A RAGING BONER

ALI

“You know, now that you’re officially going to be my sister, I think it’s time I told you to do something about that hair,” Deb says, without looking up from her issue of Vogue Paris.

“What?” I reach up and fiddle with the loose strands, making sure the pins aren’t popping out all over the place. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“What’s right with it?” she says automatically, and then rolls her eyes when she notices my glare. “I mean it looks fine today, but I’m sorry, someone with your bone structure just shouldn’t do bangs.”

I sigh and turn back to the mirror, smoothing down my dress. My insides are jelly. God, is this a terrible idea? Why the fuck didn’t we just go back to Vegas and get married there?

Oh, right, because Vegas was where Coop broke my heart for the first time and I slept with Levi. And Cooper. God damn it. Fuck you, Vegas! We are never going back there. There’s a knock on the door to our suite, and I jump.

Deb cocks a brow at me. “Jesus, Ali, jumpy much?”

“I hate being the centre of attention. Why did I let you talk me into this?” I snatch up the champagne flute and down the rest in one big gulp.

“Oh please, everyone knows you’re going to be passed out drunk within twenty minutes of the reception starting anyway,” Deb says, and then throws her magazine down on the table when she realises Tim is still adjusting his hair in the bathroom and I’m not going to answer the door. I can’t. My feet are glued to the spot.

Deb rolls her eyes and opens the door. “Really, Quinn?”

“Hey, Deb, I wish I could say it was nice to see you too, but it’s really not.”

“Whatever, waste of space. Why don’t you go and cry to mummy?”

“Jesus, brutal much?” Levi’s voice cracks, and I think even Deb decides to feel sorry for him. I can’t turn from my place in front of the mirror. I can’t look at him. I’m so happy he came. I didn’t believe he would ever talk to either one of us again after the hospital in Prague, but he’s here. If nothing else, he cares enough about Coop and me to show up.

“Ali, your other fuck buddy is here,” Deb says, and I sigh, because she needs to quit calling him that. It’s been almost a year since we had sex, and I don’t even know if we’re buddies at all anymore, let alone the fucking.

“This won’t take long,” Levi says.

“Surprise, surprise, it never does with you.”

“Deb,” I say, and she shoots me a venomous look.

“Fine, I need another drink anyway, but if you ditch my brother for this piece of shit, I will find you, Jones, and I will gut you like a fish.”

“Bye, Deb.”

“I just remembered I need something from the downstairs bar,” Tim says, finally coming out of the bathroom. He walks by me and smiles with a gentle squeeze to my shoulder. “I’ll be back in ten.”

Tim, much like Deb, doesn’t have a lot of sympathy for Levi. This is on account of him being there when Levi called me from Paris while he was fucking another woman. It hurt. A lot. I know I probably deserved it, because I’d broken his heart. In the beginning I’d toyed with Levi to get back at Cooper, but the more time we spent together, the more I fell. It had been discovering I wasn’t in love with him that had forced me to leave, along with being drugged and photographed naked by Zed’s brother Leif and a piece-of-shit paparazzo. I was in over my head, and no matter which way I turned, one of us got hurt. So I left. But I broke all of our hearts in the process, not just mine, and there was one I still couldn’t heal.

Levi steps into the room. He halts, his smile falling. I grimace.

“Do I look that bad?” I smooth my hands down over the black lace of my wedding gown. “Oh God, I look like an arsehole in this dress, don’t I?”

He clears his throat. “You look—”

“What? Is it too much? Should I get rid of the red lips?”

“Don’t even think about it,” he says, coming closer.

Tears prick my eyes and I fight to keep them from falling and ruining my make-up. I throw my arms around his neck, and he slides his large hands around my waist and squeezes me tightly, burying his face in my neck. “You came.”

“Not yet, but give me time,” Levi murmurs. I laugh. “You look incredible, Ali.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“Would it help if I told you I have a raging boner for you in this dress?” he says, and though I can’t be sure with all the fabric that separates us, something tells me he isn’t kidding. I chuckle anyway and step back, shaking the nervous energy out of my hands. It doesn’t work.

“Oddly enough, yes. That helps.”

“Excellent. Should I tell you that I want to push you back on that table, pull up your dress and slide my huge cock inside you right now?”

I let out a huge breath. “Okay, not helping.”

“Right,” he says with a sigh. “Marrying my bandmate.”

“Not that it’s not nice to see you, but what are you doing here?”

“I figured I wouldn’t get to see you much afterward to wish you congratulations, and I had something for you.”

My heart squeezes. “Why won’t you see me?”

“Because I’ll likely be drunk off my arse, or buried balls deep in some hot wedding guest.” I flinch, because though I know it shouldn’t, it still hurts to hear him talk like that. “Anyway, I wanted you to be the first to hear this.”

He pulls his phone from his pocket, and I stare at it. “Your phone? You know I have one, right?”

“Not the phone, what’s on it.”

“Okay,” I search his gaze, still not really comprehending. “I’m listening.”

He walks over to the entertainment unit and plugs the phone into the iPod dock. With a few taps, the sound of a bare piano filters through the room. It’s haunting and so beautiful, and after a beat, a gravelly voice begins to sing.

I glance at Levi, because though I don’t get to hear his singing voice often, other than on backing vocals for Coop, I recognise it instantly. I don’t recognise the song, though. “You wrote this?”

“Think of it as a gift to the two of you.” He shakes his head. “Fuck. Coop already got my girl, and here I am giving him a wedding gift too? There’s something wrong with my fucking head.”

I swallow back the lump in my throat. “I love it.”

Levi takes several steps towards me and holds his hands outstretched. “Dance with me?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not? Afraid I’ll steal you away?” His mouth turns up in a wolfish smile. It feels like forever since I’ve seen him grin like this. “Come on, Red. One last dance?”

I sigh and take his hand. “We never had a first dance.”

“We were dancing from the second I first laid eyes on you, or at least I thought we were. Turns out I was just over here dancing on my own like a tool.”

“You just haven’t found the right partner yet, but when you do, she’s going to make anything you had with me seem inferior, like wasted time. And I think it will kill me, as much as I love Coop, and I do love him, more than anyone will ever know, you’ll still break my heart when you find her.”

I lean up and press a kiss to his cheek. Levi being Levi, turns his head quickly so that my lips are pressed against his. He pulls me closer, pressing me so tightly to him I can’t breathe and pushes his tongue into my mouth. I don’t kiss him back. I wait. A beat later he pulls away, and I stare up into those shining green eyes. I press my hand to my lips and then quickly reach up and wipe the smear of my red lipstick from his mouth.

“You shouldn’t—”

“I know. I had to give it one last try, though.” He shrugs. His eyes are bloodshot and filled with so much sorrow that I feel it like a knife in my chest. “See if I couldn’t still get you to run away with me.”

“I’m marrying Cooper. I love Cooper.”

“You loved me once too. Maybe not as much as him, but you still did.”

“I still do. A part of me will always love you, Levi.”

“But you love him more.” The way he says this isn’t a question, it’s a fact we both know. It’s the reason I’m standing here in a frou-frou dress, about to be the centre of attention in a wedding I didn’t really want. I just wanted the man at the end of the altar forever. I could do without the dress, and the guests, the cake, and a big celebration. I could do without all of it, but I couldn’t do without Cooper Ryan.

I nod imperceptibly, and even though we both knew the answer already, he lets out a huge sigh. It’s as if we’re transported back to that parking lot outside Charleston where he begged me not to leave them, not to leave him, to choose him, and I can see for the second time in my life this man’s heart breaking right in front of me.

“Right, well. I need a big fuckin’ drink, and you need to dry your eyes and give yourself to the lead singer of my band, so ...” He takes a step away and glances me over from head to toe. “Congratulations. I hope it’s everything you dreamed and more.”

“Levi—”

“Don’t worry about me, Red. Your open bar is gonna be my girl tonight, and after that, who knows?” He shakes his head, and his shoulders sag in defeat. “Who gives two fucking shits?”

“I do,” I say, taking a step towards him. “We all do.”

Levi exhales. “Couldn’t you let me be a teensy bit dramatic. I don’t get to be a diva very often. That’s Coop’s job.”

I laugh because I know how Cooper gets on the road. It’s his way or the highway. But stubborn arse or not, I still love him. I can’t help it. “Just don’t fall off the radar, okay? I’m still your friend.”

“We were never friends, Ali.” He pushes a strand of hair that’s come loose from my chignon out of my eyes. “I’m not sure we can ever be friends, but if that’s the only way I get to have you, I’ll try. Can’t promise I won’t sneak a kiss every once in a while, just to piss him off.”

I chuckle. “Get out of here, arsehole.”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Going.”

Levi opens the door and glances back. His brows knit together, and his eyes are glassy. He looks me over, head to toe, and takes a deep breath in through his nose. “I've never hated him as much as I do right now.”

I give him a sad smile, swallowing the lump in my throat. The door snicks softly closed behind him, and my whole body deflates. I sniff back my tears, so they won’t ruin my make-up. It doesn’t work. Within seconds they’re streaming down my face unchecked. Thank God, I didn’t wear white. I grab a tissue and blot in the mirror. I remove the smear of make-up from Levi’s kiss, and then I grab the bottle of champagne from the table and chug back huge gulps. By the time Deb and Tim come back into the room, I’m no longer crying, but I still look a wreck.

“Jesus Christ, you look like shit.”

“Thank you, Deb.” I heave a huge sigh. “That’s just what every bride wants to hear ten minutes before she walks down the aisle.”

She shrugs, but for a brief second, I meet her gaze, and I think I see empathy in them, and then I know I must have drunk too much because my soon-to-be sister-in-law doesn’t do empathy ... in a big way. She pulls out her phone and dials a number. “Yeah, hi, it’s the maid of honour here.”

I frown at her. I don’t remember promoting her but seeing as she’s the only friend I have in the bridal party who isn’t male, I guess it’s a fair assumption of her to make. “Can you come fix her make-up? She had to go and get overly emotional about her ex, and now it looks like she just got drowned in the Mediterranean.”

Tim stands behind me, I meet his gaze in the mirror. “You okay?”

“No. But I will be.”

“That’a girl.” He wraps his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder. It isn’t sexual. Tim’s like a brother to me, and has finally found a girl who treats him right. He’s not doing anything to mess that up. “I know it hurts, but you made the only decision you could live with.”

“I know.” I swallow hard. “It just sucks, seeing him in pain like that. Knowing that I’m the cause of it.”

“All right, Jones,” Deb says. “Quit cryin’ like a little bitch and get your shit together. Make-up and hair are on their way to fix your damn face. Again. And if you fuck it up with tears before you get to the altar, I’m going to kick your arse.”