Robert Glazer
“Mary Kate,” I say, shocked that she’s followed us into the bathroom. Eliot is safely in the closet, and can’t hear a thing, but this is still going to be…awkward.
“Robert,” she says, her eyes gleaming, as she saunters up to me. That’s when I groan – she’s wasted. But what does she want from me?
“MK, what’s going on? Everything okay?”
“I’m drunk and my marriage is over,” she says, and I double back.
“What?”
“My marriage is over,” she shrugs. “Rick wants to file in the summer. He was waiting for Eliot to totally leave the nest and be out on his own. Why do you think he’s not here?”
“What?”
I look her in the eye, but she’s pointed away a little.
“MK, are you serious? Look at me.”
But she won’t. And that’s when I realize she’s being totally serious. She’s getting divorced. But she doesn’t want to face it. And clearly she hasn’t yet.
For a moment I feel real, true pity for her. A third divorce before fifty – this would be tough to swallow for anyone. But one of these factors is beyond debate. Eliot can’t find out through the grapevine. He needs to know. That would fuck with his brain even more than she already has.
“Mary Kate,” I say seriously, and she whimpers. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m not stupid. I know…look, I know how I am, Robert. I know it’s not easy to love me.”
My heart shrinks a few sizes at her words. I can’t bear for anyone to talk about themselves like that.
“Hey,” I say. “Don’t be like that, I know-”
“I’m too much,” she says plainly. “I know I am. It took me forty years, but I know myself. And it’s fine.”
“You…you have to tell Eliot,” I say, trying to change the subject. “I found out about my sister’s divorce through Facebook, and it was humiliating to be the last one to know. You need to tell him…”
“I can’t,” she says, her eyes glassy. “Rick is the only father he’s ever known. I can’t do that to him.”
“Mary, it’s going to happen anyway. And he’ll survive. He’ll be okay. But you need to tell him.”
She sort of falls into me, leaning on me and reaching both hands around my back. For a moment I just support her, and smile about the good times. She is the most open, the most loving woman I’ve ever met. She just raged with equal ferocity.
“Why did I ever let you go?” she asks quietly, nearly making me fall back.
“What?”
“You’re so gorgeous…ugh, I should’ve just accepted it. Imagine you as a husband – well-dressed, polite, always the perfect date. And the dinners you’d cook! Maybe we never should’ve ended it. The truth is…”
My eyes grow with my horror. She does this weird little moment where she points at me, but gets too close, and taps my nose.
“The truth is, I’ll always hold a candle for you, Bobby Glazer.”
All the air leaves the room. I hope against hope that Eliot can’t hear us, but there’s no way to be sure.
“Mary Kate. Mary Kate…” I say, trailing off.
“Yes?”
“I…I have to be honest. It doesn’t work that way. You understand that, right? I was – I am gay. I had to go my own way. That’s just how it had to happen. I love you like a brother loves a sister.”
Her eyes fill with tears.
“Are you okay?” I ask, and she stands back and wobbles a little. Finally she wipes her face.
“Yeah. You’re right. I’m fine. I’m talking crazy. I’m a stupid woman. The real truth is, I love Rick, and I’m devastated. Look at me, being so desperate…”
She turns to me, a suddenly-wild look in her eye.
“Robert. I want you to be happy, if I can’t. Don’t end up like me. Out of the two of us, one of us has to succeed. Promise me you’ll find someone and love them? For me?”
Eliot’s eyes shine in my head. In that moment, I truly hate myself. And that’s when I realize what I need to do, as much as it breaks me.
I need to leave him alone.
“Sure,” I say.
“Why do you seem so sad?” she asks soon, as my world falls flat around me. But the only response I can produce is a low grunt.
Meeting Eliot felt like coming home again after getting lost for hours on a rainy day. Being physical with him felt like walking into that home and setting down my keys and taking off my soggy coat. But now I am about to have to wreck that home.
This just all became too much, and I need to end it before it truly goes off the rails.