Chapter Twenty
Cole didn’t react when Luke closed the curtains, obscuring his ability to escape the reason he was here. Little did Luke know, but the fact that he came after him meant more than any words they might say between them in the next few minutes.
As much as he wanted to tell Luke to leave him alone, Cole didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to handle this like men, to discuss whatever the issues were between them, even if he had only conjured them up in his head. There were things he needed to say, things Luke needed to hear. And he knew there were things Luke had to say as well. He just wasn’t sure the man was going to be able to say them.
Cole dropped his head, staring down at the floor as he tried to figure out what the best way to handle Luke was going to be. His own anger was set on rapid boil, but that’s because he’d let all of his emotions fester for far too long, and it was time he finally got some things off of his chest. He just didn’t know how to start.
When Luke’s hands gripped his shoulders, Cole tensed. He was prepared to stand his ground, not willing to give in to his desire until they’d reached some sort of understanding because for the two of them, it was so easy to give in, so easy to let all of the issues, all of the concerns get brushed away because they’d become so apt at resolving their emotional disputes with sex.
To his surprise, Luke didn’t try to move him, he merely kneaded his shoulders firmly, moving to stand even closer until the warmth of Luke’s large frame was at his back. Another breath escaped him as he tried to let the magic of Luke’s fingers ease the strain from his muscles.
“I told you why I came, now I want to know why you ran,” Luke whispered, his breath warm against Cole’s ear.
Cole instinctively shrugged his shoulders, signifying he didn’t have an answer. He immediately felt Luke’s grip tighten briefly before releasing, letting him know without words that he wasn’t satisfied with that answer.
“I know this has nothing to do with Hannah or Sierra, so I can only assume it’s between you and me. Am I right?”
Cole pulled away, managing to ease from between Luke’s body and the wall in front of him before pacing to the other side of the room.
“I’m not sure it is about you, Luke. Maybe it’s about me,” Cole said, not looking directly at him, but feeling the other man’s eyes tracking him.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that you and Sierra aren’t the only two in this relationship, but maybe I’m wondering why that is.” Before Cole could begin his next sentence, he found himself slammed up against the wall, Luke’s hard, ungiving form restraining him, his hand flat against his throat, his thumb and forefinger cupping his jaw, forcing him to look at him. Luke wasn’t hurting him, but Cole instantly went on the defensive, fighting back the urge to retaliate.
“Don’t say it.” Luke’s voice broke, although he tried to hide the emotion.
Cole felt the answering emotion well up inside of him, and he immediately had to blink several times to keep the tears at bay. He felt so lost, so confused, but as he looked into Luke’s bright eyes, he wondered if he had imagined it all.
“You’re in this because we love you. And yes, before you say otherwise, I do love you,” Luke said, his voice still gruff. “I don’t want you wondering why.”
“How can I not?” Cole questioned him. “I feel like the fucking third wheel, dammit.”
Luke let him go, stepping back and staring at him as though he’d just spouted a third eyeball. “What the fuck? What have we ever done to make you feel like that?”
Cole watched Luke’s face, his incredulity clearly reflected on his stern, yet concerned face. “Let’s see,” Cole barked. “Could it be that neither one of you can make time for me? It’s like I’m a second thought, something else always seems to be more important. Did you ever notice how you will drop everything when Sierra wants to see you? You don’t do it for me, Luke. Something always gets in the way, whether it’s the club or Trent or now Xander. It’s as though the rest of the world can’t survive without you, but I’m supposed to sit back and wait until everyone else is through with you to get my turn.”
“I –” Luke’s mouth abruptly closed.
“You what? You don’t find some way to keep yourself busy, unable to give me your undivided attention unless you’re ready? Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s exactly what happens. I’m the third wheel in this, Luke. I’m sick and fucking tired of coming last. I’m tired of being the fall guy, coming to everyone else’s rescue all the damn time and still waiting for someone to rescue me.” The last word damn near escaped on a sob as a lump formed in Cole’s throat. He hadn’t meant to say quite so much, but it was exactly how he felt.
Cole waited patiently for Luke’s denial, for him to come up with an example which would make him realize this was all a figment of his imagination. A minute passed. Another. Luke didn’t say a word, he just stared at Cole, his lips a hard line, his dark brows slanted downward as though he were lost in thought.
“I was hoping I’d imagined it all. I wanted to be the selfish asshole who was looking for more than he was getting, but I’m not, am I, Luke? I’m no one’s priority.”
“Bullshit,” Luke barked, the word choppy and broken as he took one step closer. Then another. “You’re my priority. Always my priority.”
“Yeah?” Cole didn’t back down as Luke slowly moved forward. He could see the emotion finally taking Luke the same as it had him the more he thought about it. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”
“Ever wonder how I feel?” Luke asked, and Cole couldn’t hide his own surprise.
“Did it ever cross your mind that I’m the one everyone seems to come to when they have a problem? I’m the one everyone expects to take charge and make things right. Did it?”
Cole couldn’t answer. Luke was right. Most people did go to him when they needed something. As much as he tried to handle things on the home front when Sierra needed something, or Hannah, Cole knew that wasn’t the case with most people. Luke was the one who had to make the final decision on the club, taking the weight of it with him and dealing directly with the aftermath ever since.
Luke’s gaze locked with his and he waited.
“Have you ever thought that, at some point, I want to give up control? That I’d prefer to have someone else take care of me for a change?”
Cole wasn’t sure what Luke was getting at. He heard the words, but he didn’t understand. It wasn’t like Cole could step in and handle the club. Luke wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t like…
Cole’s breath caught in his chest.
“That’s right,” Luke said as he moved closer, obviously noticing the second Cole understood what he was saying.
When their bodies aligned once again, Cole didn’t try to move, he didn’t put up his defenses either. He stood his ground, but allowed Luke to get as close as he wanted. Aside from their chests touching, nothing else on their bodies did.
“You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it, Cole. Thought about handing all control over to you. And I’m not just referring to the club, although you’re the only person in the world I would trust to handle it. I’m tired of handling it all. Tired of making the decisions, being in control. I want someone to lean on. I want to lean on you.” Luke’s voice trailed off before he penetrated Cole with his eyes once more. “I want to let you take what you want from me. Except that’s not what you want, is it? You need me to be in control, just like everyone else does, but you need it differently.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Cole whispered.
“Am I?” Luke leaned in closer, his mouth just a breath away. “Is it my imagination that you love to feel the connection between us when I’m inside you? Did I just dream up that you need me to force you because it’s your opportunity to leave the decision making to someone else? To know that you don’t have to figure out how to fix something?”
Cole couldn’t answer because Luke was right. Everything he said was the absolute truth. Except there was more, more than Luke was willing to admit.
“We’ve come to a stalemate,” Luke stated, not moving away. “From what it sounds like, we’re both looking for something that we aren’t getting. And this time, it’s between the two of us, only we haven’t owned up to it.”
The pain that lanced through Cole’s chest at the thought of what Luke was saying nearly brought him to his knees. He did need more, but he needed more from Luke. He needed to feel like he wasn’t second fiddle, needed Sierra to trust him as much as she trusted Luke to handle the difficult things. Most importantly, he needed this man to let him in, let him take care of him for once.
“Running doesn’t solve that problem, Cole.”
He wasn’t about to disagree. “Where does that leave us?” Cole asked through the painful lump in his throat, the one threatening to choke him.
~~*~~
“It leaves us here to figure this out,” Luke said, his heart pounding painfully against his ribs. “I want more, Cole. But I don’t want anyone else. You and Sierra are all I need. I’ve always known that. Maybe I don’t know how to express it.” Taking one step back, Luke put some distance between them before he did what he wanted and slammed his mouth down on Cole’s and got lost in what his body had to offer rather than talking about this.
Talking wasn’t his thing. Neither was it Cole’s and look where it had gotten them.
“Do you know how hard it was for me the day Hannah was born?” he asked, turning away so Cole couldn’t see the emotion he couldn’t seem to get a grip on. He wasn’t going to cry.
“I thought about it,” Cole admitted.
“She’s your daughter, Cole. You and Sierra created that child, and I love her with every single fiber in my body just like she were mine. That doesn’t make it so. That doesn’t mean she can’t be taken away from me if the three of us don’t…” He couldn’t finish the statement. Luke didn’t even want to consider life without Sierra and Cole in it.
This wasn’t temporary, it wasn’t part time, and it wasn’t just because. This was a forever love. One Luke wasn’t willing to walk away from. This was just a small hill they had to get over, heaven knew there’d be more, but they had to make it over this one. Luke didn’t expect this to be easy, but he expected it to last.
When the silence began to get to him, Luke turned to face Cole, noticing the man was just staring at him.
“I love you, Cole.” He had to swallow before he continued. “I’ll never stop loving you. You and I both know it’s not easy for me, but you stuck it out with me once. Don’t give up on me now,” Luke begged, his tone reflecting every insecurity he’d ever felt, his eyes blurry as he tried to hold in what he feared would eventually overwhelm him.
The next thing he knew, Cole’s mouth was pressed firmly against his, his arms wrapped around him, his brawny hands holding him in place as he explored the kiss. Luke let himself get lost in Cole, just like he always did. Although they may both be challenged when it came to expressing themselves with words, it wasn’t the case when they gave in to the desire that still pulled them together.
Cole pulled away, lightly brushing his firm lips against his and Luke didn’t want to move, didn’t want to let go of what they both needed right then and there.
“I love you,” Cole whispered and Luke answered with a growl, quickly lifting Cole’s shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the cheap motel carpet.
“I want you naked,” Luke demanded, moving back slightly, more so than he even wanted to so they could get rid of the clothes that were hindering their ability to feel one another.
Within seconds, probably a personal best for both of them, they were naked and on the bed, Luke coming down on top of Cole. They were a tangle of arms and legs and mouths, neither of them able to get close enough, but still trying desperately as they devoured one another.
“I need to be inside of you,” Luke said when he broke the kiss, lifting up so he could stare down at Cole. He saw the sudden flash in his eyes, something akin to sadness and Luke realized exactly what Cole was looking for.
Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe Cole wasn’t always looking for Luke to be the one in control. “Right now, I need this,” Luke whispered, pressing his lips against Cole’s gently. “I know what you need, and I fully intend to give it to you, but right now, I need this.” Luke realized he was probably being selfish, but he couldn’t explain his need to feel Cole surrounding him completely.
Cole nodded his head in agreement, pulling Luke’s mouth back down to his and the kiss that ensued started out slow, but it quickly morphed into an inferno that threatened to incinerate them both. When Luke broke the kiss again, Cole smiled that sexy, knowing grin.
“In my bag.”
Luke managed to lean over the edge of the bed and retrieve the lubricant from Cole’s bag, not willing to ask why he brought it with him. He could only hope that Cole had the forethought to consider that this might happen. Luke hoped that was the case. He hoped that Cole trusted him enough to know that he would come after him.
Right now was about healing their hearts. When they got home, Luke would work on showing Cole just how much he trusted him.
~~*~~
Cole held onto Luke for dear life.
Looking up at him, seeing the intensity in his handsome face as he slowly inched his way deeper inside his body was one of the most incredible feelings he’d ever known.
There were times when they needed something else, something rough, something equivalent to sky diving from thirty thousand feet. But right now, this was what they both needed. Although the need was there, the ferocity in Luke’s gaze mirrored what was burning deep in Cole’s chest. Slower, gentler.
“Fuck,” Cole groaned as Luke slowly continued to slide deeper, not retreating until he was lodged all the way inside of him, their eyes locked on one another.
“You feel so good,” Luke growled. “So fucking good. I don’t want to stop.”
When Luke started talking, Cole feared he wouldn’t be able to last. It wasn’t very often that Luke expressed himself in this way. Usually, it was with his body, but hearing the rumble of his chest as he tried to control himself sent a surge of power through Cole. He did this to Luke. Him. What was happening right here, right now, between them, this was all about what they felt for one another.
Luke’s hands slid up the backs of Cole’s thighs, lifting his legs, pushing them closer to his body as he began to pull out before returning with short, shallow thrusts that had Cole nearly begging for more. Somehow, he managed to keep his mouth shut, did his best not to beg for that something more that would take the edge off. They would get there, and for now, he just needed to feel.
Tossing his head back, Cole closed his eyes as Luke practically bent him in half, directing his cock at an angle that damn near had him jumping off the bed. “Oh, fuck.” The words were ripped from his chest as the pleasure intensified on every upstroke. “Luke.”
“Tell me,” Luke whispered, causing Cole to open his eyes and peer up at the man who was now leaning over him. “Tell me exactly what it feels like when I’m buried deep inside of you.”
“So fucking good.” Cole tensed again as Luke purposely slid in slower, changing the angle again. “Fuck! You keep doing that, and I’m gonna come.”
“I want you to come.” Luke started pumping his hips faster, holding his body braced on the back of Cole’s thighs, his hands pinning his legs down on each side of his chest. “I want to see you stroke your cock and come for me.”
Cole began stroking slowly, but he found he began to mirror Luke’s pace. When Luke thrust harder, Cole’s hand tightened around his dick painfully. “Fuck me,” Cole begged. “I want to feel you come inside me.”
There was a turbulent flash of emotion that Cole witnessed in Luke’s eyes, seconds before he began pounding into him harder and harder, no longer adjusting the angle because the lust had taken over and they were in a race to the finish line, neither of them holding back.
“Fucking come for me,” Cole practically barked the order at Luke, holding off his own release as he waited impatiently.
“Yes. God, yes!” Luke’s voice echoed through the small room as his body stilled, his release spilling inside of Cole as he let himself go, his own orgasm ripping through him, stealing the breath from his body, followed by the last remnants of his heart that he might’ve been holding back.