Chapter Twenty-Two
Mia
I didn’t know what it was, what was going on in his head. Even when he seemed to be angry with me, even when he said he was showing me my place, I knew he was angry with himself, was trying to keep me at arm’s length because maybe, just maybe, he couldn’t trust himself. Julien had feelings for me — he had to. What we’d shared, it couldn’t be one-sided. And all I could think was that he was acting in the only way he knew how: he was pushing me away because he couldn’t handle those feelings.
I’d thought he would kiss me. If he’d kissed me, it would have made all the difference. He wouldn’t be able to hide then. I wouldn’t let him. I’d be strong enough for the both of us, if that’s what it took.
In the time we’d been together, I felt like I knew more about him than anyone else in the world. He had trusted me enough to tell me about his brother. I saw the pain, the guilt he felt over Charlie’s death, and, perhaps subconsciously, he’d wanted me to see it. He’d wanted, or maybe even needed, to share that pain. In a way, we’d found a kindred spirit in each other, he in me, and me in him. Our guilt and our pain connected us.
Someone knocked on the door again.
“Just a minute.”
I pulled my panties and jeans up, and splashed water on my face. I could forgive him so much, if only he’d let me. I finally admitted it to myself as I hurriedly cleaned up, the gravity, the meaning of it stunning me.
I loved Julien.
It made no sense — none of this did — but I had fallen in love with him when that had been the farthest thing from my mind. I knew when it was too, down to the very moment I knew I loved him. It was when he’d made that dinner for us after I’d told him about Jason. After he’d held me and I’d wept like I hadn’t wept in too long, not even at my sister’s memorial. Things had shifted between us that night. And I couldn’t be the only one who felt that. I just couldn’t.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled the door open. The man who’d knocked raised his eyebrows and I remembered Julien had taken us to the men’s room. I didn’t care though, and as I walked, I determined not to look at anyone. Even as I felt eyes on me, I only concentrated on Julien’s deep blue ones, those dark, haunted eyes that held mine as I made my way to our table.
“I wrapped up your sandwich,” Julien said.
“Thanks.” I shoved it into my purse though I had no intention of eating it.
“Ready?” he asked, his tone tender and quiet. Something had changed.
I nodded and he rose to his feet. This time, he didn’t take my arm like he had earlier. Instead, he folded his big hand around mine, and even though he struggled to meet my gaze, there was something in the way he held me. Perhaps words he wasn’t able to say, perhaps just guilt. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way he held on to me now.
Like this, we walked to the car and drove in silence to the airport.
* * *
The flight to Philadelphia was full. Julien had booked first-class seats, which was good as it gave us privacy, even though something told me we wouldn’t be talking much. In fact, Julien closed his eyes as soon as we sat down. He wasn’t asleep, I could tell that, but I could also tell he didn’t want to talk.
I was anxious. I was due to pick up the money soon, which meant whatever was going to happen was going to happen then. The more I thought of it, the more I knew neither Jason nor his dad would miss the opportunity to see me. If it were up to me, that would be their last chance because if this succeeded, if I got that money, I was disappearing for good. I trusted that Julien could keep me safe. If anyone could, it would be him. But I didn’t want to underestimate the St. Roses — and that ledger was worrisome. I wondered if Tanya hadn’t stolen it if they would have let me be, forgotten me by now. That million couldn’t matter to them, not with the amounts I knew they had.
Julien stirred beside me. “I’m going to run to the restroom. Stay here.”
“Okay.” Where would I go? I shrugged a shoulder and turned the page on the magazine that sat open on my lap, the one I’d picked up but hadn’t really looked at. It hadn’t been a moment since he’d been gone that a sound from his seat caught my attention and I saw that he’d left his phone there. It had probably slid out of his back pocket when he sat down.
I picked it up, intending to give it to him when he returned and wanting to make sure he didn’t sit on it. I hadn’t planned on reading the message on the screen:
<It’s a package deal. He wants the girl AND the book.>
What?
I looked up to make sure he was still in the bathroom and opened the email to read the previous messages. What I saw chilled me to the bone.
Julien had a new job and that job… was me. He’d been hired to deliver me along with the ledger to Samuel St. Rose.
I heard Julien’s voice then and saw he was talking to one of the flight attendants. Quickly glancing at the date of the mail, I set the phone back on his seat and focused my attention on the magazine on my lap. I tried to smile when he sat back down, but it was almost impossible. Even looking at him hurt me.
All I could see was betrayal, finally understanding why he’d been acting like he had.
And he was right. I was a fool.
Julien scrolled through some screens and I assumed he was going through his e-mail. He read without any expression on his face and the only thing I saw when he looked back at me was the smallest suggestion of regret, but even that was quickly wiped away.
I knew that he was my enemy now. He was going to deliver me to Samuel and Jason. Even if he had been planning on helping me at first, Samuel had doubled the money I had offered, taking me out of the game altogether.
I closed the magazine and turned to look out the window as the attendants closed the aircraft door. Resting my head against the seat, I closed my eyes, trying to process, trying to figure out what I was going to do next. I was on my own. Completely. And there was only one person I could reach out to, even if Julien didn’t trust her, even if he’d tried to cast doubt on her.
It was Allison.
Now that I knew whose side Julien was really on, it vindicated Allison in my eyes. For a moment, my mind tried to do the same for him, erase the guilt that belonged to him, but I wouldn’t allow it. Not even when I thought about how he’d changed toward me. How he’d been so caring, even loving — before that email.
I shook my head, banishing those thoughts.
I was finished being a gullible fool. He was an assassin, a hired gun. And I’d now become his next target.
I had just eight hours to plan my escape from him because I knew now I was no longer his to protect. I was his prisoner, and he was a mercenary. He’d chosen the highest bidder, even knowing what Jason had done to me. At least I knew where I stood now. That had to mean something, even if my chest hurt a little at the betrayal I felt.
* * *
Once we landed, we moved quickly through the immigration line using the automated passport check. I didn’t know Julien’s last name. He’d never told it to me, and a peek at his passport didn’t answer any questions because there by a photo of him wearing a pair of dark rimmed glasses. The name listed was David Sullivan.
He caught my puzzled look and smiled. “Ready, honey?”
“Yep.” I smiled right back. Everything about this man was a lie. He was a lie.
Once we were cleared via the machines, an agent collected the printout and gave us both a once over before sending us through without a problem.
I wondered if Julien was nervous at all. On the outside, he smiled and looked relaxed. He even slipped on the glasses from the photo which made him look a little older, but no less handsome. I didn’t want to find him handsome though. I wanted to hate him. To remember what he was, what he was going to do.
He kept the ledger in a black leather backpack he carried and I eyed it while we waited for the one bag we’d checked. It was nearly empty but it would have looked suspicious if we’d come without checked luggage, so we’d brought it along.
“What now?” I asked.
“We’ll go to the hotel for the night. See the city. Have a nice dinner.”
My last supper.
“And then?”
He flashed that dark little grin, the one that made my belly flutter, made my heart race at the anticipation of things to come.
As if sensing what he was doing to me, he stepped close, a hand coming to cup the back of my head. “And then we fuck.” His breath at my ear made me shudder. “Or we can skip all of it and get right to the fucking.”
At my look, Julien laughed and pulled me close. “There’s our bag.”
I didn’t understand this, didn’t understand him. He was the perfect Judas. He would betray me easily, even with a kiss, as though what had happened in that bathroom in Rome hadn’t happened at all.
I watched him as he moved through the crowd gathered at the luggage carousel. People got out of Julien’s way, always. He easily picked up the bag, keeping the backpack on his shoulder all along. He brushed the hair back from his face and gestured to me.
“Come, Mia.”
I went obediently, his hand at my back as we easily passed through customs, handing in one more form to a final agent before making our way out to the waiting taxis. The late afternoon sky was muggy as usual in this city, and the old smells and sounds were something I hadn’t missed. In fact, being there only made me want to leave.
Philadelphia held bad memories for me.
Climbing into a cab, Julien told the driver the name of the hotel and turned to me. “Your sister’s memorial is here, isn’t it?”
The question caught me off guard, but I nodded.
“Do you want to go see it?”
This might be my one opportunity to make an escape, even though I wasn’t sure I did want to go. It wasn’t like she was there. “Maybe, but on my own.”
I needed to get that ledger. I had a plan. If all went well with the attorney, I would leave it for Samuel. If not, well, I’d hand it over myself — a show of good faith — and ask him to leave me alone. To keep his son away from me. The thought that it might be Jason waiting for me there was one I couldn’t entertain.
But it turned out it didn’t matter anyway because Julien shook his head.
“No way. We’ll be stuck like glue until those papers are signed.”
“Why? No one knows I’m back, right?”
What was I doing? I did not need him to suspect that I knew, that I’d read his email.
“I’m not willing to take any chances. They found you in Italy. Twice.”
“Are you sure that second time was about me? I mean, haven’t you made some enemies?” I left out the ‘in your line of work’, remembering what that had gotten me the last time.
“Not possible. I’m invisible.”
“That’s right, David Sullivan.”
“Something wrong?” he asked. “You seem on edge.”
I looked out the window as we drove into the city. It was just as I remembered it: noisy, dirty and busy, full of cars and people.
“Just anxious.”
“We’ll take care of that anxiety in a minute.” His hand settled on my leg, moving up along my inner thigh.
I looked at it, then caught the eye of the driver on us in the rear view mirror. I put my hand on top of Julien’s. “Stop.” I tried to pull his hand off, but he gripped my thigh when I did, hurting me.
“I’ll stop when I’m ready to stop.”
It was like a showdown. I glared, wanting to scream at him, to shake him, ask him what he was thinking. But I didn’t, and he won in the end. When I dropped my gaze, he released my leg.
“We’re here,” Julien said.
The driver turned off at the Marriott. Julien climbed out, grabbing the backpack as he did, and paid the driver. I waited while they unloaded our bag and then followed Julien inside, yawning. I was tired. I’d not slept more than an hour or two on the flight, and wanted a shower and a comfortable bed.
I watched Julien as he checked us in, realizing I’d be sharing the bed with him.
The front desk agent handed over a package, and, taking our keys, Julien gestured for me to go ahead. We took the elevator up to our room on the seventeenth floor, a large but unremarkable room with one king size bed.
Julien set down the suitcase and the backpack.
“What’s in the box?” I asked.
He smiled at me and opened it, taking out a black revolver similar to the one he’d had in Italy.
“Can’t travel with these, so I had one delivered.”
Checking on what I assumed was the ammunition, he set the pistol down casually and went over to the window to take in the view. I joined him. This was how I liked the city: dusk bathing it in its eerie glow. It was the only way I liked it. Without sound, people and cars and trucks all moved like ants below us. Julien took hold of my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. I looked at it, this tender gesture, but he kept his gaze out the window.
I didn’t understand this man. Was it regret? Was it the knowledge that soon, he would deliver me to those who would harm me? Would he leave me at their mercy? Could he?
I slid my hand out of his. “I’m going to have a shower.”
He turned to me. If he knew something was up, he didn’t give it away. But he was a man used to reading people, to watching them for the slightest changes in behavior.
“All right.”
I wasn’t sure what I expected, why I felt guilty, duplicitous.
Before I let on what was on my mind, I walked to the bathroom where I took my time in the shower, working on autopilot, washing my hair, conditioning, not sure how things were going to go once I got out there. But it turned out I didn’t have to wait to find out because the shower door slid open, startling me. I was about to protest when Julien’s big, naked body took up most of the space inside the shower. Before I could utter a sound, he was on me, pushing me against the tiles, his mouth crashing onto mine in a deep kiss that stole my breath with its ferocity. He cupped the back of my head, and where I was used to his fingers tangling in my hair and pulling, this time, he held me, cushioning my head against the hard tiles.
I could do nothing but open to him, my body used to his, to him. His hard, naked chest pressed against mine and water from the shower splashed along our shoulders, his back. His kiss was long and slow, penetrating but not taking, softening and deepening at once, not quite devouring but having me all the same. It aroused, but he always aroused me. Being around him, my body worked from memory and I found my hands, which had at first pushed against his chest, now softened, exploring the hard muscle instead, curling over big shoulders and biceps.
He ground against me, that kiss deepening, his cock pressing against my belly, hard against soft, and one hand moved to my hip as he released my mouth and turned his attention to my neck, to that hollow at my collarbone, and he bit, sending my belly fluttering, making me wrap my hands over his shoulders and grip. It didn’t hurt, the bite, it only aroused as he kissed, then bit again at the curve of my neck and back, drawing me closer to him, that hand at my hip now lifting my leg until I wrapped it and the other around his hips. His cock stood at the entrance of my pussy when he returned his mouth to mine, his eyes open this time.
“I want you, Mia. I want to make love to you.”
Make love.
He’d never said those words before and I’d never call what we did making love. We fucked. We fucked like wild beasts fucked — and he got off on it. I got off on it. But now, looking into the deep blue depths of his eyes, I saw tenderness along with that fiery passion — and all I could do was kiss him, open to him, tell him without a single word yes.
He slid the shower door open, and, leaving the water running, he carried me toward the bed, kissing me as we dripped all over the carpet, depositing me onto the bed soaking wet and laying his weight on top of me.
“I want it,” I said when he lifted himself up onto elbows, nudging my legs apart with his knees. “I want your weight. I want to feel all of you.”
“You won’t be able to breathe,” he said, kissing me, giving me more of his weight but not all of it. Not yet.
“All of it. I want all of it, Julien. I don’t want to breathe.”
Was it true? Was that what I wanted?
He looked at me, his eyes shining. He heard my words and watched my eyes as I watched him. His cock slid slowly inside me, stretching me, making me gasp like it always did when he first entered me. Once I’d drawn that breath, he gave me what I wanted. Lifting me higher onto the bed, he lay his weight on me and began to fuck me slowly, shifting his hips a little, hitting just the right spot.
“Kiss me, Julien.”
He’d been watching me until then, our faces inches apart, our gazes locked. He gave me what I asked for, but neither of us closed our eyes when he brought his mouth to mine and I felt the shift as he lifted up a little, giving my lungs room to take in breath while he pushed deeper inside me, our bodies touching at every possible point.
When his movements came just a little faster, he pulled back and watched my face again. We stayed like that, making slow love, not once taking our eyes off one another, almost like we both knew it would be the last time. And when he swelled inside me, he reached to take one leg higher, penetrating deeper, the thrusts coming shorter, harder now.
Pressure built and built as he watched me. I came just moments before him and when I let out a long sigh, it seemed to signal his own release. His eyes glittered, black centers ringed with the brightest blue, his face different, unearthly almost, as he thrust once more then stilled inside me, filling me, making me feel whole and complete.
It was long moments afterwards when my body cooled, sweat chilly against my skin, reality weighing upon my heart once more.
There was nothing right about this — or if there had been, it wasn’t anymore. If it ever had a chance, he’d ruined it. And for what?
For money.
“I’m cold,” I said, squirming out from beneath him.
He rolled off, surprised.
I walked toward the bathroom where the water still ran, all while his seed slid down my inner thighs, and I climbed back into the shower, scrubbing his scent from me, wanting to wash his slow love making from my memory. It tasted of deception, and his betrayal turned my stomach.
As my tears mixed with the quickly cooling water, I knew I wouldn’t be able to wash away the memory of him, of his eyes, his touch, his smell. None of it. I was fucked. I loved a killer, a man who would deliver me to my death if I didn’t find some way to get away from him, try to fix the mess I was in, and finally, permanently, disappear.