Chapter Nineteen
Cole dropped his cell phone into the cup holder and stared out the window of his truck. His stomach churned around what felt like a boulder sitting right in his gut. Oh, and his palms were sweating, probably because he’d been clenching and unclenching them while listening to Luke.
He hated how he felt right at that moment. Hated that he was wondering whether Luke and Sierra would be better off without him. He would still have Hannah, but they’d probably only allow him to see her on weekends, and that was something he didn’t even want to think about.
His eyes misted, and he fought the urge to let loose. The emotions were intense, yet for some reason, Cole didn’t know what his problem was. If he thought about it, he was bringing this all on himself. But there was no denying the anxiety or the vulnerability he felt these days. He felt as though someone had finally tugged on the frayed string that had originally been holding him together and all of a sudden he was unraveling.
Shit.
He wasn’t the one who was supposed to have postpartum depression, damn it.
He didn’t know what provoked him to hang up on Luke, but he just couldn’t talk to the man, or listen to his disappointment or demands. It was clear he wasn’t happy with him for up and leaving without even saying goodbye, but when he had gone to his bedroom the night before, something about seeing Luke and Sierra curled up together made him feel like the third wheel all of a sudden.
Was it so fucking wrong that he wanted a little more from the two of them? Looking back, he knew he had been the third from the beginning, and taking the chance on this relationship was something he didn’t regret, but he couldn’t help but feel there was something more. Something he wasn’t getting.
He loved Sierra. Loved her to the point of distraction. He wanted to hold her every second of every day. He loved seeing her sleepy, sexy face every morning when he woke up. And his heart tumbled over itself when he saw her holding Hannah.
Then there was Luke. The man held a part of him that Cole would never be able to explain even to himself. He had been in love with Luke for years, yet he had kept it to himself because Luke hadn’t been ready to accept the fact that he wanted something more than he was admitting to.
Cole feared that he longed for something more from Luke for the simple fact that he wasn’t getting it now. With Sierra, he didn’t question how she felt about him, although they had some difficulty in making this a threesome in the relative sense. It was almost as though they were separate couples. Luke still held himself back a little and Cole felt it. He didn’t like it, but he felt it nonetheless.
Grabbing his phone and the small bag he had packed, Cole decided he might as well go into the hotel. The reservations were made, and he just needed to check in. Then maybe he could sleep for a while. He wouldn’t see Jake or Nate until tomorrow because he hadn’t told anyone he was heading down early.
Maybe he could go by and see Travis and check out what they’d done on the resort thus far. He knew it was coming along quickly. Travis Walker wasn’t a man to procrastinate, and he was staying on top of the contractors, ensuring they were doing things the way he wanted. Even though Travis was the type of man who seemed to have everything under control, Cole was glad he didn’t work for him. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to contain his temper quite as well as he usually did. Which even he would admit was less and less these days.
Once inside, he checked in, trying to be polite to the pleasant young woman who seemed to be starved for attention. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, but somehow, with a smile, he managed to get through the ten minutes it took for her to handle the process. As he made his way up to his room on the third floor so he wouldn’t have the interruption of anyone being above him – a gesture made by the lonely woman at the front desk – he couldn’t get away from his thoughts.
He felt like a dick for hanging up on Luke, but the man’s threats had finally pushed him past his limits. It was one thing for Luke to be angry that he disappeared without a word, a decision he still questioned but realized it was too late to change the outcome now. It was something entirely different for Luke to threaten to call Alex. He couldn’t help but feel like a recalcitrant child when Luke acted like that and Cole was as far from being a child as anyone possibly could be.
Once inside the less than spectacular hotel room, Cole placed his bag on the floor by the bed and then collapsed on the king sized bed that filled up most of the room. Staring up at the ceiling, he thought back to what had gotten him to this place.
During the drive down, he’d accepted the fact that he overreacted by disappearing in the middle of the night. He’d been upset, he wouldn’t deny it. At least not to himself.
The fact that Sierra and Luke were both so immersed in themselves had him feeling a little lonely. Not that he’d made the situation any better by leaving, but he knew if he didn’t walk out the door, he’d only miss his daughter that much more and hearing that Sierra didn’t want to come with him and bring the baby had been a knife wound to his heart that still throbbed.
He understood. At least he tried to.
They didn’t need to be traipsing across the state with a two month old baby, but Cole hadn’t had a choice in coming to Austin. He might’ve told Alex that he was done, but he couldn’t leave the man hanging. It wasn’t in his nature. He would handle this last assignment and then he’d figure out what to do next.
He knew what he wanted to do. Now he just had to wonder whether the offer was still on the table.
~~*~~
Luke hated the drive from Dallas to Austin. He hated the traffic, hated the long expanse of two lane highway that felt endless at times.
As he pulled into the hotel parking lot three hours later in the small town of Coyote Ridge, he let out a brief sigh of relief. Cole’s truck was there which meant at least he wouldn’t have to go looking for him. He was too fucking tired to chase the man down.
Grabbing his phone, he sent Cole a text, asking what his room number was. He didn’t expect to get an answer quite so quickly, and he was surprised that Cole didn’t question him when he sent the text back. Without responding, Luke walked into the hotel and headed right for the elevator, not bothering to make eye contact with the woman sitting at the desk.
Once he made it to the third floor, he glanced up and down the long corridor, trying to figure out which end Cole’s room was on. Finally noticing the sign with the numbers, Luke went to the left. Before knocking, he took a deep breath, acknowledging the fact that his temper wasn’t going to fix this situation. No matter what happened next, he knew he couldn’t blow up at Cole the way he was known to.
No matter what Cole’s reason for leaving, Luke fully intended to figure out what was going on with him. Sierra might’ve made the suggestion for him to come down to Austin to find Cole, but Luke had been thinking about it already. Before he walked out the door that morning, he and Sierra had a long conversation, one that involved him telling her this wasn’t a temporary thing for him, and he wasn’t about to allow Cole to walk away. Luke was pretty sure Sierra needed that assurance and it pained him to realize that they still hadn’t managed to cement their relationship to the point that the three of them weren’t still wondering what might happen.
Luke was tired of the what might be’s. He wanted a fucking guarantee. He wanted to know that Cole loved him as much as he loved Cole. He wanted to know this was forever. Now he just had to figure out how they were going to seal this deal once and for all.
Lifting his hand, Luke stared at the ugly almond door before rapping his knuckles firmly. He thought he heard movement on the other side of the door, but he began to question himself as long seconds passed. Just when he was about to knock again, the door opened. He had to take a step inside to keep it from slamming in his face as Cole immediately turned and walked the other direction.
Remembering he had to handle this with at least a little bit of patience, Luke swallowed hard and moved inside the room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
The tension radiating from Cole was nearly enough to keep Luke a safe distance away. The only problem with that would be that Luke didn’t want to be a safe distance away. He wanted to be right up in Cole’s face, forcing him to understand how he felt. God only knew it was time. Based on what he understood from Sierra that morning, they both still had some insecurities, although she’d learned to listen to her heart, knowing that, in the end, it would all work out the way it was supposed to.
God he loved that woman. He had vowed right then and there as they sat side by side on his couch that he would make sure she knew just how much. Each and every day.
“Why’d you come? Don’t you have a club to run?” Cole’s words were laced with venom, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize what part of his problem was.
“You’re more important to me than my club,” Luke told him, keeping his voice low and steady.
“Am I?”
Luke wanted to retaliate, to snap at Cole the way he was snapping at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew what he’d put Cole through for the longest time. He didn’t need to be told that he wasn’t the easiest man to get close to. He knew that about himself. Except when it came to Cole and Sierra, but even that hadn’t been an easy point to get to for him. Only now, Luke wanted them to be as close as he could get them.
“Yes, you are,” he responded, taking a few steps closer to where Cole was now staring out the window at the little bowl of water that the hotel proclaimed to be a pool.
When he was standing less than an inch away, he reached around Cole and closed the curtains on the window, the blackout panels sending the room into darkness, with the exception of the pale yellow glow from a lamp on the desk.
His body suddenly realized that the two of them were alone. They were alone, and there wasn’t anything that could interrupt them. This was an opportunity they’d never had before, and it was his chance to show Cole exactly what he meant to him.
They would hash out their differences verbally, but Luke knew that before it was over, he would have Cole naked beneath him.