Fifteen: Logan
I sat at my computer coding for hours. It usually relaxed me, but today I was just frustrated. I couldn’t get myself out of my head. I was always thinking of Madeline. That woman is something else. Beautiful, smart, sexy. She has it all and it kills me.
It makes me afraid more than anything that I won’t be able to resist her. I nearly tore myself up last week when I thought someone really knew about us. I didn’t want that rumor to happen to her, more so than me. There was a lot on my plate and I knew how to handle it, I just didn’t want to.
I let the bustle around the office distract me before I went back up to my private office on the top floor. I had gotten used to seeing Madeline there, but she wasn’t in yet because she was still in class. I was eager for her to graduate so she could spend more time here, but it was still days away for her.
Mostly I wanted more time with her. Oddly enough I never thought of her alone, in theory. Her smooth curves and big beautiful eyes. She looks so innocent and yet she is of the wildest I have ever met.
I enjoy her company and her body just the same, I thought it would never happen with a woman. Every woman I have ever had in my bed just fills space, or warmth. And if it was with Jake that was the only thing exciting about it. But Madeline is more riveting than anything else. She keeps us both on our toes, meeting us thrust for thrust and pushing us to the edge. We fit together and I couldn’t imagine her any other way.
Things were already underway for her start up. We had meetings booked with PR and financial for days, there was no time to slack off. Last week I was worried about her disappearance but I knew I didn’t do much to help the situation. I couldn’t imagine how she felt the day she called me over and over, especially when I figured out what it was about. I wanted to be there to comfort her but I didn’t want to fuel the fire. I thought it was serious.
Even when I knew it wasn’t I didn’t call her. It was shitty, but at the time I wasn’t admitting to my feelings. Jake wasn’t either but he doesn’t admit to anything. I know I need her, we know we need her.
The numbers on the computer could only entertain me for so long before I gave up. I was ready to call it a day by lunch before I got a phone call from the Dean. He never calls unless it is serious.
Maybe I jumped the gun on the coast being clear.
“Hello?” I graveled. Sounding more tired than I realized.
“Moyer, I need you in my office as soon as possible.”
Fuck. I clenched my fists as my brain ticked to all the possibilities. Than damned rumor—well, it was the truth; must have gotten around to him somehow.
“Of course.” I said through clenched teeth.
He hung up.
Shit. I never get scrambled. No matter what business meeting I’m in or who I am talking to I don’t get flustered or even nervous. But now I could feel the beads of sweat on my neck and the moisture forming on my forehead. I fixed up my suit, tightened my tie and headed over to the school. It was a short walk but I would rather drive anyway.
I went to the academic building where his office was and street parked. It was always odd being on the campus, I honestly didn’t look old enough to be one of the professors. The campus was big, so most students don’t even know me. There was always the occasional awkward situation where a student is very forward. I always worry other professors see something. that’s why I was worried to even be seen with Madeline on campus. I expected it started that day at the coffee shop on campus.
Now the dean knows and I am prepared for whatever he has to say. In the elevator I thought of it. I could take a leave of absence, or abstain after this semester and say the business just needs more of my attention. I would not let this drag on and implicate Madeline in any way. I care too much about her, I want to take care of her. I have this inclination to just be there for her, even after this short time.
“I need to see the Dean please.” The secretary or assistant or something was a young student, staring at me blankly before she found herself.
“Mr. Mare is in a meeting right now.” I caught what she was saying after multiple stutters.
“I just got off the phone with him, can you check?” I pressed. She glanced at the door and I realized then she didn’t want to ask him. Not because she was stubborn or anything but because she was afraid.
I smiled softly and nodded. “It’s fine.” I headed straight to the door to knock and she uttered a small protest.
“What.” He called out.
I frowned and entered.
“You asked to see me.” I shut the door behind me and walked over to his desk.
“Yes, sit down.”
I tried to read his face but there was nothing. He was a hard guy, from down south if I remember correctly. His hair is graying but he is big and burly, everyone talks about what a football star he was back in his day. Nonetheless he could probably crush me if he wanted, that’s why it was so hard to tell what he was thinking. Was I fired? Were the police hiding? Surely, they assumed the student was underaged.
I sat down and tried to think of what to say. Should I say something first? Defend myself? Or maybe it would make me just sound guilty. But I held my own, and just sat there with my best poker face.
“I had to talk to you about something and I wasn’t sure how to approach it.”
I knew it. I had to get ahead of it.
“Look, sir. Whatever you heard isn’t true, necessarily.”
“Well, that’s good since I was thinking something entirely different.”
I wanted to tell him we cared about each other, and it wasn’t just me crossing the lines to sleep with a student. It was obvious by the expression on his face that he heard the rumors before. I had to set him straight somehow but in a good way.
“Will the student be implicated?”
I asked him. I didn’t want Madeline to be involved. If it meant keeping everything quiet, I would just quit.
“Your current students?” He inquired. I sat back, sort of frozen. Had I misunderstood in some way or was he messing with me?
“Um, maybe we aren’t on the same page.” I swallowed, smoothing out the fabric of my pants. I was so worried about Madeline getting involved I was willing to do anything to protect her. It was apparent then that my feelings for her run deep.
“I suppose not, Moyer. What did you think I was asking you about?”
Jake was the one who was good at lying, not me. I racked my brain for anything.
“The change in how final grades are weighted. I assumed I…had done something wrong. I’m more of a business guy and not a grader.” I chuckled.
He cracked a smile and stood up.
“No, that isn’t it. I want to ask you to teach a class in the fall. You can think about it, of course. I know you only agreed under special circumstances.”
I shifted in my seat as I exhaled. My whole body relaxed, he didn’t know about Madeline.
“I would have to think about it, yeah.” I finally said.
And he was right. I didn’t plan on doing another semester. It was hard enough already, maybe it was just because of Madeline. Although I do love teaching.
“Of course, of course. That’s all I wanted to talk to you about. Wanted to do it in person.”
I stood and buttoned my jacket. “Of course.” I shook his hand.
I left the office feeling light but also worried because I didn’t want that to actually happen. It was just until she graduated, then I wouldn’t feel this sword over my head.
I headed back to the office and intercepted Jake on the way up.
“What’s up with you? You look like shit, man.” He said, giving me a weird look.
“Madeline needs to hurry up and fucking graduate.”