Chapter One - Alyssa
I looked outside at the sun shining and clicked the button to buy plane tickets. I’m going to see Dad for Christmas. I’d been living in San Diego for about a year now following graduation, working at a great graphic design office. I could’ve easily gotten a similar job back in New York, but I’d been desperate to get out of there. When I saw this job opening in California, it was just too good to resist. It was a great opportunity for me, though I felt bad being away after Mom’s car accident.
Perhaps her death was why I wanted to leave. Losing her three years ago had devastated Dad and me. I had been so much closer to Mom than to Dad and I just wanted to get away from all of the memories. Moving here and looking at the beach in La Jolla every day from my apartment had been the perfect change.
It was Christmas though, and time for my annual visit.
I stood and stretched, arching my back and looked out of my window. Everything was beautiful here, including the people and there were times that I didn’t feel like I fit in. I wasn’t skinny and blonde like the girls on the beaches and in the shopping malls. I took after my mother, with thick curves. I had caramel colored curls that framed my face and Dad’s big brown eyes. I didn’t stand out here at all apart from being a reliable worker at my firm, which I was proud of. I wanted to go home and make Dad feel proud of me as well. He might appreciate my work ethic since he was always such a hard worker, spending more time at his law firm than at home. Once Mom died, he put in several more hours per week and was rarely home.
It was no wonder that I accepted this job. I hated being by myself in the big house, where everything reminded me of Mom.
I had a couple of weeks left before I had to leave for the holiday. I spent most of my time at the office. It was one of my favorite places, motivating me to do better in life. The thought of going home and celebrating another Christmas without Mom was daunting, even though my aunts, uncles, cousins, and some of my friends would be there.
I’d find a way through it, though. Maybe I’d find a connection with Dad again.
I dug into the back of my closet the night before my flight. I hadn’t worn winter clothes for a year now, and it felt weird to fold the sweaters and jeans before I tucked them into my suitcase. I chose a pair of yoga pants for the flight with a button up flannel that I could slip off if I got too hot. I went through security and sat down. I enjoyed a coffee while I waited to board and watched everyone coming and going. I loved watching people.
Once I was seated in coach, I waited until we were in the air before I pulled out my Kindle to pass the time. I knew that I would doze off at some point, but the coffee was still keeping my eyes open. I was reading a saucy story about the handsome alpha male and the shy girl. The torrid descriptions made me shift in my seat, realizing that I’d never had any of this in my life. Sure, there were a few guys in high school and college that I’d fooled around with, but it was all casual and never with this kind of heat. I wondered what it would be like to be with such a dominant man for a moment and my thighs clenched. I laughed softly to myself and realized that life really wasn’t like in the books and movies, at least not mine.
I did fall asleep for a while, cramped and bored in the small space, waking up a few times when kids were crying. Sleeping passed the time even if it was interrupted and restless. Once we landed, I was groggy, but I could hardly wait to get out and walk again. I knew that Dad would send a car for me since he trusted his driver Charles a lot more than he did any cabbie. I walked to the baggage claim to pick up my dark green suitcase and walked out of the front doors to see a black town car with a familiar man standing by the back door. “Charles,” I greeted him. He smiled and hugged me. I’d known him for years since Dad was never a fan of driving himself. In the city, it was a chaos of traffic and pedestrians and only for the brave.
I always wondered why Mom insisted on driving her blue Tahoe all over the place. Perhaps it was a little bit of me-time, something that ended on the Long Island Expressway one afternoon when she was returning from lunch with friends. Dad had become stricter from that day on, insisting that Charles drives me everywhere.
When I moved to San Diego, I insisted on driving my silver Range Rover all the way to California because I’d need it there. Dad was livid about it, but I was eighteen, and he couldn’t stop me, even though I knew it broke his heart. Losing the love of his life had been life-altering for him, and I felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t let fear dominate my own life. Mom’s accident had just been the result of horrible timing combined with a bad driver, something that could happen to anybody. Mom had never lived in fear. She loved her life, even if it had been too short.
Charles got me settled in the back of the car before he headed to Dad’s house, making me smile when I saw a bag of cookies from my favorite bakery as well as a tall cup of coffee. Sometimes, I realized that Dad’s staff members were more like family to me than Dad was. They were also warmer towards me. “Thank you,” I said to Charles while breaking off a piece of the soft chocolate chip cookie.
“Not a problem,” Charles said back to me as I leaned back and smiled. I could do this.