Chapter Six
Ryan closed the cabin door behind them and stopped cold. “Is that snoring?”
“Looks like someone didn’t make it to bed.” Rose pointed to the couch where a masculine body, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and socks, lay sprawled out like a loud, lazy dog.
“Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”
She smiled. “He’s harmless and, from the looks of all those beer bottles, drunk as a skunk. He won’t even know we’re here.”
“I hope you’re right, because Jason gets ornery as hell when he doesn’t get his beauty sleep.” Sighing, he grabbed her hand and tugged her into the kitchen. “Still hungry, I assume? There’s a lot here to pick from.”
Thank God. “Any chance you’ve got red wine to start with?”
“Nope, but we’ve got apple beer. Same thing, right?” He pulled a bottle from the fridge, twisted off the top, and handed it to her with a wink.
“I guess it’ll work.” She laughed softly as her gaze swept around the dim cabin, lit only by a dying fire in the fireplace and a light above the stove. “Nice accommodations.”
“Makes my house back home look like a shack.”
“Oh, come on. From what I remember, Mrs. Gunderson’s house was always well-kept. Cute, too.” Not the kind of place she would’ve guessed a manly guy like Ryan to buy, but that made the choice all the more endearing.
He grunted. “That’s what my mother said when she shoved the mortgage application at me.”
“Ah, I should’ve guessed.”
He made a what-you-gonna-do face and went about fixing them each a sandwich. “So you haven’t been in Sweetgrass that long, I take it. Where were you before?”
“L.A. It was a little fast for me, but it was the central hub for most of my clients, so it made sense.”
“You work with a lot of big wigs like Blake McKenzie Reed?” He accentuated her boss’s name sarcastically and she rolled her eyes.
“I did until a year ago, when Blake asked me to focus more on him. Normally, that would be a risky move on my part, but he’s got a solid career and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. He’s a safe bet, you know?”
“He must be if you and Janine both followed him to Sweetgrass.” He flicked a glance her way. “That’s some kind of power.”
“Well, he is an Academy Award winning actor.” She bumped her shoulder into his arm and he chuckled. “Believe it or not, I met Blake while I was an aspiring actress myself. We were friends before I started working for him.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. He’s a pretty down to Earth guy—”
“I mean the acting. I don’t remember you wanting to do that.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t, but my wholesome look was in high demand. I had no problem being cast as an extra and the cash was really nice while I was in college.” Though some of the auditions had been downright creepy. All the guys with the grabby hands. All of the dirty old men who thought they could hire her for another kind of role altogether.
“Which movies?”
She rattled off the list and shuddered at the mention of the first gig. “That audition almost turned me away from the whole scene.”
Ryan quirked an eyebrow. “Why was that?”
“The casting guy was a sleazebag. I was new to the process and he took advantage. He had me meet him at a restaurant, which seemed innocent enough. Halfway through the meal, he pulled me onto his lap and insisted I show him what I had right there, with a ton of people watching.” She shuddered. “I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life. I landed the job, though. Turns out, he treated all the pretty girls to the same, disgusting audition.”
Ryan’s jaw clenched tight. “When was that?”
God, it was so long ago. “Um, shortly after I came to L.A. The first month or so.”
“An outdoor restaurant? Downtown?”
She nodded, not sure why it mattered.
“I saw you. I watched you kiss him.”
A nervous, unexpected laugh burst from her throat. “What do you mean?”
“I was there, Rose. I came to L.A. to find you.”
He had? But… She blinked up at him, lost for words. Her Aunt Nancy had given her a heads up about Ryan’s trip to California, but when he hadn’t shown up, she figured he’d changed his mind about wanting to see her. That assumption had broken her heart all over again.
“I...I didn’t know,” she said quietly. Regretfully.
“For the longest time, I thought you’d left me for someone else.” The disappointment, however misguided, still lingered in his eyes.
“Oh, Ryan, no.” It had taken her almost two years to even think about looking at other guys, let alone to go out with someone new. “It wasn’t anything like that.”
He nodded, his eyes stuck on the sandwich in his hand. “Not gonna lie—I was pretty pissed.”
“I can imagine.” She’d been pretty shaken by the whole thing, too.
His gaze slid back to her, a small smile on his handsome face. “But I’m damn happy to hear I was wrong.”
She laughed. “You always were the jealous type.”
“Yep, and for a moment earlier today, I thought I was going to have to kick some Hollywood ass. Then I realized you worked for the guy.”
“Thank God you figured that out. You going at Blake would have been a PR nightmare.”
“I’m sure you’ve cleaned up worse.”
Uh huh. Way worse. So bad, she preferred not to think about it. “So what’s the plan for Blake’s renovation anyway? Will you be spending your vacation with a tool belt on?”
“Not if I can help it.” He popped the last bit of bread into his mouth and eyed her uneaten half. “You gonna finish that?” She shook her head and he snatched it up just like old times.
“So what was today about then? You said your friend wanted to help his uncle.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure what Will has up his sleeve. I was just along for the ride.”
“From what Blake said, you had a lot to contribute. He was excited about your ideas.”
He shrugged. “Just trying to make things easier for the little girl. Nothing Vaughn wouldn’t have thought of himself had he been feeling better.”
An uneasiness stirred in her stomach. Did Blake know about Vaughn’s poor health? He was investing a lot of money into the project and, while she felt bad for whatever Will’s uncle was going through, her first concern was Blake.
“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Rose. It’ll work out just fine.” Ryan winked and reached for his beer. At the same time, the guy on the couch groaned. Loudly. Ryan held a finger to his lips.
“Mmm, yeah, baby. Lower…”
“Oh, my—” She slapped a hand over her mouth, but it was too late. The guy—Jason, Ryan had called him earlier—began to stir.
“Shh!” Ryan stifled his own laugh, as well. “You really don’t want to wake him up now. Drunk and horny? Bad, bad idea.” To that, he grabbed her wrist and tugged her toward the back of the chalet. “Don’t mind the mess,” he whispered when they approached a closed door at the end of the hall. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
Oh boy. He was taking her to his bedroom, wasn’t he? She bit her lip as he guided her inside and flipped on the light.
“Holy crap, that’s a big bed.” Messed up from the night before, but gigantic and full of comfy looking blankets. Out of nowhere, she yawned. What the heck?
“I got here first, so I claimed the best set-up.” Ryan pointed to something across the room. “There’s a mini fridge on the side of the bed. Grab yourself another beer while I get the fireplace started.”
“You trying to get me drunk, Ryan Croft?” she teased while she lifted a book from the corner of the dresser. Not surprisingly, it was a hardcover. Ryan had always been a reader. What did shock her, however, was that it was a business management text and not his usual sci-fi fiction. “You really live it up while you’re on vacation, don’t you?”
“It was reading material for the plane. Don’t judge. And no, I’m not trying to get you drunk. I’m just being a nice host.”
“Sure.” Her lips twisted into a smirk. “Most guys your age prefer Sports Illustrated or Maxim.”
“Yeah, well, most guys my age aren’t starting a Master’s program either.”
Hold up. She blinked at him for a long moment, then, “You’re going to school again? Where?”
He shrugged, trying for casual, though the dim lighting couldn’t hide the pride in his eyes. “Just an online program. Something to get my feet wet while I figure out if it’s what I really want to do.”
Interesting. She set the book down and watched him add wood to the fireplace. “That’s great, Ryan. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.” He gave a humble nod and she took a seat on the edge of the bed while he lit the kindling. Being alone with him felt more comfortable than she’d expected, though they hadn’t finished their conversation from earlier, so she was probably putting the cart before the horse.
“I left because I didn’t want to hold you back,” she said quietly. Might as well say what needed to be said rather than dragging out the inevitable any further. “If I’d stayed, you’d have wanted to get married as soon as possible, to try again at getting a family started, and you wouldn’t have gone on to school. You would have put me before you and I couldn’t have lived with that. I loved you too much.”
He stood, facing the fireplace, the muscles across his shoulders bunched tight. “That doesn’t make sense. If you loved me—”
“I wanted better for you than River Bend. It’s a wonderful little town, but you always dreamed about doing something bigger.”
“I dreamed about being with you, Rosie. Forever. The rest was just…wishful thinking. Nothing that really mattered.”
“But it did matter, because one day, sooner or later, you would’ve become restless. Maybe even resentful. Toward me.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I took the biggest risk of my life that summer. But don’t think I took the easy way out for myself. I did it for us.”
***
The flames in the fireplace came to life and soft crackling filled the air. All the while, Ryan’s heart hammered in his chest.
He heard Rose’s explanation and, to his surprise, it made sense. At eighteen, he wouldn’t have understood. He would have argued about her twisted logic until he was blue in the face. But he’d grown up a hell of a lot since then. He might not agree with what she did, but he had to respect it. There wasn’t any point in not respecting it. It wouldn’t change the outcome.
“Believe it or not, I get it,” he finally said. “And looking back, you’re probably right. The chances of us being where we are in our lives right now had we stayed together are slim. But I wouldn’t have minded that other life with you Rosie.”
“Maybe, maybe not. We’ll never know.”
No, they wouldn’t. Too much had changed.
Slowly, he turned away from the fire. Rosie stood back by the bed, watching him intently with golden flames reflecting in her dark eyes.
“This is probably out of place, but you’re more beautiful than I remember.”
She gave a soft laugh and glanced away, color sliding into her cheeks. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or…”
“It is.” He took a step forward, wondering if that long, glossy hair would feel as soft under his fingers as it used to. “You were gorgeous back then, but you’re stunning now. I’m sure that sounds cliché and you probably hear it all the time from all those Oscar winning actors you hang out with, but it’s true.”
Tipping her head to the side, she shot him a soft smirk. “A side effect of spending so much time with guys like that is I’ve long become immune to flattery.”
“Not trying to flatter you, Rosie. Just calling it like I see it.” And to think they could’ve had a child together. With a mother like Rose, there was no way the little tike would have been anything less than beautiful. And smart as hell, too.
The pressure in his chest slid south to his gut once again and he closed his eyes, giving his head a shake.
“What is it?” Rose closed the distance between them, her cool fingers wrapping around his wrist. “You okay?”
No. Yes. Just… He and Rosie had created life. For a short period of time, a second heartbeat had pulsed inside of her. His baby. And he hadn’t been there to hold her when nature decided to take that life away.
“Come here,” he croaked, tugging her to his chest and folding his arms around her shoulders. Greedily, he stuck his nose in her hair and pulled in a slow, deep breath, letting her familiar scent fill his lungs for a second time that night. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I should’ve been. Shit, it was my job. My responsibility and I didn’t even know.”
“I didn’t want you to. Not at first— ”
“No, baby.” He leaned back and pushed his hands into her hair, holding her face close, her sweet breath mingling with his. “I should have known. You were scared and hurting and I had no idea. That makes me a pretty shitty excuse for a boyfriend.”
She shook her head, but emotion began to shine in her eyes. “We can’t dwell on the past, Ryan. Especially not the parts we never had control over in the first place. All we can do now is accept what happened and move on.”
Logically, he knew that, but it didn’t ease the regret eating him from the inside out. He was the kind of guy who took care of his business, not the kind that shirked it.
“You’re right,” he admitted. “We can’t go back, but we can choose what happens now.”
She looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes. “Now?”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I don’t know about you, but I vote we make up for lost time.”