Hannah

 

It's Monday, two days after the school fair. Kieran has left me six messages. I have ignored them all. Now Mr. Alistair, the CEO himself, wants to see me in his office.

“I hear your safety project campaign was a triumph. You more than tripled the number of visitors from last year, and the head of the council is delighted. Paul said you did most of it alone.”

“Paul gave me some good suggestions. And the art department helped.”

“Yes, but the campaign was mainly all your own work. I know how busy my team is, and we need more people like you who are able to step up and do things. I hope you'll consider joining us when you finish college. We have a great graduate program for the right candidates.”

“I would love to join the company, Mr. Alistair.”

“Excellent. I'll get Mandy in HR to put the paperwork together and if you like what we have to offer, we'll see you, let's say, the first week in July. I expect you'll want some time off after your exams. I know I did.”

Mr. Alistair gives me the rest of the week off. He says I can spend the time until I return to college writing up the project for my assignment, and that when he's asked to report back to the college about my time with his company, he will have nothing but praise for my work.

*

I call Amy as soon as I leave the office. She is over the moon for me. “I knew you could do it!” She already has a job with a textile factory just out of town. “We'll both be staying here,” she says. “We can share a place—as long as you promise not to keep me awake with all your nocturnal activities.”

I have to laugh at that, as the only one likely to keep anyone awake right now is Amy. My wakefulness is for a whole different reason. I'm not sure when I will get over being taken for a fool again.

*

So, I have a job, the job I wanted with Alistair & Co., and I will live with Amy, but somehow, things don't seem as bright as I thought they'd be with all that sorted out.

On Saturday afternoon, I watched from the sidelines as Kieran helped extract an “injured” dummy from the wreck of a car, and I felt as if he was cutting me right open along with the metal roof of the vehicle.

One of the firemen talked through the whole process, explaining what was going on to the crowd but I was so numb, I don't think I took in a word of it. I just stood there as if I was watching the demonstration with everyone standing enthralled and clapping around me, but all I could think was, Kieran has a son. Not a baby, an almost grown-up son, and he didn't tell me about him.

At one point, I thought I caught his eye, but he looked away, back to the car. Of course he did. He must know how much he hurt me. I hope he didn't think I was at the demo only to watch him. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I'd have rather poked my eyes out.

*

I take the bus home from Alistair & Co., unsure whether to be happy or desperately sad. I look up from the ground as I approach my building, wondering if I can be bothered to start writing up my assignment today. Kieran is waiting outside in his car.

He opens his window and calls over. “I tried to reach you at your office. They said you'd left for the day. I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch.”

“I don't think so. I have nothing to say to you.”

“I'd like a chance to explain, if you'll let me.”

I look around. It's quiet, but I don't want to shout over to him. I go over to the car.

“I don't want to hear what you have to say. You hurt me, Kieran.”

“I know. I'm sorry. But it wasn't intentional. I wouldn't hurt you for the world if I could help it.”

“That's not how it seems to me.” I should just leave well alone, walk away and forget him, but somehow, I can't. “Are you still involved with his mother?”

“In my son's upbringing, yes. Kate and I are friends, but not together in any other way. She and Josh live down in England, so I don't even see them that much. Look, if you don't want to have lunch, will you walk with me for five minutes?”

“Just a walk, then. I'd like to know what made you think putting me off for days and keeping your son a secret wouldn't hurt me.”

He gets out of the car and locks it, and we start walking in the direction of the park, but in truth I don't care where we go. It won’t make any difference.

“I know now it was a mistake not to tell you straight away,” he says. “I wanted to tell you about Josh, but it never seemed like the right time. I'd only just met you and I didn't want to spoil things. But now I know there is never going to be a right time to say something like that.”

“But you avoided me for days, too. It felt like you were pushing me off with excuse after excuse.”

“Josh is the reason I couldn't see you. He turned up on my doorstep, upset. He'd run away. I had to calm things down, take him back home to Durham. But things are better now between him and his mother. Kate told him she was getting married. Josh doesn't like the guy, thinks he's controlling and not treating his mother right and he wanted someone he trusted to talk it through.”

“And was he right to be worried?”

“From what he said, I thought he was, but I only had his side of the story. By the time I took Josh back home, Kate had thought again and agreed the guy had to go. So I think it will be all right. I just might have to go back down there if the guy starts threatening Kate or Josh. I can't have Josh dealing with that.”

“Why didn't you get married? When Josh was a baby, I mean.”

“I was young when I got his mother pregnant. We both were. But we knew it wasn't the right thing. For either of us. After my girlfriend died, I went a bit wild. I didn't care what I did. I had a lot of one night stands. Kate, Josh's mother, just happened to be one of them.”

“But from what you told me, you were still playing the field when you met me. For all I know, you still are.”

“That's all I wanted for a long time. Or at least, I managed to convince myself it was. Until I met you. I've never been with anyone since you, or wanted anyone else. And I never needed to tell anyone about Josh because I was never with anyone long enough.”

“Your family all knows?”

“Yes, that day Vanessa came to my place, she wanted Josh to help with her son Ben next time he visited. Ben was having a hard time with some of the kids at school. The boys have always gotten along.”

“I wish you had shared what was going on with me.”

“I wish I had, too. Believe me, I do. But that's all there is. My only secret. That and how much I care for you. I wish I hadn't kept that a secret either. But I didn't even know how much it would hurt to lose you until you weren't there. I knew it was my own stupid fault. That hurt more than anything. If I'd told you about Josh, I could have explained.”

“And I'd have understood why you had to be there for him.”

“I think you would, and I think you'll like Josh too if you decide to give me another chance. I hope you will.”

I look at him and hear the sincerity in his voice. I don't think he meant to deceive me for long, though he kept Josh a secret at the start. It still hurts that Kieran shut me out, but I can't deny I want him.

“Well, I had better meet him properly then. Maybe he won't like me and he’ll persuade you to stop seeing me.”

“I think he'll love you. He has a sensible head on his shoulders—a good judge of character, if his assessment of his mother's fiancé is anything to go by. He worked out the guy was trouble before his mother did.”

I smile at Kieran and he takes hold of my hand and kisses my fingers and then my lips.

“What about that lunch then? Is your invitation still open?” I ask.