I wake up at past noon.

I’m usually an early bird, but I couldn’t sleep last night. I finally succumbed to oblivion at dawn.

After taking a shower, I take the elevator and go down to the ground floor to get something to eat.

I look around as I make my way to the kitchen. It’s really quiet. I can’t even see a single house staff moving about. Dave’s villa is huge with six in-house staff plus the security personnel. My guardian is a stickler for safety. No. Paranoid.

Speaking of Dave…

I sigh. After our heated exchange last night, I don’t know how to go from here. I was so full of bravado. But maybe I went to far? It definitely didn’t end well. I just succeeded in shocking the shit out of him.

But I wonder, shock aside, did it affect him in any way? I was hoping it would open his eyes and see things differently. I’m willing to risk some to gain some, so to peak. But I don’t want to destroy our present relationship either.

God, it’s just so complicated. I didn’t know love could be so complicated.

“Anya.”

I freeze in my tracks. Speak of the devil.

My heart practically trips in my chest at the sound of his voice.

Pulling myself together, I look behind me. Poker face, Anya.

He’s in his usual attire for work. Impeccable as always in a three-piece power suit, breathtakingly gorgeous and radiating with authority.

The man I love. The man I wish who loves me back the way I love him.

“Hi,” I manage to say. I can feel my cheeks heating up, but I try not to break eye contact and look at the floor. I’m so embarrassed but I don’t want him to see it. I don’t want to appear weak and fickle-minded after last night. I have to be consistent. I’ll stand by what I said.

“Can we talk?”

His voice is gentle, but his eyes are serious. Like dead serious. He means business. But I can’t read him beyond that. Is he still mad? “I…okay.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Not yet.”

“Then let’s get you something to eat first.”

“Okay.”

We walk together toward the kitchen.

“Didn’t you go to work?” I ask him. I can’t stand the extended silence between us. We’re talkative on normal days, always bantering. I miss those days. Since when did we run out of things to talk about?

Since you fell in love with him.

“I came back so we can talk.”

What could it be? Is it about last night? True, I wanted to drive a point but I don’t want to discuss it again just yet. I’ve fantasized many times about saying those words to him but when I finally did, I didn’t anticipate to feel so awkward afterward. Maybe I was too rash in that part about wanting a boyfriend and wanting sex.

I don’t want him to think that I want someone else. Oh God, what if he thinks I want someone else? That’s the last thing I want him to presume.

We find Nan in the kitchen. She greets us with a big smile.

“Hey, you guys are just in time for my Greek treat today.”

I give Nan a kiss on the cheek.

“You overslept today. What happened last night?”

“Nothing. I arrived home with Dave from the gala.”

“I heard you guys arguing. What did you do this time, Anya?”

“Nothing, Nan,” I say defensively.

She doesn’t look convinced. “Sit, sit,” she tells us like we’re kids.

Dave and I sit down at the breakfast table.

“And how are you today, David?” Nan smiles sweetly at Dave.

“Good, Nan. Same old.”

“You work too much.”

Nan puts two plates for me and Dave on the table.

“I’ll just have an energy drink, thanks, Nan.” Dave gets up and goes to the fridge to get his drink. “Juice? Soda?” he asks me.

“Orange juice, thanks,” I say.

He brings me a can of orange juice and sits back at the table.

Minutes later, I’m eating Nan’s delicious Greek recipe and Dave is sipping from a bottle of energy drink. He’s watching me with this inscrutable look in his eyes and I’m fighting the urge to squirm in my seat.

What is he thinking? At least, he doesn’t look angry anymore.

“By the way, Anya, your gown for Isobel’s wedding arrived this morning. You were still asleep so I didn’t bother you. I sent it for dry-cleaning. I know how you hate wearing brand new clothes.”

“Thank you, Nan. That’s so sweet of you.”

“I received an invite,” Dave says.

“Yeah? Are you going?”

He smiles. “We go together?”

My heart skips a beat. I shrug. “Okay.”

The Knights and Stuarts run in the same social circles so he’s probably obliged to attend the wedding.

“I hope Bel’s parents are okay with her marrying Nick now,” Nan remarks.

I nod. “I think so. They seemed happy together at the gala last night.”

“Did I miss something here? Nick is a cool guy. Why won’t Bel’s folks like him?” Dave asks.

“Bel told me her parents disapproved of her marrying this early, and Nick being twice her age. I can’t blame her folks. I’d be shocked too, but…” Nan shrugs, “She loves him and he loves her. They should be together.”

I’m surprised Nan is privy to Bel’s recent drama, but then again, my best friends consider Nan their second mother, too. I feel relieved at what Nan said. I hope she’d say the same about me and Dave if and when we’d ever get together like Bel and Nick did.

I smile in agreement. “Yeah. Nick is wonderful and quite handsome. Bel is so lucky. I didn’t even know Nick was almost forty until Bel told me. He looks young.”

Nan grins naughtily. “Yes, he’s a handsome man, indeed. And you know what they say, older men definitely know what they’re doing. Bel chose well.” Nan waggles her eyebrows at me.

I blush and look at my food, smiling like silly. I can’t help but think of the man beside me. I’m sure Dave knows what he’s doing, too.

Dave clears his throat. “Ladies, I’m getting jealous here. Never speak of handsome men in my presence, unless you’re talking about me.”

Nan rolls her eyes. “You should do what Nick did, Dave. Find a young wife. She’ll take care of you when you’re in diapers and can’t remember your age.”

Dave chuckles. “I’m done with marriage, Nan, you know that. It’s just not for me. I was a terrible husband, but nobody can fault me for being a great father.”

I’m not looking at him but I know he’s looking at me. I want to object but the words are stuck in my throat.

I’m done with marriage. He’s said it several times over the years. Hearing him say it again is like a dagger to my heart. It came with fatherly love, too.

Nothing has changed, after all. Not even after last night’s exchange.

“Besides, Anya will take care of us. Right, doll face?”

I don’t know how long I can keep a straight face. I want to cry.

Nan is shaking her head. “She’s going to get married and leave us, silly. And then it’s just the two of us in this huge house in wheelchairs and diapers.”

“Don’t worry, Nan, we have enough money to pay for five-star caregiving service. We can invite all the guys from the retirement homes and have wheelchair pillow parties every night. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

Nan giggles. “I’d love that! David, you’re the best!”

They high-five each other.

Their laughter echo in the kitchen.

This has been the scenario in this kitchen for the last six years. It’s been just the three of us, and we’re tight. Nan became the “mother” in this household, so to speak, and Dave allowed her, treated her like his own older sister. We have a solid family. I’ve been very happy for six years.

Do I really want to risk destroying what we have now in exchange for an uncertain future?

God, I don’t know what I want anymore.

D AVE

I ’m sitting opposite her , occupying the other armchair in front of my desk.

I’ve been rehearsing what I wanted to say to her all morning, but now that she’s alone with me in my study waiting for me to start talking, I lose coherence of my thoughts.

I’ve put off this conversation for far too long for reasons I didn’t want to ask myself. The truth is, I’ve been dreading for this moment to come.

I have chosen to do this years ago, but why does it feel like a huge crossroad now? Why is it weighing down on me as though it’s the biggest and hardest decision I have to make in my entire life?

I have always been decisive. It’s one of the qualities that helped me become one of the most influential businessmen in America, if not the world, but where Anya is concerned, I’m as indecisive as an inexperienced boy who doesn’t know shit about anything.

Why am I afraid to make the right decision?

You know the answer to that. It’s screaming HARD in your pants right now.

The monster inside me is vicious. Mercilessly hammering the truth at the most crucial time.

I must kill it before it completely consumes me and hurts the one person I love the most in this world.

I have to make that decision now. Right fucking now before I change my mind and let the monster win.

So beautiful. Just ripe for the taking. A virgin. Innocent. Never been touched. She’d be so tight. So fucking good…

“Anya…”

She raises her eyes at me. She’s been staring at her hands on her lap for minutes now, quietly waiting. Her usual defiant demeanor is non-existent today. She’s subdued. Hesitant. Unsure. I’m glad I’m not alone in that feeling, at least.

“I’ve been thinking about our conversations yesterday. I think you’re misinterpreting some things.”

“What…things?”

“About you and me.”

She wets her lips with her tongue. Her simplest gestures stimulate me now.

How would that feel on your cock?

She wants to have sex. She’s a grown woman now who wants sex.

That knowledge is like a scent of a bitch in heat, driving the animal in me mad with lust.

I can smell her and fuck, I want her.

I want to take her innocence.

I’m hard as a steel pipe in seconds.

You can easily seduce her.

“I don’t really know what you mean, Dave.”

I clear my throat that has gone dry. “We haven’t really talked in a while. We used to talk a lot. I don’t know what happened, angel.”

“I don’t know, too,” she says quietly.

I try to be that man Caro wanted me to be when she signed that paper. That decent man she trusted with her own daughter. I don’t want to fail Caro. I owe her.

“You stopped talking to me, sweetheart. I was thinking maybe it was a phase you were going through. I was thinking you were transitioning into an adult and you had some issues, you know, the typical adolescent issues. I wanted to give you space to sort things out, but I feel that things are getting worse.”

“I have issues. Yes.”

“You haven’t talked to me about them. I want to know, Anya. I want to resolve these issues. We can seek counsel. Perhaps a psychologist to help us figure out what’s going on?”

She meets my eyes this time. Her defiance is back.

“We don’t need a psychologist.”

“But, angel—“

“How many times must I tell you, Dave? I just want my own place. I want my own space. I can’t move here! I can’t breathe anymore! You’re suffocating me!”

God, that hurts. But I’m glad for it. It’s a bucket of ice-cold water on my traitorous body. I want this obscenity to go away. It’s killing me.

She moves to stand up. I stop her.

“Anya, listen to me. Please, will you listen to me first?”

She glares at me but remains in her seat.

“Maybe you think you don’t belong here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I should have done this a long time ago and I’m sorry for that, angel.”

“For what?”

The right path is staring at me, waiting. But the monster is violently roaring in my gut, protesting.

“I want you to take my name, Anya.”

Her eyes widen. “What…what do you mean?”

“You’re my heir. My only heir. I don’t want to have any legal issues when the time comes. You must become a Knight in every sense.”

She swallows. “In what…sense?”

“Well…as my daughter, if you want to put it that way.” I nearly choke on my words. “I would like to legally adopt you as my daughter, Anya.”

She seems to freeze. Then her face scrunches in pain. Her eyes fill with tears.

“Adopt…me?!” she spits out in disgust. Not the reaction I was expecting from her. I just named her my sole heir.

“Yes. I want you to carry my name legally.”

She stands up abruptly.

“Anya—“

She’s shaking her head vehemently. “No! I don’t want you to adopt me! I don’t want to be your daughter! I don’t want to be a Knight in that sense!”

The monster inside me starts to rejoice.

“But…aren’t you happy, sweetheart? Isn’t that what you wanted? Maybe you thought I didn’t want you to be a Knight that’s why you were feeling insecure. You were rebelling from me.”

“No, it’s not that at all!”

“Then what is it? I’m at a loss here, angel. Help me.”

She covers her face with her hands and makes an anguished sound.

Shit.

Then to my utter shock, she kneels in front of me, between my legs. Her hands grab my upper thighs, squeezing hard.

Blood rushes like flood to my groin. Her hands are mere inches from the center of my depravity. I don’t want her touching me right now and getting contaminated by the filth of my amorality, but fuck, it feels so damn good!

“Are you so insensitive, Dave? Can’t you see at all?”

Her anguish is so stark I feel totally helpless to deal with it. I’ve done the biggest sacrifice I can possibly do for her— kill my own heart.

“I don’t want us to be legally related. I thank God we’re not blood-related. I can’t be your daughter. I don’t want to.”

She’s spelling our doom. Writing it with every word she utters.

“Then tell me what you want, Anya. Help me understand. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I love you!” she cries in my face.

Her declaration explodes like a bomb between us.

The shock immobilizes me. I can’t seem to breathe.

God…

“I love you, Dave. I love you so much.”

Her face is so close to mine. Her sweet breath is fanning my face. I can almost taste her innocence.

“I love you too, baby,” I manage to say.

She shakes her head. “Not like that. I don’t want you to love me like that. I want you to love me, Dave. Me .”

I’ve never been more scared in my entire life. I’m hard like I’ve never been. If I move even the slightest, I’m afraid my swollen cock would burst out of my pants like an angry serpent and scare her shitless.

I’m teetering on the edge of damnation.

“Anya, stop this, please…”

“I can’t! I didn’t want to feel this but it’s what I feel and I can’t pretend anymore. I want to have my own place to show you I can be independent, that I’m strong and that I can stand on my own two feet. The women you married were all independent and successful in their own right. They were older than me, more sophisticated. I’m younger and lacks experience, but I want to show you I can be like them too. I want to work on it, so I can be worthy of you. I want to be the woman you can be proud of, Dave. I don’t want to waste any more time pretending around you. I’ve waited long enough.”

She’s kneeling before me not knowing she has totally exposed herself to the biggest monster who’s inches from savaging her. It’s taking everything in me not to put my hands on her right this minute and obey the beast’s raging hunger.

“Dave…”

I stand up, pushing the chair behind me roughly. I step back from her and turn away.

I’m shaking inside. Unravelling. Desperately grasping at the last straws of my decency.

“Dave…” she calls me again, her voice breaking.

I close my eyes tightly, clenching my fists.

No. I won’t give in to this.

I won’t fail Caro. I won’t fail myself.

But God, I’m dying.

This is going to end me.

I leave the room.