I slept well that night. Tattooed, bearded, bass-playing males easily outdid hotel pillows in terms of comfort. We slept in our underwear because of the whole taking it slow thing. I’d never spent the whole night with a man before, sexually active or no. But what could have been awkward, Ben made right. He fit himself into my life just like he belonged there.
My dreams were suitably pervy, though that was nothing new. The waking up with a man’s head between my thighs, however, was a rather dramatic and welcome change. A hot, wet tongue dragged through the lips of my sex, startling the hell out of me. My hips bucked, eyes were suddenly wide open.
“Ben. What are you doing?” I gasped, the brain still in sleep mode.
“Licking my girlfriend’s pussy,” he said. “Perks, remember?”
Hands held my legs spread open, fingers digging into the flesh of my thighs. Then he did it again, the licking thing. I groaned and twisted, trying to get away, but not really, because holy shit. Nirvana.
“Go you,” I happy-sighed.
The feeling of a man’s beard brushing against your private parts cannot be adequately explained in words. It’s a tactile delight. Soft and ticklish and amazing in all the ways. My muscles tensed, heels digging into the mattress. Where my panties had gotten to I had no idea. Nor any interest. What my boyfriend was up to, however, concerned me deeply. His tongue flicked back and forth over my clit, then his lips sucked at my labia. The man’s oral skills were off the chart. Such attention to detail. And the enthusiasm—the man was starving and I was his meal. I shoved my pussy into his face, needing and getting everything he was giving.
But the raw energy between my hips, low in my spine—there wasn’t enough me to contain it. The glorious sensation built and built, charging my whole being, lighting up my limbs. I came hard, calling his name. Pleasure tore me in two, my mind circling high. I was everything and nothing. Just floating around in the ether, enjoying the high.
But he wasn’t finished.
He climbed up my body, shoving his boxer briefs down with a hand. Once, twice, three times he pumped his hard cock, spilling his hot seed on my breasts and belly. His forehead pressed against mine, warm breath on my lips.
“Hey,” I mumbled, still trying to find my breath.
He kissed me, lips covering mine, tongue diving in. The rich taste filled my mouth as his fingers stroked over my belly, rubbing his cum into my skin.
“Morning,” he whispered, still suspended above me on one elbow. Those perfect cheekbones, the wet curves of his lips, called to my fingers. I could happily touch him all day.
“Ben.”
“Hmm?” Another kiss, this one softer, sweeter.
I lay beneath him, decimated. So many things I could say, that I wanted to say. But slow was the key word here. What he did to my heart and mind couldn’t be described. The way he filled my heart to overflowing scared the crap out of me. “Good morning.”
“No touching yourself,” he ordered in a low, gruff voice. “Getting you off is my job now. You need me, call. Get to you as soon as I can, okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
He kissed me some more, making my head spin. “Things moving slow enough for you?”
“Sure.”
He smiled, and good god, all I could do was stare. Had there ever been a more beautiful man in existence? I think not. His focus on me was complete, making for such a heady feeling. Dark eyes never strayed from my face, as if he was memorizing me.
“We’re doing good, Liz.” His hand covered my bump, lips brushing over my cheek.
“Yeah.” I had no words. Not when he was like this.
The edge of his lips picked up some. “C’mon. Shower time.”
* * *
I was still in the bathroom, fixing my hair and applying some concealer and mascara to up my glow factor, when I heard Ben and Sam chatting in the living room. No way did I mean to listen in. It just sort of happened.
“With Mal the way he is, the band’s already on tenterhooks,” said Ben. “I’m just not sure we should add her to the mix.”
Wait, were they talking about me? But I was basically already living and touring with everyone. That made no sense.
“I love Martha, but we all know what she’s like,” Ben continued.
“Things are more stable now. It might be good for her,” said Sam. “Besides, she’s not going to get her shit together out there on her own, acting like the party queen of New York and burning through money.”
“I don’t know.”
Sam made a humph sound. “She still makes the papers now and then. From a security perspective, it’d be easier having everyone in the same orbit, if not under one roof. News will hit about the pregnancies eventually. Be good to keep everyone close. That’s my only point.”
“Sure your concern about Martha isn’t more personal than that?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. Nicholson.”
I wandered in, curious, interrupting the very manly staring competition under way. “Hi, guys. Problem?”
Ben shook his head. “What are sisters for if not to fuck with your life now and then, right?”
“Just think about it.” Sam clapped him on the shoulder, heading for the door. “Later, Miss Rollins.”
“Bye.” I turned to my boyfriend, gave his T-shirt an affectionate tug, drawing him in closer for a kiss. “Anything we need to talk about?”
“No.” He gave me a gentle smile and an even gentler kiss. Followed by a hearty slap on the ass. “Go do your girl thing. I’m meeting Jim for a run.”
I made a swipe at his butt but missed by about a mile. “Yeah, you better run, buddy.”
He laughed all the way out the door. I held the dumb smile on my face for even longer.
* * *
“I guess you’re wondering why I called you all here today,” began Lena, a bottle of spring water balanced on her belly. Neat trick.
It was around midday. All four of us, Lena, Evelyn, Anne, and I, sat gathered in Lena and Jimmy’s luxurious suite, just hanging out. A range of swanky sandwiches, pastries, fruits, and cheeses were laid out on the coffee table before us. No cake pops, but there were macaroons and madeleines, which you have to admit are almost as good.
Ev wiped a stray bread crumb from the corner of her mouth. “I thought we were just having lunch.”
“She wouldn’t have made that announcement if we were just having lunch,” said Anne, stirring extra sugar into a cup of sweet tea.
“True.”
Lena sat in a damask lounge chair, peering out through her groovy horn-rim glasses at each of us in turn. The woman was a good month ahead of my sixteen weeks. God help me when I got that big. Ben could just roll me places.
Pregnancy. So not natural.
“No, we are not here just to eat,” she continued. “Though eat we will, and then some. What we are here to do is to meddle in Lizzy’s life, because we love and care for her. Also, because being on tour gets boring after a while so I figured what the hell.”
“Oh good.” I took another sip of my decaf—read warm, beige milk.
“Did you notice she has a hickey on her shoulder?” asked Ev, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Nothing to see here.” I pulled up my shirt collar. “Move along please.”
“She does seem especially glowy this morning.” Awesome. Even my own sister was getting in on the act. No loyalty.
“I noticed that.” Lena tugged at a stray thread on the hem of her maternity Stage Dive T-shirt. It had to be pirated, what with it proudly proclaiming in fancy lettering, JIMMY FERRIS, I’D TAP THAT. I couldn’t imagine the man ever okaying the design in this lifetime. “And get this. When Ben stopped by to grab Jim to go work out earlier, the bearded dude was one happy, happy boy.”
My brows descended. “No comment.”
“About time,” sighed Ev. “He’s been so damn grumpy lately.”
“Not anymore he isn’t. She’s got that boy walking on the sunshine.”
“Thinking she used pussy magic on him?” asked Ev, eyeing me up in a dreadfully lewd fashion.
“That’s my guess.”
“You’re not funny,” I said, mostly unsmiling. “Anne, make them stop.”
My sister tucked her bright-red hair neatly behind her ears and shook her head sadly. “Ah, hon. No can do. You’re part of Stage Dive family now. Inner circle and all that. Best get used to it.”
“Ben and I aren’t married. We’re not even together, exactly.”
“Expound on ‘exactly,’” said Anne, learning forward in her seat. “I haven’t heard what happened last night after you two left the party to go talk.”
“We talked. Nothing else to tell.” Nothing else I was prepared to tell. The many changes were still too fresh. I hadn’t quite turned all of the information over enough times in my head to make sense of it. Assuming I would in fact be able to make sense of it.
I was dubious.
My words were met with a chorus of boos and even some hissing. One individual who will remain unnamed (Lena) even went so far as to lob a Danish at my head. Pastries as projectiles … I never. Luckily I caught it before it could make contact. Cherry, yum.
“Okay, okay! Simmer down.” Good lawd, these ladies. And I use the term ladies loosely. “The truth is I don’t really know what’s going on with us.”
“Well, what do you think is going on with you two?” asked Anne, stealing half of my dessert. Girl was just lucky I loved her.
“Good question. Way I figure, there are several options.” I paused to nibble. Oh such golden buttery flaky evil goodness—my third for the day. Seemed my self-control had gone weak in all sorts of interesting areas. I’d better watch it or my ass would be twice the size of my belly. On the other hand, golden buttery flaky evil goodness made me so-o-o happy, and really, isn’t happiness what life is all about?
Bet they’d taste awesome with bacon on top.
“Continue,” said Ev, clapping her hands together in a queenly fashion. “Tell us everything.”
“Fine. One, I might be using him for sex,” I confessed, a pronouncement met by several oohs and ahhs, and several sly grins. “I can’t help it. The baby hormones have turned me into some sort of nympho and he’s so beautiful and hot and I would like to point out that he started it. I did not go after him this time. And honestly, you have no idea how good that beard feels. The sensation of all that silky, bristly hair rubbing against your inner thighs and—”
“Whoa!” Anne covered her ears. “Stop.”
“Sorry.”
“Man. Wish that whole nympho thing had happened to me,” said Lena. “I just got even more obsessed with pie. So unfair.”
“Hmm.”
“Lucky Jim’s a breast man. He’s like a kid at Christmas, playing with these cantaloupes. Can’t keep his hands off them.”
“They are damn impressive,” I said, wiping my hands on a napkin. “Mine are annoying the hell out of me. I don’t even usually bother with a bra, now that I suddenly have these apple-sized things hanging around. Not cool.”
“What’s option two in the you-and-Ben story?” asked Ev.
“Oh. Well, two, we might be going slow and trying to be boyfriend-girlfriend, but I don’t know. He has a bad habit of changing his mind when it comes to me.” I stared off into space, contemplating much but achieving little to no resolution. “Three, at the end of the day we’re going to be parents, and that has to come first, whatever happens. So obviously, by putting this at three, I’ve been listing things in ascending order or something. Anyway, if he smashes my heart to smithereens yet again, we might well have a problem. Therefore, my question—seeing as you’ve all insisted on coming this far with me—is should I even be attempting anything beyond friendship with this man?”
“He smashed your heart to smithereens?” Ev’s eyes got glossy. “That’s terrible.”
“I had … I have a lot of feelings for him. Each time he chose to not take things further with me, it hurt.” I slumped back in my chair, relaxing, giving my full belly a chance to get with the digesting. “Ugh, boys suck. Such is life. What can you do?”
“Spoken like a true psychology student,” said Ev with a smile.
“Thank you.”
The blonde gave her ponytail a tug. A cute nervous trait. “I’m sorry you got hurt. I should probably never have given you his number. I knew he didn’t date.”
“Don’t,” I chided her. “I was a little obsessed with him, truth be told. One way or another I would have seen him again. He just gets to me. I didn’t even think I had a type, but somehow he’s it, from top to toe.”
“He still should have thought of what he wanted, long before he came near you with his sperm.” Anne’s eyes narrowed in that deadly familiar way.
“Do you love him?” asked Lena, head tipping to the side.
I stared at the ceiling, my mind in a whirl. “Ah, like I said, I have feelings for him.”
“Are those feelings love?”
“I don’t want to answer that question.”
“No?” Ev set her cup back on the table, setting her elbows on her knees.
I was surrounded. Encircled by well-meaning friends. Now I got it, why Anne was so taken with these girls. They were authentic, kind, and funny. And while it was nice, knowing their questions came from concern, I squirmed in my seat at the thought of airing mine and Ben’s slightly soiled if not completely rank and feral laundry. I barely had a handle on the situation between us in my head, and by “barely” I mean not really at all.
“Because I’m not ready,” I told the crystal chandelier hanging above our heads. Sunlight reflected on the walls, prisms splitting the white light into small slices of rainbows. Beautiful.
“No need to rush,” said Anne, grabbing for my hand. “Slow.”
“Slow,” I agreed.
The suite’s door pushed open and Jimmy and Ben strode in, both dripping sweat. Basketball shorts hung low on Ben’s hips. He’d removed his T-shirt and was using it to mop his face.
“Hi, babe.” Lena held a hand up and Jimmy grabbed it, leaning over the back of her chair to kiss her cheek.
“Cute T-shirt. How’re my girls doing?” he asked, sliding a hand down to cover her belly.
“We’re all good. Taking it easy, just like the doctor ordered.”
“Girls?” Ev’s eyes lit up like twin full moons.
“Oops. Secret’s out,” laughed Lena.
“A baby girl! That’s so exciting.”
No response from Lena, on account of her being busy trading spit with Jim. Whoa, they were really going for it. I wasn’t so certain her obsession with pie was the only hormone enhancement.
“Hey.” Ben kneeled beside my chair, sweaty shirt slung over one thick shoulder. His smile was all for me. It melted my insides, turning me to mush. What terrible power he had over me. The man should be ashamed of himself.
“Hi.” I smiled. “Good workout?”
“Yeah, Dave even tagged along. It was fun.”
Like a dinner bell had been rung, Ev jumped to her feet. Pavlov’s dogs couldn’t have been better trained. “Which means my hot husband’s in the shower. Later guys.”
And she was gone.
“Um, yeah. Meeting adjourned,” Lena managed between kisses.
With a final evil-eyed look at my new boyfriend, Anne likewise got to her feet. “I should go see what mine’s up to. Leaving him alone for long periods of time is dangerous. See you all on the flight to New York.”
“Later.” I waved.
“Am I going to have to let your sister take a swing at me too?” Ben grumbled in a gravelly voice.
“She’ll come around.”
“Thought letting Mal have his shots sorted all of this out.”
“She worries about me.” I tucked his long fringe aside, reveling in the freedom to touch as I liked. Sweaty or not, I’d take him and then some. “Give it time.”
A scowl from the man.
“What? No.” Jimmy barked tersely from the other side of the lounge chair.
“Just a little one,” said Lena, stroking his face.
“I’m not growing a fucking beard. They itch.”
“But—”
“Where the hell is this coming from, anyway?” Jimmy pierced me with a cranky look. “You been talking up beards or something?”
I gave him my best innocent face.
The broody lead singer shook his head. “You girls shouldn’t be talking sex, for fuck’s sake. We’re all living on top of each other as it is.”
“Liz just happened to mention the enhanced benefits of oral,” said Lena, her face the picture of serenity. “You want me to be happy, don’t you?”
“I keep you plenty happy,” said Jim, rubbing the back of her neck.
“Of course you do, babe. I just thought you might want to think about growing one. You know, just to try something different.”
Smirk in place, Ben took up the cause. Sort of. “Takes a real man to grow a beard. You’re just not there yet, Jim. Don’t feel bad.”
“Go fuck yourself, sunshine.” Jimmy hid a smile. “Both of you, out. I apparently have to prove my oral prowess to my girl, yet again.”
“Sorry. My bad,” said Lena, looking not the least bit sorry.
Ben snickered, rising to his feet, drawing me up by my hand on the way. Holding hands was nice. What was especially nice was how he didn’t let go. Out we went, the suite’s door locked soundly behind us.
“What’ve you been saying?” he asked, heading toward our own room. “Thought sex shit was private.”
“Sorry. Girl talk. I got carried away.”
“Hmm.” His brows became one unhappy line.
“Are you really upset?” I asked, more than a smidgen worried. Relationships were so tricky. Me and my mouth needed to take more care and do no expounding on him or his facial hair’s sexy-times goodness.
“Nuh. Worth it to see the pissed off look on Jim’s face.” He chuckled.
“Oh good.”
“We’ve got two hours before the flight,” he said, dark eyes looking me over. “Plenty of time for some serious slow.”
My pulse took up residence between my thighs. The man had my pussy’s number and he used it with zero hesitation. Boyfriend-wise he was all over the sex, and I have to say, I really did respect him for that.
“Figure we’ve got some more getting to know each other to do,” he said.
“You do, huh?”
He swiped the key through the lock, pushing open the door. “I gave you a hand job last night and my mouth this morning. If slow means we’re doing no penetration for a while, then sweetheart, I need you to take mercy on me. I’m in desperate need of your fist wrapped around my cock.”
“I’d like that.”
“Trust me, I’ve been thinking about it all day. You sitting naked on my lap, jerking me off while I play with your gorgeous, sensitive tits. Bet I can make you come just from that. What do you say we do some experimenting and find out?”
My body buzzed, my breathing speeding. I swear I nearly came just from listening to him talking dirty. The man had hidden talents. “Okay.”
“That’s my girl. Who knows, maybe you could even write a paper on it.”
I burst out laughing. “I don’t know about that.”
He grinned down at me, already lifting my oversize T-shirt off over my head.
“Your pants don’t fit?” he asked, inspecting the hairband looped through my jeans’ buttonhole. The sole means by which I could keep them up, since the zipper was completely out. And these were my loose low-cuts.
“Not much fits since I popped.”
“You need some maternity gear like Lena. Jim said she found some real cute shit,” he said. “You’re spilling out of the bra too. Not that I don’t like the look, but that can’t be good.”
“You and Jim talk about girls’ clothes?”
He gave me a dour look. “Jim was just giving me some hints, what with Lena being further along than you and everything.”
“The clothes aren’t an issue. I can make do for a little while longer.”
“You don’t need to ‘make do for a little while longer.’ I want you comfortable.”
“Weren’t we going to have sex?” I asked, crossing my arms over my bountiful boobs and checking out the room. For some reason I just didn’t feel like looking at him right then.
“Have you touched that money I put in your account?”
“Not yet. I haven’t needed to.”
“Clearly you need to.” He crossed his arms too. No fair—his were so much bigger than mine. The fact that they were muscular and covered in tattoos pleased me just then. To be fair, Ben didn’t seem so happy himself. “What’s going on here, Liz?”
“Nothing. Which is the problem. I thought we were fooling around.”
He just looked at me.
“What?” I asked.
A long-suffering sigh. Then his fingers dealt with the band on my pants in less than two seconds, the denim pooling at my feet.
“Up,” he ordered, lifting me off the ground.
At last, sex. I wrapped my legs and arms around him, refinding my happy. “Were you really thinking about me all day?”
“Yeah, I was. And you’re sure as shit on my mind now.” Lines covered his high forehead. “So tell me, what’s this bullshit about you not touching that money? It’s yours for buying what you need, and clearly you need stuff.”
“It’s for Bean.”
“It’s for both of you.”
“I don’t like taking your money.”
A grunt of disapproval. “You didn’t take it, I gave it to you.”
“It feels the same.”
“Fine. Okay.” His hands cupped my ass, fingers massaging. “I don’t want you feeling weird about this. And relationships are about compromise, right?”
“Ri-i-ght.” Suspicion was my middle name.
“Tomorrow we go shopping and put all the shit you need on my card.”
“That’s not compromise!”
“You don’t like touching that money I put in your account, so don’t. In fact, you don’t have to touch any of my money at all. I’ll deal with it.”
“Ben.”
“Liz. Fact is, you’re probably never going to have the kind of money I’ve got. Since the band started earning, pretty much all I’ve done is invest it. I’m not like Jim with the flashy suits or Mal with the massive beach house and parties. I don’t need much, live pretty simply. Drive the same old truck. I’ve got one expense, but it’s under control.” Dark eyes drew me in. “You’ve made your point. There’s nothing in me thinking you’re into me for the money, okay? Now, I’m not having this discussion with you every time you need something. You and Bean are mine, and I look after what’s mine.”
I took a deep breath.
“We good?” he asked.
“I’ll try.”
“Do more than try. Rely on me. It’s what I’m here for.”
“That was a really sweet thing to say.” My eyes misted up. Crazy-ass hormones. “I guess because I didn’t grow up with much it just … it feels weird even having it there but not having worked for it. Like I stole it or something.”
“Sweetheart, you didn’t steal the money. You stole me. The money comes with me. Okay?”
“Okay.” A tear trickled down my cheek. “I really like you, Ben. So damn much.”
“Christ, what are you crying for? Come here, give me that mouth.”
I did as told. After that, there was more coming than crying that day.