Chapter Twenty-Five
Rhys was relieved to walk into the NICU to see that Sadie wasn’t there. It more than likely meant her sisters had been able to convince her to go home and get some rest for the evening. She usually arrived in the morning and didn’t leave the hospital until around dinnertime and that was at her sisters’ insistence. That’s why he’d started coming to visit Elizabeth later in the evening in hopes of not seeing Sadie. It wasn’t that he liked avoiding her it just seemed to be the best option because things were extremely awkward between them. He wasn’t sure how to act around her anymore. On the one hand he could understand her focus on their child and making sure she was okay but on the other, he felt Sadie was using the baby as an excuse to shut him out. It was frustrating as hell but it wasn’t as if he could do anything about it as long as Elizabeth remained in the hospital.
It had been three months since his daughter’s birth and she had gained three and a half more pounds. Because she had gained those few pounds, she was now able to retain her own body heat which meant she was moved from her incubator to a regular crib. She was also able to wear her onesies. While she’d been in her incubator, she wasn’t allowed to wear anything other than a diaper.
Elizabeth’s stay in the hospital hadn’t been an easy road. She’d had a few hiccups along the way. After her first month, the doctors had trouble getting her off the ventilator. It took a few more weeks until she could comfortably breathe with just a CPAP machine. The scariest part of this journey was when Elizabeth had simply stopped breathing while he was holding her. Rhys had never been more frightened and helpless in his life. Sadie had been a wreck as well, crying hysterically as the nurses revived their tiny baby. There had been a few touch and go moments but now, she was off of the CPAP and only had a tube for oxygen which he was told Elizabeth would be off of soon according to her respiratory therapist.
She looked like a completely different baby. While she was still smaller than any baby Rhys had ever seen out in public, his daughter had filled out quite a bit. She had chubby cheeks, dimples and a headful of curly hair. She was so beautiful. And it seemed like she recognized him whenever he came for a visit from the way she’d kick and wave her arms and legs when he got near her crib.
He leaned over her crib to see her chewing on her fist. When she saw him she started to kick her little legs. The best part about her being off the machines was the fact that they could pick her up without a nurse’s permission. Those days when it was a huge fuss to hold her because they had to work around the machines was over.
“There’s Daddy’s big girl. How is my princess?”
Elizabeth opened her mouth in what appeared to be a smile, but he couldn’t tell. Either way, she was absolutely adorable. “Do you want Daddy to pick you up?”
Again she gave him that gummy semi-smile.
“Okay, let me just wash my hands.” He quickly finished his task before returning to her. Gently he scooped her up and held her against his body before carefully taking a seat. In the beginning, he had been terrified of holding her because she was so small. Even now she practically weighed nothing. But after a little practice, he never missed an opportunity to pick her up.
“Mr. Edwards,” Yvette, one of Elizabeth’s nurses tapped his shoulder. “you’re just in time for her feeding. I already know the answer, but I have to ask, would you like to do the honor or would you like me to feed her?”
“Of course I’d love to feed her. Thank you.”
“She’s really getting the hang of the feeding portion of her development. When Mom was in here earlier, Elizabeth actually latched on to her breast and she has a strong suckle. That’s a very good sign.”
Rhys’s heart flipped in his chest. He would have given anything to see Sadie nursing their daughter. “That’s great news. I know she expressed an interest in breastfeeding so I’m glad that’s a possibility.”
Yvette nodded. “It helps that Ms. Flowers has been expressing so much breast milk. Some mothers unfortunately can’t produce enough milk even if they want to so they have to opt for formula. It usually harder for formula babies to take to the breast if that’s all they know. Elizabeth has been on breast milk from the beginning so that helps. Here you go.” She handed Rhys the tiny bottle full of Sadie’s milk.
Elizabeth greedily started sucking as soon as Rhys put it in her mouth making him chuckle. “You must have been hungry. You’re just like your Daddy, you love to eat.”
As Rhys fed his daughter, his heart constricted. He loved this tiny human more than life itself, but when he looked into her beautiful brown eyes, he saw Sadie. More than anything he wanted them to be a family but he didn’t know how when Sadie seemed to be of the mindset that they should just remain friends and co-parents for Elizabeth’s sake.
He was certain that she’d forgiven Carys. In fact, his older daughter usually visited Elizabeth on the weekends and she’d also say how nice Sadie was and that they were actually becoming friends.
Rhys had apologized to Sadie so many times for not being a better boyfriend that he wasn’t sure what he could do to fix things. Rhys wasn’t sure if he was capable of just being Sadie’s friend when he was still so deeply in love with her. She claimed that she’d forgiven him but it was clear that Sadie didn’t want to get back together, so every time he saw her, his heart broke a little bit more. After their last conversation, Sadie might as well have ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped it into the ground because that’s exactly what it had felt like.
Rhys walked into the NICU with an armful of stuffed animals. Elizabeth wasn’t big enough to play with them yet but he could put them on the shelf by her crib so that she could see them. He’d noticed that the other parents in the NICU had decorated their children’s spaces and he wanted to do the same for his baby.
When he made his way to Elizabeth’s area, Sadie was sitting in a rocking chair with their daughter cradled in one arm and a huge book of nursery rhythms that she softly read. The baby probably didn’t understand, but Rhys’ heart warmed at the way Elizabeth seemed transfixed on her mother’s face. In that moment he would steal the sun from the sky for those two. Silently he approached and just watched the loves of his life interact.
Sadie was so beautiful. Ever since Elizabeth’s health had been upgraded to fair and it was looking like she’d be home soon, Sadie looked more relaxed and happier. He wished that he was the one who put the smile on her face but he couldn’t begrudge her the joy she received from the good health of their child.
She must have sensed his presence because Sadie stopped reading and glanced in his direction. She gave him a tight smile before returning her attention to the baby. “Hi. I just finished feeding and burping her. I thought I’d read to her a little bit while she was still awake. And from the smell of it, you’re here just in time to change her. She must have been holding this in for you.” Sadie scrunched her nose.
Though changing diapers wasn’t his preferred thing to do with his daughter, he needed the practice. He hadn’t done this since Carys was a baby and she hadn’t been this small. “Uh, sure. Let me put these toys down.”
Sadie giggled. “Did you buy out the entire toy store?”
“Not quite, I left a few items there.” He placed the stuffed animals on Elizabeth’s shelf.
“I’ve been meaning to bring in some toys to decorate her area but I keep forgetting. I have some dolls I can put with the things you bought her.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll wash my hands and give this young lady a fresh diaper.” He leaned over and kissed Elizabeth on top of the head. Rhys really wanted to kiss her mother but didn’t want to ruin the tenuous truce he and Sadie had.
He washed up and took the baby from Sadie’s arm. He nearly gagged when he caught a whiff of the bomb Elizabeth had dropped in her diaper. “Holy crap, what has she been eating?”
“Just breast milk.”
“How does breast milk come out smelling like this and how can such a little body produce such a big stink.”
“Well, it could be the antibiotics that she was on that makes it smell worse than usual. Just you wait until she starts eating table food,” Sadie chuckled.
“Trust me, I can wait.” Rhys carefully laid Elizabeth down and proceeded to change her in what appeared to be a diaper made for a tiny doll. His daughter was so little and delicate that he was extra gentle.
Sadie placed her hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. She won’t break.”
“I know. It’s just I’m so nervous that I’ll hurt her.”
“You won’t.” That smile she gave him was much more genuine than the one she’d given him when he first arrived. It almost gave him hope that there was a future for them.
Just then, Nurse Kelly appeared. “Sorry to interrupt but the eye doctor is here to give her an exam. Remember we discussed Retinopathy of Prematurity. She looked good last time he was here but he has to do the follow-up.”
Sadie nodded. “Of course. I need to stretch my legs. Could you tell me when he’ll be finished?”
“He shouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes, but take your time.”
Rhys saw this as his chance to talk to Sadie, really have a conversation with her that didn’t revolve around their daughter. “I’ll take that walk with you if you don’t mind.”
She shrugged. “Sure, if you’d like.”
It wasn’t the most gracias response but he would take what he could get. When they left the nursey, Sadie headed toward the exit. “I need some fresh air. I think I’ve been inside most of the day.”
“Sadie, remember what the doctors and nurses said about you getting out and doing things for yourself. It’s okay to take a break and go out and have some you time.”
She sighed. “I understand Rhys and I do binge on my favorite shows to relax when I’m home, but I feel so guilty going out to have fun when our baby is in the hospital.”
“That’s understandable but all the major health hurdles she experienced at the beginning of this journey has been surpassed. No one can fault you for wanting to do something for yourself. Besides, the doctors are saying she might be coming home soon.”
“I know. But trust me, I’ve already had this conversation with my sisters. That’s why Lily takes me out to dinner at least a couple times a week and she’s convinced me to take a day trip with her to go to the outlet mall to go shopping.”
He raised a brow. “Really?”
“Yeah, we compromised. I said I’d go with her as long as I visit Elizabeth in the morning.”
“That’s something at least.”
“Have you given some thought about her care? You were saying that you’re giving your resignation at work?”
“I have no choice. Elizabeth’s immune system is too delicate for daycare the first several months and it will be hard for me to leave her in anyone else’s care.”
“But will you be alright? Financially I mean?”
“I have a pretty decent savings and my mortgage is reasonable so I’ll manage until my annuity kicks in on my thirtieth birthday.”
“I’ll, of course, pay child support. Whatever you think is fair is okay with me.”
“Thank you. That will help out a lot, and I appreciate you putting her on your health insurance. Her hospital bill is going to be a doozy.”
“And yours won’t?”
“My insurance won’t run out for another few months so I’ll be okay.”
“You know I can add you to mine as well.”
She raised a brow. “How? We’re not married.”
“But we could be.”
She groaned. “Rhys—”
“Sadie, this is getting ridiculous. We have a child together and we love each other. Why shouldn’t we be together?”
“Because it just won’t work, okay.” She sighed. “I knew it was a mistake to come out here with you.” When she turned to leave, he grabbed her by the arm forcing her to face him.
“What is it? Is it Carys? She’s working really hard on her issues. She’s going to counseling doing well in school. She’s like a brand new kid. She wants us to be a family as well.”
“It’s not Carys.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s you! Okay? It’s you. When I needed you, you let me down. Look, I—”
He didn’t let her finish before he pulled her into his arms and covered her mouth with his. It seemed like forever since he’d last held her soft, warm body against his. Instantly, Rhys was as hard as a rock as he ground against the juncture of her thighs. He cupped the back of her head. “Open your mouth,” he demanded.
When she didn’t immediately comply, he bit her bottom lip with enough pressure to make her gasp. Taking advantage of her slightly parted lips, he shoved his tongue into the inviting cavern of her mouth. She tasted of pure heaven. He missed this, missed her.
She moaned beneath his forceful kiss, matching his enthusiasm until finally, she pulled away, breathing heavily. Sadie touched her lips, a look of surprise entering her eyes. With a shake of her head, she took a step back. “This can’t happen again.
“Why not?” he demanded. “I love you. You love me.”
Her eyes glistened with the suspicious sheen of tears. “Sometimes, love isn’t enough.” And with that she went back into the building, taking his heart with her.
Rhys was so deep in thought that he didn’t realize Elizabeth had finished her bottle. Though she was still sucking on the nipple her eyes were closed and she’d clearly fallen asleep. Removing the bottle and placing it on the table he transferred his daughter to his shoulder and rubbed her back to get out a burp. When that was accomplished, he placed her back in the crib on her back. She was a tiny angel looking so peaceful. He loved her with all of his heart.
He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Elizabeth, how am I supposed to live without your mother?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Today was the big day! Elizabeth was coming home! After four months of back and forth trips to the hospital, sleepless nights and prayers, her angel was finally being discharged. Since the weather was getting cold, Sadie had dressed Elizabeth in a sweater and hat one of her co-workers had knitted. Though she wouldn’t be returning to her job, it was nice to know that the people she worked with were thinking about her.
Lily picked her up from the hospital to take her home. Sadie had spent the previous night in the hospital with her daughter in preparation for taking her home. The hospital usually set aside a room for the parents to stay with their kids who’d had extensive stays in the NICU before their discharge to make sure thing went smoothly. Rhys had declined the hospital’s offer because he claimed he had something to do.
Sadie wasn’t sure how she felt about that, after all, he was her father. He didn’t even show up for the discharge. Sadie was slightly annoyed but she wasn’t sure if she had any right to be.
Once Sadie had Elizabeth buckled up, she sat in the backseat with her daughter.
“I feel like your chauffeur, with you sitting back there.” Lily laughed.
“I just want to make sure she’s breathing.”
“Girl, she’s going to be just fine.”
“I’m a new mom. I’m allowed to be a little worried. She may be four months old, but she was under the care of a highly competent medical team. Now she’s my responsibility.” Elizabeth appeared to be sleeping soundly but Sadie didn’t want to take the chance of sitting up front in case something went wrong.
“Well, it’s not like you’ll have to do it all alone. You have me and you know Daisy and Rose will pop in from time to time and of course, you have Rhys.”
Sadie snorted at the mention of her child’s father. “Oh yeah? If he’s so interested in being there for his daughter, then why did he turn down the overnight stay at the hospital? He didn’t even show up for her discharge. I would have thought he’d at least be here for that.”
“You actually sound like you care.”
“Of course I do. Regardless of our relationship status, that doesn’t negate his duties as a father.”
“I’m sure he’ll be a great father to Elizabeth. He probably had something important to do.”
“More important than his child getting out of the hospital after four months?” The more Sadie talked about it, the more annoyed she became. Rhys had made regular visits to the hospital to see Elizabeth the duration of her stay. After that uncomfortable conversation when he confessed his feelings, he came later in the evening according to the nurses. Sadie figured it was to avoid her.
Sadie would have been lying if she said she no longer had feelings for him but she’d been let down too many time before. After he’d made it abundantly clear that he couldn’t trust her and had basically called her a liar, Sadie had been crushed. She understood that Carys was a priority to him but to make her feel that she didn’t matter at all had hurt. She’d been shoved aside before, burned by love too many times to trust that he wouldn’t do it again if she gave him another chance. And already he was letting his daughter down by not being there on such an important day. She was so confused when it came to her feelings for him but if she focused on Elizabeth, eventually she’d be able to set her feelings aside and they could co-parent like a couple of mature adults.
“Don’t be so hard on him. He’s doing the best that he can.”
Sadie raised a brow, surprised at Lily’s defense of Rhys. “Why are you taking his side?”
“I’m not taking sides. The few times I saw him with Elizabeth he was very attentive. It’s clear to me that he loves her.”
Sadie rolled her eyes. “I didn’t realize you were a Rhys fan.”
“Relax, sis. I’m just saying he doesn’t seem like a bad guy. His brother is a creep and his daughter could possibly be the spawn of Satan, but Rhys seems okay.”
“You sound like you want to join his fan club. And Carys isn’t so bad. She’s been going to counseling. She’s not the same girl I originally met. She’s actually been quite nice.”
“If you say so. But do you think you can trust her around Elizabeth? What if she decided to act out and hurt the baby?”
“I trust that she won’t harm the baby. We’ve gotten to know each other better and we’re becoming friends.” And it was true. Whenever Carys came on the weekends, she’d sit with Sadie and they’d talk about school and her friends and how she was working part-time at the stables so she could earn enough money to buy her horses back. She was doing better in school and making good grades. She seemed to be much happier than the sullen teen she’d first met.
“Well, if you can forgive Carys, then why can’t you forgive Rhys?”
“I forgave him.”
“But have you really?” Lily pressed.
Sadie was over this conversation. With an exaggerated sigh, she said, “Can we please change the subject?”
“Okay. So what do you plan on doing when we get home?”
“I’m going to cuddle with Elizabeth and feed her and then cuddle with her some more. Probably change her and then watch her while she sleeps.”
“That sounds productive, but don’t you think while she’s asleep we should put her crib together?”
Sadie groaned not wanting to think about all the work she had ahead of her. Because she’d had her daughter so early, she didn’t have time to get Elizabeth’s room together. When Sadie would come home from the hospital, she was physically and emotionally exhausted. Fortunately, she’d purchased a bassinet so Elizabeth could sleep in it next to Sadie’s bed until she could get the baby’s room together.
“Well, maybe when Elizabeth is sleeping, we can start working on the crib.”
“I don’t want to move her into her bedroom until it’s all done. I haven’t even started the painting. I got the paint in my basement but I’m not up to decorating today.”
“Well, take advantage of me while I’m there. I want to help you in any way I can.”
Sadie reached out and placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Thanks, sis. It really means a lot to me that you took a week off of work to help me out with the baby.”
“You’re my sister. Family looks out for each other.”
“Well, I still appreciate it.”
When they pulled into Sadie’s driveway, she frowned when she spotted all the random cars parked on the side of the street. “I wonder if the neighbors are having some kind of event.”
Lily shrugged.
Sadie carefully extracted the baby out of her car seat while Lily collected all her bags. When she walked into her house, she got the shock of her life when a handful of people screamed, “Surprise!” There was a huge banner across the wall that read, Happy Baby Shower.
Her living room was filled with her closest friends and family. Her aunt and uncle were here, along with a few of her former coworker. Even Daisy and Rose were in attendance. And standing in the middle of the room was Rhys and Carys.
Lily leaned over and whispered in her ear, “See, I told you he had something important to do.”
Sadie was moved to tears. “What’s going on? Who put this together?”
Rhys stepped forward. “Since you didn’t have a proper baby shower, we thought we’d throw one for you.”
“You did all this?”
“Well, I had help from your sisters of course but I think we did a pretty good job of things.”
“Oh, wow. I don’t know how you were able to get everyone here on such short notice. I mean we only knew about Elizabeth’s discharge a few days ago. Some of the people here obviously traveled quite a distance.”
“That was the tricky part. I knew she would get released around this time so we informed the guests here to keep their calendar open around this time. So when I found out the date, I let everyone know when the shower was. Colin helped in coordinating the travel for our out-of-towners.”
Sadie was moved to tears. “Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.”
Just then Elizabeth decided to wake up. She squirmed and let out a cry. She was so tiny, her cry sounded like a kitten mewing. “Uh, oh. I think the little one is hungry.” Sadie looked at the crowd gathered in her living room. “Thank you all for coming but I need to feed her. If you’ll excuse me for twenty minutes, I’ll be right back. And I’m sure a lot of you want to hold her so I hope someone has lots of hand sanitizer.”
“Take your time, baby.” Her aunt smiled at her. Sadie was touched that her extended had come all this way to attend her surprise shower.
When Sadie would have headed to her bedroom for some privacy, Rhys gently caught her by the elbow. “Why don’t you feed Elizabeth in her room?”
“Because it’s still empty.”
He grinned. “Are you sure about that?”
“Uh yeah.”
“Why don’t you go in her room and double check?”
“Rhys, I know that the room is empty besides the box for the crib. I don’t have time to argue with you. The baby is hungry.”
“Just humor me.”
She walked past him and headed to Elizabeth’s room if for nothing else than to shut him up, but when she stepped inside, her mouth fell open.
“Well, what do you think?”
Sadie turned to Rhys to see he was grinning from ear to ear.
“I…I’d say this day has been full of surprises. When on Earth did you find time to do this? I only left last night, how did you get this all done so quickly? The crib, the glider, the painting, and stencils?”
“Well, your sisters obviously helped. I got the key from Lily and I brought in my team. I had three painters in here and they were finished last night, with the painting and designs. Colin and I put the crib and glider together. And I noticed you didn’t have a changing table yet so I bought one. What do you think?”
“It’s beautiful. I love it. I’m sure she’ll love it when she’s old enough to appreciate it.”
The room was absolutely gorgeous, painted in cream and gold. Stars and celestial bodies were stenciled all around the room along with pictures of children going on different adventures. Written in a large cursive font over the crib was Elizabeth’s name, and on the opposite wall was the phrase, ‘Oh the places you will go.’ There were stuffed animals, dolls and antique toys strategically placed on shelves around the room. “This is incredible. Someone designed this for you.”
“Daisy and Rose. You know, they actually flew in the night before and they stayed at my place because I didn’t want them to spend the night in a hotel when I had plenty of room. That’s why I declined the overnight visit. I’m sorry about that but I wanted things to be perfect for the two of you when you arrived home.
“Thank you, Rhys. This really means a lot to me and Elizabeth.”
“Why don’t you try the glider out? Looks like, Lizzy is getting restless.”
“Lizzy?” Sadie asked as she sat down in the rocker.
“I like her name just fine, but Elizabeth seems so formal for such a little nugget.”
“Hmm, I haven’t thought of nicknames, but I’m not crazy about Lizzy. Maybe Ellie.” She unbuttoned her blouse and freed one of her breasts from her bra. It hurt a little because it was so engorged.
Elizabeth cried in her tiny little voice as Sadie guided her nipple to her daughter’s mouth. It took the baby a few tries before she latched on properly but when she did, she suckled with the vigor of one who’s last meal had been a long time ago. Sadie stroked Elizabeth’s cheek as she fed and smiled. “You were hungry, weren’t you? With all that excitement going on out there, mommy was a little distracted.”
Elizabeth ignored her, focused on her task.
Sadie chuckled at her greedy baby. “What do you think if I called you Ellie for short?”
“Would you like that?”
Elizabeth waved her little arm in the arm. It could have been from the fact that’s she didn’t have full control of her muscles yet but Sadie saw it as a sign. “Ellie it is.”
“That’s a beautiful sight.”
Sadie had been so engrossed in her daughter that she’d forgotten Rhys was still in the room. For a split second, she wondered if she should cover up but then thought against it. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen it already, besides, feeding her child this way was the most natural thing in the world. She would not be shamed by covering up in her own home.
“It’s just a feeding,” Sadie said as casually as she could. It felt comfortable with Rhys standing by watching them. She could almost imagine they were a family but Sadie quickly fought back the feelings she would rather not resurrect.
“I know, but it’s a beautiful thing to watch two of my favorite girls together.”
“Rhys, don’t.”
“Don’t what? Stop loving you? Because if you think I can turn off my feelings at the drop of a hat then I can’t. I love you Sadie and I want us to be together as a family. And I’m not going to hide how I feel anymore. I’ve tiptoed around the issue while Elizabeth was in the hospital but I’m not going to pretend any longer. I want you back.”
“You can’t always get what you want!” she snapped making Elizabeth fuss. “She stroked her daughter’s cheek. “It’s okay, angel. Mommy didn’t mean to frighten you.”
Once the baby continued to feed, she turned her attention back to Rhys. “Look, now is not the time or place to discuss something that isn’t going to happen. It didn’t work out between us and now it’s time to move on.”
Rhys clenched his fists at his sides. “Just tell me one thing and I’ll drop it.”
Sadie released a weary sigh. “What?”
“Tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
“Of course I’ll always have love for you. You’re my child’s father.”
“Cut the crap. Tell me you’re not in love with me. Look me in the eye and do it.”
Sadie was a terrible liar. She raised her head and stared into his fierce gaze, but the words simply wouldn’t come. After opening her mouth and closing it again, she looked down at Elizabeth. “What the two of us had is over, okay? Just let it go.”
“You can’t say it can you? What are you so afraid of?”
“And why can’t you simply accept that we are over? Why can’t you take no for an answer? Just please, go. Tell the guests I’ll be out shortly.”
Rhys flared his nostrils, and he looked as if he wanted to continue the discussion but he headed to the door. Before he walked out, Rhys turned to her. “This conversation isn’t over by a long shot.”
Sadie didn’t bother to answer. Once he was gone, she hastily wiped away a tear that she was thankful didn’t fall in his presence. He’d asked her what she was scared of but the truth was, Sadie was scared of everything.