Chapter Eighteen

Beckett

 

The nights I went out in disguise and dealt with criminal scum, those were the nights that I came home and slept the best. The rest of my evenings were spent restless or waking up from nightmares, but those nights I felt at peace. I felt like I was making a difference, like I was the kind of man my parents could be proud of if they were still alive.

I had spent the morning in my gym, then the rest of the day locked in a few conference calls and reviewing sections of contracts my lawyers had sent me about legal matters. There was such a sharp divide in my life; the savvy businessman and the savage judgement of a vigilante. More and more I felt the separate parts of myself blending together, it was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain the illusion. But for the first time there was one person I didn’t need to hide everything from, and she was on her way over for dinner and to spend the night. She had put up with a lot from me, and even though I couldn’t give her a traditional relationship I could give her a weekend where I focused on her and only her.

The caterers had left and dinner was keeping warm in the oven, the dining room table set with candles and flowers. I wanted tonight to be perfect for her. When I heard the intercom chime I pressed the button to allow her up, waiting by the elevator for her to arrive. When the doors slid open I smiled as she dropped her head and gave a shy smile while tucking her hair behind her ear. I made her nervous, I knew that, and the effect was intoxicating for me. I loved that I could have that sort of physical impact on Ella with just a look, or a touch. She was wearing a grey silk dress, flowing over her body and cut low on her neckline.

I walked towards her and placed my hand on her lower back, caressing the smooth fabric, and guided her towards the dining room. When she stepped inside the dimly lit room fragrant with fresh cut flowers she gave a little gasp and turned towards me.

“You didn’t have to do this for me Beckett. We could have just ordered a pizza.”

I chuckled and pulled her chair out, gesturing for her to seat herself.

“Well I hope you like venison and roast vegetables better than takeout.”

I poured her a glass of red wine, then walked around the table to fill my glass.

“Dinner is in the oven, I’ll be right back.”

I walked to the kitchen, amazed at how nice this felt. How… normal. I rarely had women over to my place for anything other than a quick fuck and to send them on their way, but with Ella there was something different between us. I wanted her to feel safe, I wanted her to feel impressed. I wanted her to feel like she was mine, and that giving herself to me meant that I would cherish her in my own way.

I carried the warm plates back into the dining room and set hers down, then walked to the other end of the table to take my seat. I rarely ate in the dining room, it was meant for entertaining and that was something I didn’t do. Until tonight.

“This looks delicious, thank you Beckett.”

“I’m glad you came Ella. I’m glad you’re here. When you left the night I asked you to sign those documents, I have to admit, I was worried I would never see you again.”

She sighed. “It did catch me off guard, but trust isn’t instant it’s incremental. I need to earn your trust with time, and then maybe we can have a bit more of a traditional relationship.”

I froze, my knife placed against the venison ready to cut.

“What do you mean?”

Ella shrugged and speared a bite of vegetables with her fork.

“Dinner at a restaurant, going to see a movie or a show. You know, like normal people.”

I tensed in my seat, putting down my knife.

“Ella, I thought you understood. I can’t give you that. We’re not… this is not a traditional relationship and it can’t be.”

She swallowed, her eyes questioning me in the candlelight.

“I don’t see why not Beckett. Why can’t we go on dates?”

“Ella, what if someone figured out who I am and what I do. I regularly piss off some very powerful, dangerous people. If you’re romantically linked to Beckett Carter, you would become a target. And I can’t put you or anyone at risk like that.”

“But you do go on dates,” she countered stubbornly.

“Yes, once or twice with a woman and not more than that. Is that what you want?”

She picked up her wine glass, took a sip, then shook her head. It was quiet a moment, and then she laughed.

“I must be crazy.”

“Why do you say that Ella?”

“Not only did I stay instead of running away from a man who kidnapped me, not only did I sleep with you, but now I’m discussing what kind of relationship I’m going to have with a man who spends his nights targeting and attacking criminals in disguise.”

I ran my hands through my hair. She was right, I couldn’t argue with her. This wasn’t normal, and probably wasn’t healthy. But we had been brought together and I had never wanted someone more.

“If this is too much Ella, if you want to walk away, I’ll understand.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to walk away Beckett. I just want to acknowledge that this is crazy.”

I smiled and raised my glass to her.

“You’re right, this is crazy.”

We ate our meals listening to soft classical music play through the speakers. I never realized how much I had missed company, the countless hours I spent at home in solitude. Sitting across from me down the long oak table, candlelight dancing off her skin and making her glow, I felt more human that I had in a long time.

“I read your article,” I told her finally. “It was good. Thank you for writing it, even though we didn’t give you much of a choice.”

“You’re a very bossy man Beckett, you know that right?” She sipped her wine and her eyes sparkled. The way she called me out made me laugh.

“I like control, I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now Ella.”

“Even if I wasn’t an investigative reporter I could have pieced that together.”

“And how does that make you feel, the fact that I want to control you. The fact I get off on dominating your body, the types of things that I’m into.”

She bit her lip and I studied her across the table.

“I like it,” she said finally, her voice just above a whisper. My eyes drilled into hers, focused on her words and body language.

“Why?” My voice was firm, but I tried to keep it as gentle as possible. But I wanted to know why, in all of her beautiful innocence, she gave in to my darkness.

“You say you can’t help who you are Beckett, that this is inside of you. That it’s a part of who you are. I think I can understand that. As long as I can remember I didn’t trust men, I thought they were animals who only wanted to use women. They may try to keep secret what they’re really like in order to get what they want, but I saw who you are that first night. I realized that you were powerful, that you were dangerous. I knew I should be afraid but I wasn’t. When you kept me here I saw you were complex, like me. We both show one side of ourselves to the world but it’s a lie. When I kissed you and you didn’t take advantage… when I threw myself at you and you tried to warn me. I’m not scared of the pain you like to cause Beckett. I’m scared of not being with you.”

I stared at her, completely floored by her words and honesty. Ella had seen the ugliest, most brutal parts of me and still she wanted to be with me. I could not believe this incredible creature had come into my life, I had done nothing to deserve her.

“What are you,” I whispered.

“I’m yours,” she answered me. I stood up and walked around the table, stopping beside her chair as she looked up at me.

“And you’re okay that this won’t be like what everyone else has? You promise to tell me if I go too far, if I hurt you.”

I ran my fingers along her soft jaw, keeping her face pointed at mine as I stared into her eyes with lust slowly building in mine.

“Show me Beckett. Show me what you want to do to me. If it’s too much, I promise I’ll say stop.”

I dropped my hands to my side and clenched my fists, need flooding through my veins and driving me now. I needed her, I felt it building in me, the monster driving me forward and twitching to mark her soft beautiful body.

“Stand up Ella.”

She pushed her chair back and rose slowly to her feet, her eyes never leaving mine. I took her hand and walked towards my bedroom, she moved quickly in her heels after me struggling to keep up with my long strides. I pulled open the door and brought her inside with me, dropping her hand and turning to face her.

“I want you to take off everything, and lie face up on the bed.”

She stared at me, hesitating, but then in total compliance she started to slide the zipper of her dress down. When she stepped out of it I watched her as she slowly pulled off her bra and underwear. She crossed her arms in front of me, biting her lip and blushing, clearly self-conscious. I reached forward and uncrossed her arms.

“Your body is beautiful to me, never hide it.”

I let my eyes move from her clear eyes to her lips, down her long neck to the perfect mounds of her breasts. Lower, down her stomach, to the soft patch of hair between her legs. I wanted to touch her everywhere, I wanted to take everything, and she was willing to let me.

“Get on the bed Ella, now.”

Moving quickly, I watched as she scrambled onto my bed and lay down on her back, watching me to see what I would do next. I headed for the closet and pulled four of my ties off their hooks, walking back to the bed. As Ella followed me with her eyes, not saying a word, I secured her arms and legs to my bed posts until she was spread eagle against my sheets. I bent over her, dangling the last tie in front of her face.

“Ella, I’m going to gag you with this, and then for as long as I like I’m going to enjoy your body in whatever way I want. I’m not going to be gentle. I’m going to tease you and fuck you until I think you’ve had enough and then, and only then, I’m going to let you come. If you come before I say you can, I’m going to punish you. If anything becomes too much and you want me to stop I want you to make a noise three times and shake your head. Do you understand?”

Ella nodded. “I understand,” she said, her breathing coming faster now.

I placed the tie between her lips, tying it tight around her head so that it was wedged in her mouth preventing her from speaking. Preventing her from doing anything other than make rough mumbled noises of pleasure as I toyed with her body. Seeing her bound and helpless in my bed I was already painfully hard, but there was no need to rush. She was mine.

I stripped my shirt from my body and left the room as she twisted, trying to lift up and see where I was going. In the kitchen I collected a bowl of ice cubes then returned to the bedroom. Pulling off my pants until I was down to my boxers I knelt beside Ella on the bed, picking up a cube then lifting it in front of her so she could see it. Her gaze went from the ice to me, confused.

I ran the ice over her lips, over and over again, until they were red and wet. When I bent to kiss her, my hot breath against her chilled mouth, I felt her press her mouth against me seeking my warmth. I sat back up, dragging the ice along her neck slowly, letting it melt with the heat of her body.

I picked up a cube and placed it against her belly button.

“If you move and cause the ice to fall off, you’ll be punished,” I warned her. My voice was low and husky, the monster was fully in control now. With the ice against her midsection, I took another cube and dragged it over her nipple. She gasped behind the gag and moved slightly, I raised an eyebrow at her. The cube wiggled but stayed on her belly button.

I kept the cube in place against her nipple, firmly against her sensitive skin. She was whimpering now, her body shaking. When I pulled it back then gripped her chilled peak between my teeth giving a bite and tug she jerked against the bed. The cube on her stomach slid wetly off her side. Her eyes widened when I looked at her and shook my head. I dragged ice over her thigh, wetting her skin, then let my hand whip down in a slap that echoed off the walls. She yelped, the water giving her skin an extra sting. I replaced a cube on her stomach and moved to her other nipple, teasing with the ice, chilling her to the point of pain. This time she focused and as much as I knew she wanted to move, no matter what I did she kept her body still. I smiled, impressed.

When I closed my mouth over her breasts, warming the frigid skin with my lips and tongue she groaned with pleasure. I let my hand travel down between her legs, teasing her with my fingers. She was soaking wet and I slid up to the knuckle easily, curling inside her and stroking. She writhed her hips greedily, moving in time to my thrusts. When I pulled my finger out she whimpered in disappointment. I chuckled.

“You didn’t think it was going to be that easy, did you Ella?”

I took an ice cube and dragged it between her breasts, down over her stomach, then she gasped as I slid it back and forth over her slit. I let it melt slightly with the heat between her legs, and then applying pressure with my thumb I popped the cube inside her. Her entire body arched off the bed and she cried out behind the gag as the cold hard cube slid into her body. I watched as goosebumps erupted over her skin and she shuddered. I yanked down my boxers and positioned between her legs, pointing the thick head of my cock against her cold wet opening. I pushed inside, deep, until I could feel the chill of the cube and the added slickness of the melting ice mixed with her own arousal.

Gripping her legs I pulled out then slammed into her over and over again. She groaned and the bed shook as I fucked her roughly, the friction of our bodies melting the ice as it dribbled out of her. Her eyes were half closed, lost in ecstacy, and I reached forward to force her to look at me.

“Don’t come Ella,” I commanded her. “I didn’t give you permission yet. This is for me.”

She whimpered as I slammed into her over and over again, my cock throbbing and aching to enter her repeatedly. She felt incredible inside, like she was made for me, and as I dug my fingers into her thighs I pushed in as deep as I could go, exploring every inch of her. When I was close, I pulled out and dropped between her legs. I closed my mouth over her clit, sucking her now hot skin and licking her with quick flicks of my tongue as I fingered her. She was twisting her legs, pulling against the restraints, her legs shaking.

“Come for me Ella,” I raised my head to tell her. Her muffled scream filled my ears as her body clenched down on my finger. I quickly moved up and shoved my cock back inside her, feeling the ripples of her orgasm pulse around my shaft as I fucked her as hard as I could, battering into her and chasing my own orgasm. I came hard, dropping down on top of her body and gripping her hips while I emptied into her with a groan. I moved my hips through the added slickness, spreading inside her, then pressed my lips to her neck and felt her pulse racing like my own.

My ears were ringing as I caught my breath, trailing my hands reverentially over Ella’s body. In another hour I would want her all over again, and I knew she would let me take her. This fire that was burning inside me, I could see that it was inside her too.