Chapter Four
SUNLIGHT BEAMED THROUGH the window. Sleep peeled off Ryder in layers. He inhaled a deep breath. The short hairs on the back of Liam’s neck tickled his mouth, and his chest lifted and fell beneath Ryder’s arm. Sometime while they slept, Ryder had fit himself against Liam’s back, resulting in the tangle of their legs under the comforter and the dips of their bodies curving into each other.
Percy jumped on the bed in front of Liam and meowed. Liam stroked the cat’s back lazily and hushed him. “You’re so loud,” he whispered, voice sleep-rasped and lulled. “Even Opal’s quieter than you, Percy.”
Ryder moved his hand from where it rested on Liam’s sternum and scratched behind Percy’s ear.
“Thought you might be awake,” Liam said.
He pressed the bridge of his nose against the back of Liam’s neck. “You sleep okay?”
Liam hummed. “Yeah, you’re like a furnace, though.”
His lips curved into a smile, and he pressed them against Liam’s shoulder. “Fire witch, remember?”
“Necromancer,” Liam corrected gently.
“Necromancer,” he agreed, “but still Fire.” He pressed his hand against Liam’s chest and his magic pulsed, sending heat under Liam’s skin.
“You did that last night,” Liam mumbled, playfulness threaded through his words. He twisted around to face Ryder, expression hazy in the morning light. “Will you lose it if you…”
“Die?”
Liam’s hand smoothed up Ryder’s side and he nodded.
Ryder traced the lines of Liam’s tattoo with his fingertip. A crashing wave, a set of swirling clouds. “I don’t know. Jordan didn’t know either.”
“If you choose not to…”
“You can say it,” Ryder bit. “Die. And I don’t know what’ll happen if I go through the ceremony. If I do it, one of my family members will slit my throat, bring me back, and I’ll be declared a necromancer. If I don’t, my magic will keep freaking out.”
Liam’s eyes narrowed. His thin mouth pressed down and his nostrils flared. Anger looked strange on Liam, like he was conflicted over the feeling itself. His fingers dug into Ryder’s ribs. “I don’t like thinking about your death, all right? What about the bloodletting? I thought that was supposed to help.”
“It did—it will, but that won’t stop my dark magic from surfacing. Look at what happened at Tyler’s. I got mad, my dark magic took over, and now everything’s fucked up.”
“Not everything,” Liam said. He tilted his head, bumping the tip of his nose against Ryder’s. He went quiet for a moment, mouth open as if he grappled with what to say. “I’ve had to be careful with this,” he confessed. He snaked his hand around Ryder’s back. “I never drank around you, I never dated anyone for long, because I’d have to introduce them to the circle, and then they’d have to meet you.” He paused to give a short laugh. “God forbid.”
“I thought you didn’t like commitment?”
“I didn’t, I liked you.”
“I’ve been staring at you for two years, and you’re just now telling me this?” Ryder arched a brow. Liam’s breath on his mouth made it hard to concentrate.
“Well-trained puppy, remember?” Liam’s tongue darted across his bottom lip. “Tyler would’ve lectured me daily until we broke it off.”
“He still might.”
“I’ve had your blood in my mouth,” Liam said nonchalantly, as if it dismissed their consequences. “And things weren’t as simple as I thought they were. You aren’t…”
“A white witch?” Ryder teased. He let his pupils expand, black pouring across his eyes.
Liam’s breath hitched. His gaze flicked from Ryder’s eyes to his lips. “No, you’re definitely not.”
“Speaking of blood in your mouth,” Ryder whispered. His lips parted against Liam’s. They kissed deep and slow, the kind of kissing that vibrated in him, wet and breathless and unhurried. Steam trickled between the parting of their lips.
Liam winced and pulled back, unable to inhale the steam without burning himself.
“Sorry,” Ryder mumbled.
Liam shook his head and pressed closer, chest to chest. “Don’t be,” he said softly, leaning in to slot their mouths together again.
A loud knock splintered the silence, annoying, and halted whatever the morning had in store, more annoying.
Of course.
“Feel that?” Liam said through a sigh.
“Sure do.” Ryder could recognize Christy’s fluttery, positive energy anywhere. “Get dressed. I’ll—” he flung an arm toward the door “—deal with this.”
“Be nice to her,” Liam said. He slid out of bed and gestured to the dresser. “Can I borrow something?”
“Go for it.” Ryder didn’t bother with a shirt. He grabbed his jeans on his way out of the bedroom and tugged them on. Percy paced behind him.
Willow was already inside. The little white mouse peered up at him in from the floor and wiggled her nose, beady red eyes flashing from Percy to Ryder and back again.
“It’s a little early,” Ryder said to Willow.
Her whiskers bounced and she sat on her haunches to clean her face.
Ryder pulled the door open to find Christy on the porch with her hands clutched tightly in front of her. She blinked at Ryder and her brows drooped, lips pulled back in a grimace.
“What’re those…?” She glanced at his chest.
Ryder reached for his magic and stitched a glamour across his scars. The curved pink marks faded. “You’ve never seen a hickey?”
Christy huffed an annoyed sigh. “You don’t have to glamour for me, Ry. It was just a question. I know what those are.” She jabbed one of the mouth-shaped bruises on his stomach with her finger.
“It’s a question I’m not answering. Hi, good morning, what’re you doing here?”
“Good afternoon,” she corrected. Her hair was bundled into a thick bun on the back of her head, and an assortment of protective pendants hung around her neck, dangling over a strappy pink top. “Can I come in?”
“Liam’s here.”
“I know,” Christy said pleasantly.
Ryder held the door open and Christy walked inside. She cleared her throat, glancing from one end of the tiny living room to the other.
“Tea?” Ryder asked.
“That’d be nice.” She knelt and held out her hand for Willow to climb into. “How are you today? Are things…better?”
“I’m not going to kill anyone,” Ryder said. He filled the kettle and set it on the stove. “And even if I did, I could bring them back if I tried hard enough.”
Christy’s energy was a thin bubble around her, protective and bright. “Yeah, I guess you could, huh?”
Ryder handed her a cup filled with ginger tea. Their fingers brushed and she winced. An image flashed behind Ryder’s eyes—Liam’s tan torso stretched in front of him, dripping wet, and Ryder’s mouth climbing his stomach.
“That’s not something I ever needed to see,” Christy sang. She stepped back and closed her eyes, gesturing between them with a flick of her wrist. “I’m psychic, you syphon energy, that means—”
“Yeah, I get it. That was an accident.” His cheeks burned hot. He nodded toward the couch. “What’d Thalia say last night?”
Christy heaved a sigh. She sat on the couch but left space between them, her on one end, him on the other. “I didn’t come here to talk about what Thalia said; I came here to apologize to you, and if I get started on something else I won’t be able to stop talking about it, so first off, I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath and stared at the couch cushion between them. “This can’t be easy for you, and all your friends just…”
“Freaked out?”
“Yeah,” Christy breathed.
“Not all your friends,” Liam said. He walked out the bedroom and into the kitchen.
“You did a little bit.” Ryder glanced over his shoulder to get a glimpse of Liam wearing his clothes. The faded black band tee Ryder had owned since high school fit a little tight, but looked good on him. “There’s tea if you want some.”
Liam nodded and poured himself a cup. His bare feet padded the wood floors, as familiar as they always were. He rounded the side of the couch and set his hand on Christy’s shoulder. “Hey,” he said softly.
Another image blinded Ryder. It came and went, like a lightning strike or glass splintering. Ryder stretched across the hood of the car, shirt rucked up and his bare thighs over Liam’s shoulders. The long line of his throat extended, his voice gasped and spent saying don’t stop.
“Jesus fucking Christ—seriously?” Ryder hissed.
“Can you guys stop thinking about each other naked for two seconds!” Christy whined, squeezing her eyes shut.
Liam cocked his head, confused.
“Stop syphoning, Ryder! That’s why this is happening. You’re taking my energy and that’s amplifying whatever images I’m pulling from you two—images that would normally be in the back of my mind where I can’t see them!” Christy sipped her tea. Her face was three different shades of pink. She looked around the apartment instead of at the boys, and chewed on her bottom lip.
“What just happened?” Liam asked. He sat on the ottoman and glanced between Ryder and Christy.
“You gave Christy access to a memory of us having sex,” Ryder said, voice clipped. There was no going around it or making it sound better. He shrugged one shoulder and lifted his brows.
Liam grimaced and his cheeks flared red.
“Yeah, on the car! Do you guys know how many people have had sex on that car? That’s gross—you’re gross,” Christy groaned. She made a mock-disgusted noise and sipped her tea. “Anyway, I was in the middle of saying I’m sorry. Necromancers have a bad reputation, but that doesn’t mean Tyler should’ve said what he did last night.”
“What did Thalia say?” Ryder asked again. His gaze was pinned to the floor, but when he braved a glance up, Liam was looking back at him. His eyes flashed to the floor.
“And what did everyone else say?” Liam added.
“Thalia said we needed to be careful, and that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.” Christy stared at her lap and pressed her legs tight together. “She also said that you have the potential to be dangerous…”
The room went quiet. Tension battled with anger beneath a thick layer of hurt. Ryder tried to steady his nerves, to rein in the disappointment from showing outright. But it was already there, and Christy was already fumbling over herself to make up for it, and Liam was already getting up from the other side of the coffee table.
“Ryder.” Christy said his name sadly, pitifully. He hated it. “We’ll figure this out. It doesn’t mean that you are dangerous. I don’t think you’d ever hurt us, and I don’t think anyone would ever assume you’d—”
“You should go,” Ryder said. His eyes stung. His throat was scratchy and tight.
“Ry, c’mon.” Liam knelt in front of the couch. “Thalia’s a matriarch, she can’t sugarcoat things.”
Christy placed her hand on Ryder’s arm. He looked at her and she flinched back. “Sorry. No, Ryder, I didn’t…”
“I scare you,” Ryder hissed. He didn’t know if he was crying or not, but his face was hot, everything was hot. His black eyes burned and his mouth quivered. He wanted to hide or run or rip something apart.
“You scare yourself,” Christy whispered, surprised.
Ryder had barely felt the slide of her energy against his thoughts. “Stay out of my head!”
“Christy,” Liam warned. “Maybe you should go.”
“I didn’t mean to… I’m just not used to your eyes, Ryder. It’s…” Christy stood up and took a step back.
“Terrifying, I know,” Ryder bit. Sarcasm filled his mouth along with a cloud of steam.
“I’ll go,” she said gently. “If you need anything, though…”
“I need you to tell me what the others said,” Ryder interrupted.
Christy shifted from foot to foot.
Percy hopped onto Ryder’s lap, bristled and wide-eyed. He rubbed against Ryder’s chest and yowled at him, ears tucked against his skull like they always did when they shared emotions. Ryder inhaled a deep, long breath and stroked Percy’s back, grateful for his familiar and the sudden redirection of his anxiety.
Liam rested his hand on Ryder’s leg.
“Donovan thinks it’s fine, and he wishes you would’ve told us sooner. Tyler…” Christy paused to gnaw on her bottom lip.
“Tyler what?” Ryder asked. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pawed at his face with the back of his hands. His cheeks were wet and Ryder’s top lip curled, embarrassed that he’d let himself get worked up.
“Tyler was angry. He yelled at Thalia when he found out she’d known about you, and Thalia cut off his air supply for two minutes while she lectured him. It wasn’t pretty. Tyler almost passed out. I left after that, but Donovan texted me and told me Tyler was still pissed.”
“Thalia Sith choked him?” Ryder asked through a laugh.
Christy’s head listed and she rolled her eyes. “Yes, asshole. She did. Will you guys meet me and Donovan for dinner tonight?”
Liam sighed. “Without Ty?”
Christy nodded.
“Sure, yeah, whatever, but I need to talk to my sister at some point about getting the other alchemists ready for the ceremony.” Ryder stood up. He noticed Christy take another step back. He ignored it, but her fear still stung. “Where are we eating?”
“Archy’s?” Christy offered timidly.
“Yeah, see you tonight.” Ryder glanced at her.
She held eye contact with him for a moment, as if she wanted him to know she could. “Seven?”
Ryder nodded. Christy glanced at Liam before she closed the door. Her shoes smacked the concrete stairs as she barreled down them.
His friends were afraid of him. His circle-mates were afraid of him. Ryder rested his hands on the back of the couch and closed his eyes.
“You’re doing it?” Liam asked.
“Yeah,” Ryder said quickly. “I have to do something, don’t I?”
“Dying isn’t something.”
“Jordan and my dad will bring me back.”
“And if they can’t? What if something goes wrong?”
“Then I stay dead,” Ryder snapped.
Opal ruffled her feathers from the bookcase. Percy hissed.
Ryder tried to dip out of the living room, but Liam caught him by the arm in the hallway. His back hit the wall and steam gusted from him, lungs heaving as Liam grabbed both his wrists and slammed them above his head.
“That’s not an option.” Liam’s voice was a tidal wave. It sounded like a waterfall crashed inside him. His brown eyes were gone, replaced by gray, ghostly orbs that stared at Ryder under a tense brow.
Black smoke coiled defensively around Ryder. It was the first time he’d ever conjured it, and it felt sticky and unmade, like time cracked apart as it drifted from under his feet. “Get off me.”
“I’m not scared of you,” Liam snapped.
Ryder tasted the words before he said them, bloody and thick. “You should be.”
Liam’s magic thrashed, a storm in Ryder’s ears. His grip loosened on Ryder’s wrists, but he didn’t let go. They were too close. Liam’s nose brushed his cheek, his breath smelled like ginger tea, but was unnaturally cold under the weight of his magic. A strand of dark hair fell over his brow and he exhaled sharply when the black smoke wrapped around his legs.
“I could hurt you,” Ryder said.
“I’d let you.” Liam leaned against him. His Water magic circled them, sinking into Ryder as he reached for it, beckoning it into his skin, his mouth, his lungs. He hadn’t realized it until his heartbeat accelerated, and he thought back to Christy’s shrill voice minutes ago. Stop syphoning, Ryder! The act of the spell came naturally, as if Ryder had been doing it for as long as he’d been breathing. The truth of practicing dark magic rushed to the surface.
No wonder people say it’s addicting.
It felt like drugs—like snorting a line of coke, or smoking too much weed, or peaking on ecstasy. Oh, Ryder thought, this is what it’s like. He pulled on Liam’s magic until it sank into his bones, until it surrounded him, broken apart and pieced back together. He recognized every particle of it. The living, breathing essence of Liam expanded and compressed: mist on Ryder’s face, the shock of an icy river, the comfortability of warm summer rain.
He pulled on Liam’s magic, dug his claws in and sighed when it met the Fire inside him.
“Careful,” Liam whispered. He dropped his hands. One rested on Ryder’s face, the other gripped his hip. “Don’t get greedy.”
“I’ll give it back,” Ryder whispered. His voice was haunting and rich, unfamiliar even to himself. “What does it feel like?”
“Like you’re inside me,” Liam said.
Ryder’s eyes fluttered closed. Heat flared at the base of his spine. “You can’t say shit like that right now.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I barely have control as it is,” Ryder gritted.
“Let it go.” Liam’s lips dusted Ryder’s mouth.
“I could kill you,” Ryder seethed. He kissed Liam and pushed the magic back where it came from. It was charged and electrified and hot. It rushed between them, inhaled through a ragged gasp that Liam barely tried to contain. Ryder sank his teeth into Liam’s bottom lip. “Don’t you get that?”
Liam made a wounded sound, one that brought chills to Ryder’s arms and made him ache low in his abdomen. He clutched Ryder and opened his eyes, their translucence gleaming and pretty surrounded by Ryder’s black smoke.
The energy calmed. Ryder let out a breath. Liam rested his forehead on Ryder’s shoulder.
“Feel better?” Liam asked.
“Yeah, you?”
“I was fine before, but I’m better now.”
“I need to talk to Jordie.” Ryder sagged against the wall, and Liam leaned heavily against him. “Because that—” He paused to sigh. “—is the dangerous shit Thalia was talking about.”
“You’re not dangerous,” Liam whispered.
Ryder nosed at Liam’s neck. “I felt your heartbeat,” he said shakily. The echo of it lingered in his palms. “It was like I had my hand wrapped around it, like I could’ve pulled it right out of your chest if I wanted to.”
Liam nodded.
“That’s dangerous,” Ryder repeated. He pushed on Liam’s waist and slipped away from him. His hands trembled. His heartbeat stampeded. Adrenaline raced through him. His senses were heightened, making every creak in the apartment and rustle of Opal’s feather sound closer. “Maybe you should talk to Tyler while I’m with Jordan.”
Liam leaned against the doorframe of the bedroom with his arms folded across his chest. “Without you?”
“Yeah.” Ryder put on a different pair of jeans and a black long-sleeved thermal. He watched Liam push his hair back, caught the restless flick of his eyes and twitch of his fingertips. They were both electrified, overdosed on magic. “He trusts you. He might listen.”
“He trusted me,” Liam corrected. “But yeah, I can give it a shot.”
Ryder pulled a beanie over his ears. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Liam stepped in front of him when he tried to walk through the doorway. They were almost the same height. Ryder was an inch or two shorter. His gaze wandered over Liam’s face, from the lingering blush on his cheeks to the fluctuation of his pupils, swelling and compressing over and over.
“Is the ceremony exclusive to alchemists?” Liam asked.
Ryder parted his lips. He considered the question carefully. “It’s not something I’d want you to see.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Then yes, it’s exclusive,” Ryder rasped.
He tried to step around Liam but was blocked again. Liam kissed him hard and deep. Ryder tilted his head and closed his eyes, relishing the weight and softness of Liam’s mouth on his. He broke away and headed for the door a moment later. Percy followed by his feet.
Liam’s voice sounded distant when he blurted, “You don’t have to do this.”
Ryder closed the door and headed down the stairs.