Chapter 16
Love changes everything.
The blue of the sky is deep, vibrant. New leaves poke out of the tree branches. The bitter cold has eased into more comfortable temperatures. The air even smells different.
We’re all in a good place. Timmy’s been spending time with Arianna, both in and out of school. He has his band in place. He’s happy. Productive. This allows me to be a little selfish and carve out some time for me.
Time for me really means time spent with Chance.
Chance eats dinner with us Saturday nights. We “invite” him to join us when he comes to work with Timmy earlier in the afternoon. We’ve taken to having longer meals. To help my cause, I serve more courses than usual when he dines with us, including soup, salad and dessert. Dinner takes so long, Timmy gets bored half way through and leaves us alone.
I make all sorts of excuses to get out of the house on weeknights. Getting coffee while I work, going to the grocery store. Meeting up with a friend. Timmy never questions me. He takes me at my word, and it makes the situation a lot easier for me to deal with.
Sometimes I tell my son that I “ran into” Mr. Carter at the coffee shop, or the grocery store to explain why I was gone so long. Of course Timmy isn’t with me and doesn’t realize I went shopping earlier in the day and hid a few bags in the trunk of my car. He has no idea these are excuses I make for my excursions when I sneak over to Chance’s place.
But the emergence of spring has brought with it the Easter holiday and spring break.
“Hey, Mom. Do you think Aunt Maggie will be upset if I want to come home early?” Timmy asks shoving a sweatshirt into his duffle bag.
“No. But I know she misses you. And so do your cousins. Even though Dad isn’t with us anymore, they are still family.”
“I know.” Timmy looks down at the floor, and I wonder what’s really going on. “But being with them makes me miss Dad.”
“I know you miss him,” I wrap my arm around my son’s shoulder. And pull him close. I know he must be hurting bad because he isn’t trying to shrug me off of him. “I miss him too. Like crazy.”
“Does it get easier?”
I nod, and for once, I’m not lying. “It does. In the moments when you can laugh, or get lost in something you’re passionate about, like when you’re with Arianna, or playing guitar. In those moments, you sort of forget the pain. And it’s okay to let it go.”
“But then,” his eyes fill with tears. “But then won’t I forget him?” his voice cracks. “I don’t want to forget Dad. Ever”
I understand Timmy’s fear. Now that Chance is in my life, I wonder the same thing. The deeper Chance invades my heart, the more I worry that I might forget the sound of Mike’s voice, or the shine of his eyes when he spoke about Timmy’s latest accomplishment. But as of right now, they’re still there.
“No sweetheart.” I pull him into my arms. “You’ll never forget Dad. He’s a part of you. If you listen carefully enough, when you’re quiet and alone, you’ll hear him whisper straight into your heart.”
Timmy shakes his head.
“If you want to come home early, if it’s too much for you, all you ever have to do is call me. No matter how old you get or how far from home you are, I’ll come for you.”
Timmy sniffs, and to my surprise, throws his arms around me and leans in for a hug, I kiss the side of his head, content with where we are right now.
“And if you ask, I bet aunt Maggie will be happy to show you some funny pics of dad the first time he came home drunk from a party. He was passed out and she put make-up on him and took pictures. Then she had some blown up and replaced the family photos in the frames around the house with them.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh. He never went home drunk again.”
Timmy laughs. I think spending this week with Mike’s sister will be good for him.
“She has a lot of funny stories about your father growing up. Ask her about them, I’m sure it will feel good for her to tell them.”
“Okay, Mom.” Sadness fills my son’s eyes again.
“You were happy like five seconds ago. Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Will you be okay with me gone? I mean, won’t you be lonely?”
I give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be just fine. And I promise, I won’t be sitting at home miserable. I think it’s time to go out a little. What do you think about that?”
Timmy nods. “I think it’s a great idea.”
*
“Morning sexy.”
Fresh from the shower, Chance comes up behind me and slips his arms around my waist. I close my eyes and lean back into his bare chest. It feels so good to be in his strong arms.
“Mmm. You smell good.”
“So do you,” he whispers kissing just below my ear.
“I smell like sex,” I say, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Not quite like sex. Like sex mixed with a dash of me.”
I turn in his arms so that I’m facing him.
“Why do you look so sad?” Chance asks holding my face and cradling it in his hands.
“I’m not sad,” I lie. “I’m just not a morning person.
“That’s because you don’t wake up with me. You’ve seemed to like the mornings just fine while you’ve been here.”
I’ve spent the last four nights at Chance’s place. Four incredible nights of long baths with candles and sensual massages. He even hired friends of his to come give us a professional massage.
Jorge and Gina are trying to get their business off the ground. They both work full time jobs and do this at night and on weekends.
Side by side, the tables are set up in Chance’s living room. We lie naked, each on our own table, under a blanket. Jorge’s hands are magic. Not as amazing as Chance’s hands, but then again he isn’t touching me in the same places his friend touches me.
I can tell Chance enjoys the way Gina’s working his muscles by the look on his face and the soft moans on his lips every now and then. It’s a fun and relaxing evening. I couldn’t have scripted it better, until I catch the horrified look on Gina’s face when I catch her looking over at me.
It’s not the fact that she’s looking at me while her husband is touching my naked body, or that she has her hands all over the man I love that makes me uncomfortable. It’s the way she gawks at me. This is the reason I haven’t wanted to go out to dinner or a movie, or even for a drink with Chance. I had enough small mindedness at the comedy club.
The looks Gina’s throwing between Jorge and me has me wondering how long it will take for the questions to come. Questions I’m not sure I can answer.
“So,” Gina starts, I can only imagine what’s coming next. “How did you guys meet?”
I don’t give Chance the opportunity to answer. I jump in with both feet. “Chance was driving by, and saw me trying to cross the street with my walker. Worried I might get hit by a car, he stopped and came to my rescue.”
I did it. I took the power away by putting our age difference out there and making light of it. If it doesn’t bother Chance, it shouldn’t bother me. We’re the only two that matter.
I hold my breath a moment, not sure how Chance will react. I’m not the only one waiting on a cue from him. It seems Jorge and Gina stand frozen, open mouthed for a moment.
When the deep timbre of Chance’s laughter fills the room, the tension eases and everyone picks up where they left off.
“I’m sorry,” Gina says, with a guilty look on her face. “I wasn’t judging. I was just a little surprised.”
“It’s fine,” I assure her. “We’re bound to get funny looks and lots of questions.”
The contented smile on Chance’s face says it all. He’s happy. And so am I.
Bringing me back to the moment, Chance slides his hands up, straight to my breasts. “Your tits are amazing,” he says, taking hold and squeezing them. “You shouldn’t hide them.” He pulls the oversized t-shirt he lent me up over my head.
Chance looks me over approvingly as I stand there fully exposed. As if to even the score, he loosens the towel around his hips and lets it fall to the ground. I’m sure my eyes mirror the same greedy longings in his.
I love his body. With or without clothes. Only when he’s naked, I know he’s going to use his perfectly sculpted flesh to bring me to the height of pleasure over and over again.
“Bet I can cheer you up and make you forget whatever has you looking so sad.” Chance says.
“Oh yeah? You think you know me that well?”
He nods with a crooked smile playing on his lips. “Um hum.”
Before I know it, Chance turns me around so that my back is to him once again. He plays with the peak of my nipples as he kisses my neck and uses his mouth to trail a path over to my back. Down my spine, his lips and tongue caress my skin. His hands take longer to follow.
At the crack of my ass I feel his warm breath. His hands massage the globes of my ass and spread it apart. His tongue keeps working down, along the same path. My pulse races. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but whatever it is, I want it.
My pussy is dripping wet. I think about reaching down and touching my clit, but wait to see what Chance does. He takes a soft bite out of one of my ass cheeks as his hand wraps around one of my ankles. He lifts my foot and moves it further away from the other one. My legs are spread, and I move my coffee cup over expecting that he’s going to lean me over the kitchen counter and fuck me. Instead, he spreads my ass cheeks apart once more and brings his mouth to my puckered hole.
My entire body tenses up as his tongue circles the opening, licking, pushing inward. While using his mouth to tease my ass, Chance brings one hand around to work on my pussy. He alternates playing with my clit and using his fingers to fuck me.
It doesn’t take long before I’m screaming out his name. My body trembles and shakes with one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. My legs feel like jelly. I don’t think I can stand. Before I can turn around and face him, Chance stands to his full height and pushes my back down.
“Now it’s my turn, baby.”
I lean over the counter and hold onto the side opposite me as he positions his cock inside me. Maybe because I feel so physically weak, or maybe I’m just more relaxed because the orgasm was so intense, but another one swells and grows inside me, almost from his first thrust.
It takes almost no time for me to cum again. This spurs Chance on to fuck me harder. His thrusts come faster. He leans over so that his chest is pressed against my back, his hands hold my tits, and his head rests on mine.
There’s something different about the way we fuck this time. The sex is amazing. The best it’s ever been, but there’s something more. It’s not just sex. It’s a melding of two separate people becoming one.
I feel connected to Chance on every level. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. He’s now a part of me. Essential. Vital to my existence.
My feelings for him scare the shit out of me. They run deep. I don’t know how they got there or how I can feel so much for a man that isn’t Mike. But I do. And I don’t ever want to lose how whole I the feel in his arms with him inside me.
After cumming, Chance pulls out of me. He turns me around, holds my face and kisses me, long and deep. I feel the strength of his emotions in his kiss. I wonder if he could feel how guilty, how conflicted I am. I break away and lean my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I love the sound and can’t get enough of it.
I want to be with Chance, I have no doubt about that anymore. But am I a terrible person for it? Have I waited long enough to start dating? Does this mean I wasn’t as happy with Mike as I thought I was?
Chance lifts my chin with his pointer finger so that I’m looking at him. I stare into the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen. “Do I want to know what’s running through that beautiful head of yours?”
It’s not hard to find a genuine smile when I look at him. When I’m with him, happiness infects me.
“Just that I love you. These past few days have been some of the best I’ve had in a really long time. Maybe ever.”
“We’ll have a lot more. I promise.”
“Stealing time away together won’t be so easy.”
“It can be.” He strokes my hair. “Let’s be honest. Once Tim knows, we won’t have to hide and sneak around. We can just be us, without any pretense.”
I think about telling my son I’m in love with Chance. I don’t know how he’ll react. I do know that they have a pretty good relationship, so maybe Timmy will be happy that we’re together. Maybe Timmy will embrace it faster and easier than I did.
“Okay.” I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. “We’ll tell him. But not as soon as he gets home. We’ll tell him when you come over for dinner Saturday night.”
“Are you sure? I think it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t want to pressure you.”
I nod. “Positive.”