I woke up soaked with sweat.
When my eyes opened, it was to the sight of floor-to-ceiling windows spanning Aiden’s office, and a sky that was pink and purple with sunrise. It was beautiful, but the bad news was that I’d slept through the entire night and the power still wasn’t back on.
I shifted slightly, groaning, and realized the sweaty mass pressed against me was Jace. At some point during the night, my upset little renegade had crept onto the sofa bed and taken up residence under my chin. On Jace’s other side, Aiden was on his back with one arm thrown over his face and one leg hanging off the side. He was snoring softly, and looked like an adorable red-haired teddy bear.
Fuck, I really did love them both.
Instead of fighting my way out of the damp bed, I stroked wet strands of hair away from Jace’s face. He was so . . . pretty. His wide mouth, long lashes, the small pointy nose, and his pale skin and dark hair. If we were in a video game, he’d totally be an elf. An elf with an emotional thermometer that changed at drastic extremes in no time.
I kissed to his forehead and slid my hand down his bare back, stroking along his spine.
“Mmm,” he murmured, eyelashes fluttering. “Hot.”
“Yeah, it is,” I whispered, my voice craggy from sleep. “Power’s still out.”
He made a soft sound and opened his eyes a fragment. “Shit.”
“Yeah, it sucks.”
“Sucks that you’re stuck with us? The insatiable poly couple with the open marriage?”
The sleepy clouds drifted away, and I frowned. He’d opened his eyes fully to glare at me with that fierce expression on his face—mouth pursed into a slash and dark brow furrowed. Like he was ready for a fight.
“Don’t be that way,” I said, keeping my voice in a whisper. “You know I care about you both. It’s just . . . me.”
“Don’t be a cliché.”
“I’m not being a fucking cliché, J. I just want to beat my chest and fight people every time I hear about anyone else putting their hands on you or Aiden. If we were together, the entire time would be me seething with jealousy. Why would I damn any of us to all that drama? I’d bring fire and brimstone all the time.”
Jace’s lips parted, closed, then parted again. “That’s the reason you mentioned Liberty X?”
“What else reason would there be?” I demanded. “What, you thought I was just being a judgmental prick all of a sudden?” When he shrugged, those big eyes flitting away, I wanted to shake him. Instead, I turned his chin so he was forced to look at me again. “Dude, I have no judgment about you being open. I don’t think you’re insatiable. I’m just a jealous person, okay? No one’s ever seen the extent because I’ve never been serious with anyone for a long period of time, but it gets bad. So whenever I hear about you and Aiden at Liberty X, it’s like a punch in the gut. It hurts. And I get really angry.”
Even now, I gritted my teeth at the memory of the casual mentions of them being with other people. If I’d been unable to handle it when we were casually sleeping together at random points, there was no way I’d be able to deal with it happening on a regular basis. I didn’t have the capacity for an open relationship.
“I may be a big kid,” I said, “but I’m grown enough to think about the long term. That shit would cut me up if it was going down while we were all in a relationship.”
“It’s just touching,” Jace whispered. “Body parts going into other body parts. It’s just fun. Nobody makes me feel the way you and Aiden do.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that the idea of another motherfucker touching you, being inside of you—” My nostrils flared. “I’m not an angry person, but it makes me want to hurt somebody, Jace. After Stephanie’s party, you made some offhand comment about having fucked some football player, and . . . Yeah. That’s why I avoided you guys. I can’t stand that level of jealousy on a regular basis. I’m not used to wanting to brand two people with my name and throat punch anyone who looks twice.”
Jace shifted against me, pressing his hips against mine, and I felt his dick. Maybe it was hard from sleep or maybe my words were turning him on, but regardless, my body reacted in turn. My morning chubby thickened, and I ran my tongue over my lower lip.
“Makes me want to fuck you over and over until you realize you only need me,” I whispered. “And Aiden. Our lips, our hands, our dicks in you. Our come in your mouth. Or in your ass.”
Jace moaned, shuddering against me. “Chris . . .”
I rolled on top of him, rubbing our bodies together as he arched up against me. There was too much fabric between my shorts and his underwear, but I kissed along his face and jaw, dragging my tongue along the hollow of his throat, before sliding down to his chest. I drew his nipple into my mouth, and his groan shattered the absolute quiet of the office. His hands balled in the sheets, feet sliding up to bend his legs at the knees with me settled between them.
No one’s body had ever called to me the way Jace’s did. No one’s moans had ever sent goose bumps spreading over my skin. Those moans got hoarser when I licked the scar tissue on his torso, soothing wounds that had been inflicted on him years ago due to neglect.
Aiden had told me the story once, after Jace had fallen asleep between us and we’d shared a few too many beers. How the burns had come from a pot of boiling water when a seven-year-old Jace had been home alone and trying to cook. How the scars on his thigh had come from barbed wire after he’d been chased over a tall gate in a lot by one of his father’s many terrifying friends.
I looked up at him as I trailed my tongue along his hairless stomach. He’d gone quiet because Aiden had stirred awake. As I traced Jace’s erection through his underwear, they were locked in a passionate kiss. Picture-perfect.
With Aiden present, the fire stirring inside me flared to five alarms. Especially when he glanced down at me with promise in his narrowed eyes. I held the stare as I unwrapped Jace like a present, and kept looking even after I was blowing Jace the way I’d done him the night before. It didn’t take long for the salty tang of Jace’s semen to spill over my tongue once I slid two of my fingers into his ass.
Aiden pulled away as Jace gasped for air, his stomach sucked tight and toes clawed in the sheets as he came down from his ejaculation.
“You’re getting too good at that,” Jace said breathlessly. “I came way too fast.”
I drew up to my knees and winked. “Told you I’m basically a god. Fastest learner in all the land.”
“Damn right,” Aiden said, sitting up and giving me a hooded look. “You learned how to milk my dick with that ass pretty fast.”
My throat went dry. I dropped my hand to squeeze myself through my shorts, ass already clenching in anticipation. Either they’d forgotten the unfortunate series of conversations the night before, or they weren’t going to let it stop them from enjoying our time together. Especially if there was a possibility that it would be our last.
Jace grinned up at me and leaned over to grab something from the floor. Unsurprisingly, it was lube. He might have come to bed mad, but he’d still come prepared.
“I expect a good showing, boys.” He watched as Aiden knee-walked his way over the flimsy mattress, getting behind me as I stroked myself through my shorts. “I want to hear Chris get needy.”
Aiden wrapped one big hand around my throat. He pinned me to his chest, rocking against my ass, and then took over stroking my length through the shiny material of my basketball shorts.
“How bad do you want me?” he asked, lips pressed to my ear.
“So bad I bought a dildo to keep me satisfied when I think of you,” I admitted, closing my eyes as he pumped me slowly. “Not quite the same though.”
“Can’t replace the real thing. With a dildo or another dick.”
My eyes flicked open just in time to see Jace casting his husband a long look. One full of knowing. Yeah, they were thinking this was the end. Obviously they weren’t willing to change things for me, after all.
It would have crushed me, but Aiden chose that moment to shove me forward. I was on my hands and knees with my torso aligned with Jace’s, my face pressed to his. He kissed me as Aiden yanked down my shorts, his jagged fingernails scraping along my skin.
“This beautiful fucking ass,” Aiden groaned. “I dream about it.”
I lifted each of my legs, helping him pull the shorts off me, as Jace nursed at my tongue. My throbbing erection dragged against his stomach. I was half-delirious with the sensation of soft lips against my own, the hot wet tongue stroking inside my mouth, Jace’s knees on either side of my torso as he rocked up against my dick, and Aiden’s hands—those big callused hands—spreading my ass open so he could lube me up with his thick fingers.
“Love this tight fuck hole,” Aiden said, almost to himself. “I’d play with it all morning if I wasn’t so fucking horny.”
I tore my mouth away from Jace to say something clever but managed a sound that was somewhere between a gurgle and a slutty moan. Every time Aiden pressed his fingers into me, my body locked up to trap his fingers inside. I was that hungry for it. Hungry for something I only ever got when I was crushed between their bodies, because Aiden was right on one thing—no dildo or cock could replace him.
Grinning devilishly, Jace shifted beneath me, sliding down the bed until his mouth was level with my dick, and he pulled my ass cheeks apart for Aiden to take aim. Jace took my dick in his mouth just as the thick crown of Aiden’s piece breached me. I leaned forward, hands braced against the back of the couch.
“Ahh . . .”
“Shit,” Aiden hissed behind me, his breath tearing out of him in loud gasps. “Loosen up for me, baby. I need every inch inside of you.”
My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to focus on the sloppy blowjob Jace was managing and not the burn of the stretch. Regardless of how often I played with myself while at home, I was never quite prepared for Aiden’s girth.
With my fingers clutching the back cushions in a death grip, I gently rocked in and out of Jace’s mouth, which caused my ass to slide back little by little on Aiden’s cock. He gripped my shoulders the whole time, not fucking into me the way I knew he wanted to, giving me the time to adjust.
“Good boy,” he said, rubbing my shoulders. “Take all that dick.”
I nodded, not knowing why, too lost in sensory overload as I held myself in the exact position to have every part of them touching every part of me. By the time the pressure eased, my stomach was knotted with impatience.
“Come on, bro,” I pleaded impatiently. “Just fuck it.”
“Yeah?” Aiden’s voice deepened when he was turned on, the Neanderthal coming out as he snapped his hips harder and filled me completely. “Like that?”
“Just like that.” I pressed my forehead to the cushions, mouth gaping as Jace suckled sweetly on my tip. “Just like fucking that.”
Aiden made an appreciative sound, shifted on the bed, and proceeded to impale me on his cock so hard that I saw stars. He paused, sucked in a breath, and then went to work. For the next several minutes, I could only cling to the sofa and release ragged cries as Aiden took me. He was more relentless than rough, rocking his hips in an unceasing pace that caused his dick to drag along my prostate repeatedly.
Tingles spread everywhere in my body until nothing felt quite real. I forgot who I was and where I was, because nothing mattered but the mouth on my dick and the thick length sliding in and out of my ass. I didn’t want it to stop, but when Aiden’s teeth sank into the side of my neck as he came, the reality of him filling me up set me off as well. Jace swallowed my come down before turning his face away, patting my ass as Aiden panted roughly above me.
“Jace, move so I don’t crush you,” I said, voice wavering. “I’m about to collapse.”
He obeyed instantly, scooting out from under me and rolling onto his side so he could watch me collapsed forward. Aiden lay down on top of me, his big body crushing me and covering me with sweat.
“You heavy bastard,” I gasped. “We’re gonna destroy this bed.”
Aiden bucked his hips against my ass and kissed the back of my neck before rolling onto the other side of me. Once again, I was in the middle. Jace nuzzled my face as Aiden ran a hand down my back. Silence settled over the room, and I closed my eyes. Basked in the caresses and kisses, the humid air that smelled of sex and sweat, and the exhaustion that seeped into my body every time I had an orgasm.
I was nowhere near cutting the cord or sticking to my guns about not getting in deeper, but I couldn’t move. It was hot, I was comfortable and sated, and right then all I wanted was to fall asleep between them.
As my eyelids drooped, Aiden whispered in my ear, “I want this forever, kid. So fuckin’ bad.”
Jace’s hand tightened on my hip, but he didn’t say anything. Aiden buried his nose against my neck, and I let myself drift back to sleep.
I woke up feeling a mess. Overheated, sticky, and squishy. I was also alone on the bed.
Grimacing at the giant window that seemed to be magnifying the sunlight on me, I rolled off the sofa bed and got to my feet. I had no idea where Jace and Aiden had gone, but the combination of sex leftovers, damp bedding, and a groggy head made me thankful for the in-office shower I’d mocked the day before.
If someone had told me a week ago that I’d be walking bare-assed naked through the QFindr offices to clean the jizz from my body, I’d have asked what they were smoking. But apparently that was my new reality. And judging from the stuffy air, the power still wasn’t back on.
I stood under the cold spray of the shower for longer than was necessary, but it felt good against my skin. It was also doing a bang-up job of clearing the spell that had settled over me a few hours ago. All it had taken was bomb sex for my brain to totally betray me, conjuring up dreams of me waking up in Aiden and Jace’s apartment to find them making breakfast and waiting for me as if I were a resident and not just an infrequent guest.
I tilted my head against the tiled wall, eyes squeezed shut.
Get it together, Mendez. You know you can’t do what they want you to do. Don’t let the sex and your feelings trick you into thinking you can.
It wasn’t anything different from what I’d told myself in the past. What I’d been telling myself since the winter—over three months ago. My closeness to them had popped into existence nearly from the start, but one weekend in particular had made the direction of my feelings undeniable. Instead of walking into a Friday night of nonstop sex, I’d gone home with Aiden to find Jace in the middle of an anxiety attack. I’d backed off, thinking it wasn’t my place to interfere, but Aiden’s tension from his work day hadn’t helped. He’d tried to soothe Jace’s nerves, wound up making it worse, and removed himself from the situation.
Jace hadn’t exactly seemed surprised, but I’d sat next to him in the bathtub where he’d huddled, and quietly sung along with the Backstreet Boys song playing on my Sirius XM app until he’d chimed in. After a while, his body had relaxed and he’d snuggled against me until his eyes had drifted shut. I couldn’t imagine how much an anxiety attack took out of a person for him to fall into an exhausted sleep the moment it eased, but I’d carried him to bed and tucked him in.
Later, I’d found Aiden in his office with his head in his hands and a bottle of bourbon nearby. For all his strength and desire to be a fixer, he’d looked absolutely fucking helpless in that moment. And the gratitude in his expression, that I’d picked up the slack when it had triggered his own fears in a way that took him to the drink, had made me feel . . . something. Like maybe I had a purpose there besides just fucking. Maybe I could be as good for them as they were for me. Because when I was with them, I forgot that I felt far behind all my friends. I forgot that anything seemed to be missing from my life at all. Because when I was with them, nothing was.
I turned off the shower, thankful for the brief moments when I’d have a chill on my skin and damp hair, before the oppressive heat of the building got me sweaty again. Wrapping a towel around my waist, and marveling that QFindr had better towels for their employees than I had for my own damn self in my house, I padded out into the main area.
Jace was sitting on top of a conference table with a platter of cheese and fruit next to him, and Aiden was sitting in a chair nearby with the radio on.
“What’re they saying?” I asked, stopping at the head of the table. “Power coming back anytime soon?”
Jace glanced up at me, his gaze circuiting my body slowly, before he returned his attention to the platter. He carefully selected a cube of cheese and a cracker before stacking a slice of apple on top.
“Staten Island is lit up already,” Aiden said. “Everywhere else is still fucked.”
“Shit. Any idea when we’ll have it back?”
Aiden shook his head, which was when I noticed he was still fixing his attention on the damn radio and not meeting my eyes. “Nah. Could be tonight or tomorrow. The mayor wants everyone to sit tight and stay off the street as much as possible, which is ridiculous. You got tourists sleeping on the street outside their hotels because they can’t get into rooms, people stranded because the subways are down, flights grounded—it’s a fucking mess.”
“Are people tripping?” I asked. “I’m about to head outside to see what I can scavenge from the store.”
“Haven’t heard any reports of anyone looting,” Aiden said, finally glancing up from the radio. “What are you hoping to find outside? We have plenty here to ride it out.”
Jace had started watching me again as he slowly ate his platter, likely planning to polish it off before it went bad, but he didn’t speak. Which probably meant he had an opinion he wasn’t going to cop to. If I bet by the way he’d drawn his knees up at the idea of me heading outside, his opinion was probably for me not to go.
“I’ll be fine,” I said to him. “I’m just curious about what people are saying.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Christopher,” Jace said. “You can do what you want.”
My eyebrows flew up, and Jace immediately looked away. A flush rose up his neck as he violently chewed an apple, and behind him, Aiden rose to his feet.
“Well, fuck, all right, then,” I said, baffled. “Did I piss you off or something?”
“No.”
“So, then what’s with the attitude?”
“I don’t have an attitude,” Jace said icily. “I was just stating a fact.”
Pushing him when he was this pissed off would never get me anywhere, so I glanced at Aiden with a what the fuck look. He shrugged, worry once again in his brow as something a little heavier slumped his shoulders. I wasn’t sure what was weighing him down, given he had our blackout all planned and figured out, but seeing them in varying states of distress was alarming.
“What?” I asked, louder this time. “What is wrong with both of you?”
“We talked this morning before you woke up,” Aiden finally said. “About you. About what you and I discussed yesterday.”
“And that got you all pissed at me?” I demanded incredulously. “Sorry but—”
Jace swung his legs over the side of the table and hopped to his feet. He was striding out of the room before I could finish my sentence. I stared helplessly at his retreating back, and cringed when he shot a glare over his shoulder.
“Wow, what the fuck? All I said was that—”
“You said you can’t be with us.” Aiden walked around the table and came to stand beside me. He was shirtless but once again wearing his business casual shorts. “We told you we wanted you to be permanently in our relationship, and you rejected us. Us fucking around this morning didn’t change that.”
My heart leaped into my throat, momentarily choking me as I looked at him sideways and raised my hands. “Whoa, whoa, I didn’t—”
“You did.”
“Nah, don’t twist what I said. I didn’t ever say that I didn’t want to be with you. I said I wanted to be with you, but not if the relationship is open.” I shook my head, lips pursed as I channeled the power of Raymond’s mean mug. “You better not have told Jace I said that shit, A. I swear.”
“I told him exactly what we talked about, which is exactly what you told him.” Aiden ran a hand through his hair, flicking his eyes up to likely track where his husband had gone. “But I also told him that we need to put an end to all of this if it’s not gonna go anywhere. We can’t be casual with you, baby. Can’t keep doing this . . . random fuck around shit the way we do with everyone else. It hurts too much. So I said that to him, and he got upset. With me as well.”
It was what I’d been telling myself, even as recent as ten minutes ago, but the finality in Aiden’s voice—that tommy-gun-fast accent—sucker punched me.
I’d never get to touch them again. Kiss them. Go to bed with them.
It left me a little breathless.
“And I also told him that we can’t keep pushing the subject to try to convince you if your mind is set,” Aiden went on. “Especially because . . . I want to offer you a job. Here. I can work with a lover as well as Oli and Caleb can, but not . . . in these circumstances.”
“Whoa, wait, time-out,” I said again, making a time-out symbol with my hand. “You’re going too fast for me, A. You want me to take fuckboy McAltRight’s spot?”
Aiden bobbed his head. “Exactly. I tossed around the idea with Caleb a while back, and he was very interested. He just made it clear that he isn’t okay with casual sex between me and an employee because of potential drama.”
He kept stressing that word. Casual. As if anything that had happened between the three of us could be described that way. Like it hadn’t shattered my preconceived notions about my sexuality and what I wanted in the future and altered everything in my life. He was trying to be so good right now, but that word was getting me hot.
I clenched my jaw and took another breath. “I need to think.”
“Are you interested in the job?”
“Fuck yeah, I’m interested,” I said. “But right now I’m more worried about the fact that Jace won’t look at me than about a fatter pay check. I need to fix this.”
“Why?” Aiden asked incredulously. “He’ll get used to the reality. Just leave it alone.”
“I’m not gonna leave it alone if that means him thinking—”
“Chris, just stop,” Aiden said, voice rising. “I’m not mad at you, and he isn’t either. Not really. We understand where you’re coming from. It hurts, but I get it, and I can learn to see you every day and ignore how much it tears me apart that this can’t work. But it’s going to take Jace time to get there. He’s mad at himself, I think.”
“Why?”
Aiden looked away, eyes downcast. “Because . . . he’s always been pretty fiercely protective of our lifestyle. We get a lot of shit for it. He’s been shamed for it since we were teenagers, and now I think he’s confused and frustrated, so he took it out on you.”
“Because I dared suggest he change so we can all be together?” I demanded. “I thought that’s what people do when they love each other.”
Aiden flinched like I’d punched him. “He does love you, but he’s not . . .” He stopped, clearly struggling with his words. “I just think he needs some time.”
I wanted to say something mean. Something really shitty about how they needed, or maybe just Jace needed, all of this fucking time to decide whether I was enough for them all by myself, but I didn’t. It wasn’t just about them fucking other people. Them being open had nothing to do with them wanting to have all kinds of kinky sex. It was about them having lived by their own rules since they were teenagers in a way that worked for them when nothing else had. They’d been poly and open since the conception of Jace and Aiden as a couple. Maybe they didn’t even know who they’d be if that changed. And maybe that scared them. Especially Jace, who’d spent years trying to carve out a safe space that wouldn’t let him down.
I understood all that, and I still wanted to yell at him. To be angry and bitter that they were apparently completely unwilling to compromise so we could all be together. But maybe it was me who was unwilling to compromise for them? I didn’t know anymore. I was asking them to change a relationship that had been steadfast and healthy for years, and maybe that was too much too soon. Maybe I should have tried. Or maybe they could have tried.
Apparently, no one was fucking trying, though.
“Fuck,” I said, voice coming out lower. “I’m—I’m just gonna go outside.”
“Bab—Chris.” Aiden took a step forward, then stopped himself before touching me, frustration visible in every line of his powerful body. “Just give him time. I know we probably seem awful and selfish to you, but this is killing us just as much as it’s killing you.” He looked helpless and heartbroken. “It hurts for us too, kiddo. It fucking hurts.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I insisted. “I didn’t think . . . I don’t know what I thought. I was just thinking about saving my own self and not about how hard any of this could be for you guys.”
“And you should think about saving yourself. It’s just one of you and two of us, and self-preservation is legit. But even though we’re strong and have fought through a lot, not much prepares someone for heartbreak.”
And just like that, he broke me. My throat closed up and my eyes started to burn. I think he saw it happening, saw tears forming in my eyes, but he didn’t stop me when I turned away. He let me go.