Chapter Twenty-Seven
Julien
The attorney knew we were coming. Hell, he had the paperwork ready to go and seemed more than a little anxious to get us out of there. I stayed with Mia while she signed off on several forms, and within fifteen minutes, she was given access information to a bank account already set up in her name with the money sitting there just as promised.
Now, to figure out how to get her gone and make her stay gone.
I didn’t trust Samuel St. Rose and I trusted Allison even less. I had a feeling he was going to take care of Jason, which was fine by me. Saved me some work. But Allison was another story. And on top of everything, I had my own shit to figure out. Cash was going to be pissed, as was Ryan. But when Mia slipped her hand into mine as soon as we were out of the attorney’s office, I knew I’d have to deal with all of that later. There was something more important to think about now.
We rode down on the elevator without speaking, but I kept her hand in mine. My phone rang once we were out on the street and I looked at the display. It was Cash. Declining the call, I slipped the phone back into my pocket and took out the pack of cigarettes. I hadn’t smoked in a few days. Hadn’t even thought about it actually. I went to take one out, but stopped. Mia watched me as I tossed the pack into a nearby trashcan. She smiled.
“I can’t believe it’s over,” she said as I unlocked the car.
“Well, it’s not really over until you transfer that money out to another account the St. Roses don’t have anything to do with. Then you get yourself gone.”
“You think he’d take it back? Why would he?”
I shrugged a shoulder as I cut across two lanes to make our turn. “I don’t know. Because he’s a criminal? I wouldn’t trust him, Mia. He put a gun into his own son’s mouth. Remember that.”
Mia shivered. “You were right about Allison. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”
“That was forgiven. You know that.”
“What now, Julien? I mean, what happens after we do all of that. Transfer the money out and get me gone?”
“You live your life like you wanted to, without having to look over your shoulder.”
I felt her eyes on me as I pulled into the circular drive of the hotel’s front entrance and parked the car. Only once I pulled the keys out of the ignition did I stop to look at her and saw the questions in her eyes.
“You can go anywhere, Mia. Start fresh. Be anything, do anything.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” I chuckled but my chest tightened at her words, at the way she said them, like that lost little girl again. “I’m no good. A mercenary, Mia. A hitman. It’s what I’ve been doing for a very long time. People like me don’t get second chances.”
“No, you are good, Julien. You helped me when you didn’t have to. When you could have gained more if you hadn’t.”
I smiled at her sweetness, her innocence. “You have a chance to start again. Seems silly if you don’t take it after all that’s happened.”
“I promised your grandmother I’d be back.”
I rubbed my hand along the back of my neck. “She’ll understand.” Mia was stalling and I wasn’t sure I wanted her to say what she was afraid to say.
“What about what you said last night?”
But there it was. I took a deep breath, then another. The valet chose that moment to open my door and we both looked up at him.
“Let’s go in, Mia.”
She studied me for a moment before nodding and climbing out of the car. She stood patiently by as I handed in the key for the rental car and we rode the elevator up in silence, even though the air around us was so thick you could slice it with a knife.
“Julien?” she said, taking hold of my hand once the elevator doors opened and I climbed out. “You said some things last night and I want to know if they were true — or if you were just saying whatever you thought you needed to say to make me stay.”
A hotel room door opened and a couple walked out into the hallway, mid-argument from the sound of it. They were so involved in themselves that they barely noticed us.
“Let’s go, Mia.”
We went to our room where she sat on the edge of the bed. “Did you lie? Make that stuff up so you could keep control of me?”
I shook my head. “No, I meant everything I said. Besides, I didn’t exactly keep control of you, did I?”
“Why do I get the feeling I will never see you again once we leave this hotel?”
“Because you won’t.”
Mia slumped back as if I’d struck her, and the look of betrayal on her face wounded me. I sat down next to her. “Mia,” I took her face in my hands and forced her to look at me. Her eyes were wide and red with unspent tears she tried desperately to keep from falling. “The fact that I care about you is enough of a reason for us not to be together. There are people who will always be looking for me. It’s a part of the business I’m in. On my own, I’m less vulnerable. And just so you know, the people I’m talking about, they would hurt you if it meant they could get to me.”
“So I’m a liability.”
“Christ. No, you’re not a liability. I can take care of myself. I just couldn’t stand it if something happened to you, Mia. If something happened to you because of me, because of my line of work, as you once put it.”
“You could stop. I have a million dollars, half of which rightfully is yours. We made a deal and you kept your end of the bargain. I plan to keep mine.”
She looked so hopeful, but I could see my reflection in her eyes. My face already said what I needed to put to words. “It’s not that easy.”
“I don’t care. I have feelings for you too, Julien. And it’s more than caring about you or having you under my skin. I think I love you. No, I know I do. And I don’t want to spend one minute away from you. I can’t.”
Now I was the one who was shocked for the first time in my life. “You don’t mean that, Mia. This is just leftover from what we’ve been through together over the last weeks. What happened was intense, and you came to rely on me for your survival. I made it that way, made you need me. You should hate me, Mia. I would understand if you hated me.”
“I don’t hate you. I will never hate you, and you’re wrong. Besides, if you meant what you said last night, does that mean you can feel it but I can’t?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s exactly what you said.” She stood and paced. “I mean, it’s true, you never said the words you loved me, but I think—”
I stood and pulled her to me. “Woman, you push all my buttons!”
She opened her mouth to speak but I crushed mine over hers just to shut her up. “You want me?”
“Yes!”
“You want this?” I pushed her down onto the bed and whipped my belt off. “This is what you get with me, Mia.” Her eyes went wide as I straddled her, taking both her wrists and wrapping my belt around them before running it through the rungs of the headboard. “Remember how I said I owed you an ass whipping?”
I wanted to scare her and from the look in her eyes, it was working. I didn’t like it, but I had to do it. This romance — it was a joke. A fucking joke. She could never have a life with me and even though I may have entertained the idea for a minute, I couldn’t do it to her. I had to get my head out of my ass and do the right thing.
“Julien—”
I undid her belt and yanked it out of its loops, then unbuttoned her jeans and flipped her onto her belly, tugging her pants and panties down to her knees. “This is who I am.” I stood and doubled her belt over, gripping the buckle. It was thinner than mine, but would do the job. Striking once, I watched as the thin welt formed instantly. “This is what you get with me.” I struck again, twice in quick succession. “You get your ass whipped for disobedience. Every time.” She pulled at her restraints but remained lying there, taking it, a small cry following each of the strokes as she bit down on her lip to try to remain silent. “You get to hide all your life long and we both know you’re not very good at that.”
“I don’t care!”
“You don’t get to have a home.” I striped her bottom as I spoke, but avoided marking her thighs.
“I said I don’t care!”
“You need to know what you’re asking for. See who I am, rather than who you’ve made me out to be.” I struck without speaking then, just laid stroke after stroke down on her ass. Mia lay there taking it, not fighting me, not resisting. After a few moments, she climbed up onto her knees and offered her ass to me, to the belt, and I punished her with it, knowing even though I tried to push her away, even though I knew that was the right thing to do, some part of me hoped she’d choose me anyway. Hoped she’d want me to stay.
Because I would have her. I would change everything for her.
“Julien.”
I stopped when she called out my name, and when her gaze met mine, I felt the heat of tears, of everything I was trying to hold inside of me surface in my eyes. I turned away from her, stepping back from the bed. It took me a minute, but I looked at what I’d done, looked at her red, welted ass, looked at her eyes, those green depths bright, her lashes wet.
Dropping the belt, I sat down on the bed and unbound her wrists. She rolled onto her side and sat up. She was so close, I could feel the heat from her body before she set her face against mine.
“Julien.”
“This is who I am, Mia.” I couldn’t look at her. “Everyone I love gets hurt eventually. Everyone. It’s never not happened.”
She turned my face to meet her gaze, her little hands holding me so I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to look away, but I wasn’t strong enough to do it alone.
“Do you mean that?”
“What?”
“You love me?”
I stared at her, taking her hands in one of mine and pushing the hair that had stuck to her face back behind her ear. “You’re so pretty, Mia. I don’t even think you know it.” I kissed her lips softly, before moving to kiss the tip of her nose, and then her forehead. I inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of her, memorizing it.
“I don’t even know your last name,” she said. “Your real last name.”
“DeAngelo.”
“Julien DeAngelo.” She nodded her head as if it all made sense now. She pulled back to look at me. “I want you exactly as you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. I don’t care about anything. I want to go back to Pitigliano with you. And I want to start fresh there. With you.”
“With me?”
She nodded. “Say it, Julien. Say the words.”
I took her face in my hands, wiping away a single tear with my thumb. “I love you, Mia. I love you.”