Thirty Five
My nightmares came to life when I woke in the tube. My breath steamed in the air, light blinding me.
No. This can’t be happening. Please say I got away.
I screamed and pounded at the glass, which instantly opened. I stretched and threw my body over the side and landed on the floor in a heap. Everything throbbed including my hair.
I stared down at my hands. Fresh pink tissue shone through the cracked black skin. I was in the laboratory. How was that possible? There was a nightstand in the corner with a bowl of water and a towel. I staggered toward it with a purpose, mouth dry and sore.
I stuck my head into the clear liquid, the cold shocked me a bit more awake. I rubbed my face and tossed my hair back, dunking again and again. The water turned black with debris. I watched it swirl in the bowl. Ripples marred the surface as my tears dripped down.
My eyes were bloodshot obscuring the white. I had small spider veins all over what little skin I had left on my face that wasn’t charred. Pretty no more. My hair hung limp and mangled next to my beaten face. Death-warmed-over still won out over me right now.
My breath whooshed out. Hands spanned my waist. My right elbow flew up and back aiming for the head as I twisted and brought my left up for a strike.
Rael caught my arm an inch from his face. He raised his eyebrow. “It is me.” The words were faint.
I blinked, arms falling to my sides. “How? Where?” I jabbed him in the chest. Yep, he was real.
He grunted, rubbing the area absently. He appeared almost as bad as me. His nose had been broken and not by me; my elbow never connected. His eyes were swollen. Blood stained his shirt. His hands resumed their position on my waist as I gazed at him.
“Hey.” I held onto the nightstand.
He smiled. “Hey, yourself.” I was shaking, how weird.
He pulled me closer and hugged me tight. My breathed stuttered out and I squeezed him back, tears burning my eyes.
“What happened to everyone? Did anybody make it out?” A rock the size of Mount Rushmore filled my chest. Marin, my friends. Finn. Hana. Where were they? If the lab was standing, did that mean Marin survived?
“I don’t know. I found you after your fall, and both of us were too wounded to travel, so I brought you here. I haven’t been back yet to get a body count.” He tucked my head into his body as I shuddered.
I sobbed and held tight. “How long have we been here?”
“Three days.” I leaned back, stunned.
“Three? How hurt was I?” I asked.
“You stopped breathing twice. Only the tube saved you.”
I blanked then rubbed my arms. Stomach twisting, I realized my mating band was gone. Marin was gone. My composure shattered and while I was sobbing earlier, this was full on blubbering, and it wasn’t pretty. Rael held me quietly throughout, rubbing his hand down my hair.
Cried out after what had to be hours, I lay on the ground in the corner. A twitch moved me now and I replayed our time together over and over. We never talked. He never forgave me before he died and now he never would. I remembered his taste—cherries and darkness, the look in his eyes when he saw me, the smile that spread across his face when I kissed him. How did I get so lucky? Why didn’t I hold him closer?
I rolled over and dreamed right there, too tired to get up.
~ * ~
The world was hazy, golden.
“Hello, Finn, how very nice to meet you. Who is your dam?” Xade asked.
Finn glared at him, refusing to talk. His legs were a mess; two holes in the right, and one on the left. Of the two on the right, one was but a scrape and the other went through the belly of the muscle cleanly. The left hit bone and severed an artery. They had a bandage on it with some metal underneath. He craned his head and peered down. Finn closed his eyes “Beta...be safe. I love you…” He opened his eyes and stared right at me.
Our gazes met. I felt my heart skip a beat. “Finn.”
He could see me. For a moment, I swear he knew I was watching, his white eyes with their rim of blue opening wide, a faint mocking smile wreathing his face. I saw where he was, another lab identical to this one. Rael might know, or maybe Dela could try to find it in the database?
Rael had put me in the tube again. As soon as I touched the surface, it opened, and I stumbled out. My legs were stronger today, thank god. No more tubes. The rest would have to heal on its own. I limped out to the main room.
“Rael, I think we should head back to town. They have to be wondering how we are. I need to know how everyone is. I can make the—”
Hana, Zanth, and Marin stood inside the doorway. Hana covered her mouth with her hands, Zanth shifted, and Marin stared.
I went blank. “Hi.”
Marin rushed forward and grabbed me. His mating bands were gone as well. He looked rough. His hair was oily, unkempt, his eyes swollen and bruised. He also smelled awful. And it didn’t matter at all. I had never been so happy to see anyone in my life. My arms and legs closed around him as he pressed me into the nearest wall, his forehead to mine, our lips fused.
Marin. His words tumbled out. “I do not ever want to go through what I did the past three days. I do not want to lose you. If I lose you, I lose myself. I did not want to keep on living. When the bands came off, I went crazy, killing everything, took every risk I could because I wanted to die. I would not contemplate a world without you in it, so I tried to join you. Zanth kept me safe, but just barely. I hated him at the time but ...” He traced his fingers down my face, light as a feather, shaking. “I am so glad you are alive.”
“Same, it nearly killed me when I thought you died. I emptied myself of magic trying to hurt them, but it weakened me too much. They had me.” My eyes squeezed shut. I let my legs drop, and my feet touched the floor. “Xade took me back, but Finn distracted them so I could get away. I had fallen from one of these bad boys before and lived, so I jumped. They still have Finn. He wouldn’t let them have me.” I blinked and glanced over his shoulder at Hana. “How is everyone?”
“Edd died.” Her eyes welled up.
Oh no, I held out my hand. Hana came over and grasped it. Zanth put his arm around her waist. “I am so sorry, Hana. How is Jace?” I said.
“Jace is hurt but recovering. Bob was wounded. He… lost his arm.”
Not Giggy with his big lovable untidiness? God. “What about everyone else. Ute, Thorn?”
“We are unsure about a few of them. We lost Baren, some of the Naen clan. Near is missing, Yann died. Thorn made it, but his leg is badly injured. We have had a lot of losses, but we survived. You eliminated most of the E’mani ships with your lightning.”
I braced my head on Marin’s shoulder, breathing him in. So many gone, hurt. I lifted my gaze. He was staring down at me. His lips met my own, his taste flooding me. Male, Marin, Mine. My man. I carded through his hair pulling his head closer as I stretched to reach him and nuzzled his ear. He shuddered and squeezed me tight.
Hana sniffed, and Zanth put a hand on her shoulder.
“I want to know where they took Finn. He was a target just as I was. They took him back to some of the older labs. We need to start searching for them. I fear what Xade has planned.” I rested against Marin, taking what comfort I could.
That will be our goal. In a little bit. I couldn’t face a fight right now. We needed to regroup, help our wounded and regain our equilibrium. Then focus on how much of a blow we had given them and what it will mean.
I stepped forward. “Where is Rael? We should head back.”
“He is outside on patrol.” Marin grit his teeth. “He did not tell us you survived. He popped into town this morning and started patrols. He seemed to be taking the thought of your death a little too well, so we came to investigate.”
I snuffled, cuddling into his side. “That was probably because, until this morning, he didn’t know if I would survive. The tube is the only thing that saved me. Don’t be too harsh with him. He took me to the right spot.” I breathed in. “Let’s go home.”
Marin kissed the top of my head. “Yes.”
It was a couple of miles back to camp. The air was well patrolled, and we took our time. No one talked and all I wanted was to get Marin alone. Marin was acting his old self again but... I didn’t trust him quite like I did before. I had such confidence in us, such overwhelming faith in the strength of his feelings for me. Now I could feel the cracks in our relationship, and it made me sad. Maybe it would be good for us in the long term. Nothing could survive with such high expectations, but it still hurt, how he’d acted. I understood and yet I didn’t. At the same time, he was the one. He’d always been my choice, even when he doubted it. The thought of him being gone had broken me in a way the E’mani never accomplished.
When we got back to Center, there were few people around, which was good. I wanted to shower and sleep and think and cuddle with Marin. Tomorrow was soon enough for dealing with everything. The trek back wiped me out.
I used the washbasin in our room to wipe away some of the grime. Marin helped me with my hair, his fingers soothing on my scalp. I combed out the knots then shooed Marin out so I could wash all over and change. He left but returned a few minutes later with a tray of some fruit and cheese.
I lounged on the bed watching him clean up as I ate the food he brought. “This cheese tastes funny.”
“It is supposed to. It is filling. Eat it.”
“Bleah.” I choked it down. The fruit was better.
Marin finished cleaning up and crawled into bed next to me. I shoved him back and adjusted him to my liking, my head fit into his shoulder just right. He flipped me onto my side a little more and we twined around each other.
“Mine.”
“Yours.”
I shuddered at the intimacy of his voice in my ear and in my head. I tightened my arms. His lips brushed my neck, making me shiver. I wanted it to go on forever. I traced his arm where the bands had been. Gone now.
He noted my movement. “What?”
“What happened to the bands?”
“Mine fell off sometime during the battle.”
“I am not sure when mine popped off.” My heart ached. “So they’re gone?”
“Those bands, yes.”
“Does this mean we are not mated?”
“No.” Marin turned me to face him straight on. “The bands were a symbol. Our bond is in here.” He pointed to his chest and then laid his hand against mine. “My anger was foolish. When I thought I lost you, I would have given anything to be with you again. Forgive me?”
“There was nothing to forgive. I knew you would be angry. And I was wrong to expect you to just forget about it. We needed to talk through everything. I think nearly dying made us both realize that none of that matters. The only thing that is important, is that we love and support each other, come what may.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
His lips met mine, thumb brushing my cheek, breath mingling. The touch was tender, sweet, and perfect. There was more to say, but what we had vowed was enough.
I was tired. Physically and mentally, and the battle was not won. I didn’t burn for anything anymore, not like I had after the last attack all those months ago, or after Hope died. I felt numb, hollowed out and useless. It made me think of a quote from Earth. In war, there are no unwounded soldiers. I’d been a soldier twice now. Had I learned nothing? I rushed to fight, to kill, and to avenge. What was left?
My eyes drifted to Marin’s; his were shadowed with exhaustion and the reality of all that had happened. Neither of us was untouched by this war. As I traced his arm again where the bands had been, I realized, in one way or another, we were all remains. And we were all that mattered. The E’mani wanted to destroy that. I would not let them.
Starting tomorrow.
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