“Amen.” Devin opened his eyes and lifted his head. He swallowed back his solemn feelings and let his gaze drift over the faces opposite him. Tears, anger, loss stared back at him. Noah was standing among them with Hank at his side offering support. Noah looked pale and gaunt, apart from the flush in his cheeks. Devin could have tried arguing with Noah, insist he should be in bed, resting, but in truth, Devin didn’t have the energy nor did he have the right to stop Noah from being here if he wanted to be.

A firm squeeze of his hand drew his attention. Emily was beside him, holding his hand.

“You okay?” he said in a low voice. A few people separated from the group and headed back toward the buildings.

Emily rested against his shoulder. She held her hand over her stomach, soothing her palm over her bump. “I’ll be fine. Just having a hard time with all this.”

“I know.” Devin kissed the top of her head. They had lost people before, but never so many at once or like this. Their deaths seemed so pointless, a waste. All because of the actions of a few.

Among the dead was Prescott, the doctor alongside whom Emily had worked for months under Corden’s instruction. It seemed some of the survivors from Chicago had shared details about Noah and what had happened with Devin, along with the possibility the serum could also have been there at the prison. When the other group had started their attack, they had headed to the infirmary where they had come up against Prescott.

It might have been selfish, but all Devin could think was how glad he was Emily hadn’t been there at the time. Devin had never really gotten to know Prescott, but knew his wife was among the mourners. He didn’t want to meet her eyes, to see the grief etched on her face. Nor did he want to betray his own thoughts and relief. Prescott had been at the head of the efforts to create more of the serum that had saved Devin in Chicago. Where did this leave them? Would it fall to Emily to figure out what came next?

Stop. He shouldn’t be thinking about this. Not here. Devin stared beyond the gathered people and frowned as he noticed Mac, who was standing back from the crowd. The rest of Mac’s group were absent.

“You should go be with Jack,” Devin said to Emily. He released her hand and rubbed the top of her arm. Jack was a little way down the line, having taken a part in leading the service.

“Kerry, can you take her?”

Kerry cleared her throat, composing herself. She nodded and linked her arm in Emily’s.

For a brief moment, Devin met Noah’s eyes. He offered a smile in way of comfort but couldn’t bring himself to go over. Instead, he walked away, lost to his own thoughts. After a short distance, he realized Mac was walking at an angle to meet him. He slowed down, allowing Mac to come alongside.

“I, we all, wanted to say how sorry we are for your loss,” Mac said. He stopped when Devin did. “The others were hesitant about being here. New faces and all that. We weren’t sure what would be for the best.”

“It’s fine and thank you.”

Mac clasped his hands behind his back. “You’ve got a good thing here. Good people.”

Devin glanced over his shoulder to the dispersing group. “They’ve taken a few knocks recently.”

“You all have.” Mac cocked his head and eyed Devin. “You shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss your own feelings.”

It’s easier this way.

“I guess we need to talk,” Devin said.

Mac nodded. “I guess we do.” He rocked forward on his toes. “But it can wait,” he said, lowering his heels. “Noah needs to rest. You both do.” He turned and gazed across the courtyard. He relaxed his shoulders. “And I think everybody needs some time.”

“Thank you,” Devin said again. He understood how important Noah was to Mac’s group, together with how much Noah wanted to help them. But Devin needed time to get his head around what was happening, what was going to happen. There were hard decisions to be made.

They fell into an awkward silence.

“I’ll leave you to it. I should probably check in with my group.” Mac took a step back, and met Devin’s eyes. “Say hey to Noah for me.” He smiled, then walked away.

Devin stood for a moment and let Mac put distance between them. Mac walked with hopeful determination. The man’s posture was refreshing, so different to the beaten down slant of his own shoulders. Devin straightened his back, tried to muster the strength to pretend he was in control. It was exhausting being okay. He eyed his friends who still lingered at the far wall. Breathing in a long breath, he looked up at the building. He needed to clear his head.

“Knock, knock.” Kerry drummed her fingers on the doorframe and glanced down at the brick that propped the exit to the roof open. “Hiding?” she said, meeting Devin’s eyes.

Devin leaned his head back. “I’m not hiding.”

“Liar.” She gave a weary smile then came to sit beside him. She drew her legs up and rested her folded arms on her knees. With a sigh, she stared at the sky. “It’s weird when things are quiet. I don’t remember the last time.”

Devin glanced up, listening. Day, night, those things were always there. “I guess it is strange.” He eyed the yellow and grey sky. “You should probably make the most of it while you can. I’m sure they’ll be back.”

“They will.” Kerry straightened her neck. “There are still more bodies to bury.”

“Maybe we should have just gotten rid of them all.” He screwed up his mouth at the memories of the rotted corpses they had burned over time. It wasn’t so easy to dispose of people they knew.

“Dead is dead,” Kerry said in a low voice.

“But they’re our dead.” Devin closed his eyes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Maybe—”

Kerry interrupted him. “Seriously?”

Devin lowered his head and opened his eyes. He raised an eyebrow when he met Kerry’s gaze in the dim light.

“You’re seriously going to do that?” There was a firmness to her tone.

So much regret already ate away at him, what was a little more? “I could have made a difference. I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it.” He’d had his suspicions.

Kerry chewed on the inside of her cheek then shook her head. “Not everything is on you, Devin.” She angled her body, leaning just enough that her shoulder touched his. “Yes, people look to you, look up to you.” She paused and Devin assumed from her expression she was remembering Lee. “But you’re not responsible for them, their lives or their actions, good or bad.”

Taking a deep breath, Devin rested his head in his hand. “I know, but I should have done more.” I should have been better.

“Why? Why you?”

Devin parted his lips, tried to figure out what to say.

“I don’t know what you think you’ve got to make up for, but everyone has their limits.” She pursed her lips. “Anybody can break. Even you, you know?”

“I’m fine.”

“Really?”

With a sigh, Devin said, “Are you?”

“Yes,” Kerry said too quickly. She hesitated before changing her answer. “Maybe.” She shrugged. “Let’s just say I’m getting there.”

Devin balled his hand into a fist, felt the pinch of his fingernails on his palm as he suppressed the urge to apologize once again for his part in Lee’s death.

“I miss him. I think about him a lot. What about you? Connor, right?”

Had he ever spoken to Kerry about Connor? He couldn’t recall. “Sometimes. I try not to.” Too much was going on to lose himself to grief.

“Maybe you should.”

Devin cast her a sideways look. “What’s the point? You said it yourself, dead is dead.”

“But as you pointed out, they’re our dead. He was yours. It’s okay to remember him, mourn for him.”

Devin shifted his position.

“Have you cried?”

“Have you?” He turned the question back on her but immediately felt guilty. He had seen Kerry’s tears.

She met his eyes, and creased her brow. Judging from the expression on her face, she understood there had been no callous intent on Devin’s part, despite his snap words.

“Sorry,” Devin said. “I had no right. Ignore me. My head’s… I’m not thinking straight.”

“Lucky for you my feelings aren’t so easily hurt.”

Devin lifted his arm, relieved when Kerry leaned forward to allow him to drape it across her shoulders. He hugged her to his side. “I’m tired.” The lack of emotion behind his words surprised even him. He had spent so much of his time and energy pushing his feelings down deep inside of himself. It was exhausting.

“You should rest. I’d say you’ve earned it.”

Sleep. The only time he couldn’t control his thoughts and emotions, his dreams plagued by bad memories.

His cheek twitched as Kerry’s hair brushed his face. Devin rested his chin against her and stared at the glow in the evening sky. They sat together in silence.

After a few moments, Devin sat forward, pulling his arm from around Kerry. “I should head in.” He rubbed at his face and went to get to his feet.

“Oh, Emily wanted me to give you this.” Kerry reached into her jacket pocket.

Devin crouched back down, holding onto the wall for support.

Kerry pulled out her fisted hand. “Here. She thought you should have it.” She opened her fingers.

Devin eyed the ring sitting in her palm.

“She said it was your grandfather’s.” Kerry picked up the ring, the chain it was on swung freely beneath it.

As Kerry held the ring out to him, Devin hesitated. The last time the piece of jewelry had been offered to him, he had refused it.

Why now?

A look of confusion passed over Kerry’s face.

To avoid questions, Devin took the ring. He eyed the piece of metal before tucking it into the pocket of his jacket. “Thanks.” He stood.

“Is everything okay?”

Devin put his hand over his pocket. “I’m just tired.” He stopped at the door. “I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”

“Yeah?” She narrowed her eyes as she dragged her fingers through her curls.

“Yeah. There’s something we need to talk about. But it can wait until tomorrow, now.” He held her gaze.

She already knows.

“If it’s true then I want to go with them.” Kerry tilted her head. “With you.”

Of course she knew. Devin gripped the edge of the door. If it’s true. He wondered about that. He believed Mac and Brandon’s words were genuine, but they had been on the road a long time. What they thought was waiting for them might be nothing but blood and rot.

“You’re going, right?”

He hesitated, wanting to evade Kerry’s question. “I don’t know.” He hadn’t been there at the prison and look what had happened. People were dead. People he might have been able to save. But isn’t that what going means? Saving people. Saving everyone. “I mean… There’s Emily and—”

“You know she’d hate you using her as an excuse.”

“Excuse?”

Kerry glanced down. It was as if her eyes were burning straight through the back of his hand to where the ring sat inside his pocket. “To cut ties. With him.”

“What about Lukas? You don’t want to see what might happen?”

Kerry shrugged. “I don’t know. With what happened. He brought those men here and… I know he isn’t responsible for their actions but things feel a little weird right now. One day. Maybe. Besides there’s still things I have to see through. Don’t you?”

Devin tensed. “Noah does. He wants to go. If you love them set them free. Isn’t that the saying?”

A smile teased the corner of her mouth. “Well, I don’t know any fancy sayings about love, but if it is love, I wouldn’t be so quick to discard it. Not these days.”

Crap. He had only just admitted his feelings for Noah to himself. “Kerry.”

“I won’t tell.” She settled her chin on her folded arms and gave him an earnest look.

Devin took a deep breath. He appreciated the offer, but he knew he hadn’t been kidding anyone but himself. “Get some sleep,” he said.

“You, too.”

Devin nodded. He briefly tightened his hand around the material of his pocket then stepped into the stairwell. First, he needed to see Noah. “Night.”

* * *

Noah clutched his stomach as he rolled to one side. He gripped the edge of the bed with his free hand to pull himself over.

“Need a hand?”

Surprised, Noah glanced over his shoulder. “Devin.” He winced as he leaned back. “I wasn’t sure I’d see you again today.” He understood that Devin needed time to get his head around recent events. “You okay? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you before.”

Devin closed the door. “It’s been a long ass couple of days,” he said and came to stand at Noah’s bedside. “So, how do you feel?” He pressed his fingers into the mattress, seeming awkward.

Maybe it was the thought of them having a proper conversation.

“Better now I’ve seen you.” Noah placed his hand over Devin’s.

Huffing a light laugh, Devin dragged the chair closer to the bed, then sat. He leaned forward and cupped Noah’s hand between his.

The silence that Devin fell into was oppressive. Noah could feel it pressing down on them both. “What’s wrong?” Noah ducked his head to catch Devin’s eye.

“Nothing,” Devin said.

That’s obviously not true. “Really?”

“I…” Devin shook his head and raised Noah’s hand to his face. “I’m tired, Noah.” His tone was flat. He made small movements, brushing his lips across Noah’s skin in a soothing line.

Noah wrapped his fingers around Devin’s. “I’m guessing you don’t mean the kind of tired a good night’s sleep will fix?”

Devin gave a breathy laugh. “If only.” He stared down at their entwined hands. “You’re going with them.” It didn’t sound like a question.

“Devin.” Noah was equally tired. He wasn’t sure he could handle some big conversation about doing the right thing, whatever that was.

“I’m not going to stop you.” Devin soothed his thumb back and forth over Noah’s skin. “It’s your choice. Would be nice if you didn’t just up and vanish on me again, though.”

I wouldn’t. Not again.

The pinch of regret caused Noah to tense. He had been foolish and thoughtless.

It’s not just about what I want. His father had thought him to be selfish, and maybe he was. Going through high school, all he could think about was getting out of Garnett, putting some distance between him and that farm, and he had for a while.

Was it ridiculous he had clung to that place even after everyone else was gone?

Noah raised his head when Devin pulled his hand from his. He narrowed his eyes as Devin sat forward

Did he have the right to ask Devin to come with him? Probably not. Noah caught his breath when Devin leaned in. Noah’s heart ached as Devin was there in front of him, pressing their mouths firmly together.

Why does this feel like goodbye?

Noah’s lip quivered when Devin threaded his fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and raised his hand, circling it beneath Devin’s ear and around the back of his neck.

With an uneven sigh, Devin touched his forehead to Noah’s. “Tell me what to do,” he said. “What should I do?” His voice cracked and his grip tightened as if he was clinging to him in order to stay afloat.

“Hey.” With his other hand Noah massaged Devin’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Devin lowered his head and took a shaky breath. “It’s nothing.”

The aura around Devin was heavy, morose, and cried out that it was anything but nothing.

“You said that once already.” Noah rested his hand on top of Devin’s head and pulled him close. “I don’t believe you. What can I do? Anything and I’ll do it.” He stroked Devin’s soft locks and there was the scent of something floral. It was strange but welcome after the smell of blood and sweat of the last few days.

If Devin, this Devin, asked him to stay, Noah wasn’t sure he’d be able to say no.

Noah closed his eyes and smiled as Devin wrapped his arms around him and squeezed his back. He wished he could fool himself into thinking they could stay like this and let everyone else deal with the world.

It won’t work.

Devin settled his forehead against Noah’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything. For a short moment, he tightened his hold on Noah then let his hands fall away.

“I want to be selfish,” Noah said into Devin’s hair. “I want to do the selfish thing and ask you to come with me.” He couldn’t pretend other people didn’t matter. What if he did manage to convince Devin to leave? If he stole Devin away for them to one day return to find there was nobody left? Devin would never forgive him and Noah wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

Noah closed his eyes. “But I can’t, can I?” Devin’s breath was warm against his chest and Noah secured the precious memory away. He wanted to remember everything he could so in some way Devin would be with him no matter what.

“Ask me.”

Surprised, Noah looked down, however, it wasn’t just Devin’s words that clenched his heart. He didn’t know what to say or do. The sensation of tears on his skin and Devin’s attempt to mask the faint trembling of his body, left Noah feeling helpless.

“Hey.” He hugged Devin. This was new. Noah had gotten used to Devin being cold, stand-offish, and despite it, had still gravitated toward him and fallen in love.

This is my fault. I pushed him too much. Had he broken Devin? Had his unrelenting heart been too much?

“Ask me,” Devin said again.

Can I? Should I?

Devin relaxed his body, lowered his shoulders as if accepting Noah’s silence.

“Wait.” Noah fisted his hand in the back of Devin’s T-shirt. Had he almost let his one chance slip through his fingers? He wasn’t sure if it was the thought of Devin saying no or the chance of him saying yes that left his mouth dry and his clasped fingers trembling.

“Please.” Noah hesitated. “Will you come with me?” He should have finished there but unease tumbled inside him. “I know it’s difficult. You’ve so much to think about. I can’t say what’s right. I don’t know where we’ll end up or how things will work out, but, I just…” What the hell am I saying? “I need you,” he admitted.

There was what felt like the longest moment before Devin finally moved. He nodded his head against Noah’s chest before taking a deep breath and pulling away. “Okay,” he said.

Was Devin messing with him?

No. Devin didn’t mess about. Not over things like this. Not ever.

“Devin.”

Devin raised his head. The skin beneath his eyes was flushed. He pressed his hands to his nose, smoothing them back across his cheeks as he took a deep breath.

“What about—?”

“Don’t.” Devin shook his head. “Don’t say anything.”

What am I doing? I should be happy. “Sorry.”

“It’s just…” Devin’s cheek twitched as he raised his head and found the strength he needed to meet Noah’s eyes. “I don’t want to take it back, so please don’t remind me of my reasons to.”

“Sorry,” Noah said again. He should keep his mouth shut. I want him at my side. Grim thoughts about the world they lived in and the uncertainty of their future swarmed his mind. For as long as I can have him.

Swallowing back his fears, Noah gently touched under Devin’s chin, encouraging him to tilt his head. “Thank you.” He covered Devin’s mouth with his, parting his lips as he flicked out his tongue. He closed his eyes as Devin pushed back with his own tongue and the kiss deepened.

I don’t want to be alone.

He brushed his fingertips across Devin’s warm cheeks.

Stay with me.

Noah locked his fingers together around the back of Devin’s head and held him close.

Forever.