His hand froze in midair. He didn’t want to admit he was almost afraid to find out what happened. Almost. But he needed to know. He didn’t sleep well last night, tossing and turning, reaching for the woman he loved, his hand meeting nothing but the coldness of the bed.
Deja was pissed. Beyond pissed. She didn’t answer any of his phone calls last night. He called three times. After the third time, he nearly got in his truck and drove to her house, then decided against it. A little time to cool off would be good for her. For them.
It wasn’t unreasonable to think Dare had something to do with Kevin’s death. He said as much a few weeks ago that he’d teach him a lesson. He also said he wouldn’t kill the guy. That right there should’ve told him that Dare had nothing to do with it. He honestly believed Dare wouldn’t do something so dumb that would land him back in prison.
But maybe he didn’t know his friends would go that far. Maybe he didn’t realize how dangerous his friends were.
No. Dare left. He was pissed they didn’t believe him. He didn’t confirm with words that he had nothing to do with it. His actions, him leaving, said it all. Dare had nothing to do with it. Now, here he was, trying to do some damage control. Except he couldn’t find Deja.
This morning, he went to the office first. The darkness that hit his eyes told him right away that something wasn’t right. That he screwed up more than he could’ve ever imagined. Deja didn’t even come into work. She always showed up. Even the time he pissed her off when her brother was first released from prison, she showed up to work. Not today. That scared him more than he cared to admit.
So he knocked on her door. No answer. The door was locked. The lights were off inside. All he heard when he pressed his ear to the door was silence.
She wasn’t home either.
Where did she go?
Sophie would know. He just couldn’t find the nerve to knock on her door and find out. Deja left. That’s what happened. She left without saying a word to him. That’s how badly he screwed up. If he didn’t ask Sophie, then he could pretend his whole life wasn’t crumbling down around him.
The door swung open. He jerked back.
Austin frowned as he jumped a little himself. “What are you doing? You scared the shit out of me, Emmett.”
“Just trying to find the nerve to knock.”
“Why?”
“I can’t find Deja.”
Austin glanced down at his feet. That didn’t bode well for him. That confirmed everything Emmett feared. She did leave. Without a word goodbye.
“Where is she?”
Austin shrugged as he looked at him. “I have no idea. She left last night. She said she was leaving with Dare and nothing Sophie said changed her mind. With what happened with Kevin, added in with Deja leaving, Sophie had a rough night and morning. That’s why I’m so late getting to the farm. Zane told me not to worry about anything, but Sophie’s finally kicking me out of the house. She claims she’s fine now. Of course, I don’t believe her, but I thought maybe she just wanted some time alone.”
“Does Sophie know what…” Emmett couldn’t even finish speaking. He was wrong. They were all wrong for doubting Dare right away. Now look what happened. He lost the woman he loved.
“Dare stopped by before Deja did. I was kinda forced to tell her. Surprisingly, she wasn’t too pissed at me. She also didn’t doubt Dare. Not like we did. I believe him. I guess it was just coincidence.”
“If I would’ve known Deja was going to leave, I would’ve never stayed away. I need to talk to her. Are you sure Sophie doesn’t know where she went?”
Austin stepped to the side as Sophie lightly pushed him. A small white envelope was pinched between her fingertips. “She wanted you to have this, Emmett. I know you tried your hardest to get behind the walls she built. I don’t know where she went, and frankly, I’m not sure I’d tell you if I did know. Dare is everything to her. Doubting him was probably one of the worst things you could’ve ever done.”
Sophie didn’t mince her words. They were words he already knew. He screwed up colossally when he voiced his doubt. He nailed the coffin shut when he confronted Dare without thinking about it. The envelope felt like lead in his hand. He didn’t know if he could read what she wrote.
“Are you mad at me, Sophie?” Emmett knew he sounded like a lost little child. That’s what he felt like at the moment. He lost so much, especially his heart, in less than twenty-four hours.
“No. You didn’t do anything to me. I just feel sad. About everything. I feel like I lost my best friend. I’d like you to leave now, Emmett.” She pushed Austin gently. “You, too. Go to the farm. I’ll be fine.”
Austin grabbed a quick kiss before Sophie basically slammed the door in their faces.
“What just happened?”
Shrugging, Austin slowly made his way down the porch steps. “I got kicked out of my house. You got booted by Sophie, which I thought I’d never see, and you have a letter to read.”
Emmett’s hand felt hot, as if the letter was burning a hole right through his skin. “I’m not sure I can read it. She left.” He squeezed the letter so tightly it crumbled in his hand. “She left without saying a word.”
“She didn’t even glance my way last night either. Sophie was pretty shaken up about it all, but she understands and respects Deja’s decision. It’s not like they’ll never see each other again.”
“And me? Will I ever see her again?”
The look on Austin’s face didn’t give him much hope. “Don’t know, man. I hope so. Read the letter. Maybe it’s not that bad. I have to get to the farm.”
Emmett said goodbye and dragged his feet as he walked to his truck. Slamming the door shut, he suddenly felt confined. The air in the truck felt thick. Laden with guilt. With regret. He handled everything all wrong yesterday. He knew how Deja felt about Dare. He should’ve been more sensitive about the issue. Way more supportive than he acted.
“Damn it!” He shook his hand as the aftereffects from slamming it against the steering wheel vibrated from the tips of his fingers up through his arm.
Taking the crumbled up envelope, he tore it open. Smoothing out the paper, the words blurred at first.
Emmett,
You can consider this my resignation. I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch without two weeks notice, but I think it’s best we cut ties right away. You know it’s best so don’t even think about arguing the point. I’m not mad. You probably just laughed at that, but it’s not a lie. I’m more sad. It’s actually hard to put into words how I really feel. What I do know is we were never meant to be. I had fun. That’s about all it was. There wasn’t love or happily ever after meant for us. I think you know that. You’re a great guy, just not the one for me. Thanks for the good time. Best of luck finding another secretary. I am sorry about that, but there isn’t much I can do about it. I will
Deja
What a load of shit! Every single word. She honestly expected him to believe this. Never. He didn’t believe one word. The part she crossed out at the end. What was she going to write? He was dying to know.
The way she ended it so abruptly. Just a simple signing of her name. No farewell. No, I’ll miss you. No, I’ll think of you. No, call me. No, I’ll pick up the phone if you call. Nothing. Just—Deja.
The sound of crinkling filled the truck as he squished the paper into a tiny ball and threw it to the floor.
“Bullshit. You don’t mean a word of it.”
She was scared. Plain and simple. She loved him. He knew this. He felt it every time she looked at him with her bright blue eyes. They shined with love. He felt it every time she touched him. He felt it every time she cradled her sweet body to his, whether in the bed or on the couch.
If she thought he was going to give up just like that because of some lame ass letter, she was wrong. They were far from over. She wanted to dump him, which she did via a crappy letter, then she’d do it to his face. He’d make her tell him to his face that he was nothing but a good time for her. He’d like to see that happen.
Because it wouldn’t. She wouldn’t have the guts to say that to his face. Because everything she wrote was a lie.
Now the great question was where would he find her? That might be a little hard to figure out. He didn’t have a clue where to begin. Not one.
The truck roared to life.
Ethan might be able to help. He knew a lot of people. Maybe he knew someone who was good at finding people. Like a PI. He’d do whatever it took to find her.
He wasn’t about to let her walk away from him without a fight. That’s not how he operated. No way in hell he was getting dumped via a letter. Not today.
What they had together, what they felt for each other, was more than just a good time. He’d make her see that.
♡
“Hey, Gabe. Have you talked to Ethan today? I can’t seem to track him down. I stopped by the fire station and they said he has the day off.” Emmett pulled out a chair at the small café table near the front door and sat down.
“Nope. I’m just grabbing a quick lunch. Last time I saw him was last night.” Gabe took a sip from the paper cup. “Want a coffee?”
Emmett shook his head no. “I suppose your drinking that frilly kind of coffee with all that sweetener shit in it.”
A tiny smirk crossed his face. “Why are you looking for Ethan? Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
“Deja left.” He ran a hand over his face as he groaned in despair. “She left. She moved, Gabe. She dumped me with a letter. A goddamn letter.”
“I guess she was really pissed about that whole thing with Dare. Do you think he had something to do with Kevin’s death? Are you going to say something to Ava?”
“No. I don’t think so. I shouldn’t have doubted him. I can’t lose her. Not like this.” Emmett dropped his eyes as he swirled his finger in circles on the table. “I need to find her. I have no idea where to begin.”
“Yeah, trying to find a person is—so Ethan’s not answering his phone?”
His head popped up. Gabe’s hands were holding the cup tightly, his eyes looking out the café window. “You okay, Gabe? You seemed a little quiet last night.”
“Yeah, there was a lot of tension.” He chuckled. “There wasn’t much to say.”
“So, you’re good?”
“Yeah.”
For some reason, especially since Gabe wouldn’t even look him in the eyes, Emmett didn’t believe him. Being selfish, really selfish, he decided to let it go. He had more pressing concerns. Like finding Deja.
“Where do you think I should begin?”
“To find Deja?” Gabe shrugged, took a sip of coffee, and then pulled out his wallet. “Here, he might be able to help.”
Emmett took the business card and read the name on it. “Tom Dornety, Private Investigator.” He glanced at his brother. “Why do you have the name of a PI just hanging around in your wallet?”
“Just do.”
Definitely something going on with his brother. He wished he had the time to dig it out of him. But he didn’t. Gabe was the worst trying to pry information out of. Of course, they liked to tease and rip on him about anything in a brotherly, loving manner. That probably didn’t help. Gabe liked to keep his emotions tightly inside because of it.
“You’re sure everything’s okay?”
“Call him, Emmett. I’m sure it won’t be too difficult to track her down. What are you going to say to her when you find her?”
Okay, Gabe still wanted to ignore his problem. Fine. He’d talk to Ethan and they’d gang up on him together. Emmett stood up, the card pressed firmly between his fingers. “I have no clue. I’m gonna start by telling her I love her and then ream her out for leaving me.”
Gabe chuckled. “Doesn’t sound like a well thought out plan.”
“When it comes to Deja, nothing I do is ever thought out.”
“Yeah, maybe that’s your problem.”
♡
Her hand wavered in the air, the weight of the gift not as heavy as the nervousness running through her veins. “Just take it already.”
Dare snatched the gift bag from her hand, raising a brow as he did. “What is it? It’s not my birthday.”
She rolled her eyes. “Just open the dumb thing already. I meant to give it to you when I picked you up that day…but…”
“But I acted like a typical jackass.” He threw her a smirk.
“Yeah, you did. It’s nothing. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a small gift.”
Dare took his time pulling out the tissue paper, making her nerves fly higher each second she waited for him to find out what it was. It was killing her. She just wanted him to tear the paper apart and find the gift already.
He held the bag upside down after he took out all the tissue paper and shook the bag. “It’s empty. That was a great gift.” His smirk from earlier grew larger.
“It’s not empty, you idiot.” She started to reach for the paper. He batted her hand away with a light tap.
Digging through the tissue paper some more, two small rectangular pieces of paper fell away, drifting to the floor. His eyes grew wide as he bent to pick them up.
“Deja…this…I can’t accept these. It’s...”
In his hand, a hand that looked to be trembling slightly, were two seats to a Twins game behind home plate. They had cost her a pretty penny. Last year, being her typical stubborn self, she refused to go when Austin took Sophie, Emmett, Zane and Ava to a game. They sat behind home plate. The stories they told of that day had made her insanely jealous. She knew then, when her brother was released from prison, she would take him to a game and get him the best seats in the house. According to Ava, those were the best seats.
A sigh escaped.
She needed to stop thinking about them. Thinking about any member of the McCord family was not going to help her move on from Emmett. Two days had already passed and she still couldn’t get the obstinate man out of her head. She missed him like crazy.
But she wasn’t going to think about him right now. No. Right now was about Dare and making him happy.
“One of my favorite memories growing up was watching baseball with you. I want to go to this game and have fun.”
Dare’s eyes trailed from the tickets to her, a little misty, if what she saw was correct. Was her big brother on the verge of tears? Not once, never, had she seen her brother cry. Not when they lost their parents. Not once in the courtroom. Not even when they hauled him away to spend ten years behind bars.
“These had to cost…” His hand rubbed his eye with a quick flick of his wrist. “Behind home plate. I always wanted to sit there.”
She decided to ignore the fact he almost let a tear slip down. “Well, here’s our chance. I almost forgot I had them. The game is tomorrow night. I’ll see if Sophie will let me borrow her new car.” She shook her head. “Or not. That’s a bad idea. I wrecked her car last time I borrowed it.”
“I think she’d wanna see you. Call her and ask. Spend the afternoon with her tomorrow and then we’ll hit the road. I can’t wait for this.”
The smile on her brother’s face made the sadness inside a little less difficult to deal with. She made the right decision. Leaving Emmett behind, leaving everything behind was the right thing to do. She needed her brother right now. He needed her. She couldn’t be with someone who had no respect for her feelings. Her brother was everything to her. Clearly, Emmett didn’t see that.
A knock sounded on the door.
“It’s probably housekeeping. That pillow I have sucks. I called a little bit ago to get a new one. I gotta take a piss. Can you grab that?”
Deja nodded and watched as Dare walked through the door that connected their rooms together. They couldn’t keep staying at a motel. It was getting too expensive. She had enough money saved to make the first month’s rent somewhere. The problem was, most places they looked at the last two days had wanted first and last month’s rent. She didn’t have that much money.
They’d make it through this. She had faith they would. Not to mention their fierce determination to handle anything life threw at them.
Another knock sounded on the door. This time, sounding a little more aggressive.
Great. Dare left her to deal with an annoyed employee. The person on the other side of the door was lucky she was in a good mood; otherwise, she might’ve bitten their head off for the unprofessional manners.
She knew why Dare suddenly had to use the bathroom. His eyes had still been glossy. He needed a moment to himself. When she bought the tickets, she never expected that reaction. She was double glad she bought them. His happiness, his surprise had been worth every penny.
She flipped the lock and swung the door open. Her heart stopped beating as all the air left her body.
“Hi, Deja.”
Emmett’s silky smooth voice slid over her body as if his hands connected with her and made a delicious path everywhere. How did he find her? What did he want? Why did he look angry?
“What do you want?”
The anger in his eyes slowly dissipated before her, replaced with sadness, and perhaps a little bit of hunger. “You left.” He shoved his hand toward her, a tiny crumpled ball sitting in his palm. “You dumped me with a damn letter.”
Just like that, the anger rushed back in. She could handle his anger. The sadness, though. She didn’t like witnessing that. “Dumped? I’m not sure what we had was enough to say I dumped you. It was just a little fun. It wasn’t anything serious.”
Wrong thing to say. Way wrong.
Emmett dropped the paper ball, pulled her roughly into his arms and slammed his mouth upon hers. She immediately opened to him, unable to fight the desire swimming throughout her body. Home. His arms always felt like home, and like a little slice of heaven. Why did he have to ruin everything? Why did he have to doubt her brother? As much as she loved Emmett—yes, loved him—she couldn’t be with a man that didn’t trust her brother. She just couldn’t.
Her body melted into a puddle of desire as his arms wrapped her tightly against him. She moaned into his mouth as one of his hands grabbed her ass and pushed her gently into him. She felt his arousal immediately. The clothes between them needed to go. She wanted to feel him skin to skin. To feel him deep inside her. She missed him so much.
The last two days, while she had fun getting to know her brother again, had been miserable at the same time. Try as she might, she couldn’t stop thinking about Emmett.
The hunger in the kiss started to slow down. His lips, instead of demanding, turned soft. He peppered a few kisses across her chin down her neck and to her ear, nibbling on her lobe.
“That was fun.”
She blinked, feeling the loss of his heat immediately as he stepped away from her. Fun? That wasn’t fun. More like passion, desire, just plain right. Fun didn’t even make the list of how to describe it.
“Right. It was.” No way was she about to admit that meant more to her than simple fun. She loved the idiot standing in front of her, but she would never tell him. Her livelihood depended on her keeping it a secret.
“Still lying, and to my face.” He cupped her chin softly, planting a soft kiss upon her lips. “You know damn well that wasn’t fun. That was love. You don’t want anything to do with me, you don’t want me in your life, then tell it to my face. Not in a damn letter.” He kicked the paper ball. It went shuffling across the pukey green carpet.
He knew her so well. He could always read her like a book. Yeah, she’d admit it. She took the coward’s way out when she wrote that letter. Because she knew he knew that she wouldn’t be able to say it to his face. For all the bravado she liked to think she possessed, when it came to Emmett, it slipped away.
“Go on. Tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me what we had was just fun and nothing serious. Tell me I don’t mean shit to you.”
“You think my brother is a killer. When you think things like that, you think that about me.”
His brows dipped as little wrinkle lines formed on his forehead. His anger slowly left once again. “You’re right. I was wrong to make assumptions about him. To think the worst about him. I’m sorry about that. I should’ve thought the same thing about Austin.”
“What?” He couldn’t have surprised her more. Austin? He wouldn’t hurt a soul.
His shoulders fell as he rubbed his jaw. “He said he’d kill Kevin. You were there. You heard him. It was just his anger speaking. I know he’d never actually do it. I should’ve had the same faith in Dare. Dare said he wouldn’t do anything when we told him no and I should’ve trusted his word. I’m sorry.”
His apology touched her heart. She wanted so much to fling herself back into his arms. She wanted to soak up his love like a sponge and never wring it out. Just keep it filled with love.
Instead, she took a step back. There still wasn’t enough distance between them. There might never be enough distance. “Thank you. I appreciate your apology.”
“Come back home then. I love you. We can work through this.”
“I don’t have a home. I never did. It was just a place to rest my head.”
A small groan erupted from him. His fists clenched and unclenched. A myriad of emotions crossed over his face within seconds. “It could take years to make you feel like you’re loved. To show you that you do have a home, a family that includes more than just Dare. People make mistakes. We made a mistake doubting him for a second, but that doubt is gone. We, not just me, but we want you and Dare to come back home. This motel isn’t your home. Being with me, with Sophie, that’s where you belong. I’m willing to wait years to show you how much I love you. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”
Yeah, it sure did. She felt even more unworthy of his devoted love. Couldn’t he see she was all wrong for him? She couldn’t trust like he wanted her to. She couldn’t love like he wanted her to. She didn’t even know what a real home looked like. He said he would wait years, but would he? At the first sign of trouble, would he doubt Dare once again?
She had lied, stolen. She even cheated on a test one time. She was not a good person, no matter how much he wanted to believe she was. That left her with no choice now. She’d lie to save them both from heartache in the future. Sometimes you just had to rip the band-aid off before the wound was ready. Give it some air to breathe, to heal. Emmett would heal sooner than he probably thought. She, on the other hand, would probably never love another man as she loved him.
It was better this way. She wasn’t sure how to give him the love he so desperately needed. Yes, she loved him. She just didn’t know how to say it, to show it, to give it.
She didn’t want to hurt him. Now she had no choice. Quick and clean.
“I don’t love you, Emmett. It was just a good time for me. Nothing more. I don’t want to see you again. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t contact me again. Is that sufficient to your liking? You said I had to say it to your face. Well, I just did. I’d like you to leave now.”
“You’re the worst liar in the world. I still don’t believe you. You’re just saying it to pacify me, to hurt me. Yeah, you’re doing a lovely job of that. Congratulations. You’re also hurting yourself.” He shook his head as if he was battling an internal war inside. He shoved his hand in his pocket, then pulled a fist out. Grabbing her hand, he shoved something inside it. “You want me to believe your words and I just can’t. You’re hiding behind those walls of yours built from your childhood. I have no idea how I’m going to break them down, but I will. I’m not giving up on us.”
“I don’t love you, Emmett.”
He let her hand go. “Yeah, you do. You’re just afraid.”
“I don’t scare easily.”
“No, you don’t, but with this, you’re scared.”
She shoved him hard, pushing him into the hallway. “Leave. If I see you again, I’m calling the cops.”
He had the nerve to laugh. “You don’t like the cops. I highly doubt you’ll do that.”
“Are you trying to piss me off?”
“You are beautiful when you’re angry.”
“I hate you, Emmett McCord. With a passion.”
“You probably do. You also love me with a passion.”
She scrunched her lips as she tried not to scream. Why did he frustrate and aggravate her so? “I do not.”
“Are we about to revert to childish games?” He grinned. “Do, too.”
How could she make him see she didn’t want him? Well, that was the problem, wasn’t it? She did want him. She did love him. The stubborn, obstinate man knew that. He read her like a book.
She opened the palm of her hand where the ring he shoved there lay resting like a hot iron and looked at it. “I’m never going to wear this. I don’t love you.”
“It’s yours whether you put it on your finger or not. I don’t want it back. I think I am going to leave now, because I’m not sure how many times I can hear you lie to my face.” He turned to leave, then paused. “But I’ll be back. I said it before and I meant it. Get used to this. Get used to me.”
Deja watched as he walked away. Not once did he turn around.
See. He was already regretting his decision to love her. He couldn’t even give her one last glance.
She closed the motel room door.
That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t true. He did love her. She probably just upset him so badly he couldn’t stand to look at her. Yeah, she had that problem sometimes looking in the mirror.
What was she going to do? Emmett wasn’t likely to give up so easily. How long could she continue to lie to him? She believed his apology. Did she believe he’d never do it again? That she wasn’t so sure of. Was it fair to hold him to such high standards when it came to her brother? Probably not, but her brother was all she had left. She wouldn’t stand for anyone to treat him wrong or with disrespect.
A knock sounded on the door.
He came back. He changed his mind already.
Well, maybe she did, too. She loved him. Maybe they could work through this.
She whipped open the door. The smile on her face fell like an avalanche crushing a mountain.
“Someone called for more pillows?” The short, pudgy looking teenage girl held out two fluffy white pillows to her.
Deja didn’t even bother with a fake smile. “Yeah, thanks.”
The girl nodded, snapped a bubble from the wad of gum in her mouth, and walked away. She slowly closed her door.
Would she have the bravery to admit her love the next time she saw Emmett? She honestly didn’t know. That might’ve been a short-lived shot of bravery she just had.
Just another reason why she wasn’t worthy of Emmett. It’d be better if he just stayed away.