We’ve made it back down from his “Special Spot” and are now heading back to the tent so we can pack up and go back to the cabin. We really haven’t said much to each other since climbing down. When I cried for my parents, he held me close, letting me have my moment. I also sent a silent prayer that one day I’ll reunite with my sister again. He explained to me how he found that spot and why he brought his sister and nephew there. I love the fact that on the outside, Jax is a force to be reckoned with. However, on the inside, he’s a huge teddy bear and a great family man. He has an incredibly huge heart that I can tell has been trampled on in the past.
Having that quiet time with him to let go of some internal demons is exactly what I needed. I really never had any time to grieve for my parents, so it was nice. I’ve always been so worried about doing the right thing and always lived in fear, that I ended up losing myself in the mix. By eating what he ate and learning to like what he liked, I ended up losing what I loved, including who I was inside. Being with Jax has helped bring some of the old me back to life again. He has given me the space I needed to adjust and find myself. I’m sure it’s because he didn’t know what to do with me. I was just some stranger that needed to be taken in and kept safe. If I hadn’t ventured out to get my window fixed that day, I probably would still be living in the dark. I’m grateful to Jax. He has given me space to discover who I am while still sticking by my side, protecting and loving me with all that he is.
We’re walking back towards the canoe, but just before he helps me back into the small vessel, I pull him back towards me.
“Is everything okay?” He asks with worry in his voice.
“Everything is perfect.” I kiss him. “Thank you.” Worry turns to joy as his pout brightens. His genuine smile warms my heart.
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“I do.” I lift my hand to his cheek. When he leans into it, I continue. “I’m thankful for so much. I’m thankful that Brad was able to save my life that night and bring me to you. In such a short period of time, you have helped me eliminate so many demons that kept wracking my brain. The stress that has disappeared is such a monumental thing for me. So, I’m also very thankful that your parents raised such a perfect gentleman but most of all…”
“Yeah?” He’s eager.
“Most of all, I’m thankful for having your heart.”
“I think you’ve had my heart since the moment you stepped out of the car.”
“Well, I just want you to know that I will do everything in my power to protect it. Kind of the reason I got all protective and jealous earlier at lunch. Sorry about that. I couldn’t help myself.”
Jax chuckles and lifts me up in his arms. “I thought that was one of the sexiest things anyone has done for me.”
“Jax!” I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck. He places me in the canoe and releases me.
“I’ve had my fair share of women, but no one has ever defended me like you did.” He pushes off the beach and steps in. When he sits, and grabs the paddles, he continues. “Hell, it’s giving me a chubby just thinking about it.”
“Well, if you play your cards right, maybe I can do something about that.”
“If I didn’t have plans for tonight, I would take you back to that rock and let you have your evil way with me.”
“We have more plans?”
“We do. Nothing fancy. We’re earning our dinner tonight.”
“Why do I get the feeling that I may not like it?”
“Because you’re a city girl that needs to learn to live.”
“Oh, I need to learn to live, huh?”
“Mhmm.” He nods.
“Challenge accepted.” I counter. “Can I help with rowing?”
“Nope. Just sit back and relax. Enjoy the scenery, princess. I’ll put you to work before too long.”
He takes us from one lake to another. This one is closer to our tent, which means we’ll be going back to the cabin soon and I can finally take a shower. He claims I’m a city girl. Maybe I am, but I’m not going to show him how much I really am. Surprisingly, I’m having a great time out here with him. The closest I’ve really been to nature like this is the ocean. I guess you can say it doesn’t count since the beach is butted up against the city.
We make it to the center of the lake and it’s relatively quiet. He pulls out two fishing poles.
“No.” Shaking my head in disbelief.
“Yes.” He hands a pole my way.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. I don’t fish.”
“Do you eat it?” He looks worried, probably thinking it’s a bad idea if I don’t like to eat fish.
“Did I scare you?” I snicker. “Don’t worry. I actually enjoy fish. Especially if it’s already caught and on my plate fully cooked.”
“God, I thought you might have hated fish or were allergic. Then this would have sucked.” He chortles with a sigh of relief, forcing a pole in my hand. “Get to work.”
“Jaxon. I have no idea how to do this.”
“I can tell. You’re looking at it like it’s a foreign object.”
“Well, that’s because it is.”
“Lanie. Shut up and fish. I’ve already got it ready. Just watch me and do what I do. But, please don’t throw the rod in the water. It’s one of my favorites.”
“I will try, but no guarantees.”
“I have to admit something.” Jax lifts a forkful of food into his mouth.
“What’s that?” I ask just before filling my own mouth with a bite of fish.
“You really do suck at fishing.” He laughs when I throw my napkin at him.
“How gentlemanly of you.” My amused eyes narrow, pretending to be upset with him. He does have a point though. While he caught 5 fish back to back, I just sat there with my fishing pole in the water and appeared to look like I knew what I was doing. “I told you I couldn’t fish. At least I can cook.”
“And you do a fine job of that. Seriously Lanie, this is amazing.” He dives in for another bite before his cellphone begins to ring.
“Thank you.” I reply when he stands and answers it.
“Hello.” He’s still smiling at our banter filled dinner. “Wait. What did you just say?” He immediately turns serious. I wonder what happened. I go to get up and stand when he stops me. “It’s the shop. I’ll be right back. The reception is sketchy in here.” He places a hand on my shoulder, letting me know I don’t need to get up. He leans down and gives me a quick peck on the cheek before stepping outside. I know he’s lying, but am choosing not to question it. If he says it’s the shop, then I’ll have to trust in that. I gather the plates and clear the table. I’m trying to keep myself calm and not worry about the phone conversation that’s taking place outside.
After I’m done cleaning the entire kitchen, I head to the guest bedroom. This place is absolutely stunning. It’s definitely not something I would expect Jax to own. I guess deep down, we really don’t know each other that well. On the other hand, he’s confessed his feelings towards me and tells me he loves me and will love me until the end of time. Only one other man has ever told me that. Frank Morris. Just the thought of that man makes me shiver. When he said “til death do us part”, apparently he meant it literally. Maybe that’s why I can’t say those three words to Jax. He’s shown his love so much in the short time we’ve met, but why can’t I tell him?
I know exactly why I can’t tell Jaxon that I love him. It has nothing to do with being married to a monster. I’m afraid that if I open up to another man, Frank will find him and kill him. Last night, even though we never truly had “sex”, was the most memorable moments of my life. The passion that radiated off of Jax was something that came out of a fairy tale. Sometimes, I think he’s too good to be true. Any woman from his past is a complete idiot to let someone like Jax Montgomery go. And here I am, standing in his cabin with his heart in my hand and I can’t even say those three words to him. Even though he knows I do, for some reason, I can’t say it.
“God, you scared me. I thought you left.” His words cause me to jump.
“I could say the same thing.” I turn and bring my hand to my rapidly beating chest.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He enters. “What are you doing in here?”
“Thought I would get used to my new room.”
“Oh no, you’re not staying in here. You’re staying in the master bedroom with me.” When I go to argue, he places a finger over my lips. “No arguments Lanie. This bed sucks. The master bed is much more comfortable.” He takes me by the shoulders and proceeds to walk me into the master bedroom. “So get yourself comfortable and try to relax. I have to go to the shop for a little while.”
“At this hour? What happened? Is everything okay?”
“Everything is just fine. No need to worry. There was a little fire with one of the cars in the parking lot. I’m going to go look at the new cameras we installed last month. Here, let me show you something.” He sits me on the edge of the bed and walks towards his tall dresser. He pulls out a remote control of some sorts and returns to me. “I know there’s no televisions in the house, or that’s what Ben thinks. I had this installed not long ago.” He pushes a button and the mirror that sits above the dresser turns into a television screen.
“You are sneaky.” I take the remote from him and begin playing with the buttons. “I’ve seen this on TV before, but never in real life. This is pretty cool.”
“It’s something I wanted to treat myself to. Sometimes I can’t sleep, so this helps.” He takes the remote and turns off the unit. “C’mon. Let me show you something else.” He takes my hand and walks me into his master bath, which is amazing to say the least. When he opens the cupboard, an array of bath goodies appear. “There’s bath bubbles, salts and whatever you desire. My sister would sometimes come and take a weekend break from reality. She would leave her things laying around. I finally had enough and gave her her own little space. Most of this stuff I bought for her, so you don’t have to worry that you’re using her products.”
“What? You don’t want to bathe with me?” I pretend to pout. Jax’s dimples begin to pop out in a sly smile.
“Believe me, there’s nothing better I would love to do than relax in there with you. I do have to go though.” He slinks his arms around my waist and nuzzles in the crook of my neck.
“Then go. The sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll return.”
“You’ll be okay without me?”
“Jax. I’m a big girl. I’m sure I can handle an hour without you.”
“But can I handle an hour without you?” He teases.
“You’ve done it before I came around.”
“Agreed. But now that you’re embedded into my life, I can’t imagine letting you go.”
“Then you better hurry. Your bed is already getting cold without you.”
“Okay then. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Behave.” He smirks. “What’s mine is yours, so feel free to anything in the house. Alright?”
“Why do I get the feeling you don’t want to leave?”
“Because I don’t.” His smile is sweet, but his eyes are full of worry.
“Jax. Seriously, I’ll be fine. I’ll even follow you out and lock up behind you.” I spin him around and push us both out of the bathroom.
When we make it to the door, he grabs me and pulls me in for a glorious goodbye kiss, leaving me to take care of a need on my own.