I watch Bel and Nick dance with a ball of pain in my chest. My throat hurts in my effort not to give in to my emotions. I don’t know how long I can keep the facade of joy on my face when I’m dying inside.

This is the third dinner party thrown by friends for the couple and I’m here in a mansion in Hollywood Hills with Holly to celebrate with our best friend. Bel and Nick will tie the knot tomorrow at sunset.

Isobel is pregnant. She told us that it wasn’t an accident, that they planned the pregnancy. Nick, Bel’s tech mogul boyfriend is ten years older than her. Bel’s family was against the marriage at first but Bel put her foot down and stood by Nick.

I admire Bel’s courage. She fought for the man she loves.

I’d like to think it was what I was doing with Dave, fighting for my love for him. But it’s different when you’re fighting for it alone.

Dave doesn’t feel the same.

The look in his eyes told me everything.

When he pushed me away, he broke me, too. And I don’t know how I’m going to live after that. I surely, absolutely can’t live with him anymore. It’s just impossible to go back to what we used to be.

I destroyed us.

I hoped. I risked it all. I lost.

The bile of despair rises in my throat again. I feel like throwing up. I’m just trying to keep it together for Bel’s sake. I don’t want to put a damper on her excitement. But it’s hard. Watching Bel and Nick look at each other makes me think of the things that I’ll no longer have.

Dave.

“Don’t you think Bel’s making a mistake by marrying this soon, Anya?”

Holly’s voice intrudes into my desolation.

I smile wanly. “Age shouldn’t matter between two people in love.” Yes, it shouldn’t. As far as I’m concerned, it shouldn’t. The two decades between me and Dave didn’t matter.

Holly raises her brow. “Really? I can’t imagine getting shackled and playing wifey and Mommy right now. I mean, giving up parties, clubbing, traveling.” Holly grimaces. “Nope. Not for me.”

“Not all women want that lifestyle.”

“What about you? You want to marry before you’re even twenty-five?”

“If I found the love of my life, absolutely. Age, time, they’re just numbers. Love doesn’t move in numbers. It has its own measure of existence that defies human understanding.”

“Wow. Where did that come from?”

My eyes start to get hot with unshed tears. I clench my jaw, holding it in. I feel so brittle I might break down any moment.

Holly touches my hand. “Are you okay, Anya?”

“Do you think they’ll miss us if we leave early?”

“I don’t think they’d notice. Bel’s family is here. We’ll just text her later. You wanna leave now? We can find a quiet place for coffee.”

“Okay.”

We discreetly exit the affair.

As we walk to the parking area lined with super cars, Vlad appears out of nowhere. He blends in the dark and pops up like a ghost.

“Miss Anya?” he addresses me in his usual thick Slavic accent.

“I’ll ride with Holly, Vlad. Just follow us, okay?”

He nods.

H olly sits in front of the wheel, holding it like she’s steering her own destiny. There must be something so liberating about being on the driver’s seat. I envy her confidence. She looks so sure of herself. I used to be so sure of what I wanted to do with my life, with my future, but love fucked it all up.

Now, I don’t know what to do next. I have no clue. I don’t even want to go home.

I’ve been avoiding Dave for days now. I mostly stayed in my studio, focusing on my designs.

He’s been avoiding me, too. And it’s just as well. I don’t want to see him, look in his eyes and see the disgust. I was so focused on telling him how I felt that I didn’t prepare at all for the rejection. I had no Plan B.

“I’ll pay for coffee if you tell me what you’re thinking right now,” Holly says.

“How does it feel to drive?”

“You should have been driving when you were sixteen.”

I sigh.

Holly shakes her head. “Your dad is a paranoid buzzkiller. He won’t let you travel abroad without him tagging along, won’t let you drink anything with more than 1 percent alcohol, won’t let you study outside of California, and worst of all, won’t let you drive and have freedom of mobility. You’re missing so much of the world you’re turning into a total dweeb.”

That hurts. But she’s right.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“But you’re right.”

“No. You’re just…too sheltered.”

I still feel the need to defend him. I don’t want people to think there’s something wrong with him. “Dave’s just being protective.”

“Exaggeratedly, irrationally protective. Not kosher at all. If he were my dad, I’d have demanded emancipation a long time ago.”

“I do want my own place. And he’s not my dad. Not really.”

“Guardian, whatever.”

“He’s no longer my guardian, too. His guardianship expired on my 18^th birthday.”

“So what are you still waiting for? Come live with me. You have your own business that’s doing well. You’ll survive on your own. My new apartment is so cool. I’m having a great time furnishing it. We can do it together.”

“He won’t let me.”

“You don’t need his permission anymore.”

Holly’s right. I can leave. I should leave. After our last conversation, there’s no reason for me to stay. If I have to hurt him in the process, so be it. I just can’t stay in his house knowing I can’t ever look at him like I used to, and that he knows how I feel and he doesn’t feel the same. It would be unbearable for both of us.

“You’re afraid he’d get mad at you?”

“No. Not really afraid. I just don’t want to hurt him. I owe him so much. I don’t want him to think that I’m leaving him, you know…?” My voice trails off.

“Why would he even think that? Every parent must let go of their children at some point. He’s not even your real parent. And this is fucking America for crap’s sake! Land of the free!” Holly sounds exasperated.

Holly will never understand the dynamic of my relationship with Dave unless I tell her more about the past. But even I don’t understand Dave’s over-protectiveness anymore, too.

“So tell me why you’re so sad lately.”

“What makes you think I’m sad?”

“Don’t give me that BS. I know you, girl. You’re not okay. Whatever you’re going through, I want to help.”

I don’t reply. I’m not ready to confide to her about Dave.

“I was kind of thinking you were moping for some guy. We were so busy helping Bel prepare her wedding we forgot about you. Sorry.”

“What made you think it was a guy?”

“You have this look.”

“What look?”

“This melancholic, sometimes distracted, sometimes restless look that I can only associate with matters of the heart. Geez, that sounds lame.”

I swallow. Maybe I can talk about it a little. I’m going crazy keeping it to myself. I just need to unload the heaviness in my chest.

“Well?”

“Yeah.”

“I knew it. Do I know him?”

“Maybe. Please, don’t ask me who he is yet.”

“Okay, you can keep his identity a secret for now, but tell me something about him.”

I sigh deeply. Where do I start? Dave is such a complex and compelling character. Way beyond my league. I can’t even begin to describe him.

“From the sound of that, I take it he’s uber-hot.”

Uber-hot. That’s a description. “Like over-the-top hot.”

“Ohhhh, do fucking tell.”

D AVE

I t’s past 10 PM and she’s still out there, at some party in Hollywood Hills.

Vlad is with her, I shouldn’t worry.

I need to be in an important meeting tomorrow. I know Eli Templeton is finally going to bite my offer. He’s been stalling for months, making me wait. Eli is not after the highest bidder. He’s after reputation. My last tabloid appearance was ages ago. I have become too boring for the paparazzi to be writing or speculating about.

This deal with Eli is going to be a huge milestone in my life and for the Knight Foundation. I’ve been dreaming of owning a hospital and making health care affordable for the under-privileged Americans. This would be my legacy to my country. Rory Allen backing out of the competition increased my advantage tenfold. I have the best offer and Eli knows it. Eli’s invitation to meet with him tomorrow is almost a signature on the dotted line.

I call Vlad.

“It’s almost eleven,” I remind him.

“We’re on our way down, Boss.”

I feel relieved. She’d be home soon. “Good.”

I cut the call. I should get some shut-eye. It has been a long day.

I go to my room and take a hot shower.

I feel more relaxed after the shower, but the moment my head hits the pillow, my mind is back to working on overdrive.

I miss her.

We haven’t seen each other for three days now and I’m dying. My house is big enough for people not see each other for days if they deliberately avoid one another.

She’s been holed up in her studio and I didn’t have the courage to talk to her again.

What the hell would I say to her after her confession?

I was scared shitless.

I still am.

I’m so fucking scared that I’d succumb to my—

My phone rings. It invades my thoughts like a fucking brain freeze. I sit up, grabbing it from the side table.

It’s Callum. He never calls when it’s not important, especially in the middle of the night.

I take the call. “Yeah?”

“Dave…”

By the sound of his voice, I know I will not like what he’s going to say.

“What happened?”

“It’s Anya…”

I freeze and go completely cold.

“There’s been an accident.”

I go blank for a few seconds, going on auto-denial.

Oh God, please…!

“Is she…?” I manage to croak. I feel like I’m going to collapse on the bed. An emotion so crippling assaults me and I lose strength. I grab the bedcover, crushing the cloth hard in my fist.

“She’s fine, Dave, she’s okay,” Callum assures me hastily but my fear doesn’t diminish one bit.

“Are you sure?” I breathe out, the heavy slamming of my heart almost cutting my ability to speak. I can’t seem to breathe. God, my baby girl. Not a scratch, please, God. Not a scratch.

“Yes.”

After my initial shock, adrenaline pumps back into my bloodstream in full force. “Are you very sure?! Is she in the fucking hospital?!”

“Not yet. It just happened. Vlad is on video-call on my other phone. The paramedics just arrived Dave. She’s being looked after. ”

“Is she moving? Talking? Tell me! Is she bleeding?!”

“No. No, blood. Vlad assured me she’s okay, Dave. She’s just badly shaken. They’re taking her to the hospital.”

I jump from the bed.

“Take me to her!”

I hug her tightly as she clings to me, her body shaking.

I’m shaking too, from inside out.

The ride from my house to the hospital was a rite of passage for me. This time around, I crossed the line without hesitation, without fear, without guilt.

There’s only one reality for me now.

Anya and I.

I frame her face in my palms gently. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

She nods, her tears falling.

I scan her face, making sure she’s really all right. I’ve waited anxiously as the doctors checked her up for any internal injuries. They performed a CT scan on her. She was cleared.

I kiss her forehead and hug her again. “You’re safe now. I’m here. I’m here.”

She sobs into my chest, her small fists clutching my shirt.

I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent. So sweet. So precious.

My eyes feel hot. I feel like bursting into tears.

God, I hadn’t cried in almost four decades but I want to bawl my shit out now in utter relief and gratitude. I’m lucky. I’m very lucky that I still have the chance to love her like she wants me to. Like I want to.

I want to hug her tighter, feel her skin next to mine. I want to examine every part of her body to make sure she’s not hurt in any way. The doctors said she’s okay and she can go home, but I want to see for myself. God, I can’t stop touching her.

“Holly…” she murmurs.

“She’s okay. You’re both okay. She’s with her parents now.”

Holly’s parents arrived at the hospital at almost the same time I did. The couple was as shaken as I was. Holly is their only child. While Anya is not my child, and that is emphatic in my heart now, she’s all that I have left in this world, and damn if I’m going to deny us both any longer.

No more holding back.

I chickened out for so many reasons that society dictated.

I turned away from her love and I nearly lost her. If I lost her today…it would be the end of me, too. That is a fact.

Life is too short. A cheesy cliche. But it never rang more true for me today. From now on, I will live this life the way my heart wants me to live it. Fuck society and its proprieties.

I can’t explain this love. I didn’t ask for it. But it happened and I don’t have the power to undo it.

I will no longer fight it. I will embrace it.

“Let’s get you home, angel.”

“Okay.”

“Can you walk?”

She nods but I sweep her up in my arms.

I’ve never been so afraid in my entire life the way I was afraid of losing Anya. All these years I’ve been zealously guarding her from harm, but I can’t predict the future. A herd of deer could suddenly cross the road and a driver loses control of the wheel. Thank God for state of the art airbags, Anya and Holly ended up in a ravine cushioned from the impact. The Bentley rolled over once. It could have rolled over thrice and I wouldn’t be able to hold my baby like this anymore.

I reach the hospital’s driveway. Callum opens the Mercedes’ door. I put Anya in the back seat and climb in with her.

“Let’s go home,” I tell Callum.

I gather Anya in my lap and hug her again. I can’t seem to bear being apart from her even for a moment.

Not tonight. Not ever.

The car moves.

“Dave…”

“Shhh. We’ll talk later. Everything’s going to be all right, I promise.”

She sighs and goes lax in my arms, resting her head against my chest.

I close my eyes and utter a prayer of gratitude for the nth time.

Fate can be both cruel and compassionate. In a blink of an eye it can give you heaven or hell.

Tonight, fate decided to give me another chance to make a heaven for myself. I don’t want to waste it.