“Lanie, wait.” I turn when I realize she must have gotten the wrong impression. First I tell her that no matter what she says, I’ll be here for her and love her. Then, at the mention of something serious, I say something where it looks like I’m done. I really just needed a moment to gather my thoughts. Thinking about what she’s been through has hit me harder than I thought it would. I want to kill that bastard she’s married to.
“Lanie!” I run towards her. She’s just about ready to step into the tent when I take her hand and turn her around. Thankfully I didn’t scare her like I usually do. “We’re not going back home. We’re going to stay right here and spend the weekend together like I planned.”
“I don’t want to be here. I can’t be here with you when I know that you’ve probably changed your mind about all of this. About us.” She brings her hands to her face and begins to cry. Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around her shoulders to bring her closer to me. Kissing the top of her head, I whisper soft words to try and calm her. “I can’t do this, Jaxon. I just can’t.”
“You’re not doing anything, Lanie. Nothing has changed. I got up and walked away because I didn’t want you to see the anger in my eyes. I know I can look scary at times, and I don’t want you seeing that part of me if I can help it. But believe me, nothing has changed. I love you, probably more now than I did before. You are the strongest woman I've ever met.”
“I’m not strong. I’m weak. If I was strong, I would have gotten out of there long ago.” She cries in my chest while her body shakes in my arms.
“The main thing is, you were able to finally leave him. That makes you strong, babe. It’s not how long you suffered, because that alone shows strength. It’s about being strong enough to finally break away.”
“I let him get away with so much. He killed my parents, almost killed my sister. Don’t you see? I’m eventually going to bring him to you and when he finds you...” She drops her head on my chest. “I’m afraid he’ll kill you too.”
“I’m a little stronger than you think. I’m not scared of that coward. If anything, he should be scared of me.” Taking her by the shoulders, I push her away just so I can see her tear stricken face. Even under the moonlight, she’s still just as breathtaking as she was when I first laid eyes on her. “You know, this isn’t how I saw this weekend going. Let’s try to forget about tonight, or at least push it aside if at all possible, and focus on us getting to know one another a little more.”
Lanie wipes the moisture off her face and nods. “Okay.”
“We can go back to the cabin if you want.”
“No. Let’s stay here tonight and do what was planned. I would like this to be a great time away.” Her smile weakens me at the knees.
“I’m good with that.” Engulfing her in my arms again, after I press my lips to the top of her head, we make our way back inside the tent. We remain quiet while we get situated in the sleeping bags. No words are needed. Once we’re nestled in our sleeping bags, she decides to break the silence.
“Thank you.” She whispers, scooting herself closer to me. My arms wrap around her small body where she fits perfectly.
“For what?”
“For being you. For bringing me here. For being a constant positive in my life right now. I know you know it’s hard for me to say how I feel about you. It’s not that I don’t want to, I do.”
“You don’t have to say anything Lanie.”
“I know, but I want you to know that I feel it too.” In this moment, even after everything she shared with me tonight, I don’t think I could love this woman any more than I do right now.
“You don’t need to say it for me to know you feel the same way, babe. I love you regardless if you say it or not. But knowing you feel the same way. That’s all I could ever ask for.” Her eyes are closed, obviously drained from an emotional evening. She nods sleepily and snuggles closer to me. My lips land on her forehead just before her head becomes heavier on my arm.
“I love you, Lanie Morris.”
“Montgomery, remember?” Her soft voice lets me know she’s still with me.
“One day, babe. One day.” I close my eyes and finally give in to some much needed sleep.
“I am not going in there.” Lanie stands at the edge of the water with her arms crossed under her perky breasts.
“Lanie Morris, if you don’t get your gorgeous ass in this canoe, I’ll throw you over my shoulder and put you in it myself.” I tease, chuckling.
“Have you seen the color of that water. That’s not right.” For every step I take towards her, she takes a step back.
“Babe. It’s not a pool, it’s a lake.” I reach my hands out so they land on her hips. She rests hers on each arm.
“There are slimy creatures in there.” Her cute little nose crinkles with disgust and I can’t help but laugh. “Jax, it’s not funny.”
“But it is.” She’s pouting now. “Look. You like the ocean, right?”
“Yeah, but.” Before she could finish, I silence her with a kiss. This is the first kiss since last night. I decided that she needed to know that I’m here for her because I want to be. Not because she’s beautiful and has a fucking amazing body. What I want is her to trust and believe in me no matter what confessions she may need to tell me. I know her story isn’t over with, but what I need her to realize is that that chapter of the story is done. Heck, the chapter with that jackass needs to be buried. With me, this is a new story. A new adventure. A new fucking book that is filled with nothing but happiness and smiles, something she should have had from the beginning.
“No buts. It’s practically the same thing.”
“At the ocean I can see the bottom when I’m standing in the water. I have no clue what’s in that.” She points to the lake.
“It’s the same thing, only it’s green because unlike the ocean, it sits still. But I can promise, when we’re in the center of ‘that’, you will be able to see straight to the bottom.”
“We’re going to canoe to the center of that?” She points to the water again, emphasizing on “that”.
She squeals as I life her up onto my shoulder while I make my way over to the canoe. “Yup. And you’re going to love it too.” I smack her on the ass before sliding her down my chest. “Now I advise you to sit still while in the canoe so you don’t tip it. Because if you do, you’ll really be pissed.” I chuckle while she has a death grip around my neck. “Let go Lanie. I got you.”
“Don’t you drop me.”
“Never.” I assure her. I set her in the canoe and prying her fingers from around my neck. “Do you trust me?”
“Usually.”
“It’s a yes or no answer, Lanie.”
“Yes.”
“Then trust in me when I tell you that you’ll be perfectly safe.” I climb in behind her, push us away from the dock and begin to paddle around. It’s still early, so the lake belongs to us. This is my favorite time to be on the water.
“Do you want me to help?” She asks. As difficult as it is to paddle alone, I don’t want her to worry about anything.
“Nope. All I want you to do is sit back and enjoy yourself.”
“How can I when you’re doing all the work.”
“Lanie.”
“Hmm?”
“Shut up.” She giggles, bringing a smile to my face. This is exactly what I want for her. To smile and relax and not worry about her crazy husband that’s missing in action as we speak.
Slowly, I paddle us along the edge of the lake heading towards the channel. Most of the time we’re moving at a nice slow speed unless we have to come to a stop so she can ask a question about something she saw. At first, her hands were white knuckled around the edge of the canoe, but the further I went, the more and more her body began relaxing. By the time I got to the mouth of the channel, she was pointing more freely at different things along the shoreline, asking all sorts of questions about me. Most importantly, she calms and seems to be having a great time.
Before too long, on her own accord, she turns in her seat and begins to open up about her childhood. Sharing stories about how close she is with her sister and how every year her parents would take them all across the world. Knowing I won’t ever be able to give her a lifetime like that, my heart breaks a little. She wipes a few tears when she’s deep in thought. No doubt she’s drawn back to a memory about her sister and parents. So I just remain quiet and let her have her moment.
“What about you?” She finally asks when I beach the canoe for lunch.
“What about me?” I take her hand and help her on land. She keeps her hand in mine. I guide her to the trail that leads to a quaint surf and turf that faces the channel.
“I’ve pretty much told you everything about me. I don’t know what more I could tell you.” She admits. “But I don’t know that much about you other than the vague questions I asked earlier. You are obviously close to your sister. Is she your only sibling? What about your parents?” She begins to giggle. Every time she does, my heart swells more and more for her. I’ve never heard a more beautiful sound. “Listen to me, I’m babbling.”
“I love when you babble.” I push open the front door. Taking the small of her back, I guide her in. “I have one sister and one brother. We’re all close. Or we were until about fifteen years ago. My dad lives in the same house we all grew up in just north of town. My mom passed away when I was just a teenager.”
Lanie stops and turns to face me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…”
Placing my hands on her hips, I walk her backwards. “It’s okay. Life happens. Thankfully my brother and I had Sofie to help keep us in check.” I continue walking us to an open table in the corner.
“You love her. That’s clear to see.” She sits and scoots her chair closer to me. It’s the little things she does that means so much.
“She’s my everything. Or she was.” I wink and she blushes. “Then when Ben was born, I turned into her savior. Aside from my father, I was the only father figure in his life.”
“Which is why you’re so patient with him at the shop.” I nod. The waitress approaches up just before I can give her my answer.
“Hey Jax. It’s been a while.”
“Hi Gracie.” I sigh. She’s been trying to hook up with me for years. Not that she’s not good looking, because she’s beautiful. But there’s something about a woman who continuously throws herself at men for attention that makes them unattractive in my eyes. I take Lanie’s hand and look her in the eyes. She’s studying Gracie before realizing my stare. When she makes eye contact with me she takes a deep, annoying breath and rolls her eyes. “Gracie, this is Lanie. My fiancé.” Lanie’s eyes widen and I raise an eyebrow, letting her know that it’s a much needed lie.
“Oh, um… Well.” Gracie wipes her hand on her apron and offers it to Lanie. “It’s so nice to meet you.” Lanie hesitates before taking Gracie’s hand.
“Likewise.”
“We always wondered who would finally tame the beast.” Lanie releases her hand and immediately takes mine on the table.
“And did you think you would be the one to tame him?” She challenges the waitress. Gracie stands there and starts to get nervous.
“We all have.” She snaps. “Where’s the ring?” She asks with her hand on her hip. Obviously trying to get under Lanie’s skin.
“As much as I love to look at it, I didn’t want to chance losing it in the water. Plus, I have his heart. I don’t have to wear his jewelry to know he has my heart just the same.”
Smart, beautiful and spunky with a touch of fire. Yeah, she’s mine and I’m never letting her go.
“Well, whatever. Did you two want to order?” Annoyed, Gracie tries to get back into her role.
“I’ll have whatever Jaxon is having.” Lanie sits back, still keeping a hold of my hand.
“Do you always let him make your decisions?” Gracie mumbles.
“What does it matter to you? Are you jealous? I mean, you did just admit yourself that you wanted to ‘tame the beast’. Too bad he didn’t need to be ‘tamed’. All he needed was just some deep down honest love. Right, baby?”
At this time, I’m beyond words. She has awed me beyond belief. Leaning in for a kiss, Lanie follows suit. “That’s right.” I mutter, before pressing my lips against hers. When Gracie huffs, I decide to back away from Lanie and face her. “We would like The Usual, please. A beer for me, wine for my fiancé.” If Lanie wants to play house, I’m all too eager to oblige. When Gracie doesn’t move, I turn to her. “Was there something else you wanted, Gracie?”
She stands tall before responding. “I’ll um. I’ll bring your drinks out shortly.” She turns and walks away.
“What was that all about?” I sit back, resting my arm on the back of her chair rest.
“I don’t like that woman, Jaxon.” She really means business if she’s using my full name. “I was just letting her know that you’re off the market. At least until you’re finished with me anyway.”
“When are you going to realize that I’ll never be finished with you. Hell, I’m surprised that you haven’t had your fill of me yet.” She doesn’t say anything as Gracie brings our drinks. Without a word, she places them on the table and walks away.
“Never.” She smiles. “You know how I feel about you.”
“That’s all I need to know.”
Minutes later, we’re delivered our food and we eat in silence. I do happen to make sure that anyone in the room who’s staring at us knows that she belongs to me. I’m not afraid to show it. When the news hits town, shit will definitely hit the fan.
When we finish, I encourage her to walk the trails. I want to take her to a spot I love to visit. I’ve only brought a few people up here since it’s kind of a hike and nobody ever wants to chance it. I asked her if she was up for the challenge and she more than happily accepted it.
Some points during our hike, I stayed close to help her out. Offered a hand to make sure she had support and wouldn’t lose her balance. I also stayed behind her when she was scared she might slide down the side of the hill. I must say, the view is quite nice. When we are almost to the top, I climb up onto the landing first, then offer her my hand. Nervously, she takes it. I lift her up so she’s on solid ground.When she has good footing, I step out of her way.
“Jax.” She says in awe. “This is beautiful.”
“This is my favorite place. You’re the only person I’ve brought up here, aside from my sister and Ben.”
She brings her hands to her chest and she turns to me. With a tear falling from her eye, she smiles. “Thank you for sharing it with me. It’s beyond amazing.”
“You’re welcome. When I’m bothered by things, or just can’t seem to think straight, I like to come up here and just sit.” I sit where I’m standing and she follows suit. “I know you have a lot on your mind. I just want you to know that no matter what, this spot won’t judge you.” She turns back to the view. We’re sitting on the top of a rock formation that overlooks the trees. They’ve grown so much over the years; the view of the neighboring town can barely be seen. The colors of the forest below are so many different shades of green. The river below can’t be seen, but you can hear it as it pushes its way through the dam that the beavers have made. There are just a few clouds in the sky, making it look like it came straight out of a painting. “I’ll just climb down the hill a bit and leave you to your thoughts.” I go to stand, but she grabs me by the arm and stills me.
“No. Don’t go.” I sit back down and she continues. “If you don’t mind, I would like you to stay.”
“Anything you want.” Her gentle smile returns and she appears to drift off in thought while staring down towards the land. I slip my hand out of hers and bring my knees up, resting my forearms on them and drift off in thought too. This is my sanctuary. The place I find myself when I can’t seem to find myself anymore. If that made any sense.
I found this place just after my mom passed away. Some boys say their father is their hero. To an extent, mine is. But my mom, she was and is my true hero. When she left us, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I began drinking and got mixed up in some drugs. My brother was always on the straight and narrow. If it wasn’t for my sister, I probably would still be going down the wrong path or worse. I owe everything to my sister. She stepped into mom’s shoes shortly after she got through her grieving process. Once she knew my brother and I were going to be okay, she began to live her life again.
Even though she’s only a few years ahead of my brother and I, she always seemed to like the younger guys. I thought it was kind of gross at first, but when she started to date Brad, I don’t know, I think I accepted it on a certain level. Brad is a good guy. He always knew what he wanted to do with his life. Maybe I accepted it because I didn’t think it wouldn’t be permanent. He was waiting to be accepted into the college of his choice for the profession he’s in. Do I know what it is? No. He’s good at keeping it secret. What tears me up the most is how much he broke my sister. They had a huge fight right in the middle of town just before he was scheduled to leave. Til this day, she still won’t tell us what it was about. Neither will he. So, my brother and I respected their wishes and never asked again. She dated shortly after he left she tried to forget him by dating anyone that had a dick. Of course it took a toll on my brother and I following her around. We threatened every guy that got within arms distance from her.
As angry as she was, she decided to hermit herself and stay home. Shortly after, she fell pregnant with Ben. Despite our begging and pleading to get her to tell us who the father was, she claimed she didn’t know. But deep down, we knew she knew exactly who it was. My brother ended up with a job offer he said he couldn’t refuse and before Ben was born, he took off. I’ve only seen him a few times since. My dad, who was still struggling with the loss of our mom tried to be there for Sofie, but he just couldn’t. That left me to help out. I grew from a boy fresh out of high school, to a man in no time.
I took care of my sister and made her feel safe. She still required her independence, but relied on me to be her rock. Some say she’s the reason I stayed around. But the truth is, after witnessing the birth of Ben, I couldn’t imagine my life anywhere else. He changed all of our lives.
My brother came home shortly after Ben was born. One glance at Ben and he seemed outraged. He glared at my sister, who realized he figured it out, and immediately she started crying. That’s when I knew that he knew who Ben’s dad was. Instead of sharing the info with me, he took off again, only to come home once every few years claiming that his job keeps him away. Leaving me to take care of my sister and nephew. I was the only father figure in his life, aside from pops and I was dead set on making sure he lived a good life.
A few years ago, Ben came to me upset because he had asked his mom who his father was. Apparently, she broke down and closed up on him. That’s when I brought him up here. He had been so confused about everything. Sofie said his grades were going down and for some reason, he was struggling with a lot of things. I offered him to stay with me for the summer, so we came out to the cabin. Just him and I. Getting him away from the everyday life of a teenage boy is what he needed. We camped, hiked and stayed secluded from the world. One day, I brought him up here and told him to sit here and think about a few things that had been bothering him. Shockingly, he stayed until dark. After that, he seemed to have changed. I told him if he did well with his studies and I noticed an improvement with how he treated his mom, I would consider hiring him to work at the shop with me. Thankfully he made the right choices.
Lanie scoots closer to me, knocking me from my thoughts. She rests her head on my shoulder. I don’t say anything. I rest my head on hers and we both gaze out over the trees.