Blayne

 

Love is a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs.

 

 

Everything changed after that evening and that entire day with Cooper. Well, at least everything inside me, changed. The rest of the world and the people in it, Chloe and even my coworkers were entirely unaware of it.

But then there was Chase.

Despite the constant warnings, and frequent arguments from the sane side of my brain, I constantly felt as though Chase was taking this whole thing just as seriously as I was. At first, I thought I probably sounded like one of those people who make up entire love affairs inside their heads and act like it’s happening, but all my doubts were confirmed the day he offered me a ride back home in the limo. Stanton was driving and I was tired, everyone had already left and I was used to working late most days so it was just us. Accepting a ride didn’t seem that much of big deal.

That was until I stepped inside.

At first, we smiled a lot and we were polite, but I could sense the tension inside that cramped place like it was some actual thing that surrounded us. I felt feverish, and the feelings of immense desire that I had felt after drinking too much at the club came rushing back, even though this time I was completely sober. I tried to concentrate on other things, not on the way his hair sat a bit wavy on his head; not on the way he knotted that tie; and certainly not on the way his shirt flattered the contours of his chest.

Certainly not that.

And since I was making a show of concentrating on something else, I clumsily dropped some paperwork and then I managed to spill the drink he offered me while trying to recover the fallen file. “It’s okay,” Chase said, and started picking up the files. “Let me.” His voice hit my ears like the last nail in the proverbial coffin. That cologne was going to be the death of me. It always mesmerized me but now he was so close within reach it was unbearable. 

“Thanks,” was the only word I could muster when the papers had been picked up and set aside. Afterward, he just stared at me. And this time, it wasn’t some friendly, casual glance. It was the same deep gaze he had watched me with several times before. The kind of look that made me forget about everything else and think only about him.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, as if I didn’t know the answer.

His eyes were piercing through my skin by now. Suddenly, it was not inside my head anymore, it wasn’t just some fantasy I could enjoy, but it was real and it was happening and it was happening right now…the fear and the excitement were both trying to get me to do things, and I couldn’t decide which side to pick. Without warning, I felt him coming closer, his hands grazing my arm, and just when I knew he was about to kiss me, I backed off.

“I can’t,” I said lamely and my legs were shaking, the tremors felt like they might be reaching my entire body if I didn’t get out of the limo.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Chase said. “But I was under the impression you liked me.”

How could I tell him he didn’t even know what he was talking about! How could I explain how much I really wanted him! How I have been thinking about him!

“I do like you,” I said. “I just…I don’t think…”

“If you need more time, I understand. Or if you’re not completely over Nick—”

“That’s not it Chase,” I said, a little annoyed that he thinks that. “I’m over him.”

At this he went quiet. He didn’t say anything but there was anger in his gaze. We said nothing throughout the ride. I couldn’t wait to get out. When finally, the apartment building arrived, we went our separate ways. I started crying my heart out the minute he was gone.

What was wrong with me?

This was supposed to be a good thing.

He was a nice guy!

Every guy is nice when you’re starting out. Nick was nice too, my brain argued.

I didn’t like my brain very much that moment but it was making a whole lot of sense, I had to agree.

I was scared.

I worked with this guy. Hell, I work for this guy. This wasn’t something I was supposed to do. I didn’t like the pressure. I just wanted something that was easier, and that didn’t require me thinking about the pros and cons all the time. 

Yes, that was probably why I couldn’t go through with it. But another part of me couldn’t forget the heat that I felt inside that closed limo. Or the way it felt being close to Chase inside his hotel suite and outside just hanging out that day. The way it felt just to be with him. The things we talked about, usual, trivial stuff normal people talk about but it all felt important somehow. Like every word, every gesture was a world on its own.