Kieran

 

Oh, Hannah. I could fall for her so easily, but I'm not going to. Life is calm and easy right now and I want it to stay that way.

I like women. I take them out all the time, same as I took Hannah out, and normally I take them home to my place or theirs. And that's it. Those other women and me, we know the score, have fun, with no love lost. I enjoy their company in and out of bed and I'm pretty sure there are no hard feelings or if there are, they manage to hide it pretty well. After all, I tell them how it's going to be.

But by the end of the evening with Hannah, I know it's not the same as a usual date. Not the same at all.

If I take her to bed, chances are I won't want to let her go, and I don't need that kind of drama in my life. Who does? I guess the guys my age at the fire station do, with the pictures of their wives and kids taped to their locker doors. I just don't know how I'd feel about taping a picture to mine.

So I don't ask for Hannah's number. I can see the hurt in her eyes and I know I'll see her sweet, disappointed face in my mind for a while. But she'll get over that fast. I know she will. I can't see me settling down with anyone, knowing how badly things can go wrong. It's better if I let her down now before she cares. Before I care.

I expect my arm will be healed enough to go back to regular work in a few days. I just have to convince the doctor of that. And then I can pass on the road safety project to someone else, and I won’t need to see Hannah again. Mike will understand. Our fire chief has a few years on me, but he's one of us.

 

*

On Monday, I get the doctor to pronounce me fit enough for normal operative work and so I go in to the station to give Mike the good news.

“I'll put you back on day shift for now,” he says. “It will help to have you back. Jack is going on his honeymoon at the end of the week.”

“So, can you take me from the school visits rotation, too?”

“That would be a shame. I hear you were quite a hit this week, resurrecting Teddy of all things. Mrs. Porter called me. I forgot we had costumes still hanging about.”

“I found it in the storeroom. The kids loved it. A woman assigned to the road safety project from Alistair & Co—that marketing company involved with the project—wore it. She wanted to visit a school, so I thought she could make herself useful.”

Mikes raises his eyebrows. “Don't tell me. She had the hots for you and you took her back to your place after the visit.”

“No. I took her out to dinner, not back to my place. Or hers.”

“You're losing your touch.”

“Nope. Just thought better of it.”

“Well, if it is the same woman, Hannah Palmer, who has an appointment with me in two minutes, you're off your rocker.”

I follow Mike's eyes and turn, looking through the window in his office door. Yes, it's Hannah, and the eyes of every fireman in the place are following her as she walks past the bays toward Mike's office, oblivious to the attention she's getting. Fuck!

“Which of the guys do you want me to assign to the project? I'm sure they'll all have their tongues hanging out at the chance to work with Miss Palmer.”

“None,” I say without thinking. I can't bear the thought of her flirting with them, impressing them, making them want her as much as I do.

She acknowledges me with a cool “Kieran” when she comes in, but I detect a faint reddening of her cheeks that has nothing to do with the temperamental heating in Mike's office. It feels cooler than usual, if anything. Maybe the icy look she gave me is reducing the temperature by a few degrees.

“I found the costumes you asked about,” Mike says.

“Costumes?” I ask.

“I thought we could have a whole cast of characters to encourage the kids to show up.”

“Some of them look a bit moth-eaten, I'm afraid.” Mike says. “But it might still be cheaper to repair them than to rent extra costumes.”

“Can I take them away to get checked? My friend works in textile design. She's good at that kind of thing. I'll get her to bring her car later if that's okay, because I can’t manage them on the bus.”

“No problem,” Mike says. “They're all just by the door in the storage room. But why don't you give Hannah a lift home with them, Kieran?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” I say, silently thanking Mike for suggesting it, because it doesn't sound like she needs my help much now that she's decided to go with the costume idea.

Hannah gives me a curt thank you. Once bitten, twice shy, I guess.

“Sorry,” I say as we walk to the storage room.

“For what? Thank you for dinner, by the way. Best dinner I've had as a student, or as an intern for that matter.”

“You're welcome. Go out with me again.”

“Really? I don't think so. Thanks for asking.” She frowns, her eyes not meeting mine, not even a trace of a smile on her lips.

Fuck! I really have upset her.

The front of the room looks like it has been inhabited by a giant menagerie. Goodness knows where Mike found all these costumes. Teddy was the only one I spotted when I looked for the school visit. But there's a dinosaur, dog, cat, panda, and squirrel, too.

We take them to my car in silence and load them in. If I take her home with the costumes and don’t say anything, she'll be gone, for good, and I'll know I've blown it. I can't bear that idea.

“I just came in to tell Mike he can add me back into the work schedule again,” I say. “But I'm not on duty until tomorrow. It's a nice day. Why don't we drop these off at your place and go for a picnic?”

A picnic? Where did that come from? I haven't been on a picnic in fucking years. The whole thing just came to me. That's what I want to do with her. There's a freshness about her I want to see in the open air and sunshine. Under an apple tree or something. Given it's May, it's unlikely there'll be any apples or blossoms about, but that's how I'd like to see her. And now I'm desperate to know if she'll agree.