To: The Soon-to-Be 1st Grade Parents
From: JDixon
Date: 6/8
Subject: HAGS! As the kids would say
Dear Formerly Miss Ward’s Class,
I just want to give a third and final reminder to everyone that tomorrow is the last day of school for our kindergarteners and everyone is invited to our field day/picnic, which takes place from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on the west side of the field behind the school.
Thanks to everyone who volunteered to bring food and drinks. I’m happy to report that we have a new winner in our speedy response category. Since Sasha Lewicki’s automated reply has left the class, Ravi Brown leads the pack with an impressive 58 seconds, but you should know that all responses came in at under ten minutes. I couldn’t be prouder.
I also want to thank everyone for pitching in these last two weeks and helping Principal Jakowski manage our class. Miss Ward’s untimely departure could have been a disaster, but we all pulled together and made it work. Special shout-out to Ali Gordon and Don Burgess. You guys are amazing with kids! You should be teachers.
Hope to see you tomorrow, but if I don’t, then HAGS (which I think is a truly horrible acronym for Have a Great Summer, but the kids seem to love it).
Over and out for good!
Jen (and Asami in spirit)
* * *
And there it is, my last official email as class mom. After tomorrow, I’m a free woman. Well, “free” is a relative term, I guess, since I’m still a mom and I now have an active little boy home with me all day, every day. Thank goodness for play dates. I already have Max scheduled through July Fourth weekend.
These last two weeks have been what my mother would call a mare’s nest. Miss Ward never came back after Memorial Day weekend, if you can believe it. She must have been planning all along to leave then. I should have known from that hug.
The children were very confused when they wandered into room 147 on the Tuesday after the long weekend and found a note from Miss Ward written on the Smart Board. Only about a third of them could actually understand it. According to Max, Suni Chang saved the day by reading it aloud to the class. The note explained that her work here was done, that they were all going to be wonderful first-graders and she had to move on to a new group of kindergarteners who needed her … just like Mary Poppins. She wrote that! Just like Mary Poppins. Go fly a kite, Miss Ward.
The school had to scramble to make sure her class was covered for the final two weeks. Most of the moms took a turn co-teaching with Principal Jakowski, who showed no indication that he had ever spent any real time in a classroom. My shout-out to Ali and Don was from the heart. They came in together, which I was surprised and happy to see, and the kids loved them. They created all these amazing learning games that were really fun (all this according to Max, whose favorite was something called What’s in the Bag?). I can’t help but wonder if my chat with Ali kick-started a little something between them. Probably not, but it’s more fun for me to think that it did.
I found it a bit out of character for Miss Ward to leave without giving the kids any kind of closure. I’ve said it before, she was a bit of a wack-job but a great teacher. The kids were sad that they didn’t get a chance to say good-bye to her or their beloved classmate Nancy Fancy, who (big shocker!) didn’t come back, either. I can only assume they’re all happily ensconced somewhere in Manhattan or New Jersey.
I kept the promise I made on Max’s life, but about a week after JJ Aikens swore me to secrecy, she started telling anyone who would listen. It was quite the topic at the klatch, let me tell you. And, like any good story, it got better with each telling. My personal favorite was when Shirleen Cobb said she heard that Miss Ward and the Fancys were making porn together. When I asked her what kind of porn, she said, “The un-American kind.”
The only secret that actually stayed a secret was the real identity of Sasha Lewicki. Of course, I did tell Asami (I mean, who else would really care?), and she could not have been more magnanimous when she said, “I told you so.” I have to give her full props. She totally called it.
Right now I have to dash to Party City to get water balloons for one of the games we’ll be playing at the picnic tomorrow. That party will be my final duty as class mom and, I have to admit, the thought chokes me up a little bit.
I debate sharing this with Nina when I see her at the picnic tomorrow. Ever since she re-upped as PTA president, she has been dropping little hints about me being a class mom again. She hasn’t come right out and asked me yet, but I know she will. And when she does, I’m pretty sure I know what I’ll tell her.
“Absofuckinglutely not!”
To: The parents of Mrs. Peele’s 1st grade class
From: JDixon
Date: 8/30
Subject: I’m your class mom!
Dear Parents,
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Jennifer Dixon, and it is my pleasure (wink) to be your class mom for this coming year.
To the parents who were with me last year in kindergarten, all I can say is you’ve made it through boot camp already. You know the rules and you can stop reading this now. See you on curriculum night, which is (see below).
To the rest of you, make sure to read every damn word of this email …