Chapter 51 (Asher)
The only thing I can hear is the sound of my heart cracking bit by bit as I make my way toward the room. I've been watching the nurses like clockwork for the last hour and I have exactly ten minutes until they do their next check.
According to the surgeon, Landon coded on the helicopter ride and he lost a significant amount of blood, enough that the medical team debated if they could even do the surgery in the first place. Thankfully at the last minute, they decided it was better to try than not to. Once in surgery, they were able to retrieve the bullet and repair the injury to his heart and the lower lobe of his left lung.
He then went into detail involving a lot of medical terminology that I didn't understand and when I stopped him and asked him point blank what my boyfriend's chances of survival were because that's all I cared about...he spouted off a slew of more medical terminology.
However, the look on his face told me all I needed to know.
Not good.
When I asked if I could see him, he declined...which is why I'm currently taking matters into my own hands.
My stomach knots as I slip through the door and when I see all the machines and tubes he's attached to, there's a sharp sting in my heart and it takes everything in me to keep one foot in front of the other.
He looks so fragile and helpless and I want nothing more than to trade places with him.
Landon wouldn't be fighting for his life right now if it wasn't for me...and that's something I will never forgive myself for.
I reach for his hand and when he doesn't return my touch and all I feel is cold skin, something inside my chest shifts and I lose it completely.
I run my thumb along his cheek and stare down at him with tears burning my eyes. “I'm so sorry.”
Grief wraps around my heart, making it hard to breathe, because there's so many things I want to tell him. So many things that I need him to know.
Like the fact that I love him.
In all our time together, I never once told him.
And now, he may never know.
I kiss his forehead and a thick sob mangles the words until they're coming out in a hoarse whisper. “I love you.” I squeeze my eyes shut, the pain of this moment sends shards of guilt through my heart. “You were never second best.”
I am.
A wave of agony swells in my chest and I cup his jaw. “I need you to wake up for me, Landon.”
I squeeze his hand again and when there's no response, the tears fall harder and I know there's only one more thing I can do.
Give him what I know he wants more than anything.
No matter how much it may hurt me, I love them enough to finally do the right thing. What I should have done all along.
Because if I had...this never would have happened.
I let go of his hand, the pieces of my heart knocking against my rib cage. “She's yours, Landon. I'll keep my distance. I'll—”
Fingertips brush against my hand and I still myself, certain I was only imagining it.
When I feel the flutter again and my heart jumps, I look down.
Slowly, his eyes open. “Don't leave me.”
His voice is so faint and when he gasps for a breath and tries to speak again, my hands frame his face and I shake my head. “I won't,” I tell him, because I'll do anything he wants. “I love you. And I swear to God you better fucking live so I can tell you that every day.”
His lips start to curve into a smile, until his eyes dart around the room and his face falls.
I know who he's looking for.
Pain flashes in his eyes and he tries to speak again, but I kiss his hand and say, “I'm gonna go get her.”
He nods, but the second I start to turn away, he grips my hand, concern marring his face.
“I'm not leaving you, nerd. I'm yours for however long you want me to be.” I give him a smirk. “I'll be right back, I'm just going to get our girl.”
The smile he gives me is luminous enough to light the darkest of rooms and a lump swells in my throat...because I'm so grateful that I get to see it again.
I run out of the room and down the hall, only stopping when I pass the nurses' station to tell them that he's awake.
I roam up and down the halls, looking for her everywhere.
When 15 minutes go by and I still can't find her, I walk out to the parking lot to check if her car is still here.
For the briefest of moments anger flares in my gut, but when I find her kneeling on the ground by her car, shaking like a leaf near a small pile of vomit, any animosity quickly disappears and I feel like shit for not checking on her sooner.
I drop down and pull her into my arms, “How long have you been out here, baby?”
It’s like she doesn’t even hear me.
“I wish Kyle shot me like he wanted to,” she says through trembles. “It should have been me. I wish it was me.”
My heart plummets and I run my thumbs over her tear-stained cheeks. “You and I both know Landon would never want that.”
She clutches her stomach. “I can't lose him.”
I kiss her temple. “I know you're scared, Breslin. But everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
She blinks and stares up at me. “How can you be so sure?”
I can't help but smile as I lower my lips to her ear. “Because he's out of surgery and he's asking to see the girl that he loves.”
She jumps out of my arms so fast she nearly head butts me before she starts running toward the hospital as fast as her legs can carry her.
I look up to the night sky and silently thank the universe for granting me not one, but two second chances in 24 hours.
I'll never take either of them for granted.