds later, she’s not resisting anymore. Quickly, I’m not taking anymore. No, she’s giving, and damn does she give. She clenches my shirt as the truck heats up quickly.

I learn two things very fast. One, Rylie is a hellcat. She takes what I give her and gives it back hard. Two, she’s hot for me. Burning so much her hips are grinding hard on my cock.

Squeezing her tit, she groans in my mouth. She tastes of cinnamon and sweetness.

Then she breaks away, heaving, her eyes looking deeply into mine, penetrating.

“You sure you want this, cowboy?” she teases, her body telling me she’s all in.

“Fuck yeah.”

“This means nothing. Just two people fucking. Got me?” she demands.

Considering I don’t want to be in this town, I’m game for that.

“Got it.”

She climbs off, taking off those fucking tight-ass shorts and her underwear, and pulling off her shoes. She comes back, her eyebrow quirked. “You havin’ second thoughts, big man?”

“Fuck no.” I pull her down and kiss her again as she roams her hands over my body, each touch searing me and going straight to my hard cock.

She unbuttons my jeans. With swift maneuvers, I unleash my dick, wrap it, and slide inside of her. Her groan of pleasure is nowhere near enough.

“Wanna hear you scream.”

“Make me,” she challenges.

Gripping her hips, I shove in and out of her, her head hitting the ceiling of the truck. She groans, gripping my shoulders. Somehow, she finds leverage with her legs and uses them to slam down as I push up.

The feel, the friction, her tight cunt wrapped around my cock, I lose it. She loses it. Rylie comes hard and loud, screaming my name, then burying her head in my neck. Gripping her tight, I find my release. Our breathing ragged, my cock still twitches.

After long moments, Rylie’s body begins shaking. My first thought is she’s crying. I don’t have a fucking clue what that’s from. Then I hear it. Laughter.

She’s laughing.

“Babe, never had a woman laugh after I fucked her before.”

She lifts herself up, a smile on her face. “Not bruisin’ your ego, big man. Just didn’t have this planned for the day.”

“Plans fuckin’ blow, Ry. And just sayin’, my cock still inside of you.” I press up, and her eyes become hooded. “Babe, it ain’t no laughin’ matter.”

“Are you ready to go again?” she asks as I harden.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Already?”

I set about showing her exactly how I can handle round two.

* * *

Pulling back into the gym, a weird vibe comes through the cab of the truck. We didn’t talk a whole lot, but it was comfortable. Not once did she clam up on me or get that quiet where women want more but aren’t saying anything. Never got that from her. If anything, she was relaxed and sated.

I toss the truck into park, knowing I need to get back to the clubhouse and talk to my mother, but also knowing this’ll be the last time I’ll see Rylie. It’s been a long fucking time since I thought about seeing a woman again, but I wouldn’t mind seeing her.

“Babe.”

Ry turns toward me, her face contorting as she bursts out laughing.

“Not sure what the fuck’s funny.”

“It’s cool, Deke. I get you. Get where you’re comin’ from. You got shit. I got shit. We needed a breather, and we got it from each other. Not gonna start stalkin’ your ass or anything.”

My lips tip up. “That’s good.”

“Yeah.” She turns and hops out of the truck. “You know where to find me.” She gives me a wink then slams the truck door shut, striding off. Her tight ass sways as she goes, making my cock hard once again.

Fuck.

She swings up into a kickass Jeep then takes off, not looking back once.

* * *

“Deke!” Austyn runs up to my truck as I get out. Back at the clubhouse again. Back where everything started.

“Surprised they took your leash off.”

“Ha, ha. Didn’t know you had a sense of humor.”

“I don’t.”

“Whatever.” She crosses her arms. “They didn’t think you were coming back. Your ma’s havin’ a hard time, and your dad’s fuckin’ furious. You sure you wanna go back in there?”

“Fuck no. Don’t got a choice.”

“What’s goin’ on?” she asks, her brow tipping over the top of her sunglasses.

“Mom’s got cancer.”

Her hands drop, and she takes a step back like I physically punched her in the gut. “What?” Guess my old man was right in the everyone doesn’t know pool. Least I know it’s not a ploy to keep me here, but fuck me, I wish it was.

“Gotta go in and talk to her. Don’t know a lot about it yet, but I’m sure it’ll get around quick.”

“Fuck, Deke.” She steps forward, placing her hand on my arm as a show of comfort. It feels foreign and surreal. Comfort isn’t a luxury I’ve had, even if it was my own doing.

“Gonna crash at your place tonight before I head back.”

Surprise lights up her face. “You’re stayin’?”

“The night. Go from there.”

“No problem. You can stay as long as you want.”

“The night, Austyn.”

She nods and falls into step with me as I move toward the clubhouse. Spotting my mother sitting at a table, with Princess, Tanner, and a couple of the ol’ ladies around her, I move that way. My father steps into my path, his look pissed as hell.

“Surprised you came back.”

“Told Mom I would.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He crosses his arms over his chest, the vein ticking in his neck and his eyes piercing me to the spot.

“Besides my mom bein’ sick? Nothin’.”

“I don’t want shit around her, Deke. I swear to fuck, you bring that around your mom, I’ll end you.”

His words hit me deep, sending me back to a time when I wasn’t what he needed me to be. What he thought I should be. How I disappointed him and everyone around me. Not only do they cut, they burn. So much so my heartrate picks up. Still, I keep my shit together.

When I was a boy, this man was all I aspired to be. Loyal, trustworthy, treated my mom like fucking gold. Then, one day it all twisted. I can’t remember the exact moment because it was a series of them. He’d be pissed if anyone judged him, but he judged me before I even had a chance. Coop was years older than me, so of course he had his shit together before me. But comparing me to him, my actions, letting everyone in the clubhouse know, that disappointment made me lose respect for him. I’m pretty sure it’ll never come back.

Where was his loyalty to me? Where was the love for me? Where was the ride on for me? With my dad, it was non-existent, or maybe I just didn’t see it clearly.

I meet his stare head-on, not flinching, not cowering, not taking his shit. “Haven’t touched that shit in four fuckin’ years, Dad. Don’t believe me. I don’t give a fuck. I’m here for her, not you.”

He moves closer into my space. “Fuckin’ talk to me like that again, I’ll pound you into the ground.”

“Try it.”

His eyes flare.

My mother comes between us, pushing her body in the small space. “Stop it! Stop it right this minute!”

I step back, only to allow her room. Eyes are on us everywhere, and I feel the air in the room change.

“This is enough!” she yells, and it comes out as a cry. “I love you, but you need to stop right now, GT.”

“Angel—”

“No!” she barks, catching my father’s undivided attention. “Deke and I are going out to the courtyard. Don’t come out. I want to talk to my son.”

“I think we should talk to him,” my father counters, obviously not ready to give up.

“No, we aren’t. You won’t keep yourself in check, GT, and I need to actually talk to Deke. No yelling, no jabs, no fighting—talk to him. Once you can figure out how to do that, then we will talk to him. Right now, I’m going to.”

My father pushes. “I—”

“If you come out there, GT, you’ll be sleepin’ on the couch.” Fire roars in my mother’s eyes.

“No way in hell, woman.”

She steps closer. “Try me.” It comes out in a growl, and I gotta say, I’m proud of my mom. She’s been a fighter my whole life. Even before that, if the stories are all correct. That’s how I know she’ll beat this shit. She won’t let it get her down.

My mother grabs my hand and pulls me out of the clubhouse and into the grassy area. She goes to a picnic table off to the side with no one around.

“Sit,” she orders, and I do as she says because she’s on a roll and because I want answers as well as she does.

She sits in front of me, a slow smile coming to her beautiful face. Damn, I’ve missed that smile. Having it directed at me and feeling it is like a kick in the gut. Sunshine. She smelled it, radiated it, is it, and I’ve missed years. Damn.

“I’m so damn happy you’re here. Talk to me.”

No way am I going to lie and tell her I’m happy to be here. I’d rather have my nails pulled out by the roots.

She reaches out, and I take her hands in mine. They’re a bit cold to the touch, so I give them a thumb rub.

“They say I’m sick. Don’t look it, don’t feel it, but it’s there. We’re hopin’ it hasn’t spread, because that’s the best-case scenario right now.”

The words hit me like lead bullets.

“You know for sure it’s cancer?”

“Yeah, Deke. That’s what I’m getting treated for.”

“Fuck.”

Her hands tighten in mine. I’m thankful for that small bit of reassurance, even if I should be giving it to her. “The chemo isn’t bad yet, but they say it’ll get worse as time goes on.”

“You’ll beat it,” I demand with all my power.

This time, her smile doesn’t reach her eyes, showing me her fear. “Yeah. Tell me about you. What are you doing? Where are you working? Do you have a woman in your life?”

“I’m a mechanic. Make decent money.”

She surprises me with, “You’re fighting?”

“Yep.” I’m not stupid in thinking that I haven’t been looked into. I may not have been around, but the Ravage MC doesn’t leave things to chance.

Her brows draw together. “Why?”

“It’s part of who I am now, Mom. I get paid damn good for what I do.”

“Bet you do. Can’t see you takin’ scraps.”

I smirk. “Never take scraps from anyone. That’s what you’ve always said.”

“Right. You deserve the best.” She pauses, squeezes my hand, and then goes for it. “The drugs gone for good?”

For some reason, it doesn’t irritate me coming from her as opposed to my father. “Yeah. Clean four years.”

“But you left four years ago.”

“Yep.”

“Then why’d you go?” She asks the question I don’t want to answer. Ever.

I blow out. “Just had to, Mom. Not talkin’ about that shit.”

She gives my hands a squeeze. “I want you home.”

“I can visit.”

“No, Deke. I want you home with your family. With me. I need you here,” she pleads.

Fuck. There is so much to me coming here that she has no idea about.

“Don’t know if I can do that, Ma. Got a life up north.”

“You’ve got family down here,” she counters.

Family, the word churns inside me like acid.

“You know damn well that none of those motherfuckers want me here. I was accused of hitting Austyn, for Christ’s sake. That’s how much they think of me. I’m not livin’ like that.”

“And I’m not going to fight for my damn life and not have my kids around. You’ve been gone four years too long, Deacon Alexander. You think they don’t want you here? Prove you deserve it. Prove you’re not who they think. Man up and pull your head out of your ass. I’m not having another family function without my whole family here. I’m not having holidays without my entire family here. No more missing pieces. You want me to fight? Then you fight with me.”

I pull away from her and lean back on the bench, the weight of everything she just said laying heavy on my shoulders.

“Are you tellin’ me you’re not gonna fight this shit unless I’m here?” Talk about a sock to the gut.

She pierces me with her gaze, giving me the one she used to when she was angry with me or wanted me to listen. “I’m tellin’ you, your ass is here. Go get your shit sorted and come home.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“That’s all you’re gettin’.”

I’m pretty fucking sure my mother just threw down on me. The absolute shit thing is, I have no retort. Sure, I can be a dick and refuse, go up to Grayson, and forget all this shit. But she’s my mom. If anything happens to her, my sister would lose it … my father would crumble.

I run my hand through my hair, gripping it tight. “Can’t believe my mother is blackmailing me.”

A small tip of her lips tells me she knows exactly what she’s doing and doesn’t give two shits about it.

“You’re gonna beat this.”

She leans forward, the determination I wanted moments ago making its appearance. “Yes, I am.”

The decision is done. “Gotta go home and get shit sorted.”

Surprise and wonder cloud her eyes as she pulls back from the table, waiting for the answer, yet preparing for a verbal blow when she asks, “This mean you’re comin’ home, right?”

“Gotta talk to my boss. Not sure how all that’ll fly.”

“Need you back here Saturday. Your sister’s comin’ home, and I want you here.”

Inwardly, I groan, not wanting my sister to have to deal with this shit.

“You think this is gonna go smooth, you’re mistaken.”

“I don’t care. You’re home, that’s all that matters.”

Warmth fills me for the first time in years. “You always had my back.”

She stands up from the table, and I follow. She wraps me in her arms. “Always. I’ll always have your back, never doubt that.”

Damn, I missed my mom.

After talking to my mom, I call Austyn, telling her my ass is going home. Home. Guess it’s not going to be home anymore.