Sixty bucks down the drain. The only thing I accomplished was avoiding Noah. I did that, but it didn’t change the fact that I missed him. I did—horribly. I’ve never missed another person in my life like I am Noah. I fear I wasn’t falling in love with Noah. I’m scared I’m already in love with him.

Which sucks for me really, because Noah made it clear he’s comfortable with me only if I’m at a distance. It had been three days and two nights away from him, but almost every hour on the hour I was remembering the anger… almost hate on his face when he left me to stand in front of Ryan. I don’t know what he expected I would do to Ryan, or at all really. What I did know was it hurt and every time I thought about it that hurt came back.

I pulled into my driveway and when I see Noah’s truck, my heart immediately begins beating faster. I’d like to think that reaction is out of anger and maybe a little fear, because I don’t want to face him yet. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t take the time to decipher my emotions, however. I need to hurry and get out of my vehicle and get inside. I don’t think Noah will come after me, he has Ryan and he won’t leave him alone to come to my house—which means safety comes only when I get inside. Then again, I may be just acting stupid. It’s doubtful I mean enough to Noah for him to even come over.

For some reason that thought makes me sad.

I leave my crap in my car. I can get it out tomorrow, while Noah is taking Ryan to school. I make it to the front door and I’m so nervous, I drop my key. I pick it up, but before I get the chance to put it in and turn it, a large hand reaches out and caps overtop of mine, taking over control of the key. I jump, but I don’t scream—only because I can smell Noah’s aftershave, and I know the press of his body against mine. I can feel his scruffy beard against my shoulder as his head comes down and he whispers in my ear.

“About time you got back, Gorgeous,” he murmurs, his voice is coarse and it sends vibrations through my body that unfortunately seem to stop between my legs.

“You need to leave,” I tell him, my voice tight.

He ignores me, turns the key and then opens the door. I try to remain glued to the doorstep, but he doesn’t allow that either. He gives me a gentle push, his hand firm on my back and with that and the pressure of his body so close to mine, I stumble inside.

I immediately make space between us and turn to face him. That was probably a mistake for several reasons—the first being that he looks really good in faded jeans and a worn black t-shirt with the words Silver Bullet Band emblazoned across it.

Damn him.

“You need to leave, Noah,” I tell him again, doing my best to make my voice stern, despite the pleasure that is moving through me just from seeing him again.

“Missed you, Gorgeous,” he says and I don’t know how it’s possible that words can sound so sweet and yet kill you at the same time.

“You need to go,” I tell him again, calmly. “Ryan needs you,” I add, trying to remind him that he has a son he can’t leave alone.

“Ryan’s at an afterschool dance. He’ll be there for another hour,” he answers and that look in his eye sends my panic skyrocketing.

“I don’t want you here, Noah. We’re done, now.”

“We’re not done, Rory,” he argues, his voice quiet and those brown eyes heated. “We’re going to have this out and then I’m going to show you how much I missed you the last two days.”

“No. I don’t want to work anything out. It just needs to be done.”

“Two days, Rory. You were gone two days.”

“I needed time to think,” I tell him.

The entire time we’re talking he’s advancing and I’m retreating. For every step he makes, I take two back. Noah’s always been intense, but that has definitely amplified.

“Hope you thought it out, so we can work this out quickly,” he says.

I frown.

“There’s nothing to work out.”

“Glad you feel that way, Baby.”

“There’s nothing to work out, because I’ve decided we’re over,” I clarify, because I don’t think he’s getting it.

“We’re not over, Rory,” he growls his voice intense before, but now it feels like it burns me.

“Noah—”

“Missed the fucking hell out of you, Rory” he growls and those words, that tone, and his eyes all combine to make my body shudder and not in fear. I can even feel myself getting wet for him.

That definitely makes me panic.

“Noah! You need to go!” I yell—letting the panic have full reign.

Noah ignores me and his steps increase until I’ve retreated so far that I’m pressed against the wall, then Noah is pressed to my front. His hand comes out to hold my neck, his thumb sweeping up against my cheek and pressing in firmly. It’s not painful, but his eyes are so heated they’re burning me and my hand goes up to wrap around his wrist in defense.

“I’m not leaving, Rory,” he says, his voice quiet, but firm.

“Okay,” I tell him, my eyes wide afraid to anger him further. He’s so forceful, so raw right now. I’ve never seen him like this.

“I’m not leaving and we’re not over,” he says, his head bending in close.

“Noah, I don’t—”

“I fucked up,” he says and I close my eyes, because his eyes seem to brighten and are like molten chocolate they are so intense. I have to block them out. “I warned you I had shit I was working through, Rory,” he says just as quietly, his breath fanning against the side of my face.

“You did, but to get mad because I knew…your name. We’re having sex with each other, I don’t understand—”

“Open your eyes, Gorgeous,” he orders, but I don’t. I’m not strong enough. His other hand moves to my hair, his fingers thrusting into it and tangling in the mass of waves. “Open your eyes, Rory,” he orders again.

I do slowly, feeling lost.

“We’re not having sex, Rory,” he says again and I nod—as much as I can because his hold has me pinned and it might not be painful, but it’s meant to make sure I don’t move.

“Okay.”

“We’re not having sex, Rory,” he says again.

“I heard you, Noah.”

“You need to understand it,” he says and I swallow.

“What are we doing then?” I ask him.

He studies me then, moving back just a little, taking me in. I can’t move and even if I could… I wouldn’t.

“We’re doing us,” he says and that doesn’t make sense, while at the same time it does.

“What happens the next time you—”

“I made a mistake, Rory. I straight up admit that. I got shit swirling in my head and sometimes that comes out and it oozes before I can cap it down. I can’t promise it won’t happen again.”

“Then, I—”

“I can promise that when it does, I’ll talk with you. I’ll do it gently and I’ll fight through it.”

“What if that’s not enough?” I ask quietly and I’m pretty sure I’m talking to myself this time, but Noah answers.

“It will be enough, because it’s us and it’s who we are.”

“I’m not sure, Noah.”

“I am,” he says and I close my eyes.

“Don’t hurt me, Noah,” I whisper.

“Give me your eyes, Gorgeous,” he urges, his voice softer—almost tender. I try to ignore him, but Noah brings out the big guns. He bends down and kisses the side of my neck, placing his lips right at my pulse point. I know he can feel the way it goes haywire at his touch. There’s nothing I can do to hide it. “Give me those eyes, Baby.” I slowly open them. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you again, Rory,” he says, giving me honesty that is painful to accept.

“I—”

“What I can promise is that you give me you, I give you me and whatever comes, we’ll work it out and I’ll cherish what you give me.”

My heart turns a somersault in my chest.

…I’ll cherish what you give me.

Noah’s complicated—beyond complicated. I don’t understand so much about him, but these last two days have been miserable. I’ve even admitted to myself that I love him. I’ve never loved anyone, except my brother but I was young, and that was before…

Then, there’s those words. The words still ringing inside of me.

...I’ll cherish what you give me.

I’ve never had anyone say those words to me before. I sure have never had anyone cherish me… or heck, even put forth a good effort. He’s working through things, but he missed me and he wasted no time calling me—even though I refused to answer and didn’t check my voicemail on purpose. The minute I got home he came to me and admitted he messed up. That has to count for something. There’s a chance that I’m fooling myself, because it’s what I want. There’s also a chance that I’m right and I am safe with Noah.

…I’ll cherish what you give me.

I take a deep breath, feeling like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff.

“Rory?” he asks, and finally he’s the one sounding unsure of himself.

“I missed you, Noah,” I whisper. My eyes find his and I look into them as I say the words.

I feel his body shudder. It vibrates around me, and moves through the hands that are holding me. The hand in my hair tightens for a moment and I hear him drag air into his lungs.

“Rory,” he groans, moving his hold on my neck so he can tilt my head up.

“I missed the fuck out of you,” I whisper, using his words.

“Jesus, Baby,” he says right before his mouth comes down and brutally claims mine. I open for him, my hands going around him, holding him close to me. Giving in, because I want to, but also because I’m not sure I have a choice.

I love him.