Chapter Fifteen

Ella

 

After I ran upstairs to get money from my wallet to pay the annoyed taxi driver, I headed back inside and closed the door behind me, collapsing in a heap on my bed. My head was swirling with everything I had just been through, and it felt good to be in my own space again. I needed time to think, to process everything that had happened. And with Beckett, I couldn’t exactly think straight when he was near me.

When my alarm went off I felt like I hadn’t had nearly enough sleep, but I needed to put the pieces of my life back together. I was glad Beckett had given me back my phone, even though I was still annoyed at how he had used it. There were missed calls and texts from both Seth and Reya, I would let them both know I was okay. The person I was most nervous about facing was my boss. Harry was not going to be impressed that I took off without notice, hopefully I still had a job to go back to.

I changed out of the clothes I had taken from Beckett, folding them and putting them on a chair before walking over to my dresser and taking out a pair of underwear. I never thought I would be so relieved to choose from my own, admittedly small, wardrobe. It made me feel more like myself. As I fastened my pale pink bra I headed for my closet and pulled it open, deciding on a grey sleeveless dress and a black belt. Professional, so Harry wouldn’t start questioning my mental state.

I pulled my hair up into a low bun then quickly did my makeup, keeping it simple and natural looking. After a swipe of mascara and lip gloss I was ready to go. I gathered my bag and notebook then headed out towards my transit stop.

The journey was all too familiar, the crowd of people crammed together making me feel both relieved and uncomfortable after so many days of solitude in Beckett’s penthouse. When I arrived at the paper I walked quickly inside, past security and into the lobby. I stood there a second, debating whether I should go to my desk first or straight to Harry’s office. That decision was made for me when I heard his voice to my left.

“Well well, you’re back.”

I turned and watched as Harry walked towards me. He bit into a donut, his fingertips glistening with glaze, then he washed it down with a slurp of coffee.

“I am. Good morning Harry.”

He pointed to his office and I followed him inside, he closed the door while a few of my colleagues threw curious glances my way. I sighed, this was it. I was going to lose my job. Damnit Beckett. Harry dropped into his chair and looked at me from across the desk.

“Well, are you okay Ella?” I nodded and he continued to study me. “So, what was that about?”

I needed to choose my words carefully to make sure I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t. I couldn’t exactly tell him where I had been, and who I had been with. I decided on a half-truth.

“I was doing some additional research about the prostitution ring story and-”

Harry’s eyes bulged.

“The warehouse. Those dead men. Do you know anything about that?”

I nodded, slowly. “I had spoken with them, things got bad.”

“They’re saying it was the Phantom that took them out. Did you see anything?”

“No,” I lied. “I was out of there before anything happened.”

“Still, you were there. You can write me a story on it.”

My face lit up hopefully.

“I’m not fired?”

Harry gave a little grunt, then took another sip of coffee.

“You cover a hard beat Ella, and you put yourself through the ringer to get me good stories. It’s bound to get to you eventually. Next time though, a bit more of a heads up. I had Sherry cover your beat and she just doesn’t have the chops for crime. She’s miserable.”

I suppressed a giggle as I pictured Sherry, sensitive and squeamish, trying to piece together news about violent attacks and murders that took place on the regular in this city. It was nice to know Harry wasn’t replacing me.

“I’ll get to work on the story boss,” I told him as I headed for the door.

“One more thing Ella,” Harry called after me. “The PR people from Carter Enterprises called me about your article. They’re pissed.”

I froze, my hand on the door handle. A slow smile spread across Harry’s face.

“Don’t worry about it. If you’re not pissing people off every once in a while, you’re not digging deep enough. I’ll smooth things over.”

I smiled back at Harry then headed for my desk. I had a stack of memos and press releases sitting on my keyboard. Sherry noticed me from her desk across the room and shouted out, “Thank God!” She turned back to her screen and continued to type away, relieved to be escaping the dark world of the crime beat. At her outburst a few heads turned my way, including Seth. He stood up and marched towards me.

“Ella, you’re back. Can we talk?”

“Yes, sorry Seth. I know I owe you an explanation, but I just got back. I need to work on something for Harry and get caught up. Can we talk after work?”

He nodded. “Let’s head to the Pilot, grab a drink.”

“Okay.”

Seth headed back to his desk and I opened my email, groaning when I saw the sea of messages I was going to need to sort through. Inter-office memos, pitches, press releases and news alerts. This was going to take me all day, on top of the article I needed to write about what had happened in the warehouse. I was going to need to tread very carefully, and once I admitted publicly that I had been at a location that became a crime scene the police would likely want to speak with me. Still, this was the story I had been working on for ages. The story that I had risked my life over, and while I didn’t have definitive proof that women were being held against their will I did have knowledge through my undercover efforts that drugs and prostitution were on offer, as well as connected to the Venetti crime family. That was enough.

I threw myself into my work, drafting the article based on my notes and the memory of my time there that was enough to make my entire body shake slightly with fear. Remembering Dale’s eyes that were nothing short of pure, predatory evil. Remembering the way he looked at my body, and the things he was going to let those men do to me against my will. I didn’t feel any remorse that he was dead, that they were all dead. They were rabid animals who deserved to be put down. I froze, blinked, surprised at myself. When had I made the switch from law abiding citizen to believing that the vigilante was in the right for the types of things he did to criminals? Maybe around the same time I slept with him.

I continued to click through my emails, deleting or filing them, as the memories flooded back causing my cheeks to flush and my legs to clench. Beckett was dangerous, I couldn’t deny that, but I had trusted my body in his hands and let him do things to me I never thought I would ever let a man do. Having an older sister who sold her body made me regard men as pigs, out for only one thing and once they got it they would be gone. I didn’t ever think about how good it would feel, how the right kind of man could awaken desire in you that makes you weak and needy.

Beckett had been honest with me about the kind of sex he had, hard and rough, and still I wanted it to be him. There was something about him that made me know he had to be the one, maybe it was the secret we now shared. I had been attracted to him the first time I had seen him, sure, but it wasn’t until he saved my life and took me into his home that confusion really set in. What kind of woman falls in lust with her kidnapper? I bit my lip, remembering how easily Beckett picked me up and threw me over his shoulder or how he held me down. It was unconventional, sure, but I didn’t care. I wanted Beckett then, I wanted him now, and this new desperately sexual need burning inside me surprised me. There was a brooding darkness in Beckett, and I was all too willing to sink into the shadows with him.

Seth leaned forward and looked over my shoulder at my screen; I hadn’t even realized he was there and jumped in my seat.

“Jesus Seth, don’t sneak up on me.”

“No wonder you’re jumpy, holy hell Ella. Did you seriously go undercover disguised as a prostitute for this article?”

I attached my draft to an email to Harry, then hit send. Hopefully it was enough to get me back into his good graces, and applied a bit of pressure for the police force to take a closer look at what went on in that warehouse.

“I did, and I don’t want to hear any lectures about how reckless and careless it was.”

“I don’t need to tell you anything you already know Ella. Ready to go?”

“I’m ready.”

I stood up and we walked together out the building, into the warm air and heat that quickly settled on my skin. The Pilot was just around the corner, you could often find it filled with writers from the paper throwing back a drink while they worked on a deadline. It was a comfortable place with a chrome bar and brown leather booths. Seth and I found an empty booth by the window and sat down.

“So,” Seth asked. “Undercover as a prostitute? I have to say Ella I don’t know how you pulled that off.”

I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “You’re so kind and sweet, and you look so wholesome. Just not what I imagine they would be looking for. No offense.”

I leaned forward slightly and dropped my voice.

“You’d be surprised how few questions they ask when you’re wearing a low cut red mini-dress and a black wig.”

Seth’s eyes went wide and he cleared his throat, standing up and gesturing to the bar.

“Drink? The usual?”

I nodded and as he walked away, I leaned back in the booth and giggled at the mental picture I had just given him. When he came back he placed a gin and tonic in front of me while he held onto his pint of beer.

“I’m just going to get right into it Ella and ask. Why did you blow me off and disappear? I was really worried about you, Harry told everyone you were taking a last minute vacation.”

“I didn’t mean to blow you off,” I told him, and it was the truth. “After the warehouse, I guess I was overwhelmed. I needed to be alone for a while.”

“Did you get what you wanted from the experience?”

I lifted the straw to my lips and drank, thinking about my time with Beckett. About having sex with him, again and again. About the pieces of his life that he had shared with me, and how curious I was to know more about such a powerful and interesting man.

“I did.”

“So, now that you’re back, I need to ask. Where does that leave us?”

I glanced down and stared at my drink as if the answer might be in there, stirring the straw and looking at the ice cubes rattling against the glass. He deserved an answer, but I knew he wouldn’t be happy with the one I would give him.

“I know what you want us to be Seth, and I care about you. I really do. But I can’t give you what you want from me.”

He leaned back against the booth. “I see. Is there someone else?”

I continued to look into my drink. It was so hard to lie to someone I cared about, who cared about me. My silence told him everything he needed to know.

“What changed between the day you agreed to let me take you out and now? You can’t have met someone in that short a time.”

“Except I did.”

“I see. And who is he?”

I took a long sip of my drink, the bitter edge of gin and the tang of the tonic sliding over my tongue. “I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t tell me, or you won’t?”

Seth’s expression was both grave and disappointed. I looked across the table at him, his messy hair and collared shirt undone at the neck. He was kind, attractive and we shared so many interests. But he couldn’t compete with the dangerous, brutal and intensely sexual billionaire who dominated both my body and mind. I didn’t know what I meant to Beckett Carter or what kind of relationship we could possibly have, but I knew as long as there was a connection between us I couldn’t see anyone else.

“I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.”

Seth ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. His annoyed expression softening as he looked at my face. He sighed.

“Are you happy?” he asked.

I nodded as he reached across the table and placed his hand on top of mine.

“If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. To hell with what I want, right?”

He gave my fingers a light, reassuring squeeze. My heart was heavy in my chest and I squeezed back, feeling awful for hurting him.