The following day, I should’ve been in a good mood. I was finally cleared to do more than light duty. I’d gotten nothing more than a mild scolding from my doctor to take it easy and not push too hard.

A cool summer breeze gusted across my face as I worked. I loved working in construction because it meant being outside. The physical exertion was also satisfying and tended to nudge me out of my tendency to worry. The physicality of the work and the calm predictability suited me. There was nothing uncertain about measuring a two-by-four for a cut. Everything was laid out in neat, organized plans.

If only life could be like that, then maybe I could relax. I’d once seen a therapist, back when I was in foster care. She’d been nice enough, but at the time I’d been so bitter and just tired of life. No child should be so tired by the time they’re in high school that all they hoped for was a boring life. Even though I’d finally escaped my father, I had to worry about my mother, which I did all the time. I was always on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop in foster care.

My therapist had talked to me about trauma and how it could make you hyper-vigilant. She’d described that as always being on the alert for everything around me, and she’d thought that was what I had going on. Even though I hated, absolutely hated, admitting I had any weaknesses, she’d zeroed in on precisely how I felt all the time. I couldn’t recall a single time in my life when I could relax and not worry about what might come next.

Anxiety bloomed in my chest. You see, things felt so good with Levi. Even though I’d been guarding against it, I’d let myself relax and enjoy it a little too much.

His pending departure, entirely expected given his line of work, had me on edge, worried and scrambling for purchase inside emotionally.

This is why you can’t have nice things.

My snide, ever-knowing, doubtful voice taunted me.

I was saved from my internal battles when Amelia paused by my side. “I think we have enough now,” she said a hint of laughter in her voice.

I glanced up to find her amber eyes crinkling at the corners with her smile. Looking down, I realized I’d cut more two-by-four’s than we needed for this particular room. Turning back to her, I rolled my eyes with a laugh.

“I lost track. It felt so good to have two hands.”

She didn’t say anything, her gaze assessing my face. I inwardly groaned. Amelia knew me better than anyone else.

“You okay?”

The moment she asked, emotion slammed into my chest. I was terrified. I’d let myself fall in love with Levi, and I hadn’t even noticed it was happening. I should’ve known better, but then I’d never been in love, never even considered it might happen to me.

For a beat, I contemplated dismissing her question. But, she would know.

I finished the cut on the two-by-four in hand and leaned it against the wall along with the rest of the tidy rows of stacked lumber. Turning, I rested my hips against the table saw stand and looked up at her, crossing my arms.

“I’m in over my head,” I said with a sigh.

Simply saying it aloud set my heart to thudding against my ribs.

Amelia leaned on a sawhorse across from me, quickly pulling the elastic out of her ponytail and smoothing her hair back from her face where it had fallen loose. As she tied it up again, she eyed me.

“Are we talking about Levi?” she finally asked.

I nodded as hot tears pricked at the backs of my eyes.

“Is that a bad thing?”

I nodded, perhaps frantically. Her gaze softened as she stared at me. “Why is that bad? Levi’s a good guy. Cade’s also pretty convinced he’s in love with you.”

My heart started beating so hard and fast it hurt. Hope flew like birds from a cage inside of me—the cage where I’d locked hope away many years ago.

“Why would Cade think that?” I asked, my voice thick with emotion.

When I spoke, I didn’t realize tears had started to roll down my cheeks until Amelia stepped to me and pulled me into a hug.

When she drew back, she took a deep breath and sighed. “Well then, I guess I’m right too.”

“About what?” I asked, dragging a sleeve across my cheeks.

“Oh, I kinda thought if you ever let yourself give Levi a chance, you’d fall for him. Before you even worry about it, I didn’t say anything to Cade. It’s more than just sex, although I bet the sex is good,” she said with a grin as she stepped back, resting her hips against the sawhorse again.

I swallowed against the emotion bundling tightly in my chest and throat. “I think maybe I am. I can’t do this though.”

“Why not? I got over myself with Cade. You can too,” she said softly.

I shook my head and tried to catch my breath. My heart felt as if it had been scraped raw, the pain stinging.

“It’s better when it’s just me,” I finally said.

Amelia leaned her head back up to stare at the sky as an eagle called and flew above us, its wings casting a wide shadow on the ground below. I took several deep breaths, but the pain in my heart wasn’t easing.

When her eyes leveled with mine again, I spoke. “He said the crew’s been called out after today, probably for two weeks.”

“I know. Cade’s crew is leaving with them. Now you know how I feel. It sucks,” she said bluntly. “I try to tell myself that they know better than probably anybody else how to take care of themselves and how to get out of a jam. But it doesn’t make it any easier.”

Tightening my arms, I nodded. “Levi said I could stay for the winter.”

“How is that a problem? You need somewhere to stay. I mean, you’re always welcome at our place once we have our boiler installed, but he’s definitely got more space than we do.”

“I can’t,” I replied, shaking my head sharply.

“It’s okay to need someone,” Amelia finally said.

The word need lashed at me. I instinctively wanted to punch back at it. I hated needing anyone. It represented everything that went wrong for my mother. She couldn’t scrabble together the courage to leave my father because she thought she needed him, that she didn’t have what it took to be a single mother. I couldn’t see past the reality that my father had worn her sense of self down to nothing. I couldn’t believe there could be a healthy sense of need.

“This is too much for me to talk about it,” I said abruptly.

Spinning away, I needlessly straightened the rows of two-by-four’s leaning against the wall.

“Can we change the subject?” I asked without looking at Amelia.

“Of course,” she finally said. “You know I’m here when you want to talk.”

I almost laughed. She didn’t say if, she said when. That was the kind of friend she was.

* * *

That night, I lay in bed beside Levi. Again. I’d given up any pretense of sleeping in the guestroom. Tonight, he’d taken me on the kitchen counter after we ate the leftovers from the chicken fajitas that he mostly cooked last night. All I’d really done was chop vegetables.

I was warm, relaxed and sated. His fingers were sifting through my hair where my head was tucked into his shoulder.

His voice nudged me out of my sleepy, mellow state. “Lucy?”

I lifted my head and glanced up. “Uh huh?” I asked.

“I’ll miss you,” he said gruffly, his eyes catching mine in the moonlight falling through the window.

For a moment, I was confused. My body still reverberating from the echoes of my climax, I’d conveniently forgotten he was leaving tomorrow. For at least two weeks. The time stretched before me in my mind, a chasm of distance between us.

The air felt heavy. I knew I was going to miss him – acutely.

But I wasn’t ready for any of this, much less ready to talk to him about it. The look in his eyes was intent and searching. I felt as if he could see right into my heart—to the flawed, confused woman who didn’t believe she deserved to have love in her life.

A pang of guilt stabbed at me. He had the courage to speak his feelings. He was a straightforward, direct person. Meeting his family had made things worse for me. Watching him with his parents had only reinforced what I already knew. I could see past his tendency to tease and see the core of him—a strong man with a good heart. He deserved to be with somebody who had more courage than I did.

After a moment, awareness flickered in his gaze. Without a word passing between us, it was as if he knew I was afraid. He wasn’t going to push.

“I just thought you should know,” he finally said.

I swallowed against the tightness in my chest, the pain pounding in my heart. I surprised myself.

“I’ll miss you too.”

His eyes widened slightly, and then he brushed my hair away from my face and lifted his head slightly, just enough to catch my lips with his.

The point of contact was soft, yet electrifying. My heart was pounding so hard, it felt as if I had just run a marathon.

He drew away, his head falling back against the pillows as his fingers slipped through my hair and down along my back. In a very short time, I’d become spoiled by his tendency to stroke my back as I fell asleep. His touch lulled me straight to sleep.

Sleep had never come easily to me, but with Levi, it did. My mind didn’t run on a hamster wheel of anxiety and worry. Perhaps it was the physical closeness, the sensual satiation. It surprised me, if only because I knew I should be worrying—worrying about how comfortable I was, how I savored the feeling of being tangled up with him.

I shook my thoughts away, relaxing into the feel of his warm touch. My heartbeat slowed, and I tumbled into sleep.